Happy Happy Joy Joy
Kilted Yaksman Anthem
International Log Theme
Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence
Muddy Mudskipper
The Hanging Song
Nose Goblins
Ren's Pecs
I'm Gonna be a Monkey
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY
STINKY WIZZLETEATS:
Hello boys and girls, this is your old pal Stinky Wizzleteats. This is a song about a whatle -- no! This is a song about being happy. That's right! It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy Song!
SINGERS:
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy
STINKY WIZZLETEATS:
I don't think you're happy enough. That's right! I'll teach you to be happy. I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs.
SINGERS:
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy
STINKY WIZZLETEATS:
If'n you ain't the granddaddy of all liars. The little critters of nature they don't know that they're ugly. That's very funny! A fly marring a bumblebee. I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me. Why didn't you believe me?
SINGERS:
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy
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KILTED YAKSMEN ANTHEM
STIMPY: Remember the royal anthem of the kitled yaksmen!
Our country reeks of trees
Our yaks are really large
And they smell like rotting beef carcasses
And we have to clean-up after them
And our saddle sores are the best
We proudly wear women's clothing
And searing sand blows up our skirts
REN AND STIMPY
And buzzards, they soar overhead
And poisonous snakes will devour us whole
Our bones will bleach in the sun
STIMPY: That's it!
REN AND STIMPY
And we will probably go to hell
And that is our great reward
For being the - uh - roy-yal
Canadian kilted yaksmen
STIMPY: Come on everybody
Our country reeks of trees
Our yaks are really large
And they smell like rotting beef carcasses
And we have to clean-up after them
And our saddle sores are the best
We proudly wear women's clothing
And searing sand blows up our skrits
And buzzards, they soar overhead
And poisonous snakes will devour us whole
Our bones will bleach in the sun
And we will probaby go to hell
And that is our great reward
For being the - uh - roy=yal
Canadian kilted yaksmen
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INTERNATIONAL LOG THEME
ANNOUNCER:
Parlez vous Francais? Non. Then you need the all-new International Log. Just pull its twig and you'll turn your Log into a talking tree fluent in five foreign tongues. There's French...
FRENCH GIRL: Allez-vien mon coo-coo!
ANNOUNCER: German...
GERMAN GUY: Raspeduch, strudel.
ANNOUNCER: Spanish...
MR HORSE: Las cucarachas entran pero no peuden salir!
ANNOUNCER: Svenish...
SVEN: I am a bearded lady.
ANNOUNCER: And, of course, New York-ese.
NEW YORKER: Hey, can't you see I'm walking?
ANNOUNCER: Yes, Log. All nations love Log. So, hurry now to your local store and be the first in your country to have the International Log.
SINGERS
What rolls down stairs
Alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbour's dog?
What's great for a snack
And fits on your back?
It's Log! Log! Log!
It's Lo-og, it's Lo-og
It's big, it's heavey
It's wood!
It's Lo-og, it's Lo-og
It's better than bad
It's good!
FRENCH GIRL: Tout le monde aime le Log!
SVEN: Yah. It's really fun.
NEW YORKER: I got your Log right here.
SINGERS
Everyone wants a...
Everyone needs a...
You're gonna love it
Log.
MR HORSE: Yes sir, I like it!
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DON'T WHIZ ON THE ELECTRIC FENCE
When nature's callin'
Don't be stallin'
Use your common sense
Before you let it flow
Fine a place to go
Just don't whiz on the electric fence
If you're gonna explode
YOu can use the commode
of igloos, cave dwellings or tents
No need to explain when you gotta drain
Just don't whiz on the electric fence
YOu can swizzle on the sofa
Piddle in the air
Tinkle in the toilet
That's why it is there
Yu can let it rain
IN the breakfast lane
While waving at ladies and gents
Just don't whiz on...
Don't whiz on
Don't whiz on the electric fence
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MUDDY MUDSKIPPER
Who's the greated mudskipper of them all?
Who can skip thru the mud with the greatest of ease?
What kind of wonderful guy?
Who can crawl like a dog without scraping his knees?
Who's got seg-ment-ed eyes?
It's Muddy Mud-Skipper!
It's Muddy!
Mud-Skipper
It's the Muddy!
Mm-ud Ski-pper show!!
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THE HANGING SONG
OOOOhhh, Lord loves a hangin', that's why he give us necks
It tightens up our vocal chords, and loosens up our pecs.
So if you are a horse thief and guilty to the bone,
Go ahead and blame a friend and you won't hang alone!
It may be hard to swaller, but you'll be three feet taller,
And find new ways to entertain your friends.
You say you are a villian, but can't abide by killin',
Go ahead and steal yourself a horse.
Two three eleven or five seven [take it, boys].
I'm pickin' and I'm a swingin'!
I'm ignorant and I'm ugly!
That you are boys.
OOOOhhh, The Lord loves a hangin', and so do we by heck!
So go and get a lasso and decorate your neck!
Oh we is awful ignorant and uglier than sin,
So go ahead and cut us down...And hang us all again!
Hangin', that is. Swing a spell.
(Ya'll bring the kids next time, ya hear?)*
*This line was edited out at the last minute.
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NOSE GOBLINS
If you look under a chair
Or in your sister's hair
I tell y'all better beward
At what you're gonna find in there
CHORUS
We's a half inch tall and green
Short sticky and mean
We can make your teacher scream
'Cause we're the ungliest gang that you ever did see
Noooose goblins
(We're the nose)
Nooooooose goblins
(Nose goblins)
People say we're gross
'Cause we were born inside your nose
But it was crowded back in there
We had to share with a nostril hair
CHORUS
So roll us in a ball
Or wipe us on the wall
But don't call us goobers or snot
'Cause we're the nose goblins that's what
CHORUS
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REN'S PECS
It's sure lonely around here ever since Ren got his pectoral implants and went to Hollywood.
I've never asked for anything just your happiness
And now that you have found it I should be glad, I guess
But I've played in my litter box as long as I can
And I would give most anything just to hear, "What is it man?"
I know you've got your pecs now and gone on to bigger things
But before you go and flex now there's a cat at home who sings
That each and ever day and night he misses his best friend
And I only need to see you once to make this feeling end
No matter where you go, no matter what you do
Remember there's a little bit of Stimpy's butt in you
And just once when you strike a pose could you think of me?
'Cause when I scratch my rear I think of how it used to be
The house is much too quiet now that I don't hear your voice
And you know that I'd be with you if I only had my choice
But I know I will smile again when I see your name in lights
And when they talk about you I'll tell them
That I knew you when you were just Ren
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I'M GONNA BE A MONKEY
REN: OK Stimpy, it's time for your evolving lessons.
STIMPY: Oh rapture!!
The swing by their tales with the greatest of ease
Those hairy mammals we call monkeys
They have so much fun
Just living in trees
Oh, how I'd love to be one of these...
Soooo...
CHORUS
I'm gonna be a monkey
A monkey monkey monkey
A monkey monkey monkey
Monkey monkey monkey
I'm gonna be a monkey
A monkey monkey monkey
Would you like to be one too?
When one monkey's itchy another is nice
He picks at his back for vermine and lice
And if he gets hungry he'll pour on some spice
And eat the bugs without thinking twice
Mmmmmm...Mm, delicious
Soooo...
CHORUS
REN: OK, If you wana be a monkey you gotta learn to act like a monkey. And I got the know-how 'cause I've seen every Tarzan movie ever made. So watch and learn.