Disclaimer on Part 1
By Orion
Over the next few days, Kathryn set the tone for their relationship, with Chakotay following her lead. Both of them were polite but distant, only speaking to each other when necessary. Kathryn spent more time in her ready room than usual, and had begun to avoid eating in the mess hall whenever possible. The Bridge crew couldn't help but notice the tense atmosphere between their commanding officers.
Four days after the incident on Taleron, the senior officers gathered for a routine meeting in the briefing room. The reports from every department were reviewed, and everything looked good except for a minor problem in astrometrics. Kathryn made a suggestion on how to rectify the situation, then asked, "Does anyone have any other suggestions?"
As she glanced around the table she heard Chakotay say, "Of course not, Captain. Your suggestions are always the best."
Everybody looked at Kathryn as she looked at Chakotay. She knew what was behind his statement, but his face held a blank expression when he looked at her.
Choosing not to question him, she said to everybody, "Then I guess that's all. Dismissed."
Kathryn remained seated while everyone filed out of the room, her eyes never leaving Chakotay.
*************************
The next day Tom and B'Elanna were seated together having dinner. B'Elanna called Kathryn over just as Chakotay sat down at Tom's invitation.
"Would you like to join us, Captain?" B'Elanna asked.
Being careful not to look at Chakotay she said, "I'm sorry. I have work to finish. I'm eating in my quarters tonight. Thank you anyway, B'Elanna." She nodded at the others, "Tom, Commander," and walked away.
Tom looked up at his tablemates. "Did it suddenly get chilly in here?" he asked.
"Tom," Chakotay said in warning.
"Sorry, Commander"
"I'm not very hungry tonight," Chakotay said as he stood up. "Excuse me."
As he walked out of the mess hall B'Elanna asked, "What is with them?"
"I have no idea. I can barely stand being on the Bridge with those two anymore."
"Well, I intend to find out right now," B'Elanna said, and left the mess hall.
****************************
"Chakotay," she called, when she saw him in the corridor.
He waited for her to catch up to him before they continued walking. "Can I help you with something?" he asked.
"What the hell happened on that planet, Chakotay?"
"Let's just say it didn't go as planned. I can't tell you anything other than that, B'Elanna. That's up to the Captain."
"Well can't you do something about this?" she asked, waving her hand in the air.
"About what?"
"About this cold shoulder you're giving each other."
"Apparently, this seems to be the way she wants it."
"Is it the way you want it?" B'Elanna asked, but Chakotay didn't answer.
"Look," B'Elanna said, stopping him by putting her hand on his arm. "Can't you at least talk to her? Tom said the whole Bridge crew feels like they're walking on eggshells."
Chakotay looked at her. "I'll consider it, B'Elanna. But I don't think the Captain's very receptive right now." He turned and continued down the corridor, leaving B'Elanna staring after him.
***************************
One week after the incident on Taleron, the Sandrine's program was running on the holodeck. Most of the usual people were there. Kathryn was sitting at the bar. She hadn't wanted to come tonight, but reluctantly agreed when B'Elanna had insisted, saying she loved to see her beat Tom at pool.
Chakotay came in and Tom challenged him to a game. "I have to talk to B'Elanna for a minute, Tom. I'll play the winner," Chakotay said.
Tom made his way over to Kathryn. "Well, Captain," he said, tossing a pool stick from hand to hand, "is this the night you finally fall?"
She grabbed the stick in mid-toss. "Lieutenant, prepare to have your butt kicked," she said, and hopped off the bar stool.
A small crowd gathered around the pool table, as always when there was opportunity to see Tom get put in his place. The game was over in all of ten minutes. The spectators clapped and hooted as Tom raised Kathryn's arm and declared her the winner.
"Chakotay," Tom called.
Chakotay came over to her as most of the spectators went back to their tables. "I guess you play me next," he said.
She handed him her pool stick and took a step backward. "I'm sorry, Commander, you'll have to play loser this time. I'd like an early night tonight."
"Kathryn," Chakotay said, taking a step closer.
"Good night, Commander," she said, then turned to Tom. "Tom, he's all yours."
As Kathryn left the holodeck, B'Elanna appeared at Chakotay's side. "Chakotay, now is a good time," she said, nodding toward the door.
"I know, B'Elanna. My thoughts exactly," he said, and handed her his pool stick and walked out.
**********************************
Kathryn was entering her quarters when she heard Chakotay call her name. She didn't stop, and let the door close behind her. The chime rang ten seconds later, and Chakotay's muffled voice drifted through the door, "I know you're in there, Kathryn. Open the door."
He sounded irritated, so she turned around and opened it by pressing the code. "I thought I'd better let you in and save someone the trouble of repairing my control panel again," she said sarcastically, as she walked further into the room.
"I can't take this anymore, Kathryn," he said, running his hands through his hair.
She turned to face him, her hand on her hip. "Take what, Commander?"
"This attitude of yours."
"Attitude?"
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," he said. "Since we came back from Taleron you've been distant toward me, barely speaking to me, even avoiding me when you can."
She turned and looked out of the viewport, not wanting him to see that she knew he spoke the truth.
Chakotay continued, "Every time we're in a room together the temperature drops about ten degrees, ask Paris." He paused, but she remained with her back to him. "Can't you at least talk to me about this!?"
"There's nothing to say," she said, wishing he'd leave.
"God, you must be made of stone," he said bitterly.
Kathryn turned to face him. "Is that what you think of me?" she asked quietly, her voice becoming stronger as she spoke. "That I'm made of stone? Well, I'm not!"
"Then do something," he said, walking up to her. "Throw me in the brig for disobeying your orders! For locking you in your quarters! Hit me! You can even hit me for all the abuse you took. Just don't shut me out! I was there too remember!?"
"Let me alone!" she yelled, and pushed past him.
"Not until you talk to me!" He grabbed her arm and spun her to face him. Both hands taking hold of her upper arms.
"Let me go, Chakotay!" She struggled for released, and he backed her up against the wall.
"Janeway to Sec...," she started to say, but Chakotay lunged forward and forcefully claimed her mouth with his, effectively silencing her. Kathryn continued to struggle but her body was pinned by his, minimizing her movements. Dazed and confused, having been caught off guard, she didn't return the kiss but still allowed him to punish her with his mouth.
His tongue swept her mouth, and one hand reached up to tangle in her hair at the back of her head. Deep beneath her burning anger a fire of another kind began to smolder.
Before that could take hold, Chakotay ended the kiss as quickly as he had begun it, releasing Kathryn in the process. Without thinking about her actions, she swung her arm up and slapped him hard across the face. The crack rang out in the quiet room, and they both stared at each other.
"That's better," he said, looking satisfied.
As Kathryn saw her handprint begin to take shape on Chakotay's face, her hand flew up to cover her mouth. She was shocked and embarrassed by her own actions. "I'm so sorry, Chakotay," she said quietly, walking away from him.
She sat down on the sofa and stared straight ahead, unshed tears glistened in her eyes. "What am I doing to us?" she whispered.
He walked toward her slowly, but didn't say anything.
"Oh, Chakotay," she said softly, looking down at her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry about everything. I should have listened to you, but my damned pride always seems to get in the way." She looked up at him now. "My God, I couldn't even admit to my best friend I made a mistake. I deserved everything I got on that planet."
"Don't say that!" Chakotay said, kneeling in front of her. "Don't ever say that." He took her hands in his. "You didn't deserve that abuse. God, it was tearing me apart to watch it, hear it. Know that it was happening and I couldn't do a thing about it. I felt so damned helpless."
"It's not your fault. It's all mine."
"Kathryn..."
"No, Chakotay," she cut him off. "None of this would have happened if I had taken your apprehension seriously. But I dismissed it, just like I did with your suggestions on the Borg situation." She tried to pull her hands out of his but he wouldn't let go. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm so used to viewing every decision as ultimately my responsibility. That way if anything goes wrong, the blame is mine and mine alone."
"Kathryn, I know you're the Captain, but I'm your first officer. What good am I if I can't help you make decisions, or lighten your load? I want to share your burden with you, not give you more of one. Will you let me do that?"
She gave him a small smile. "I'd like that," she said.
"Good." Chakotay smiled back at her. "I'd better get going," he said standing up. "It's getting late and we both have early duty shift tomorrow."
"O.K," Kathryn said, also standing.
He walked to the door and stopped. "Are you going to be all right?"
"Yes. Thank you, Chakotay."
"You're welcome," he said, and then was gone.
*****************************
The next morning, Kathryn and Chakotay entered the turbolift at the same time, fifteen minutes before their duty shift.
"You're early this morning, Commander," Kathryn commented.
Chakotay grinned. "I don't want to make the boss angry. I hear she's in a better mood today," he said, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.
Kathryn was glad no one else was in the lift to see her blush. She was still feeling somewhat embarrassed about her behavior of the past week and the events of last night.
"I'm really sorry I hit you, Chakotay," she said, looking at the floor of the lift. "I don't know what came over me."
"Was my kiss really that unwanted?" he asked, teasing her.
The lift stopped and the doors opened. She looked out over the Bridge as if in thought. "No," she said, a slow smile spreading across her lips. "No it wasn't, Commander."
Kathryn walked off the lift, leaving a stunned Chakotay staring after her.
END