October 7th, 2006
"Artistic Princess."


The dream I had last night is so long and detailed that I cannot believe that I have remembered so much! It takes place in a large castle that sit in the middle of a huge field. The landscape is mostly flat plains with a few hilly areas and small forests scattered about. There is a shallow river that runs behind the castle and a dirt road that runs almost parallel to the river, but in front of the castle instead of behind. The castle is also surround by huge stone walls (which in turn sorround a small moat) and has some areas within the yard that are "forbidden" and closed off for some reason.

When the dream starts I am the King's youngest child and only daughter. I have long flaxen colored hair and wear a white and blue dress and a dark blue cape. I am betrothed to be married to a prince and he short with medium length black hair and a fierce temperment. Prince Rolgan, as I think he was called, was living with us in the castle until we marry, but he all but ignores me and kisses ass to my father. As the princess I was not allowed to venture outside the castle walls alone (as it is "dangerous" in the outside world) so I spent a portion of my time trying to figure out ways to break into the sealed off "forbidden" areas, as I was curious to see what they contain before I have to leave when I marry.

As I am crossing the main bridge that goes over the moat in the front of the castle when I run into some children from a nearby village. They beg me to teach them how to paint. They each give me a small bundle of fine-quality paint brushes and I accept these modest gifts happily. I spend a few hours with the children teaching brushstroke techniques (something I have been practicing myslef in waking life), until the sun hangs low in the sky. Before it starts to get dark I call for my personal carriage and tell the driver to take the children home. As the carriage leaves ther is a window of opportunity for me to climb over the fence of one of the forbidden areas. The guards were busy seeing the carriage out the front gate and did not notice me jump onto a vine and climb over.

The small closed off area on the inside was strewn with garbage and debris. Part of the moat went through the area but there was no bridge leading to the other side where I could see some sort of fort or hut made out of sticks and peices of fabric. The water was very cold and dirty, but shallow enough for me to walk across. As I walked through the water my dress caught on something. At first I though was a caught on a stick but when I yanked hard enough to free my dress, a long white bone floated to surface. I stared at it in shock for a moment, before I quickly ran to the other side. It was only then that I noticed there were bones and skulls all over the place as well as garbage. The inside of the little hut had skeletons piled upon each other and most of them were skewered with weapons that the King's soldiers used.

I had seen enough and wanted to leave, but I could not get back over by way of the vine as it seemed to have dissapeared. It was getting dark now and the only way out was by slipping under the fence where it went over the moat - but first I had to move garbage and bones out of the way. On the other side the water was warm and clean and dipped down a little in a mini waterfall sort of thing. I was almost directly underneath the main castle bridge that went over the moat. At the edge of the small waterwall, standing waist deep in the moat was a young girl who seemed to be looking for something in the water.

As I approached the young girl she looked up at me. It was then that I saw a man with a long flowing cloak standing against the side of the main bridge and looking in my direction. I ignored him and asked the young girl who she was. She said her name was "Galia" [gale-ee-ah] (or something like that) and I asked if she had a sister, as the named seemed somewhat familiar to me. The young girl said yes, that her sister's name was "Egalia" [ee-gale-ee-ah] (or something like that. I am not sure if I am remembering the exact names but I do know that they rhymed) and that she had been at the castle earlier. Galia then lifted something out of the water and offered it to me. It was a bundle of paint brushes, but unlike the brushes the other children gave me they were not fine-quality. Instead they seemed very old and worn, but I accepted them anyway as the young girl had a very hopeful look on her face. The man leaning against the bridge called out that the brushes were not any good, but I just ignored him because I was annoyed that he was eavedropping. Galia said that she knew the brushes were not good but they were the only things she had to offer. I tell her that I can reuse the handles and make new brushes from them, which seems to make her happy.

I take Galia by the hand and we wade to the shore. The man with the cloak approaches and helps us out of the water. Even though it is almost dark I can see his face now and he is very handsome. He has long blond hair, deep blue eyes and elf ears. (He looks exactly like Legolas as protrayed by Orlando Bloom in Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings film trilogy. I never learned his name in the dream, but I will refer to him as Legolas from here on for convenience.) He tells me that every guard in the castle is looking for me. I blush and hurriedly thank him for his help and take off towards the main castle gate, with poor Galia in bewildered tow. I am rushed to the throne room where my father, the King, lectures me about going off on my own and how worried he was about me, all the while I am still holding onto Galia for some reason. My fiance, Prince Rolgan, and my brothers all stand beside the throne and glare at me disapprovingly, but I am unaffected because I do not care what they think. Just then a guard comes in and announces the arrival of an elf prince. While the king and princes recieve Legolas I stalk off to my private chamber, promising Galia that I would take her home tomorrow and that she could sleep in my roo for the night.

Later that night there is some sort of dinner reception going on and I have to attend, which would not bother me except that I have to face the elf-prince again. I try to ignore him and fawn over my fiance but as usual he is ignoring me and kissing ass to the king. I do care for Rolgan at this point in the dream, but only because it seems so far that I have no choice because marrying him is my only option for the future. At some point during the socializing, Legolas corners me and asks me what I was doing in the moat and what I think of my future husband. Before I can answer (but not before I blush again) Prince Rolgan comes over and says that we are retiring for the night, before leading me to my chamber. He doesn't say a word to me (or even look at me), drops me off at my chamber door and heads to his own.

When he disappears I hear a smash from down the hall. I run towards the sound and I find that a servant has broken something in the dinning room. There is broken glass all over the floor underneath a small table with a yellow tablecloth. I kneel down to assist the servant cleaning up the mess, but something I cannot see pushes me from behind and I fall forward onto the pile of broken glass. I put my arms out in front of me to break my fall and severely cut my hands. I panic and run to Prince Rolgan's chamber, crying and covered in blood, but when he opens the door he just scoffs at me and calls for the castle doctor. He lets it be known that his is not pleased that I have interupted him and shows no concern what-so-ever for my well-being. When he is speaking with a guard I glance into his room and see a woman I do not know laying naked on his bed. She just sneers at me and stretches out, flaunting how confortable she is on my future husbands bed.

The doctors come and take me to the windowless medical room where they remove the glass and bandage my hands. Rolgan just goes back into his room, not knowing that I have seen his secret lover. No one comes to visit me in the windowless room and I am told to stay there even when the doctors leave. Overwhelmed by everything that has happened that day (finding the skeletons in the forbidden place, cutting up my hands, and realizing that Rolgan doesn't care for me) I start sobbing uncontrollably. I hear the door open and someone comes in and wraps their arms around me. At first I thought it was Galia or the King but when I open my eyes in turns out to be the elf prince. He doesn't say anything but just lets me cry on his shoulder. At some point I fall asleep on the small, lone cot in the medical room.

I have a dream (a dream within a dream!) of sneaking out of the castle and riding a horse along the river that runs behind the castle. It's a beautiful clear blue day and I run into the elf prince. He finds my "escape" amusing and calls me daring and brave. There is a bit more to this dream-within-a-dream but I cannot recall anymore at this time.

The next day I find out that Legolas has gone home. I tell the King about Rolgan's apathy towards me and the woman I saw in his room and, to my surprise, the King breaks off the engagement and throws Rolgan out of the castle. I am somewhat relieved that I do not have to marry anymore, but new anxieties about my future arise. I pass the day trying to show Galia how to reuse paint brush handles and make new brushes, but it is all but impossible with my bandaged hands. Later in the day I call for my personal carriage and go with Galia to take her home. I am hoping that getting off of the castle grounds will help alleviate some of my anxieties.

After seeing Galia home my carriage is surround by heavily armoured men on black horses on the road back to the castle. They kill the driver and my guards and drag me to a black carriage that has stopped just behind mine. I get thrown in and land at the feet of Rolgan, who sexually abuses me while on route back to his castle. I get thrown into a tower cell that is empty except for a small narrow window and an old dirty matress on the floor. Left without food and water for what seemed like a forever I was crying when Prince Rolgan returned and raped me and I could not defend myself at all because of my disabled hands. He eventually leaves and drops a small morsel of food on the floor.

I don't eat, I just cry and give into despair. I do not know how long I am trapped in the tower when I feel someone lift me up and begin to carry me. In my half-unconscious, half-starved daze I cannot tell who it is. There are the bodies of the heavily amoured men laying all about and I snap to full consciousness when whoever is carrying me passes the bloodied body of Prince Rolgan. He is so freshly dead that his blood is still steaming. When we finally exist the castle I can get a clear look at my rescuer - it's the elf prince! Woo hoo! He just smiles softly at me.

The dream becomes fuzzy here as I struggle against consciousness but alas I fail and awaken. And I was hoping for some steamy elven sexual healing, dammit. Er, anyway, there is a lot of similarities of my waking life in this dream, including feelings of isolation, rejection and fear, feeling trapped, being molested and raped, and anxieties about my future. Yeah my life is exciting. Not.


LEGEND:
BLUE indicates side notes and personal thoughts written after the fact
BLACK indicates a normal dream
RED indicates a lucid dream

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