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Rating: This story contains mature content. Suggested for those over 17 only.
If I had anything to do with creating Mulder, Scully and their sad little world, it would be a lot less sad. Alas, all I own are Barbies and action figures. CC and 1013 get the rest.
Author's notes: For Am, Susan and Leslie. Only you know how hard I struggled to write this the way I wanted to. Leslie, I hope you can learn a little something, even though it didn’t go the way we discussed. Am and Susan, thank you for making me see that sometimes the darkness is okay.
*-*-*-*-*
Broken
*-*-*-*-*
They headed down the hallway to the elevators, walking
separately, together. Her pace was short and quick, his
strides were long and heavy. It was the first time in nearly
six years they weren’t moving in tandem.
They were partners again, officially, not just in spirit,
which was all they had been for the last several months.
There was no one now who would try to pull them apart, but
Scully wondered if they would ever be together again.
She sighed heavily and pushed the down button, her gaze
dropping to stare at the plain tile floor. She would rather
look at anyone, anything, than look up at her partner. What
she saw reflected in his face, in his fathomless eyes, no
longer made any sense to her. The doors slid open and she
hesitated, not sure she was ready to return to the past, not
when it hadn’t been dealt with. A warm hand in the small of
her back made her decision for her, and she let him guide her
onto the elevator and choose the floor.
The basement. It seemed like a lifetime ago since they had
worked there, side by side. Scully shoved the memories of the
banter, the camaraderie, aside. Things weren’t like that
anymore. She focused on the space in front of her, willing
herself not to sneak a glance at him. She sighed again.
The elevator shuddered to a stop and opened its doors to
reveal the familiar dimly lit hallway. Mulder was the first
to exit, though the enthusiasm he would have once felt at
returning to the X-Files had been deflated by the events of
the past 24 hours. When she did not follow he turned
slightly, pinning her with his unreadable gaze. She felt
drawn into the hallway and followed him to their old office.
Without words they entered the room and closed the door
behind them. It wasn’t theirs anymore. A fresh coat of paint
covered the soot marks on the walls, and two new desks
replaced Mulder’s old one. Diana had a thriving plant on
hers, Spender’s was neat and orderly. The two agents stood in
the center of the room, taking in the changes, neither
feeling it would ever be the same, not really.
"Hey Scully, at least you got your own desk,"
Mulder tried hollowly to lighten the mood. He addressed her
without actually looking at her, his voice was flat and
emotionless. She did not reply, but instead walked to Diana’s
desk and picked up the plant, studying it quietly. Seconds
later the crash echoed through the room as the ceramic pot
smashed against the wall, leaving a smudge of dirt where it
impacted. Scully stood staring at the wreckage, trying to
control the shaking in her hands by clasping them together in
front of her.
Mulder stared at her helplessly. He wanted to comfort her,
hold her to him until the shaking stopped. He remembered
standing in this room after the fire, her arms gripping his
biceps, her forehead pressed against his chest. Just holding
him, giving comfort without expecting anything in return. He
ached to make her feel the calm he knew in her arms. As if
sensing his intentions, she turned to him, the coldness in
her expression nailing his feet to the floor.
"I don’t know how to fix it, Scully," he said
quietly, willing her to soften toward him. He took two steps
closer and earned another glare. "Tell me how.
Please."
Her eyes swept around the office again, taking in all the
things that weren’t hers, weren’t theirs. She didn’t feel
like anything belonged to her anymore, least of all herself.
The shaking started again in her shoulders and began to take
over her whole body, a painful lump began to form in her
throat. Before he could offer her comfort, she walked to the
door and closed it resolutely behind her. Inhaling a deep
breath, she headed back down the hall, taking the stairs away
from him. She could not sort this out while he was near her.
Mulder stood in the office, rooted to the same spot. His face
did not have time to register shock at her leaving. Instead
he covered his face with his hands and wept the angry tears
she wouldn’t.
*-*-*-*-*-*
She was just blocks away from her apartment when she realized
she didn’t want to be there. It was full of things that
reminded her of the last couple of days: boxes of research,
files and photographs, a half-dozen messages saved on her
machine in case they provided the next lead. And he would
come after her. She didn’t want to be where he would find
her. Not until she figured out what she wanted.
Fifteen minutes later she was sitting in a booth at a small
diner several miles away from home. The only other person
sharing the small space was a student, his books and
notebooks scattered across the table in front of him. He
glanced up at her as she sat across the room, threw her a
casual smile, and returned to his notes. The way he sat, so
absorbed in study, drew Scully to him. When she was in
medical school, she often frequented a place like this,
pouring over her texts until her eyes were blurry and no
amount of coffee could keep her awake. Her priorities then
were simple. She wanted to graduate with perfect grades, and
then she wanted to pursue a perfect career in medicine. She
always worked alone, not wanting to risk studying with
someone whose tenacity didn’t match her own. It took
recruitment by the FBI for her to realize medicine alone
wasn’t going to challenge her, and it took another
recruitment for her to find a person to keep up with her
pace.
Scully flipped her coffee cup over, allowing the waitress to
fill it up, and declined the offer for a menu. Her stomach
had been nervous for days.
Things with Mulder were all wrong. Words had been exchanged,
trusts broken, that could not be easily healed. He wanted to
fix it, he had asked her how, but she did not have the words
to put him at ease. She had made a vow over the summer to
stay with him, no matter what the cost. Now she wondered if
she could forgive herself for breaking that promise. She
didn’t know if she wanted to stay with him anymore. And she
didn’t know what the price would be for forgiving him.
She looked up to find the student staring at her, a small
smile playing on his lips. "Are you going to answer
that?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. Her cell phone
shrilled persistently in her coat pocket. She knew it was
him, and she closed her eyes, willing her heart to slow its
erratic pace.
"Scully," she answered curtly. She regretted her
tone. Drawing lines in the sand wouldn't solve what was
happening between them.
"Where are you?" Mulder pleaded, not even trying to
keep the worry out of his voice. Please Scully, he thought
silently, let me find you.
She answered with silence. She hadn’t made any decisions yet,
and confrontation with him would be harder when her mind
wasn’t clear. It wouldn’t make sense to meet him now. He
could persuade her with her defenses down. He would make her
stay. He would make her forgive him. She didn’t know if she
had the strength to say no to him.
"I’ll be home in thirty minutes," she said, hanging
up without saying goodbye. She dropped her head into her
hands and willed her body to be perfectly still. Numb, she
thought. To survive it, I need to be numb.
*-*-*-*-*
Mulder stared at the silent phone before replacing it in his
pocket. He had waited an agonizing hour before giving into
the urge to call her. He leaned against her front door,
feeling his legs slide out from underneath him. When had he
lost the strength to stand? When she had refused to hold him
up, he realized. When she had walked out on him last night,
angry and hurt that he wouldn’t listen to her. When she told
him she no longer had a reason to stay beside him and fight.
Because he had taken away her reasons to do so.
He wasn’t a stupid man. He knew exactly when the strain began
in their relationship, and he knew his constant defense of
Diana did not make it better. But Fox Mulder would never
admit he placed his trust in someone who wasn’t worthy, not
when trust was so important. He would tell her he was wrong,
if such a simple gesture would fix things. He could explain
what he found in her apartment, or rather, who had found him.
Maybe he could explain his past with Diana, and Scully would
understand why he had to trust her.
He glanced at his watch for the fifth time in as many
minutes. When she left the office, Mulder knew she would not
go home. She knew he would follow her, and he knew she didn’t
want him to. But he came here anyway, determined to wait her
out. A more patient man would recognize her need for space
and wait for her to come to him. Mulder wasn’t this man. His
deeply rooted fear of her abandonment wouldn’t allow him to
let time heal her wounds. He needed to do that himself, even
if he wasn’t sure how.
*-*-*-*-*
Scully pulled her car into the parking lot and chose the
empty space next to his. Letting the engine run she sat
alone, blocking out the noise of the busy neighborhood around
her. She wasn’t ready for this, but she knew she couldn’t
avoid him. He was feeling panicked at her rejection of him,
and he would not settle down until she was honest about what
she was thinking. She steeled herself for their meeting and
opened the door. What she had to say was going to anger him,
she knew, but she was going to be honest. Out of respect for
everything they had been through, she owed him that.
The cold air sliced through her overcoat, and she struggled
to keep her scarf in place as she hurried up the walk. She
would take the stairs, she decided, knowing he would be
anxiously watching the elevator for signs of her arrival. She
wanted to retain the upper hand in this situation, had to
have it, if she was going to survive it. Her steps were slow
and measured as she climbed upwards. She slowly opened the
door to her hallway, and saw him sitting in the floor hugging
his knees to his chest. Like a child, she thought. One who
has lost his way and isn’t sure he’ll ever get it back.
He sensed her presence and dragged his eyes upward toward
hers. She saw the redness there, the puffiness that gave away
his tears. What she saw there was naked fear, without the
hint of hope she was so used to encountering. As she came
near, he struggled to stand, untangling his long limbs from
the folds of his coat. Any other time she would have smiled
at his awkwardness. Any time before now.
She opened the door and held it aside for him to enter, glad
he hadn’t taken advantage of the key she had given him so
many years ago. She left the overhead light off, instead
turning on a small accent lamp on her desk. It softened her
features, he noticed, until he could almost believe
everything was okay. Instead she turned her sad face toward
him and gestured for his coat. If they were going to do this,
he could at least make himself comfortable.
"I’m not sure how to start this, Mulder," she said
from the comfortable distance of the hall closet. "I
wanted to sort things out for myself, before I was required
to present my findings to you."
He stiffened at her words. So this was how it was going to
be—she was treating their relationship like a case, something
to scrutinize and organize. She had shut off all the parts of
herself that would denote emotion, and she was running
entirely on logic. Mulder felt his chances for forgiveness
slip to unrecoverable odds.
She re-appeared in the living room and sat in an overstuffed
chair, gesturing for him to take the couch. Alone. Mulder
noticed the determined set of her jaw, the purely Scully way
of facing unpleasant things. She was hiding from him in plain
site. Next to him, but so far away. And he knew he could not
reach her.
"I don’t think this is about your ‘findings’, Scully. I
think it’s about dealing with mistakes we’ve both made over
the past few days."
"We’ve both made?" she asked incredulously, arching
her delicate eyebrow at him. She wasn’t surprised to see him
flinch.
"Are you surprised I’m not taking the typical Mulder way
out, Scully? That I’m not shouldering everything myself? I
thought you asked me to let you carry some of the burden. So
carry it, Scully, I’m giving it to you."
He spoke openly, not harshly, but Scully could feel anger
rise in her at his words. All afternoon she had been
convincing herself she no longer wanted to take on any more
of his pain, and he had never offered to let her. Now he was
trying to force it on her. She felt a weight settle in on her
shoulders.
"I don’t know how to fix it on my own," he said,
mirroring his words from earlier in the day. "It’ll only
happen if we can work on it together."
"And if we don’t?" she asked, looking out the
window as darkness began to fall. "If I don’t want to
work on it?"
Silence.
"Then I guess there’s nothing left to say, and I should
leave you alone. But I don’t think that’s what you want,
Scully. You can’t want it to end like this. Not after
everything."
"You mean, not after you learned she betrayed you. That
you realized you’re all alone." She said the words to
hurt him. She wanted to see the color drain from his face.
Anything to keep her own control.
"It’s not her betrayal I was feeling, Scully," he
matched her quip with his own, sharply aimed where it would
do the most damage. He noticed her hands clench tighter in
her lap. "How could you work so hard to undermine her,
Scully? When it meant undermining me as well?"
"You made your choice. When you followed her and left me
to take care of Gibson, you picked her, Mulder. You picked
HER. It’s not my job to follow you after old lovers,
Mulder." She wasn’t feeling comfortable with the
direction they were headed, but she wasn’t sure how to steer
them back. Her resolve was slowly slipping.
"You’re jealous," he said without question.
"Of what, though? What she and I used to be, or what you
thought we were going to become? Tell me, Scully. You owe me
the truth."
"I. Do not. Owe. You," she pushed out of the chair
and went to stand in front of the window. The uncontrollable
shaking began anew. "Especially not now."
"You were right about Diana," he said, taking it
upon himself to pull back before they both went over the
edge. "She lied to me, Scully. She used what she knew
about me from years ago, and she played me like a fool."
He saw her shoulders slump and noticed she had wrapped her
arms around her torso, whether it was for warmth or comfort
he didn’t know. He was reaching her. "I wasn’t mad at
you, Scully, I was mad at myself. Ah, hell, I was mad at you
because you made me examine myself. But that’s a good thing,
Scully. You’re always the good thing."
"I don’t wanna be the good thing, Mulder," she
said, her back still turned to him. "Go find another
good thing."
"Not gonna happen, Scully. It took me too long to find
you," he began to leave the couch to join her when she
turned, her face once again a mask of anger.
"I don’t think you understand. I don’t WANT to be the
one anymore, Mulder. You can’t make me. I won’t let you make
me."
"I wasn’t aware the enigmatic Dr. Scully would ever do
something she didn’t want to," he replied, continuing
his path toward her.
"I don’t want to," she repeated, more to herself
than to him. The helpless tone in her voice stopped him. He’d
never heard her sound so defeated. Not after the abduction,
not after the cancer took her strength, not when she lost her
only child. It scared him.
This isn’t supposed to be happening, Scully thought to
herself, rocking on the balls of her feet. My anger is
supposed to sustain me, he’s supposed to be yelling at me by
now. We’re supposed to shout until we both collapse from
exhaustion. This isn’t supposed to be tender. It isn’t
supposed to hurt, not yet. Not until he’s gone.
"Scully," he whispered from right beside her.
"Let me in." She pulled away at his hand on her
arm.
"Don’t. Touch. Me," she began, her voice getting
louder with every word. "You can’t make this better,
Mulder. You can’t just decide you were bad, and expect me to
forgive you. I won’t forgive you this time, I can’t. I’m
strong, Mulder. I have always taken care of myself. And then
came you, and I let you take care of me because you seemed to
need it. But as soon as I let you in you started to hurt me,
little by little, until I couldn’t remember why I let you in
in the first place. I need to be me again, Mulder. I need to
find out what happened to Dana Scully and why she let so much
of her life be absorbed by some man who doesn’t know his own
heart enough to see that I love him."
Her shoulders were heaving as she struggled to breathe. Her
body was trembling and she needed to sit down before she
collapsed. But she hated him seeing her like this. It was
like proof that she needed him to hold her upright, and that
was the last thing she thought she needed. And she had said
that she loved him. How had that particular sentiment wormed
its way into her anger? Because you want him to know, she
allowed herself to realize. Because you can’t kick him out of
your life without letting him know. She groaned and dropped
back into the chair.
"I love you, too, Scully," he said gently, trying
to make her understand that was all that mattered in this
entire mess. Her response was a frustrated snort.
"That’s just like you, Mulder, to latch on to the one
thing you want to hear, and ignore all the things you don’t.
I’m saying it doesn’t matter."
"Say it, Scully. Say ‘Our love doesn’t matter.’ I want
you to look at me and say it," he closed the distance
between them again and dropped to his knees in front of her.
She stared at her lap to avoid his eyes. "Say it."
"Our love doesn’t matter when you don’t trust me,"
she said, looking at a spot somewhere over his left shoulder.
He leaned further into her, his large hands resting on her
thighs. She made no move to alter his position, but neither
did she encourage it.
"Since when don’t I trust you, Scully?"
"Since you picked her. Since you ran after Diana and
forced me to sort through the fallout alone."
The weight of her words crashed into him and he sank back
against his heels. It wasn’t about him. It wasn’t about how
much he loved her, or trusted her. She was hurting because
they had the chance to finally learn what happened to her and
he left her to do it alone.
"After all the times you helped me search for
Samantha…It was your turn, Scully, to find out what they did
to you. And I wasn’t there." She didn’t answer, but
dropped her chin deeper into her chest and bit into her lower
lip. "I’m sorry, Scully. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for
you."
She shook her head violently from side to side. It wasn’t
enough, she chanted to herself. Not enough, not this time.
He had broken her resolve, she was worn thin. She wanted to
bury herself in his arms and pour all the hurt and anger into
his embrace. The tears she had been holding back since she
left Mulder and the Gunmen staring after her began to roll
down her cheeks.
*-*-*-*-*
He nearly came undone at the sight of her. She looked small
and helpless, two adjectives he would never have used to
describe his partner, regardless of her small stature. He
struggled with the words to comfort her, the words to make
her see it was all meaningless without her. Everything was
meaningless without her in his life.
He brought one trembling hand up to catch the tears trailing
down her cheek, whispering "It’s okay" over and
over until she believed him. Because she had to believe him.
Scully allowed herself to lean into his palm, feeling the
warmth and softness of it. The strength she knew was there
for her to capture and draw on. And then she stiffened and
pulled away, letting the numbness overtake her once more.
"I want you to leave, Mulder." She said, absently
meeting his gaze. "I don’t want you here anymore."
Instead of moving away, Mulder scooted closer to her, moving
his fingers deeply into her hair. Anchoring himself to her.
Resting his forehead on her chest he murmured "You don’t
want me to go, Scully. You can’t."
The quickness of her movements surprised him, and he fell to
the side as she lunged out of the chair and turned to face
him.
"You don’t know what I want, Mulder! You can’t possibly
know. This is not what I want," she said, gesturing to
his place on the floor. "You kneeling in front of me and
begging for forgiveness is not working. Begging doesn’t
become you, Mulder."
Silence ruled the room once more, as Mulder sprang to his
feet, a strange catlike grace overcoming the awkwardness of
before. She noticed his face was no longer soft and
apologetic. His jaw was tight and his eyes narrowed at her.
Two quick steps and he was towering over her, eyes probing
her face for a hint of what she was feeling inside. What he
saw was nothing. Her blue eyes were flat, in a way he had
never seen them in six years. Even in anger she always showed
him something. Not this time.
"I don’t beg, Scully."
She felt the change in him before he moved, but she wasn’t
quick enough to get out of the way. His hands wrapped around
her forearms and he stepped forward, causing her to retreat
backwards, nearer and nearer to the window that held her
attention earlier. She gasped when she felt the cold from the
glass seep into her blouse, and she arched away from its
surface, pressing her torso into Mulder’s own. This time they
both gasped. Hazel and blue collided and held. Challenges
were made and accepted in a glance, and neither backed down.
Scully could hear her heart pounding in her ears, the rasping
of her breathing as she tried to slow her body down. She had
been close to Mulder before, but never like this. Never when
she felt he was going to eat her whole and leave her empty,
gaping for him to fill her again. It achingly made her think
of months before when he looked at her with the same desire
but held her with tenderness. It fueled her anger that he
was so familiar with her, that he was so confident he could
win her this way. When she had wanted it, craved it. Back
when they still knew how to move together.
"Deny it, Scully," he demanded of her, his thumbs
tracing a singular pattern from the inside of her wrists to
her elbows and back.
"Deny what, exactly?"
"How much you want me to stay," he said simply, and
leaned in toward her, finding the hollow beneath her ear with
his nose and nuzzling her there. She remained still as he
worked his way down her smooth jaw, balling her hands into
fists and letting her eyes slip closed.
She wanted this. Still, after everything. She couldn’t shake
the feeling that this was it. The one chance she had to have
everything she ever wanted. He was offering her his body, but
she knew the offer came from his heart and his soul.
Everything she had ever wanted. And if he left now, if she
denied him—no, denied herself—there would never be another
opportunity. She smiled slightly at the thought of how many
chances there had been, nights on the road with a thin wall
and an open door joining their rooms. Nights when she could
feel him thinking about her, willing her to give in.
He felt her lips turn up in a smile and took it as
acquiescence of his claim. "See? You can’t deny
it," he murmured into her cheek.
She reached for him slowly, hands landing on the sides of his
face. And she met him halfway.
*-*-*-*-*-
They did not come together slowly. The first meeting of their
lips was born out of bottled-up passion and frustration,
lacking any of the tenderness they typically showed one
another. Mulder gripped her tightly at the elbows and pulled
her flush against him, his mind reeling at the thought of her
being so close. A nagging part of his mind told him this was
not the way it was supposed to happen, that he should never
have pushed her to this, but he shoved it away and focused on
the feel of her.
Scully knew, from years of staring at them, that his lips
would be soft. What she couldn’t possibly know was the way
they would burn her, the way his questing tongue would stoke
the fire. She took the time to nip at his lips, focusing on
the lush bottom one, flicking her own tongue against it until
Mulder groaned deep in his throat.
He pushed her back against the glass, the coolness now a
painful contrast to the scorching heat racing through her.
One knee parted her thighs and he began to move insistently
against her. His hands refused to settle, running through her
hair, over her face and neck, stopping to stroke fiery
circles on the skin exposed in the throat of her blouse. All
while their lips clung together, unwilling to break contact,
not when it took so long to initiate it.
Scully felt herself come unglued. Sparks were flaring behind
her eyelids and her knees had long ago given way. Only the
pressure of Mulder’s body was holding her upright against the
window. She never knew desire could feel like this, like a
bonfire, it’s flames licking up against the night sky.
She pulled impatiently at his shirt until it came free and
she was able to slip her cool hands underneath. Mulder was
hard and soft all at once, firm muscle moving under smooth
skin. Scully trailed her fingertips up over his ribs,
reaching the indention of his collarbones and tracing back
down over his chest and stomach. He pushed impossibly harder
into her, trapping her arms between them.
"Not here, Scully, please," he murmured between
kisses. His plea caught her off guard and her hands ceased
their movement. Surely he didn’t want to debate the timing?
"Bedroom, Scully," he clarified, and she relaxed,
taking him by the hand and leading him down the hall.
*-*-*-*-
In the darkness she brought him to the edge of the bed and
began to undress him. The sight of him naked was not
unfamiliar to her, but the feel of him under her hands
astounded her and she raked her fingernails over the power of
his chest and arms.
"Scully," he whispered, not a question, just her
name. An invocation.
Moments later she slid the last of her clothing to the floor
and pressed him back into the bed, bringing herself down on
top of him, pressing their bodies together once more. The
shock of skin on skin stilled them both. Eyes caught and
stared.
Scully couldn’t remember the last time she had let herself
fall into his gaze, unguarded and unaided by logic. It felt
like falling off the edge of the world, both frightening and
exhilarating. And then she saw it. Laced through his desire
was his love for her, and she broke the contact. Shoving the
image from her mind, she brought her lips crashing back into
his.
Instead of meeting her with equal force, Mulder brought his
hands to her face and drew back slightly, settling into a
slow, melting kiss that sent her spiraling out of control.
She gave into him and settled in on his chest.
"I’ve waited so long for this, Scully. To feel you
against me, to know that you want me," he accented the
words with thrusts of his tongue and his hands tangled again
in her hair. "I thought I would die before you let me
hold you like this."
His words chipped away at her resolve and she felt herself
crumbling. He was trying to make this into something she
wasn’t ready for. Something they hadn’t admitted yet that
they could accept. She wanted the passion to consume her so
she couldn’t think about it anymore.
"Then don’t make me wait, Mulder," she stated
simply. "Don’t make me wait."
And he didn’t. He tore his mouth from hers and began
tormenting her body. Testing and lingering on the spots that
made her whimper. Scully let her eyes fall shut and threw her
head back into the pillows, vowing to think about nothing but
his touch on her body.
She tasted sweet and salty all at once, and Mulder couldn’t
get enough of it. He ran his tongue over each nipple and then
continued down her chest and stomach, dipping it into her
navel. He moved lower and deeper until he was lost, and when
he felt her begin to shudder beneath him, he held her tightly
to him, pressing his lips into her thigh and whispering his
love for her over and over.
She felt rather than heard his declarations and squeezed her
eyes tightly shut against the tenderness of his words. They
hadn’t decided on this, she repeated to herself. He wasn’t
going to make it into something else.
He slid back up her body and positioned himself above her,
leaning on his elbows to kiss her again. He was asking for
permission, begging for her acceptance. She nodded and he
pressed into her, gently and with restraint. Scully felt him
stretch her, invade her in a way that felt strangely natural
and comforting. He collapsed further on his arms and brought
his face close to hers.
"Am I hurting you?"
Again his love washed over her in waves and she stiffened.
Each time she lost part of her anger at him, part of the
reason why she wanted to leave him. She felt her body begin
to tremble for the hundredth time that day, and she wrapped
her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his
neck.
"No, Mulder. Harder."
He took up a slow rhythm that rocked her to the core, forcing
her to thrust against him to gain speed. When he refused to
accommodate her, she asked him again. "Harder." It
was a demand that puzzled him.
"I don’t want to hurt you, Scully. I want it to be
perfect for you." She held onto him tighter as the tears
began to form. And when he did let his control slip, allowing
himself to pound into her, she let them fall in streams down
her cheeks and onto his skin.
Words began to pour from his lips. He loved her. Did she know
how much he needed her? Without her he was lost. Incomplete.
His world was so dark until he found her. He felt her tears
and misinterpreted them. Agreed that this made them complete.
Together. One.
Scully felt her second climax grip her and she fought against
crying out his name. He followed her, and said the words she
refused: "I love you."
When it was over he tried to pull her to his chest, but she
resisted, curling instead into a tight ball on the right side
of the bed. He curled his body around hers, holding her as
the tears continued to fall.
"It’s okay now, Scully. We have each other.
Completeness, Scully. Don’t you feel it?" She shook her
head fervently. Side to side. Side to side. Until her motions
slowed and her breathing became more normal. Until the
numbness set back in.
"I want you to leave, Mulder. I need some time
alone."
He pulled back and stared at her still form. Something about
her told him words would not reach her where she had gone. He
leaned in and kissed her on the back of the neck, whispering
"I love you, I’ll wait for you forever, Scully."
Then he gathered his clothes and left her room, shutting the
door behind him.
Scully lay very still. Eyes closed. Arms wrapped around
herself. Completeness, he had said. But he was wrong, what
they had done didn’t make them complete. It made them
cowards. She felt the tears come again and she angrily
brushed them away.
He felt complete. She felt broken.
THE END
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March 1999