TITLE: "Exodus"
AUTHOR: Memnoch
E-MAIL: clarkk3nt@aol.com
CONTENT: X/Faith, X/Angel, language, violence
RATING: PG-13; language, violence
SPOILERS: "Lover's Walk," "The Zeppo," "Consequences," "The Prom," "Graduation Day Part 1"
SUMMARY: Someone's secret exposes Buffy, Angel, and Xander's love triangle, and the consequences may prove fatal for one of them. Sequel to "Prodigal".
DISTRIBUTION: Whiteknight, Buffy Angst Archive; anyone else is free to post it but please email me first so I know where it's going!
FEEDBACK: Please! I really appreciate anything anyone has to say.
DEDICATION: To Chelle, for bringing the best fic-list into creation, as well as being a great, supportive person. And to everyone at Whiteknight who are not afraid to show their inner crack-monkey proudly!
DISCLAIMER: All characters are owned by Joss Whendon and Mutant Enemy; please don't sue me!

* * *

What was it about that night
Connection, in an isolating age
For once, the shadows gave way to light
For once I didn't disengage
Angel, I hear you, I hear it, I see it
I see it
Jonathan Larson, "Rent"

* * *

Xander sat in the cafeteria, lost in delirium. Angel's face misted in and out of his mind dreamily, hanging in his thoughts like a heavy weight. It had been months since he'd discovered Angel's hurt, estranged form lying on the floor of the Garden Mansion, shivering, wet, and naked. Months since he'd taken care of the vampire and nursed him back to health, only to have his secretive feelings ripped from his heart in one moment of revelation. Angel was straight as an arrow, and definitely not in love with him -- almost his exact words. The vampire was enthralled with Buffy, his true love. And since that fateful night, when Xander ran from the mansion, Angel having glimpsed the litter of bruises along his abdomen, having discovered yet another one of his most hidden secrets, so much had happened. Angel's presence had been revealed to the rest of the Scooby Gang. Buffy and her vampire lover had been brought back into each other's arms, albeit not without consequences.

He'd redirected his feelings for Angel and transformed them into an infatuation with Willow. They'd shared a kiss the night of Homecoming -- an action that turned into bitter repercussions. After their hidden liaisons were discovered by Oz and Cordelia, his relationship with Cordelia was destroyed. Although he was not so much upset by that turn of events as he was relieved, it was his relationship with Willow that hurt him. He'd lost his best friend; they still were close, but there was always that horrible sense of hindrance that separated them from having the same brother-sister feeling of closeness.

Now he knew that he never truly loved Willow romantically at all, but it had all been his own mind trying to transform his feelings for the vampire into something tangible. Something that could possible actually have a chance of happening. But he was gay, and in love with another man. Buffy's man.

"Well, maybe we should all talk to Faith together." Willow's voice stated, breaking through his lost thoughts. Xander re-focused, and realized he'd been daydreaming. Buffy and Giles also sat before him, lounging in a circle. The rest of the cafeteria was empty -- the lights were darkened and chairs were inverted on table-tops by the janitors. They had been discussing Faith, the newest thorn in their side. Besides trying to figure out what the elusive mayor was planning, the group had been dealing with Faith's murder of a human; an act that, in itself was both not her fault nor morally wrong because of that, but because she had dismissed it so trivially made it horribly wrong. Xander had made another unwise choice while trying to forget Angel; he gave up his sexual innocence to Faith after a heated battle. And although Faith had probably forgotten it ever happened, Xander was shattered by the event of having sex with a girl he'd known less than a year. He had started to believe Angel would love him, and be the one to take his virginity from him.

"You mean like the intervention thing that you guys did to me?" Buffy said sarcastically. She eyed Xander and smugly added, "as I recall, Xander and I nearly came to blows." She leaned back in her chair, looking over at Giles.

Xander removed himself completely from his dreamworld and sat up a bit, grinning at Buffy. "Uh, YOU nearly came to blows, Buffy. I nearly came to loss of limbs."

Giles shook his head and looked at the group of three. Faith's actions were starting to bother him to the extent of suspicion. He wondered where her true loyalties lie. "No, Faith is too defensive for a confrontation like that. She'll respond better to a one-on-one approach."

"Well, I can be the one... on her one." Xander suggested, trying not to implicate himself in any way with his past deeds with her behind closed doors. At the confused looks of his friends, he added, "let's rephrase. I think she might listen to me. We kind of have, um, a connection."

Buffy leaned forward and searched Xander's eyes. "A connection? Why would you think that--"

Cutting her off, Xander began to speak faster. "I'm just saying it's worth a shot. That's all."

Buffy and Willow turned to each other and exchanged a confused glance. Giles shared the sentiment, and shook his head, addressing Xander. "No, I don't... I don't see it, Xander. I mean, of -- of all of us, you're the one person arguably that Faith has had the least contact with."

Xander felt the beads of sweat form on his face and realized he may never have gotten himself into this tense situation if he had never stumbled onto Angel that night. Or maybe he would have. He gazed at Willow and knew if she discovered his secret night with Faith, she would be shattered. "Yeah, but we hung out a little... recently, and she seemed to be, um... responsive."

That did it. He saw it. He saw her, his childhood friend, pick up on it, and how she shattered inside. In a matter of seconds, as her head turned towards the window, her eyes lowering, her mind trying to pretend she hadn't understood the betrayal her best friend had committed. Buffy and Giles were oblivious, and still questioning. "When did you guys hang out?" The Slayer asked, confused.

"Oh, she was fighting one of those, uh, apocalypse demon things, and I helped her. Gave her a ride home." Xander cracked his knuckles under pressure.

Buffy shook her head again. "And you guys talked?"

Xander avoided their eyes. "Not extensively, no."

"Then why would you--" But Buffy didn't need to finish, she understood, she knew now as well. "Oh..." She murmured, and whether a mental picture flashed through her adolescent mind or if it was just shock, Xander saw the widening of her eyes and the quick turn of her head to face Willow, who still gazed off into her own universe.

Giles gestured with one hand. "Oh!" He too looked over at Willow, and all three saw the pained expression on her face. The red-head avoided Xander's eyes.

"I don't need to say 'oh.' I got it before. They slept together." She quietly stated, her heart slowing to a saddened pace. All that was heard was an occasional car drive by, and after a long silence, thick enough to be cut with a stake, Giles broke it.

"Fine, fine... let's -- let's... let's move on." He was obviously still overcome by the shock, but also understood that teenagers and their hormones would continue to shock him until the day he died. Turning to Buffy, he hoped the Slayer would say something to keep the silence from returning.

Buffy nodded agreeingly. "All right. I know that you mean well, Xander, but, um... I just don't see Faith opening up to you." Buffy wanted to be as gentle as possible, but didn't see it happening that way in the end. "She doesn't take the guys she has a... 'connection' with very seriously. And they're... they're kind of a big joke to her. No offense."

He could have been angry from the sudden exposé that he had slept with Faith, or that Willow was now hurt, possibly beyond apology, or maybe because Buffy was telling him he was a big joke while he was in love with her boyfriend. Whatever it was, he looked away from them and clenched his teeth. "Oh no! Why would I be offended by that?" He added, harsh sarcasm in his voice.

Giles saw Xander's hurt and looked at him. "However, i-if you still want to be of assistance, I need some help with research. There's still the business of the mayor and Mr. Trick to attend to."

"Yeah, they seemed pretty cozy the other night." Buffy added.

"Yes," Giles agreed, hoping everyone's mind was drifting quickly from the surprising news they'd just heard. "Willow, can you, um, access the Mayor's files?"

Willow lifted her head, her own mind detaching from the dreamworld she'd drowned in. "What?" Xander's actions still burdened her emotions, but she forced them out for the moment. "Oh, uh, sure. I can try."

The librarian stood and replaced his chair on the table with all the others, while the others still sat. "Good, yes, because clearly, we need to take a harder look at him. He's obviously up to something."

"What about Faith?" Buffy asked.

Sighing, Giles eyed Xander again, thinking. Then he turned back to the two girls. "I don't know. I need time."

"She needs help now. I owe her that."

It was too much for him to bear. Sitting here, doing nothing, listening to them squabble about what to do, and watching Willow's face darken with sorrow every time she looked at him. He'd slept with Faith. He was in love with Angel. These people around him were becoming too involved in his life. If Angel ever told them his darkest secret, the fact that his family was less than perfect, it would be too much.

Xander threw his arms up and walked out of the cafeteria, not bothering to replace his chair on top of the table. The other three watched him leave; he didn't bother to look back to see if they were angry, or upset, or surprised. He didn't care, but he knew he had to at least get some information from Faith. Perhaps if he could get to her first, and made her realize she needed help... they wouldn't look at him so harshly. Willow might forgive him. He would have actually done something productive for the group. He ran from the school and headed to Faith's motel.

* * *

The television was blaring. Faith was sprawled on her bed, holding the remote control in her hand. She wore a tattered old t-shirt and shorts, her hair a jumbled, tangled, mahogany mass blanketing her shoulders. At the sound of a knock at her door, she sighed and vehemently stood, throwing the remote aside. As she opened the door, she was faced with something she really wasn't in the mood to see. Xander stood there, nervous.

Boredly, she cocked her head. "What?"

Xander gulped and wondered if he should have come here alone. "I, uh, came by to see how you are, actually." That same familiar feeling of sweaty palms and thudding heart overtook him again. He felt very unsafe at the prospect of being alone with an angered Slayer, but the thought of possibly getting her to listen to reason, and thereby putting him back on the good side of his childhood friend, was too large in his mind's eye.

"I'm sick of people asking me that, for one thing." Faith said angrily, running a hand through her hair.

Xander nodded, agreeing. "Can I come in? Just to talk. I promise."

At that, Faith nearly laughed. Here he was, thinking he threatened her in the slightest. "Like you could make something happen if I didn't want it to?"

He gulped again; the heat in the air was clogging his throat. "Hey, yeah. Got me there. Pretty much not gonna try to... take you under any circumstances." Trying to lighten the mood, he lifted his arm and pointed to his biceps, which were not all that bad looking, but definitely nothing a Slayer would fear. "See, here, feel that. Probably like a wet noodle to you, huh?"

Faith stepped aside, her eyes on his. "Five minutes."

Xander stepped inside, a bit more relaxed to be invited in without a fight, and Faith passed him to turn the television off. "That's all I need," he said quickly. "For talking and conversation... I'm, um, quick as a bunny." Mentally, he thought it an amusing metaphor, but Faith wasn't laughing.

"Clock is running," she said stiffly.

"It's just, uh... I heard about what happened, and I thought you might need a friend."

"So then, go talk to Buffy. She's the one who killed a guy." Faith said, getting angered again. She refused to stand still, circling him like a vulture.

"Yeah, I heard that version."

Bad thing to say, he realized immediately. She stopped, and glared at him, her lips taught. She started to near him and he would have backed up if he wasn't paralyzed with fear. She edged closer. "Version?"

He had to think of a save, before she got out of control. Now he knew he was definitely doing the wrong thing in coming here alone. "Either way, i-it sounds like it was an accident, and that's the important part."

She didn't seem impressed. "No, the important part is that Buffy is the 'accidental murderer'," those last two words being accentuated by Faith's sarcastic finger-quotes.

Suddenly, it was Xander who felt angry. He was not an idiot, and Faith could not continuously insult Buffy when she knew inside she was the one who was losing her grip on reality. Xander hated Buffy at the moment because she had the one person's love that he wanted, but she also had saved his life more times than he could count and he was ready to defend her. "Faith, you may not think so, but I sort of know you. And I've seen you post-battle. And I know first-hand that you're, um... like a wild thing. And half the time, you don't know what you're doing."

"And you're living proof of that, aren't you?" She cut snidely into him with her remark, and relished his mental cringe.

"See, you're trying to hurt me. But right now, you need someone on your side. What happened wasn't your fault. And I'm willing to testify to that in court if you need me." He tried to touch her with his words, but it just wasn't happening. He knew he had never really been in control of the conversation at all; she was just manipulating him into coming into the motel alone, coming into her lair, like a spider to a fly.

"You'd dig that, wouldn't you?" The tone of her voice changed, and suddenly the inflection was strangely seductive. "To get up in front of all your geek pals and go on record about how I made you my boy-toy for a night."

"No, n-no... that's not it."

"I know what this is about," Faith said erotically, pressing her body against his. "You just came by here, 'cause you want another taste, don't you?" She smiled and ran her hands over his face, pressing the tips into his smooth, shaven flesh, running them through his hair.

Xander pulled away, frightened. She could hurt him, and he was starting to doubt her sanity. "NO! I mean, it was nice. It was great. It was kind of a blur. But, okay, some day, sure, yay, but not now. Not like this." With that, he hoped to regain some sense of normality, but Faith continued to rub herself over his body and try to incite arousal.

"More like how then? Lights on or off? Kinks or vanilla?" She grinned, but it came across to Xander as a sneer. He tried to back away, but her hands were firmly clamped on his face.

"Faith, c'mon! I came here to help you... I thought we had a connection..." He asked, out of breath, fearfully. He looked into her eyes to look for any sign of malicious intent. Her eyes were dark and careless. She laughed; it was a harsh, bitter laugh that muddled his concentration. Licking her lips, Faith let the evil, malignant giggle float through the air and then closed her mouth, her eyes wandering over his face with curiosity. Grabbing his shirt, she easily picked him up and tossed him onto her unmade bed.

"You wanna feel a connection?!" She asked, her voice gleeful and insane. Her black eyes shimmered with an unhinged madness, and she tore at his shirt. She ran her sharp nails down his bare flesh, prickling at the nipples and smearing her hands over his belly and groin. "It's just skin..." Her mouth formed a new type of smile, one that made Xander cringe in alarm. "I see... I want... I take." With that, her mouth sealed over his and she shoved her tongue violently into his mouth, lapping at the hot tunnel of his orifice. He squirmed and she sat back up, straddling him, ready to rape him. "I forget."

Xander panicked, his hands trying to force her off of him, afraid for his life. "No, no... wait! It was more than that."

She was ignoring him. She was massaging his sweaty chest and grinding her teeth, grinning from ear to ear as she did so. "I could do anything to you right now, and you want me to. I can make you scream." For Xander, it was quite the opposite. He regretted doing this, and he knew she wouldn't let him go. Her mouth ran over his face, her tongue lapping at his cheeks and chin, before gorging his lips again. Her teeth clamped at his lip and bit it, pulling it, opening a cut and making him bleed. He almost screamed, as she bucked her hips against his crotch. "I could make you die," she whispered, her breath coming through the words.

The next time she kissed him, he tried to force her off again, and realized her hands had found his neck. Terror rose in his throat and shot through the rest of his body. Her mouth moved away and she was situated on top of him once more, but her hands continued to clamp around his neck. He gagged, trying to scream, but found no sound emitted. The sneer on her face molded into a frown of concentration, as she lie above him, her intent crystal clear. Xander reached up to force her off, but the Slayer had more than enough strength to keep tightening her hands.

His hand dropped, his energy gone. Xander's eyes rolled back in his head as he felt his eyes clouding over. Faith was silent, her hands squeezing tighter and tighter, preparing to finish him off. A tear rolled down his cheek and he tasted the blood from where she bit his lip.

Then she was off of him, a scream coming from her own lips. Her body toppled to the floor, her forehead covered with a fresh, bloody pummeled wound. Immediately, she fell into unconsciousness. Xander coughed and choked, sitting up in the bed, and keeling over, his body shaking and on the verge of heaving his dinner. Strong arms came around him and held him against a warm, safe chest. He didn't know who it was until he forced his eyes open and held his balance against the large, muscular man. His heart skipped a new beat when he saw himself staring at the vampire he'd so longed to see.

"Angel... why... how did--"

He smiled, but didn't let go of Xander. "Buffy told me the story of Faith and the murder. I came here to take her hostage until we could all talk some sense into her. Looks like I got here just in time."

Xander coughed again, and realized the blood from his lip was running down his chin. Angel got up and walked to the bathroom, returning with a washcloth. Tenderly, he wiped Xander's chin and soaked up the blood. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah.. fine." Xander returned, unable to look into the vampire's eyes, knowing that Angel was aware of his feelings for him. "Just a bit shaken." He rose to his feet, getting his bearings back, and realized that his shirt was still open, exposing old bruises from his home-life. Angel lifted an eyebrow. "Faith... you know."

Angel wasn't satisfied. "Those look like they've been there a while."

"Yeah... well," Xander stuttered as he always did when he was nervous. "Well I have to get going. Thanks." He looked at Angel, his eyes lingering in the vampire's eyes. "I really mean it."

"I know you do," Angel responded. Xander walked out, closing the door behind him.

* * *

Angel sat in front of the fireplace. Two weeks had passed. Things were, for better or worse, getting quieter around Sunnydale. And in Sunnydale, quiet was bad. Faith had made a definitive turn to the dark side, and killed Mr. Trick. Since then, both she and the mayor had been playing it on the down low. They didn't know what their plans were, but Angel feared they would be bad.

In the meantime, he'd spent many of his evenings with Buffy, trying to resurrect a love that he'd felt so strongly only a year previous. But now, he looked into her eyes, and ran his hands over her body, and kissed her... and felt nothing. He didn't know why. It wasn't that they couldn't have sex because of the curse -- he'd learned to accept that. It was just that he felt like they were trying to capture the past again, and failing miserably. She was so happy, so indulged in him, and yet he started to let his feelings drift from her more and more every day.

A knock at the door to the mansion aroused his mind from their thoughts. Setting the book he'd been holding down in front of the fireplace to rest, he stood. Shirtless and barefoot, he opened the door. Xander leaned against the outside pillar, his face red from crying, one side of his cheek purple and bleeding. His shirt was torn and his arms were scraped and bloodied as well. His neck was swollen bruised. Angel stepped forward and caught him in his arms, the boy wrapping his arms around the undead man and holding him for support.

"Xander... oh my God." He led the young man into his home and slammed the door behind them. Seeing Xander was gasping for breath and possibly losing consciousness, he picked him up off the ground, holding him close to his body, tightly wrapping his arms around him. Xander's breathing began to settle and Angel laid him on the sofa, ripping Xander's shirt off and looking at the series of fresh wounds.

"Faith... she, I was walking... and--" Xander lifted his head, his hand reaching up and touching Angel's face.

"Shh, don't try to speak, just lie back," he spoke softly. As Xander drifted off into unconsciousness, he began to meticulously clean and dress the wounds, staring at the boy's face. At that moment, he realized he was overtaken with emotion for him, and wanted him to always be protected. Angel suddenly realized why his love for Buffy had dwindled and died... it wasn't because of a lost love, it was because of a new one.

* * *

"You're awake."

Xander looked up and smiled. He was dressed in a fresh t-shirt and had a thick blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Still on the sofa, he was now sitting and had picked up the book lying on the mantle, curious. Now setting the text down, he stared at Angel. "Yeah, just a moment ago. What time is it?"

"Late. About three. Your parents are going to begin to wonder where you are, won't they?"

"Probably," Xander answered hesitantly.

Angel sat down beside him and handed him a cup of hot tea. Xander took it thankfully, never taking his eyes off the vampire. "Wow, first at Faith's apartment, and now this. You're really getting into the habit of rescuing me. Any comment?" He grinned, his cheeks aching from the bruises.

Laughing, Angel looked away. "Funny... nope, guess I just have a talent for rescuing people in need." Then, he turned to Xander with a more concerned look on his face. "You want to tell me what happened?"

Xander gulped, taking another sip of tea. "God-damned demon caught me walking home, and your place seemed closest, so I ran. And ran. And now I'm here." He stumbled over his words, but sounded truly sincere in his injured state.

Angel's facial expression didn't move an inch, save for his eyes, which moved back and forth, studying Xander's own eyes very carefully. "You told me when you got here that it was Faith."

At this, the boy flinched. He realized his error and tried to cover it up quickly. "Oh, yeah, my mistake. Guess I was pretty messed up and had Faith on the brain. You know, when she attacked me the other week and all..."

"Yeah." Angel said, not convinced. He leaned back, staring up at the ceiling for a moment, before bringing his penetrating eyes back to Xander's. "I want to tell you something."

The younger man smiled weakly, not sure what to expect. "Sure..."

Angel began, clearing his throat. "When Buffy sent me on a one-way trip to Hell, caught in Acathala's arms, I thought I'd never return. Hell is... well, pretty horrible. I mean, it's Hell. It's dark, and hot, and cold at the same time. You're forced to confront a lot of things and then you face torture that is so painful I can't even express it in words. And then I came back. Now, everyone knows I went to Hell, but I don't go around talking about it to Buffy or anything. To this day, I've never said a word about my five hundred or so years in that dimension. My abuse there is both open knowledge and yet my most personal secret."

"Any reason why you're telling me this?" Xander asked, in actuality knowing where Angel was going with his metaphor.

"Xander, I don't think you faced a demon tonight. Or Faith. And there's a reason why you're parents won't mind you being out late." He nudged closer, bringing his hand up to Xander's face, turning the boy's head so they were facing each other completely. "You see, the difference between you and I is that I know that when I want to talk about my time in Hell... when I want to open up, there will be someone there to listen. Maybe it'll be Buffy. Maybe it'll be someone else. But for some reason you have this idea that no one wants to listen to your problems. I don't know where that idea stems from, but I do know that it's true."

"Angel--" Xander began.

"Look," Angel interrupted. "I don't know why you feel like you can't talk to your friends about whatever goes on at home, and I'm not saying you have to talk to them. You're old enough to make your own decisions. But if you ever need someone to listen to them, I'll listen."

Xander sat quietly for a long time, and then smiled. "Buffy's a really lucky girl." He paused again, putting his hand over Angel's. Touching him, even if just on the hand, was delightful and warm. The vampire's cold flesh was secure and safe. "If you ever want to talk about what happened... in Hell, y'know... then, um, I'd be willing to listen."

Angel smiled and before he knew it, both of them were leaning forward, falling into each other's arms, their lips suddenly locking together. Neither of them pulled back, both of them held fast and let their mouths run over the new territory. It was a soft, innocent kiss, and when the moment broke, both of them were stunned and frozen.

"I'm sorry," Xander started.

Angel nodded. "It's... it's all right. I mean, I--"

"I think maybe, I... I should go, or something." The boy quickly concluded, getting to his feet. He was rested and had recovered enough to make it to the door.

"Xander, you shouldn't be alone going home, I--"

"I'll be fine, Dead-boy," Xander returned harshly. "Sun-up's in an hour and a half. Guys like you are hitting the sheets right about now." He smiled and opened the door. "Thanks... I'll see you soon?"

"Why wouldn't you?" Angel smiled.

Xander returned the smile and was gone.

* * *

Why had he brought her down here? Angel wondered this, but then quickly dismissed any ulterior motives his vampire psyche might have made up. They had been patrolling, him and his "true love," and the only vampire they'd seen that evening had escaped into the sewers. Now they followed him, but Angel's mind wasn't on Buffy, or the vampires they were following. He was confused; one part of him wanted to believe that his attraction to another man was because of his sudden loss of interest in Buffy. The other half wanted to believe that it was fate -- that his true love was not Buffy, and not even a girl. A member of the same sex.

Angel didn't think he was gay -- in over two a half centuries, he'd tried sexual relations only twice with other man. The first time he found it boring and unstimulating. The second time he made Spike. That second time was enough to turn him off to guys entirely, but now, over a hundred years later, he found himself wishing that he was constantly in Xander's company, night after night. He hadn't seen the boy since the night they'd kissed, except for passing glances and the occasional "hi" when Xander was with the rest of the gang. And now that he was alone, with Buffy, with the Ascension looming, he didn't think it would be good to reveal his feelings. And yet--

"They say patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinky sewers," she interrupted, breaking through his train of thought.

He replied, trying to take his mind off Xander. "I'm sure I saw him come down here."

"Can't he just be The Vamp Who Got Away? We could say he was this big," Buffy joked, stretching out her arms sarcastically. Angel realized that was one of the traits that he'd found so attractive. Then he realized that Xander had an even bigger sense of sarcasm that was equally, if not more, amusing. Oh no, he wasn't falling for him in the slightest.

"What can I say? I need closure." It was a joke, but all the while, he found himself wondering if his words were a double-edged sword. He knew he had to leave town after the Ascension, that was obvious. The fact that his soul was in danger of being lost if he ever found true happiness was bad enough, but now he realized that Xander may be the person to bring that about. He couldn't risk harming anyone, and hopefully if he left in time, Buffy would never have to discover about his infatuation with her best friend.

"You need clothes. You don't have a tuxedo." She suddenly changed the subject, and it took him a moment to redirect his thoughts and realize she was talking about the upcoming prom.

"Since when did patrolling go black tie?" He made another joke, but found his own humor becoming increasingly facetious. Before he had been reluctant, and now, with the threat of her wanting a full-blown relationship again, Angel realized he had to say something.

"For the prom, silly." Buffy said, turning her head to look for the missing vampire they'd followed. Her blond hair went across his face as she turned. Not as voluptuous as Xander's short, cropped, chestnut brown hair.

"W-we have more important things to think about right now than a dance, Buffy."

That got her attention.

She turned to him, her eyes a little apprehensive. Usually they joked and talked about their non-Slaying life while beating the bad-guys. All of a sudden, the man Buffy thought she knew was showing her a brand new side of the coin. Angel continued to stare ahead.

"Sorry, 'Giles', I'll just be quiet." Her tone was not as fun and playful as it had been not a moment ago. Angel kept walking behind her, wondering what Xander was up to at this very moment.

"C'mon, don't be that way." He said, a little aggravated. No sooner had the words tripped from his mouth did the vampire they'd been searching for jump down, fangs and face bared, ready to fight. Buffy threw out another witticism and raised her stake.

"Not now," she stated, thrusting the point of her stake into the vampire. He exploded into fragments before he even had a chance to finish it's threatening growl.

"I'm not being that way," she began. "Every time I say the word 'prom,' you get grouchy." She shook her head, still not quite picking up on his feelings. Angel finally realized that maybe he should say something, maybe his joke earlier had been right. Perhaps he needed closure.

"I'm sorry, I'm just worried that you're getting too... invested in this whole thing." Yet another attempt at covering up his true feelings caused her to raise her voice a little more than before.

"What 'whole thing'? Isn't this the stuff I'm supposed to be getting invested in? Going to a formal, graduating, growing up..." She eagerly tried to convince him.

Angel murmured "I know," and stepped off the platform of the sewer, lowering himself onto another level of the underground tunnel. Buffy followed, her eyes filled with confusion.

Then what? What's with the dire?" She asked, still unwilling to admit something strong and final was hanging in the damp sewer air.

"It's, uh, it's nothing." Angel attempted to escape from the conversation, wishing it wouldn't come out this way. He realized he could still avoid telling her about Xander, but the brunt of his feelings were about to surge over the reason in the front of his mind.

"No, you have something face," she pressed.

"I think we need to talk," he admitted. "But not now, not here."

"No, no if you have something you have to say, then say it." And, at his momentary silence, she added, "Angel, drop the cryptic... you're scaring me."

"I've been thinking. It's about our future. The more I do, the more I feel like us -- you and me being together -- is unfair to you." Everything coming out of his mouth felt like a lie, but at the same time, it seemed true. Whether he wanted to believe it or not, he had spent the last two years with Buffy, and deep down he supposed he did feel something for her. And it wasn't fair to her, if he was falling for someone else. Now having justified his actions in his head, Angel found his escape plan.

"Is this about what the mayor said? Because he was just trying to shake us up." Buffy pleaded, unable to let go.

"He was right." He said it, simple and direct.

"No, no he wasn't! He's the bad guy!" She now knew where this was going, but Angel was not going to let her turn his opinions around. He had to go through with it, for both of their sakes. He sighed heavily and turned his back to her.

"You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you."

"I don't care about that--"

"You will... and children," he tried to justify it to her, aiming her suspicions at his own person, rather than a third party.

"Children? Can you say jumping the gun? I killed my goldfish!"

"Today. But you have no idea how fast it goes. Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life--"

"I'll never have a normal life."

He was growing tired of arguing. He realized he would have to go through this entire conversation again with Xander, because the boy would break down when he discovered that Angel was planning to leave town. The difference was that he would never have a chance to see what it would be like with Xander -- love -- while he experienced it with Buffy for two years. Even now, as he shattered Buffy's hopes and dreams, he could think only of Xander's face. "Right, you'll always be a Slayer, but that's all the more reason why you should have a normal relationship instead of this... this freakshow." She looked at him, hurt. He lifted his hand. "I didn't mean that."

"I'm gonna go..." She began, but he couldn't let her leave the way she was. Grabbing her arm, he turned her back around.

"I'm sorry, Buffy... you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this." That, he knew, was actually a lie. He'd been meaning to say it since the very evening Xander and him kissed.

"Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this?"

"Have you? Rationally?" He asked.

"No, of course not; I'm just some swoony little school girl, right?"

"I'm trying to do what's right here, ok? I'm trying to think why my head instead of my heart." Partially true, Angel knew this was going to get ugly if it didn't end soon. He couldn't risk admitting that his feelings had not died, only turned to a new object of affection.

"Heart?" She inquired bitterly. "You have a heart? It's not even beating."

Xander would never have said that to him. He gazed at her, unbelieving. "Don't."

"Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry, you know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never going to change! I can't change. I want my life to be with you."

"I don't." He didn't wince as he said it, but only imagined how he could possibly say these same words to Xander when he wouldn't mean them. The more he argued and fought with Buffy, the more he realized how deep his feelings truly ran for her friend. How had this happened? What had brought him to this moment? He thought of Xander's bruises and silently cringed.

"You don't want to be with me? I cant believe you're breaking up with me."

"It doesn't mean that I don't--" He stopped himself, because it did mean that he didn't love her. He couldn't lie any longer.

"How am I suppose to stay away from you?"

"I'm leaving. After the Ascension. After it's finished with the mayor and Faith. If we survive, I'll go."

"Where?"

"I don't know."

"Is this really happening?" She stared at him, tears in both their eyes, but for different reasons. For a long time, they gazed at each other, the implicity of the moment sinking in. Then, the love that they had once shared was now dissipated. The moon continued to rise in the sky.

* * *

"Angel!! Open up!" His voice screamed as he slammed his fist against the door. The entire frame shook and echoed throughout the atrium as he banged against it's surface.

Angel pulled the door open quickly, his eyes meeting Xander's. The boy's cheeks were stained with tears and his entire body was shaking. he sprinted past the vampire and into the main room, still crying. "How could you do this to me?!"

Angel ran a hand through his hair, staring at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"You're leaving?!" Xander asked, the tears not stopping. "Willow called. Buffy's in hysterics. She tells me you broke up with her and I'm thinking, 'Great, this must mean I mean something to him,' but then she tells me you're leaving... leaving forever. W-why.. why? Was it me? Did...d-did..."

"God, no," Angel managed to get out, exasperated. He flung his arms around Xander and hugged him, pulling him close and letting Xander nuzzle his neck. He kissed his hair and ran his hands down his back. "I'm falling in love with you... and I... I can't stay. I can't have it happen again. Losing control, hurting those I care about most."

"But... but I love you." Xander whispered through his cracked voice and tearful intonation. "I love you so much it hurts..."

They separated, and Angel wiped away Xander's tears gently with his hands. Lifting the boy's head, he stared into his eyes. "We can make it through this. I love you too, and I don't know why. You're sarcastic and immature, and, well, a guy. And yet, every single time I see you or hear your voice, I can't control any part of myself."

"Dead-boy..." He smiled and let Angel's hands run over his face.

"But if I don't leave, then I'm going to make mistakes. And you'll get hurt. You and Buffy are one in the same... you both deserve normal lives with normal people. Right now you feel like I'm the only one you'll ever love. But five years from now... ten years from now..."

"Shut up..." Xander began, speaking slowly. "Just don't let go of me tonight. Just tonight. Please."

They hugged again; and although his body was cold and undead, his heart was warmed by the chest of the mortal boy who clung to him, pressing his form against his, loving him unconditionally, for that small eternity of one night.

* * *

Prom night. Xander listened to the incessant prattle of the demon- turned-friend Anya, who constantly spoke about her thousands of years on the planet causing mischief for men throughout the world. Buffy had finally arrived, and received a quaint award from the senior class. Her ego boosted, she stood in the corner, recognized by her friends as being someone important.

But Xander had no such luck. He'd lost out on the "class clown" award, and now continued to dance with Anya, the last person he'd ever want to be considered romantically involved with. He tried to imagine himself in Angel's arms, but then realized that if he was ever going to accept that his relationship with Angel was nothing more than a memory, he would have to start forgetting now.

He turned Anya around once more as the next dance started, and his eyes nearly fell from his face when he saw Angel, formally dressed in a classic black tuxedo, suddenly appear in the doorway of the room. Initially, he thought it was a figment of his imagination, but when he blinked and took the time out to pinch his own arm, he realized that it was no fantasy. Angel had come to the prom, possibly for some final, unexpected closure. Unfortunately, Xander realized that it was more than likely that Angel was here for "closure" with Buffy, and not with him. No one knew... no one could know.

Angel walked towards Buffy, but took a moment to give Xander a longing glance. Xander smiled subtly, so that no one else could see it, and then turned away as Angel took Buffy's hand. She lit up. Xander knew they would start to dance, probably kiss. And even though he knew inside that it was all an act, that Angel had feelings only for him now, he couldn't bear watching. He excused himself from Anya and bolted out the back door.

How long he was out there he didn't know. No one else was in the alley. It was mysteriously cold, for being early June. He shivered and sank to the ground, sitting down and putting his head between his knees. He couldn't let the tears come again, not now, where others could possibly see him. "Angel..." He whispered under his breath, half-hoping that the vampire would appear before him, but he didn't.

It started to rain for the first time in weeks. Xander didn't bother to prevent the tears, not caring any longer. He stood in the drizzle and sobbed, letting his heart pour out it's misery. "Angel..."

"I'm here," the vampire's voice came. Xander looked up and Angel was in front of him, also crying. The rain came down heavier and the two stood, motionless, in the downpour. Leaning in, Angel took Xander's lips and pulled the boy into a fierce embrace, their mouths and tongues colliding in a passionate friction. The rain continued, but neither cared, lost in the embrace of the kiss.

* * *

It was over. After the dance at the prom, it seemed Buffy had finally let go. Angel didn't see her for the next few days, but with the Ascension coming up, he knew he would have to face her again. He hadn't seen Xander either, but he thought it all for the better. What he and Xander had could never be. The time was almost coming where he would say good-bye to both of his loves and let them move on with their lives. The triangle was almost broken up. Almost.

"You know what? Thank you, but I can take it from here." Buffy said, a little angry. Angel had followed her on a reconnaissance mission. Giles had directed him where to go, and so now the two were stuck doing research on one of Faith's latest victims -- a man who may or may not have had anything to do with the mayor's plans. They stood, outside of the apartment building in downtown Sunnydale, Angel holding the box of journals, standing next to Buffy.

"It's all right, I'll walk you there," he promised, still wanting to aid her as much as possible until everything was ended.

"Look, I don't need an escort. I'm a big girl, remember? I don't need you crowding me." Buffy cut into him with her words, reminding him of just how final their talk in the sewers had been. She began to walk into the street, shaking her head.

Angel cocked an eyebrow. "Didn't think I was."

"No, of course you don't. You just show up at the prom and then you disappear into the ozone. For all I know you left town."

Now he was confused. It seemed that she was suddenly admitting that she wanted them back together, even when, after all this time, she knew it couldn't happen. Angel wanted to tell her so badly, the truth, but the truth would only make it hurt more. "Are you mad at me for being around too much, or for not being around enough?"

"Duh! Yes!" She shouted into his face.

"Which?!" He shouted back, angry. Just looking at her was making his fury rise. He wanted to just walk away, or hurt her with the truth. She smugly continued to stare at him.

"What?"

"I don't get you," he finally opted to say, hoping to end it there.

"No you don't, not any more."

"Are you just making this harder to make it easier for yourself?"

"Could we stop with the brain-teasers?" Buffy was almost at the point of screaming, her hands waving about, both of them arguing in the middle of the street. No one seemed to pay any attention, but if they began to get any louder, someone would surely notice. "I just wish it was over, done."

"Its not the simple, I mean once the mayor--"

"I know, world in peril, and we have to work together. This is my last office romance, I tell you that."

Her comment struck a nerve. Angrily, he snarled and felt the sudden urge to call her a bitch, or worse. He wondered how he could have been so madly in love with her, his hubris becoming so strong that he actually allowed this school-girl to steal his soul away. "I'll be out of your face," he growled, slamming the box of books against her chest. he turned to walk away, a headache forming between his eyes, the clattering din of the downtown area pounding against his skull.

"Is this even a little hard for you?"

"How can you say that? Just because I'm not acting like a brat doesn't mean I don't feel anything. " He retorted.

Now, she was flustered, her face turning red. "Well--"

"Actually, no, I don't feel anything for you, Buffy. Not anymore."

"How can you say that?" She screamed, this time catching the attention of quite a few people. She dropped the box onto the ground, not caring that all the journals spilt all over the street.

Angel lifted his eyes and looked straight into Buffy's. "Because I'm in love with Xander."

Buffy stood, unable to move, his words echoing in her mind. For a split second, she was speechless, but that second quickly ended as Angel suddenly lunged forward a bit, a long, thin, wooden object protruding from his shoulder. The arrow had completely gone through him and as he fell into Buffy's arms, the looked around for the culprit. She saw no one. Angel collapsed as people began to gather.

* * *

Angel groaned, his body lying back in the chair in the library. Giles broke off the back part of the arrow and straightened his body. Buffy bent over her former lover and took the rest of the arrow in her hand. "Ok, ready? On three. One--" And she ripped it out before even getting to two. Giles grimaced as Angel cried out in pain. When the moment passed, Angel was breathing normally and Wesley began to thumb through some pages in the journal, sitting at his desk.

"I knew you were going to do that," Angel remarked.

Giles motioned. "Not too much blood here."

"I heal fast, I should be all right"

Buffy shook her head and lifted Angel's shirt, beginning to wipe the wound with a sterile cloth. "Well I'm just glad Faith's such a suck shot." Angel bit his lip as the coldness stung his wound, but relaxed once Buffy began to dress it with a bandage.

"We sure it was her?" Giles questioned.

"Well, I've narrowed down my list of one suspect." Buffy returned. At that, Wesley discovered something in one of the books and began to converse with Giles. Buffy finished taping the bandage onto Angel's wound and pulled up an empty chair, turned it around, and sat on it, facing the vampire.

"So, Xander, huh?" She laughed, seemingly relieved for the first time in months.

Angel touched the wound on his chest and let out another breath. "Well, you're taking it better than I thought."

Buffy brushed his comment off with a wave of her hand. "Forget about earlier. It's not like we're still together, big guy. I guess if you're going to dump me for someone I know, at least it's not one that I'm going to get into a cat-fight with in the bathroom. I'm actually pretty pissed; Willow would call this my resolve face... but since you're all injured like, I'll go easy on ya."

Both turned at Giles' voice. "You two may want to hear this..."

As Wesley spoke up, Buffy helped Angel to his feet. He stumbled over, catching himself on the desk, his breathing still labored. "Ok, you've been a real clutz today," Buffy joked.

Angel smiled, but then stared at her, the look on his face turning into one of pain and surprise. "Damn..." he managed to get out, before fall backwards and hitting the floor, a sweat breaking out over his body.

* * *

Giles put the point of the arrow to his nose, smelling it carefully. "We'll have to run some tests..."

"My shoulder's completely numb," Angel said, shivering.

Buffy felt his forehead with the back of her hand and flinched. "You're burning up." His face, covered with sweat, began to quiver like the rest of his body.

"It's poisoned, I can feel it."

"Call the others... make sure Xander gets here." Giles nearly cracked at bemused smile at his own words. The idea of Angel and Xander together was strange and a little unsettling for the librarian, but now wasn't the time to worry about relationships. "We'll have to move him to the safety of his own bed before the sun comes up."

"Buffy... please don't hate me..." Angel asked pitifully.

"I don't hate you." Buffy said, smiling tenderly. She put her hands on his face and wiped away the excess perspiration. "I love you, Angel... it's not your fault that you're in love with my friend. My very...guy friend." She tried to lighten the situation, but Angel could only lean over and gasp, his entire body rocking. "You're gonna be ok..." she said. Inside, she wondered if this was how it ended.

* * *

Xander Harris lie on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was drifting into sleep, but still on the edge of being awake, in that middle-range. Only a few fresh bruises were scattered over his body; not enough to cause actual pain. He wanted to see Angel -- it hadn't been since the prom, when they shared that rain-soaked kiss, that he'd been so happy. Now the days had seemed to just drag by endlessly.

The phone rang. At first, he wasn't going to pick it up, but after the forth ring, his fingers wound around the receiver and he lowered it to his ear. "Hello?"

Buffy's voice was insistent. "Xander, come to the mansion on Crawford Street. Now."

* * *

Xander sat on one side of the bed, a cold washcloth in his hand. This time he was strong, and he'd managed to hold back the tears, for Angel's sake. The vampire was between the sheets, sweating profusely and staring up at him with glazed eyes. "Xander... don't leave me."

"I won't, Dead-boy. I'm not going to leave you... I promise." He spoke quietly, very personally, and leaned over onto the bed and hug Angel. Angel weakly lifted one arm and wrapped it around him, the pain in his body lessened by the embrace of the one he loved. Buffy, Cordelia, Giles, and Wesley stood near the doorway, looking in on the couple.

Buffy turned to Giles, her heart slowed to a crawl. "We can't let him die, Giles. I look at those two... and... oh God, please don't let Angel die. For Xander."

"Wesley tried to call the Council, and you know how that turned out. We're going to keep searching for a cure, I... I promise you." They all turned back to Angel, lying still and motionless, with Xander nursing him silently and telling him everything would be all right, that he would be fine. Finally, Xander arose after Angel drifted back off into slumber, and came over to them. Buffy outstretched her arms and hugged Xander tightly.

"Buffy... I'm sorry."

Buffy kissed his forehead and tightened her embrace. "I don't want to hear it, Xander. It's ok... and we're going to find a cure, I promise. And then I'm going to kick Faith's ass into the next state."

Willow and Oz rushed in, startled expressions on their faces. In his hand, Oz held an antiquated, dried book, its pages long yellowed by age. "Bad news."

Everyone looked up, worried. Willow nervously took Oz's hand. "We found a cure, but..."

"But?" Xander asked.

"The poison is called 'Killer of the Dead', and... and, um... the only cure is for Angel to drain the blood of his true love."

Buffy looked at Xander, and then all other eyes focused on him. He backed away, running both hands through his hair. "Oh..."

"But we can keep looking, I mean--"

They stopped. Xander was on the verge of tears, all could see. Buffy started to near, but thought better of it and stayed standing where she was. "Xander, I'm sorry."

"There's got to be another way." He spoke quietly.

"So far--"

"GOD DAMMIT!!" He screamed, knocking over one of the smaller bookshelves. Books toppled onto the ground and Xander spun around, holding one hand up to his face. "God dammit... I'm NOT going to let him die like this! Someone find a fucking cure!" He almost dropped to his knees, but Giles caught him. Xander broke away and leaned against the wall, sobbing. "Someone find a cure..."

"We will, Xander." Cordelia said hopefully.

Xander looked up at all of them, his eyes lined with red, his mind spinning. "Why don't you guys..." He paused, swallowing, and then finished wiping the tears away. "I'd like to be with him, in case he... you know."

"Of course." Giles said.

Willow smiled meekly. "We can keep looking for another cure."

"Thanks," Xander replied honestly. As they left into the far room, Xander walked back into the bedroom and closed the door. Turning around, he watched Angel lie, still and comatose, on the bed, his body still shivering beneath the quilts. Xander walked to him and sat down on the bed quickly, brushing his hand over Angel's face and waking him.

"Xander... it's you?"

"It's me." The young man said lovingly.

Angel gulped. "I didn't want to go without s-seeing... you."

Xander leaned over and kissed him on the lips, then rose and began to wipe the sweat away. Replacing the washcloth into the bowl, Xander leaned down. "Angel, I can cure you."

"It's ok, I'm ready..." The vampire said, his fever hitting it's peak and his mind drifting into delirium.

"Angel, listen to me. Sit up." He put his arms under Angel and helped him pull himself into a sitting position. Groggily, Angel's head went form side to side, his eyes barely able to stay concentrated on Xander. "You're going to live... you have to live."

"What do I--"

"Drink."

Angel stared at Xander for a moment, not able to understand in the heated haze of his own fever. But then Xander pulled off his own shirt and threw it on the floor. Angel stared at Xander's bare chest and throat, and suddenly realized what his lover wanted him to do.

"Drink me."

"NO!" He cried out, jerking back and pushing Xander away. Even with his preternatural strength, he was not strong enough in his sickness to drive Xander off.

"It's the only--"

"Get away!" Angel screamed, throwing back the comforters and standing upright on his feet. He only made it a few feet before feeling so utterly dizzy that he reached out and grabbed the wall for balance. Xander ran to him and grabbed his shoulders, trying to help him stay conscious.

"It'll save you..."

"It'll kill you..." Angel replied, not so far gone as to not know the repercussions of what Xander wanted him to do.

"Maybe not... if you don't take it all."

"You can't ask me to do this," Angel pleaded, whining. He couldn't bare to look at Xander and listen to what the boy was trying to get him to do. Xander reached out and touched his face; it was hotter than ever, the fever reaching new levels. Angel felt his entire body coming apart; it would be only a matter of minutes before he lost consciousness for the final time.

"I won't let you die... I can't. The blood of the one you love is the only cure." He explained hastily.

"Then it's over." Angel concluded.

"NO!"

Xander screamed as Angel threw him to the ground and ran to the door. Catching him in time, he flipped the vampire around and looked into his face. Angel nearly fell again, the poison like a cancerous, consuming beast in his body. "It's over..." Angel mumbled under his breath.

"It's never over, I won't let you die! Drink." Xander leaned his head to one side, bearing his naked throat to Angel.

"Please..."

Xander angrily brought his arm back and landed a solid punch to Angel's face. The vampire hit the floor hard and held his cheek, which was already bruising over because of it's lack of healing ability. Angel felt his own blood churning in his stomach as the poison went through it's final stages. Weakening, he looked up at the man he loved, unable to understand why he hit him. Xander only dragged Angel to his feet and punched him again, this time harder than before. Now the vampire understood what he was doing and tried to make it to the door again, but Xander only turned him around, and punched him again. When Angel's face came back into view after being thrown backwards by the punch, it had transconfigured into his gameface.

Xander, barechested, and feeling the blood pulsing strongly beneath his veins, grabbed Angel by the shoulders and shoved the vampire's face into his neck. Squirming against him, Angel clinched his finger's into Xander's back and slammed his teeth into the boy's jugular, ripping open the hot, living fount of blood.

Tearing flesh aside, he bit and tore at Xander's neck, breaking open vein after vein and shuddering at the large, delicious gulps of blood as it filled his mouth and warmed his body. Xander's entire body jerked and spasmed, then fell limp as they both fell onto the floor. Angel bared down on top of Xander's helpless body, grinding their bodies together, his teeth still firmly planted in the younger man's throat, lapping at the gushing stream of plasma that spilt from Xander's wide, open wound.

Unable to stop, he found himself digging further into Xander's neck, ripping open a new wound and finding a new geyser of blood. Xander's hands wrapped around his back and pulled him close. The boy's eyes gleamed and glazed over, staring up into a great nothingness. He felt everything inside him being drained from every appendage of his body. The blood rushed from his legs, and arms and chest, and he felt the feeling ooze silently and quickly from his face. Angel's tongue ran over and over the painful, torn wounds in his throat and gorged on more and more of the boy's life-fluid. Xander opened his mouth, his body going limp, and bellowed a cracked, alarming, primal scream that reverberated throughout the entire mansion.

This broke Angel's feeding and he suddenly broke away, his mouth and chin covered with blood and small remnants of skin from Xander's neck. He fell backwards, lying on the floor, his face ironing out into it's human visage. Hot, human blood ran through every part of his body and splattered on his cheeks and face. The sweat that glistened on his body cooled and dissipated within moments. His skin began to return to it's normal color, and temperature. His face was not now flushed from fever, but from the extraneous amount of blood he'd taken.

Sitting up, his mind came back down, his fever was non-existent. He blinked a few times and his breathing returned to normal. The cure had worked; his entire being was whole again. Turning, he looked at Xander.

"Xander?"

Xander lie, on his back, spread eagle, his arms and legs sprawled out. His face was pale and motionless, his mouth hanging open a tiny bit and his eyes open, staring blankly at the ceiling. Along the left side of his neck were two horrible, large, gaping wounds. A puddle of blood was spreading from beneath his throat, the fluid still gurgling and bubbling from the mauled injuries. His chest was not rising or falling with breath.

"Xander?" He asked again, panic setting in.

Xander was still, quiet, unmoving, lifeless.