Disclaimer on part one of story.
By Orion
Kathryn sat brooding in her ready room for the majority of the next day. Thirty minutes past the end of her shift she left and headed to her quarters. She was soon stopped by B'Elanna.
"Captain," B'Elanna said, "Tom and I are going to run Sandrine's on holodeck one tonight. Would you like to join us?"
"Thank you B'Elanna, but I don't think I'm up to it tonight."
"Oh, come on. Just for one game of pool? So I get the pleasure of seeing Tom lose at least once."
Kathryn thought for a moment. Chakotay was most likely already down on Krytok. "All right, maybe one game."
"Good. Meet us at 20:00."
"I'll be there."
Kathryn entered the holodeck at 20:10 to find Tom and Harry already engrossed in a game of pool. Stopping at the bar and ordering a drink, she then continued across the room to the table where B'Elanna sat.
"I'm glad you came, Captain," B'Elanna said. Kathryn smiled. "Me too." She decided she needed to get out like this and enjoy herself. It would keep her mind from dwelling on other disturbing thoughts.
An hour went by and a few more crewman entered. Kathryn began to relax. She beat Tom two games in a row. Then her and B'Elanna beat Tom and Harry, who were now playing each other while B'Elanna watched ringside. Seated at the table, Kathryn glanced up when the doors opened and laughter drifted her way. She knew that laughter. There stood Chakotay with Kaylara on his arm. Her heart sank, and the black cloud that had been so briefly lifted, descended again. He caught her eye and headed in her direction. She wanted to run, but knew she couldn't without betraying her feelings. As they approached her table, Chakotay asked, "Kathryn, mind if we join you?" His voice was light-hearted, but his eyes were challenging.
"Go right ahead," she answered smoothly, meeting his challenge. "Hello, Kaylara."
"Hello, Captain," she said as she and Chakotay sat down. "It's nice to see you again. Chakotay's told me so much about the holodeck. I'm glad I'm getting to see it before Voyager leaves."
"It does keep us entertained," Kathryn said, looking away from Kaylara's perfect features. She suddenly felt drab and ...old.
Kaylara looked at Tom and Harry. "What are they doing?" she asked.
"It's an old Terran game called pool.," Chakotay said.
"It looks interesting," Kaylara said.
"Would you like to learn?" he asked.
"I'd love to."
"Come on," he said, standing and taking her hand. "It looks like they're finished."
Tom was racking the balls as Chakotay approached him. "Your turn to lose, Commander?" Tom asked.
"Hardly," Chakotay replied. "Kaylara wants to learn."
"Well, you've brought her to the master," Tom said, and winked at her.
"Thanks, but I think I can handle this on my own."
Instantly B'Elanna appeared and took Tom's arm. "Apparently, you don't know when you're not wanted," she said, dragging him away.
Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry sat down with Kathryn and were soon joined by three more crewman. Tables were shifted until they were all sitting together. Kathryn remained on the end with an excellent view of the couple playing pool.
As drinks flowed and conversations rattled back and forth, no one noticed Kathryn's lack of participation. She sat in silence observing Chakotay and Kaylara, feeling like a voyeur, yet unable to withdraw her gaze. She saw Kaylara laugh when she missed the cue ball completely, and then she saw something she did not want to see. Chakotay walked behind Kaylara and his arms wound around to the front of her. Kathryn knew he was only showing her how to hold the pool stick, but when Kaylara rested her arm on the table and Chakotay leaned over her back, Kathryn couldn't help but imagine herself in the younger woman's place. Chakotay's chest against her back, their hips fitting snugly together, his arms around her....
Kathryn's breathing had become uneven and she licked her dry lips. Suddenly a peal of laughter slammed into her and reality came flooding back much too quickly. "Oh, Chakotay, I did it!" Kathryn heard Kaylara say, and watched in desolation as she gave him a peck on the cheek. It was about all she could take. She desperately needed to get some fresh air, because the air inside had abruptly become hard to breathe. Kathryn stood up and said a general good-bye to the table, though she doubted anyone noticed. She tried to hurry out of the holodeck before Chakotay and Kaylara saw her, but halted when she heard Kaylara speak.
"Are you leaving already, Captain?"
"Yes. I have some reports I've been neglecting. I thought I'd try to catch up on them." It wasn't exactly a lie. There were two reports on the ship's repairs from earlier that day. She hadn't read them because she hadn't been able to concentrate.
"Chakotay told me you are good at pool. I was hoping to see you play."
Kathryn glanced at Chakotay, surprised they had been discussing her. He grinned slightly, as if he had read her mind. "Perhaps another time before we leave," Kathryn said, and immediately felt guilty because she knew she hadn't meant it. She saw Chakotay raise an eyebrow from behind Kaylara, and she quickly mumbled her good-bye and fled the room.
*****
The next day, Chakotay, having left engineering a few minutes earlier, walked down the corridor towards his quarters. He was glad his duty shift was over. Kaylara had invited him to her house for dinner that evening. Just the two of them. He suspected what she had in mind, and wasn't sure he wanted to go. It wasn't that he wasn't attracted to her, she was a beautiful woman and he enjoyed her company. She just wasn't...Kathryn.
He sighed mentally. Word had reached his ear that she had been acting like a bear with a wounded paw today. He thought he had an inkling as to why and wanted to speak with her about it. He was angry, and at the same time was trying not to get his hopes up.
Chakotay rounded a bend in the corridor and quickly slowed his pace. The object of his thoughts stood with her back to him reprimanding a young Ensign.
"Just because we're a long way from Starfleet, Ensign, doesn't mean you can slack off on your responsibilities!"
Chakotay saw the embarrassed Ensign squirm under her burning glare. "I'm sorry, Captain. I...I didn't think...." he stammered. Then he looked her directly in the eye. "It won't happen again, Captain."
"See that it doesn't. Dismissed," she said, and the Ensign made a hasty retreat down the corridor.
"Don't you think you were a little hard on him?" Chakotay asked when he was directly behind Kathryn.
She spun around as if he'd scared her and looked at him. "I'm tired of everybody thinking this ship is a playground. It wasn't built for entertainment purposes, and I'm not here to baby-sit!"
"You don't say," Chakotay said, taking in her angry appearance. Her hair looked as if she'd been raking her fingers through it, and there was a wild look in her eyes. She definitely did not look up to having the conversation he wanted to have with her. The rumors hadn't been exaggerated.
"And you!" she said accusingly. "You're no help!"
Chakotay's eyes narrowed. "What about me?"
"You were making a spectacle of yourself last night on the holodeck, letting Kaylara fawn all over you!"
Chakotay looked around to see if anyone had been in hearing distance. Fortunately he saw no one. He grabbed her upper arm and pulled her out of the middle of the corridor until they were standing next to the wall. "Would you lower your voice," he commanded, and let go of her arm.
Kathryn also looked around, and then back at him. "I'll bet you loved every minute of it, too?" she hissed.
Angry now, at her accusations and attack of Kaylara and himself, Chakotay said, "She was hardly "fawning" over me, Kathryn. And what man wouldn't like getting attention from a beautiful woman? It certainly doesn't happen in my every day life, so why would I refuse it now?" he asked, looking at her pointedly. He knew she knew what he hadn't said.
Kathryn stared at him for a moment and he saw her fists clench. "I guess you wouldn't!" she said, and turned to walk away.
"You're right. I wouldn't!" Chakotay said to her retreating form. He resumed walking toward his quarters, but more slowly this time. He didn't want to catch up with Kathryn, who had headed in the same direction. He had only wanted to relax and enjoy his evening. He halted his steps briefly, maybe he still could. Kathryn didn't know it, but she had inadvertently helped him make up his mind about his plans for the evening. He would have dinner with Kaylara.
*****
A few hours later, Kathryn sat on her sofa, her hands cradling a cup of coffee which had turned cold long ago. Inside she was seething. How dare Chakotay insinuate his lack of "female attention" in his daily life was her fault! That is what he implied, isn't it? She wasn't even sure anymore. Oh hell, she thought as she placed the cup on the coffee table in front of her and stood up. She hated fighting with Chakotay, but didn't know how to stop these feelings. Inwardly she wondered if he, too, was losing sleep. She wasn't sure what compelled her, but before she knew it she was ordering, "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."
"Commander Chakotay is not on this vessel."
Kathryn's jaw dropped. "Computer, what time is it?"
"The time is 00:30."
"It's too late," she murmured. The realization that he was with another woman and it was all her own fault weighed heavily upon her as she made her way to the bedroom. Well that will teach you, Kathryn. Do you think you're his keeper? Apparently he was losing sleep, just not in the same way as she.
*****
Chakotay and Kaylara sat on the sofa in her living room talking. Dinner had been delicious, and he had even succeeded in temporarily pushing all thoughts of his argument with Kathryn from his mind. Barely.
Chakotay yawned. "I'm sorry, Kaylara," he chuckled. "It's not the company. Honest. It's getting late. I'd better be going."
"But you said you had off tomorrow."
"I know..." Chakotay hesitated.
"You can stay here tonight," Kaylara said, leaning closer to him.
"Kaylara, " he said at the moment her lips touched his. It was a soft, sweet kiss, and didn't last more than a few seconds.
Kaylara pulled back as if sensing his inner withdrawal. "What's the matter, Chakotay?" she asked, placing a hand on his chest.
"I'm sorry." He wrapped his hand around hers and slowly pulled it off his chest. "I thought I could, but I can't," he said quietly. When he had arrived earlier, he had had every intention of staying the night. But through the course of the evening he had realized if he did stay, he would be using Kaylara. And ironically, he liked her too much and didn't want to hurt her. "You're very attractive, and I do like you, but..."
"There's someone else," she said with dawning comprehension.
Chakotay nodded.
"Why aren't you with her?"
"It's complicated."
"Talk to her."
"I've tried. Numerous times," he said, getting up from the sofa. "I think it's too late."
"And I think she's a fool to not notice what's right before her eyes."
Chakotay smiled down at her. "Thank you. Are we still friends?"
"Of course we are." She stood up too. "I wouldn't let you get away from me completely. At least, not until Voyager leaves. Besides, I'd love to play another game of pool before you go."
"How about tomorrow morning? I never did give you that tour of the ship I had promised you. We can do that and then I'll let you beat me at a game of pool," he said, teasing her.
"I'd love it. And, you might not have to let me win."
"We'll see," he said, and they walked to her door. "I'll come down for you."
"Fine. I'll see you then."
He paused. "I did enjoy myself tonight."
"I'm glad," Kaylara said, smiling. "So did I." She kissed him briefly on the cheek, like she had done days ago at the transporter site. "Good-night, Chakotay."
"Good-night," he said, and was gone.
*****
Kathryn lay awake early the next morning staring up at her ceiling. She felt like she hadn't had any sleep at all. Every time she closed her eyes images of Chakotay and Kaylara filled her mind. Laughing, kissing, lying naked next to each other. She sat up quickly and jumped out of bed. It was almost time for her to get up anyway, and she was so full of angry energy she thought she might explode if she didn't do something.
Kathryn got ready for her shift in record time and headed directly for her ready room. Maybe reviewing the latest reports would occupy her mind. She doubted it, but it was worth a try. Entering her ready room, she replicated a cup of coffee, sat behind her desk, and picked up one of two padds lying in front of her. Briefly she wondered if Chakotay was back on the ship yet. Presumably not, she mused with a scowl, since he had the day off. Forcing her attention back to the padd, she began to read.
Half of the morning was gone by the time she finished with the two padds. She wanted to know if the repairs of the warp manifold were almost complete. "Janeway to Lieutenant Torres," she said.
"Torres here, Captain."
"Lieutenant, how are the repairs coming on the warp manifold?"
"They're finished, Captain. Everything's running smoothly."
"Why don't I have the report," she asked impatiently.
"I gave the report to Commander Chakotay yesterday afternoon when he was in engineering. He said he'd deliver it himself."
"I see. Thank you, Lieutenant. Janeway out." Kathryn sighed heavily and stood up. Chakotay. Was he so preoccupied with his girlfriend he couldn't even remember to give her a report? She was determined to put a stop to it right then and there. Taking a chance, she said, "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."
"Commander Chakotay is on holodeck one."
"My lucky day," she mumbled as she stormed out of her ready room and into the turbolift, oblivious to the curious glances from the Bridge crew. When she exited the lift, she strode down the corridor silently fuming. No doubt he wanted to show her some more "moves" at the pool table. A crewman came around the bend, took one look at her face and quickly sidestepped out of her way.
Kathryn came upon holodeck one and entered. She saw Kaylara sitting on a bar stool and Chakotay leaning over the pool table. "Commander," she said abruptly, just as he tried to make the shot. The pool stick slipped and only tapped the cue ball, sending it a mere 4 inches down the table.
He straightened and turned to face her. She had moved further into the room and was standing with her hands on her hips. "Captain," he said curtly.
"Sorry to interrupt your...game," she said, glancing at Kaylara, and Chakotay frowned. Kathryn looked back at Chakotay. "B'Elanna informed me you're in possession of the report on the finished repairs of the warp manifold."
"Yes, I am."
"Why haven't I received it yet?"
He laid his pool stick down on the table and turned back to face her. "I didn't think there was any rush. She had given it to me at the end of my shift yesterday."
"You saw me after your shift and you still didn't give it to me?"
Chakotay stepped closer to her until he was two feet away. "With our discussion in the corridor yesterday, it must have slipped my mind." He spoke slowly and there was an edge to his voice. They hadn't noticed Kaylara get off of the bar stool and move to lean against the pool table. She seemed to be studying them.
"I'd like the report now, Commander."
"I'm not on duty today. Can't it wait?"
"No, it can not. It's holding up the work I have to do." It really wasn't and he most likely knew it, but she said it anyway, her rational thought being clouded by an inner rage. Kathryn continued. "Even though we're currently not traveling, we still have a ship to run."
"I'm very much aware of that, Captain," he said waspishly.
"I'll expect the report on my desk in my ready room in fifteen minutes." She knew he was angry and he looked about to say something, but maybe thought better of it and remained silent. "Is that understood?"
"Yes, Captain," he said, and turned to Kaylara. "We'll have to continue this another time," he said apologetically. "I'll take you to the transporter room."
"I'll see she gets to the transporter room. Just meet me in my ready room," Kathryn said.
Chakotay stared at her, a warning look in his eyes. Then he glanced at Kaylara and she nodded to him. "Fine," he said to Kathryn. "I'll be in touch," he called to Kaylara over his shoulder as he left the holodeck.
Kaylara slowly walked over to Kathryn, who was still standing in the same spot. "Was there something you wanted, Captain?" she said, seizing Kathryn's attention.
"Yes," she looked up at the other woman. "I've gotten to know the Commander quite well over the past four years." She paused, unsure of how to continue, but eventually said, "I think it would be a shame to see him get hurt."
There was a brief silence. "This doesn't sound like a Captain's concern for her first officer. This sounds almost...personal," Kaylara said, and Kathryn cleared her throat. "Frankly, I don't think I'm the one hurting him now, or will be in the future."
Kathryn blushed slightly, and Kaylara spoke again. "I tried to make him happy. I really did, but something seems to be holding him back. Or should I say...someone." There eyes met and locked. Kathryn wondered just how far Kaylara had gone in "trying" to make Chakotay happy. "Make up your mind, Captain, before it truly is too late."
They stared at each other for another few seconds before Kathryn blinked and looked away. "I can see myself out," Kaylara said quietly. "I hope you resolve this. For both of your sakes."
Kathryn stood rooted to the floor as she heard the doors to the holodeck swish open and then closed again.
*****
Chakotay stormed down the corridor toward his quarters. He couldn't believe Kathryn was doing this! She didn't need the report now and she knew it! He knew why she had sought him out. Sought them out. He knew why she was behaving this way and should have stopped it days ago. He'd give her the damn report and then later...later, he'd settle this.
*****
Kathryn sat at her desk in her ready room waiting for Chakotay. He was ten minutes late. Her mind drifted to her conversation with Kaylara. She was wrong. It was too late. Her pride would never allow her to admit anything at this point. She had pushed it too far. Pushed Chakotay too far. So far that he may have spent the night with Kaylara. And that was what was gnawing away at her. How was she going to deal with this? Her fingernails drummed on her desktop. She knew what she had to do, even though an inner voice was telling her it was a coward's way out, but she couldn't bare seeing them together again.
Her door chimed. "Come in," she called.
Chakotay entered and walked up to her desk. "Here's your report, Captain," he said tersely, laying the padd on her desk.
"Thank you, Commander," she said, and he turned to leave. "Commander." He stopped and turned to face her again. Kathryn couldn't quite meet his gaze. She toyed with the padd on her desk. "Will you inform the crew that there's been a change of plans and we'll be leaving tomorrow."
Chakotay's eyebrows furrowed. "What? Why? We're not scheduled to leave for three more days."
Kathryn looked up at him. "We've already wasted too much time here. We've gotten all of our supplies, and the repairs are just about complete. It's time we continue our journey."
"But not everyone has had a chance to take shore leave."
"Then they will be offered it first at the next opportunity."
Chakotay's lips pressed into firm line. "I won't tell them."
"What!?" she asked disbelievingly.
"You heard me," he said, walking back to her desk and leaning his palms on it. "You're the one who said everyone would be able to visit the planet. If you want to leave early, you disappoint them. I'm not going to." With that, Chakotay turned around and walked out. Kathryn couldn't think of anything to say or do except stare after his retreating back.
*****
Kathryn sat on the sofa in her quarters that evening trying for what seemed like the tenth time to read the report in her hand. After insisting Chakotay bring it to her that morning, she felt obligated to at least read it. But she couldn't concentrate. Thoughts of the past few days filled her mind to over-flowing. She couldn't believe she had allowed Chakotay to speak to her like that in her ready room. She had known he was right. How could she tell her crew they were leaving early after informing them they'd all be issued shore leave? They must be sick of being enclosed on this ship after four years. She'd have to stick it out for another three days. If she remained in her ready room and quarters the majority of the time, she could avoid seeing Chakotay and Kaylara.
Her door chimed. She didn't want company, so she chose to ignore it. It chimed again. "I know you're in there, Kathryn. Open the door." Chakotay's voice called through to her. She hesitated, not wanting to deal with him right now. "I'll stay here all night if I have to."
Kathryn wouldn't put it past him to do just that. She stood up and set the padd on the coffee table. "Come in," she said.
Chakotay entered and the door closed behind him. He walked halfway into the room.
"May I help you with something, Commander?" Kathryn asked, wishing to be over with whatever it was he wanted.
Chakotay shrugged. "I was just thinking," he said, strolling further into the room but looking out of the viewport. "Maybe if you loosened up a little, you wouldn't be so uptight. But no, wait," he glanced at her, "you might actually enjoy yourself then." He came to a stop a few feet away from her.
"What?" she asked crisply. "I'm not in the mood for riddles, Commander."
"Tell me the real reason we're leaving tomorrow," he said, changing the subject.
Kathryn walked past him and folded her arms across her chest, keeping her back to him. "I've decided to stay for the full two weeks as originally planned. You were right. It would have been unfair to the crew."
Chakotay watched her. If he had been surprised by her statement, he didn't show it. "I'm glad you changed your mind. But I still want to know why you wanted to leave early."
"I've already told you, I thought we'd wasted enough time."
"I don't buy it," Chakotay said simply.
Kathryn turned to face him, her hands now on her hips. "Are you calling me a liar?"
"If the shoe fits...," he let the statement hang.
She took a step closer to him. "How dare you talk to me like that, Commander!"
"We're off duty, Kathryn!" They stared at each other, neither willing to give an inch. "I'll tell you why you were going to pull out early. You wanted to leave because you're jealous."
"Jealous!?" she exploded. "Of what?"
"You couldn't stand seeing Kaylara and I together, could you? That's why you wanted to leave early and why you've been acting like an unbearable tyrant."
"Don't be ridiculous, Chakotay. Now if you've finished, would you please leave?" she said, and went to move past him, but he grabbed her forearm. "Let go of me," she turned toward him, struggling to free her arm from his vise-like grip, which was sending fissions of heat up her arm.
"Not until you admit you're jealous."
"I am not jealous," she said through clenched teeth.
"Yes you are. You don't want me and you don't want anyone else to have me either. That's it, isn't it?"
"No!" she shouted. She couldn't let him find out the truth. It was too humiliating. Kathryn struggled harder, desperately trying to get away from him. Chakotay took her other arm and pushed her back against the wall of her quarters. He took both of her wrists and slowly raised them over her head, holding them firmly with his hands. He was so close she could feel the heat of his body penetrating her clothes and searing her skin beneath them.
"Then you do want me and you're denying your feelings," he accused further.
"No," she said again, less forcefully this time. She tore her eyes from his gaze which seemed to pierce her very soul, as if he knew that's where he would find the answers she was hopelessly trying to hide.
"Come to think of it, Kathryn," Chakotay said as if a thought had just occurred to him. "You've never told me you didn't want me. You only said "we" couldn't happen."
Kathryn remained staring at his throat, refusing to lift her eyes to his. He swallowed and she watched the reflexive movement beneath his bronze skin. She felt her pulse rate quicken.
Chakotay leaned even closer to her. "So Kathryn," he whispered near her ear, "do you want me...or not?" He changed his grip on her wrists so he was holding them with only one of his hands. He brought his other hand down and toyed with the hair by her ear, slowly weaving his fingers through it.
"I..." was all Kathryn could manage as Chakotay's head came down and he gently kissed the area below her ear. She turned her head to the side and exhaled the breath she'd been holding. Chakotay's lips moved lower, dropping tender kisses along her neck and throat. With his one hand in her hair, his other hand released her wrists and slid down her arm and the side of her body, skimming her breast, and came to rest at her waist. Kathryn moaned softly and she dropped her arms, placing her hands on his shoulders.
Her eyes closed as his lips drifted to her jawline and cheek. Her breathing grew rapid and she was bombarded with sensations she felt she'd never be able to get enough of. As her fingers began to reach for Chakotay's hair at the back of his neck, his lips drew even closer to her own. Her tongue flicked out to wet them in anticipation of his complete kiss. A split second before impact, a voice blasted through her comm badge.
"Tuvok to Captain Janeway."
Kathryn jumped, and Chakotay brought his head up. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, then Kathryn pushed away from him.
"Janeway here," she said shakily, combing her fingers through her hair.
"Captain, it is 19:10. Have you forgotten our meeting to discuss the new security codes?"
"I'm sorry, Tuvok. I...got held up," she said, glancing at Chakotay and blushing as she thought about what had "held" her up. "I'll be right there. Janeway out."
Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "I have to go, as you can see. I'm sure you can see yourself out," she said, trying her best to act as if Chakotay hadn't just been kissing her.
As she headed for the door a hand wrapped around her wrist stopping her, and she looked over her shoulder. "Don't think Tuvok has saved you," Chakotay said, his eyes meeting and holding hers. "We will finish this conversation soon," he promised. Kathryn pulled her wrist free and escaped out of the door and away from his discerning gaze.