"DIE YOU FREAKY ALIEN SLUT!" Zoycite screeched, grabbing at Martina's curling locks of hair and yanking hard.

"YEAAAAARGH! LET GO OF ME YOU LITTLE BITCH!" Martina screamed, planting a high-heeled boot in Zoycite's stomach.

They were engaged in the most brutal bout of hair-yanking, name-calling, kicking, biting, scratching, and clawing that the Negaverse had ever seen. The sounds of their catfight drew Queen Beryl's other three generals like a summoning spell.

Malachite looked much chagrined to see his girlfriend behaving so uncouthly. Jadeite and Nephrite placed bets on who would win.

"PSYCHO HOSE BEAST!"

"PIXIE STICK!"

"JEZEBEL!"

"COCKSUCKING WHORE!"

"GRRRR!"

"OUCH!"

"ZOI!"

Martina spat out cherry blossom petals. "You think you're soooo hot, don't you?! Well, at least I look like a real woman should, you flat-chested strumpet!"

Zoycite paused. "What?! . . . Hey!! I'm a guy!"

A few short moments of silence passed as the ramifications of that sunk in.

Malachite facefaulted. "YOU'RE A WHAT??????"

Jadeite laughed his ass off as Nephrite grudgingly paid off an older bet of theirs.

The awkwardness was broken as the giant translucent image of Queen Beryl's face filled the sky.

"Ewww yuck!" shouted everyone.

"I need to see you all immediately! Report to me at once!" her voice boomed commandingly.

* * *

Queen Beryl regarded her minions. Jadeite kept chuckling to himself. Nephrite looked bummed about something, but she guessed that he probably just had a hangover. Malachite looked a bit blue in the face and Zoycite was flushing pink. Martina was prissily primping her curls.

"Now that you're all here, I have a very important announcement to make," she said. "I have a new general to introduce." She snapped her fingers, and a man appeared beside her. "This is. . ."

"Zangulus?!" shouted Martina. He was wearing his trademark hat and cape over the gray uniform of Queen Beryl's generals. His cape bore epaulets on the shoulders that resembled fried eggs.

"Martina!" cried Zangulus. "Thank Zoamelgustar I've finally found you!"

Martina brandished an admonishing finger. "Don't you dare invoke the name of the great Zoamelgustar! I still hate you!"

Zangulus dropped to his knees. "Please Martina, I know we've had our problems, but you mean the world to me. All I ask is for one more chance."

There wasn't a dry eye in Queen Beryl's court. Thoroughly moved by Zangulus's emotional appeal, Malachite and Zoycite looked in each other's eyes and hugged.

Martina stuck her nose in the air indignantly. "Well I don't know."

Queen Beryl blew her nose in a hankie. "Awww Martina!" she bawled, "I've been around long enough to know that guys like this only come around once every millenium or so. Don't let this one get away from you. You'll regret it, trust me."

The princess of Zoana's eyes softened. She looked at how Zangulus was looking at her. His eyes were very puppy-like.

Zangulus was nearly knocked flat when Martina glomped him.

"Oh Zangulus, I'm so sorry!" she wailed.

"Let's go home, Martina."

Martina looked up at Queen Beryl.

Beryl waved her on. "I guess I can handle taking over the world without you. Feel free to come back and visit anytime."

"Thank you, Queen Beryl!"

* * *

So Princess Martina and Zangulus returned to their world of origin. And they lived obsessively ever after.

* THE END! *

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