TOP SECRET: LEVEL RED  SUBJECT:MANHOLE VORTEX  DATA:Manhole Vortex is a subversive musical organization based somewhere in the Midwest, with links to Canada, New England and the West coast. At this point in time, it is unknown just how far MV's power stretches, but one thing is certain. If Manhole Vortex is allowed to continue, it will mean the end of everything that we stand for.

MV was started around 1994 with now Cult of Jester's Ed Finkler. After Finkler' s defection to a Death metal band, The Rev took compete control with an eye towards his own personal (and deviant) philosophy.

SUBJECT:MV Personnel  DATA:Manhole Vortex is under the full control and leadership of a man known as the Reverend Ammonia D.  An ordained minister, he has studied religion, philosophy and psychology which makes him dangerous as he has a vast knowledge concerning psych warfare. Our operatives have also viewed a man accompanying Ammonia D. at MV live performances know only as Monkeyboy. Monkeyboy is apparently a trained percussionist and assassin.

Rev. Ammonia D's Guide to World Domination

1. BE NICE TO EVERYONE: It is much easier to dominate people if they like you. Be likable. It has worked for conquers from Jesus to Hitler. Besides that, the people you know on the way up are the same people you know on the way down.

2. NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE AN ADVERSARY: The little guy at the bar, who's woman you are about to ask for a dance, may very well be an ex-Green Beret, or worse, one of the areas local law enforcement, which could make for a very bad weekend.

4.PAIN IS EDUCATIONAL: So I stole this from the Buddhists. So sew me, it is very true. Remember your Mom telling you about the hot stove when you were five? I rest my case.

5.IT IS VERY HARD TO RECOVER ONCE YOU ARE ON THE DOWN SIDE OF THE POWER CURVE: Sound negative? GOOD! Life isn't always love conquers all, and never say die. Reality has a way of smacking us in the face, real hard like, so know when it is time to cut your losses. I heard about the guy who had a tractor roll over and cut off his arm. He crawled two miles to the farmhouse and called an ambulance. Sorry! If a tractor cuts my arm off, game over, I lie down and go to meet Elvis.

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6.NEVER DRINK A MAN'S LAST BEER: Split it with him.

7.UNDERSTANDING WOMEN: Do you understand Television? NO. So what's the problem? See rule 1.

8. BET ON ONLY THINGS THAT YOU KNOW: I have won alot of money from people because I follow this rule religiously.

9. THERE IS NO LUCK: Everything happens because of the force of will, yours or someone else. You make your own "luck" through the force of your own desire. This is also related to rule 4, in that all pain is caused by desire, so think about what you want carefully.

10.A "TRUE FRIEND" IS SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST WITH THOSE THINGS THAT CAN DESTROY YOU: The person who tries to destroy you with these things is called an "EX....Wife/husband/lover/band member ect".

11. GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE. BULLETS KILL PEOPLE: People always have lots of guns, but ammo is always an oversight. Make sure you have plenty of ammo.

12.WHERE THERE IS NO FEAR, THERE IS NO DANGER: Try this out the next time you are sitting outside and a wasp /bee/big dog/Kommono Dragon/ crack head/ comes near you. It really works.

13.ACT LIKE YOU BELONG, AND YOU WILL BELONG: This works in all types of environments, from the "red neck" tavern down the street, to the coral reefs off the cost of Florida. Also refer to rule 12. If that doesn't work, go to rule 1.

14. BEWARE OF ANYONE WHO SAYS THEY "KNOW ALL THE RIGHT ANSWERS":These types of people always have a hidden agenda, and want to be in control. You have been warned.

15. BEWARE OF ME: Refer to rule 14.