The Chase

David C. Fernau

"Attention all personnel. Commander Scott is at large upon the ship. She is extremely dangerous, and should not be attacked. Any personnel spotting Commander Scott are to report this to Security immediately!"

That's the intercom on the Saratoga. Beautiful. They screwed it up again. Now, instead of thinking she's not been discovered yet, she's gonna hide, and that's gonna make it that much harder for me to catch her. Oh, excuse me, I haven't introduced myself yet. My full name is Lieutenant Senior Grade Francis Montgomery Proudhawk, PhD. Call me Dr. Proudhawk, Proudhawk, or just Hawk. The person I'm chasing, Lt. Commander Heather Scott, is my superior officer, since she's Chief Science Officer and I'm Assistant Science Officer.

She's also my Soulmate. If ya don't know what that is, ask me later. I'm busy now. Why am I chasing her? Simple. She's insane, and when I find the bozo responsible, he and I are gonna have a "discussion".

Anyway, back to the business at hand. First order of business is to ditch the Security team Captain Starska's forced me to bear. He can't understand that these guys make enough physical noise to wake the dead, not to mention the psychic noise they make. She'd hear these guys a mile off. Not that they're bad officers, note. They're just outta their league.

Oh, well, this shouldn't be too hard. And they have helped a little. They've made me a trifle upset. In other people, my mood would be called a "skull-fracturing humor". I'm just ticked off (All you Sciences personnel listening?).

Ah. My quarters, finally. Now, just a little bluff, and I'm away from these noisemakers. I should be able to deal with Heather before they find me.

"Be right back, guys. Gotta pick up some equipment."

The leader steps forward. "I'll come in with you, if you don't mind."

"I do mind. My private quarters are just that. Private."

"Captain's orders, sorry."

I start to get a little more mad. Good thing this guy's just a Lt. J.G. "Excuse me, Lieutenant Junior Grade, you may be under orders to follow me and make sure I don't start a mutiny," the officer's face hardens, so I know I've hit paydirt, "but there's only one door to these quarters. What am I gonna do, take out a phaser torch and cut a hole in the ceiling? Stay."

He thinks for a second. "Okay."

Smart decision. I can be deadly when I've got a good mad on (hint to Sciences people). I step into my quarters, and immediately my eyebrows go up in surprise (yes, both, I'm not Spock). Seems Heather's already been here, or Security. The place is trashed. Come to think of it, it was probably Security. Heather had no reason to come in here. I make a mental note to order the computer to increase the security on my door lock.

Enough wasted time. I go into the bathroom (yes, bathroom), and step into the sonic shower. Good. The Transfer Portal still works. To avoid confusion, I'll just say that a Portal is like a transporter, but there are some differences. I'll explain more later. I close my eyes, reach out with my mind (oh, I didn't mention I'm telepathic and telekinetic? I beg your pardon), take hold of the energies of the Portal, and twist just so. My stomach twists, too, and I'm there. "There" being my warpshuttle on the Hangar Deck (I bought it from Universal Parcel Service, and Mr. Scott of Enterprise fame helped me make certain modifications).

Anyway, the Calypso (my shuttle) isn't my destination. I just did that to dump the Security team. But, this is as good a place to start as any. Stretching my mind out again, I search for Heather. Aha. That feels like the botany section. Good choice, Heather. Ready or not, here I come. Arriving at the Botany section, I spot Heather, and try my little "sleep" trick. It doesn't work. She must be mad enough to override it. Oh, well, it was worth a try.

"Heather! Come on out, I've got ya cornered!" I duck just in time to miss the large rock heading for my head. So much for Mr. Nice Guy.

I telekinetically "throw" myself in her direction, ready for a fight. And I fall down, stunned, after I meet her small but deadly fist head-on. Ouch! At least now I'm closer than I was. I reach out a hand and pull her legs out from under her. She forgets she can levitate, and falls right on me. Hmmm... maybe she didn't forget her telekinesis. That hurts!

I pick myself up, throwing her off, and get ready to put out her lights, when a rock comes sailing up and hits me in the chin. I wake up in time to see her run towards the pool. I fly, shakily, after her.

"Sorry, Francis, you lose this time!" she yells.

Wrong tactic, Heather. Now I'm really mad. I hit her with a flying (literally) tackle, and knock her across the pool. I'm rewarded with a t.k.-enhanced wallop that sends me across the pool. She flies after me, and starts trying to strangle me as I get up.

Did I say I was mad before? I was wrong. Now I'm mad! I may not be a black belt, but I know enough about fighting to be able to throw Heather into the pool. As she levitates up, I make a two-handed fist, and bring it down on her head. She struggles up to the edge, and my boot connects with her chin, and she's out. Whew!

I reach down with one hand, grab her tunic, and hoist her into my arms just as the Security team catches up with me.

"Hi, guys! Sorry, the party's over!" I say as I walk out. This time, they don't follow me. Maybe they caught some of the fight.

Back in my quarters (they're already a mess, so we can fight here without doing much damage), I start to cure her. Of course, I did take a few elemental precautions like telling the computer not to open the door except on my orders, verified by retina scan, from inside the room. Since it'll take Engineering at least 2 hours to get the door open any other way, I feel sure that this time, Heather won't get out.

Actually, there isn't much to curing her. I won't bore you with the details. Take my word for it. She's sane (or as sane as she ever was).

A few days later, after getting a slap on the wrist for dumping the Security team, Heather, Captain Starska, and I meet with Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy in Starska's office. As usual, Kirk starts.

"What's this about a mutiny, Proudhawk?" he asks.

"Mutiny? What mutiny?" I turn to Heather. "You hear about a mutiny?"

"Mutiny? What mutiny?" she turns to Starska. "You hear about a mutiny?"

"Mutiny? What mutiny?" Starska turns to me. "You hear about a mutiny?"

"Nope," I answer.

Kirk pulls out a piece of paper. "What about this message?"

I take it from him and use my telekinesis to set it afire (this ain't an easy trick, gang), and throw it in the trash chute. "Message? What message?" I turn to Heather. "You see any message?"

"Message? What message?" Heather turns to Starska. "You see any message?"

"Message? What message?" Starska turns to yours truly. "You see any message?"

"Nope," I answer, grinning.

Kirk looks at the three of us. "What is this? The Three Stooges live again?"

I almost start another round when Kirk interrupts me. "You do that again, Francis, and you're in trouble."

Both my eyebrows go up again. "Uh... yes, sir. Let's just say that... mistake... has been corrected. Buy ya a drink?"

"Later, okay? Come on, Bones."

As Kirk and McCoy leave, I distinctly hear McCoy mutter, "If that's sane..."

One last note... Kirk, during his stay, recommended Heather as a replacement for our missing Exec. Starska, wanting to stay in Kirk's good graces, agreed.