TITLE: Smokin'
AUTHOR: Tiffany Park
EMAIL: anderson7836@comcast.net
STATUS: Complete
CATEGORY: AU, list challenge response, kind of dark humor
SPOILERS: Window of Opportunity
SEASON: A Very AU Season Four
PAIRINGS: None
RATING: R
CONTENT WARNINGS: Language, violence, and character death.
SUMMARY: How might Teal'c and Makepeace have gotten along if they had been trapped in the time loop in "Window of Opportunity" together?
ARCHIVE: No.
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Inspired by the list discussion/challenge: Suppose O'Neill really did go rogue in "Shades of Grey" and Makepeace remained SG-1's commander. How might subsequent episodes have turned out in this AU? (Somehow, I doubt this is what anyone had in mind.)

Makepeace prowled through the SGC's hallways, ruminating on his sorry lot in life. The occasional passersby gave him a wide berth, possibly because he always felt pissed off lately and it showed. Yeah, that was it. His bad temper. Sure.

Goddamn time loop.

Was it some kind of SG-1 curse? This shit had never happened to SG-3. Well, okay, there had been a few times when things got weird and out of control. But that crap had never been a regular, everyday occurrence, right? Not like this.

If he got out of this latest disaster with even a shred of his skin or mind intact, first thing he'd do would be to request a transfer to anywhere. The Aleutians, McMurdo--hell, any frozen waste out there had to be better than here.

No one had ever considered him certifiably nuts before today. How many iterations had it been before anyone had believed him and Teal'c, that they were stuck living the same damn day over and over like Bill-freaking-Murray? How many times had he been forced to listen to the same bullshit, endure the same physical exams and appalled reactions at his suddenly questionable sanity?

Goddamn time loop.

And when everyone had finally--finally!--come to grudging belief, well, it was kind of amazing how things hadn't actually gotten any better. Oh, no, instead they just sucked in new and improved ways. And being stuck with Teal'c the Ever Stoic didn't help, either. Especially considering the way they were working out their pent-up frustrations with one another. To think, it had started with paintball.

He was never, ever playing paintball again.

Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn time loop.

And goddamn the Ancients and their flaky, leftover technology, too.

The interminable Latin lessons had pretty much been the final straw for both him and Teal'c. A man could only take so much without snapping, after all. Unfortunately, that had also been the last thing the two of them had agreed on. Well, almost the last. He frowned. The last semi-productive thing, at any rate.

He stroked his rifle absently. The M-16 with mounted M203 grenade launcher really wasn't a very imaginative weapon, was it? In spite of some recent, if messy, successes with it he decided that this time around he ought to try out a bigger gun, just for variety. What the hell.

Now, what should he get? Decisions, decisions...

How about a Stinger? Would that be overkill?

Nah.

He made a U-turn and headed back to the armory.

Just as he reached his goal, the back of his neck started crawling in a very familiar way. He turned...

...and saw Teal'c standing at the far end of the hall, pointing a shoulder-held rocket launcher straight at him. The Jaffa smiled malevolently and said, "I believe an appropriate phrase would be 'tag, you're it'."

"Goddamnit--"

Teal'c fired.

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