exodus2



	TITLE: "Exodus - Part 2" AUTHOR: Memnoch E-MAIL: clarkk3nt@aol.com CONTENT: Xander/Angel RATING: NC-17, language, violence, angst, m/m sex SPOILERS: "Welcome to the Hellmouth," "Surprise," "Innocence," "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered," "Graduation Day, Part 2" - some of the narrative is borderline word for word from the script for "Graduation Day, Part 2," so beware! SUMMARY: Angel weighs his love's past and future to make a decision about his own role in Xander's life. DISTRIBUTION: Whiteknight, Buffy Angst Archive; anyone else is free to post it but please email me first so I know where it's going! NOTE: This is part 3 of a 3 part series... please take time to read "Prodigal" and "Exodus - Part 1" before reading this! Thanks! NOTE 2: This fic just didn't want to be written, I don't know why. I suffered from severe writer's block and just a total unwant to finish this fic, so forgive me for taking so long! However, I am satisfied with the result. FEEDBACK: That would be just groovy, baby, yeah! DEDICATION: To Niccy, who warned me after Part 1 of this fic the dangers of spoilage without warning!! Sorry again hun! :-) DISCLAIMER: All characters are owned by Joss Whendon and Mutant Enemy; please don't sue me! * * * "Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." - Richard Bach * * * Sunnydale General was relatively quiet for a Thursday night. Doctor Powell had been on duty since nine that morning, and his shift wasn't about to end any moment soon. He would check his watch every now and then, his ears filtering out the constant intercom voice and the rustling of white coats and gurneys that incessantly passed him. His beeper had remained dormant for three hours straight -- a new all time record. The only excitement that had transversed his tepid evening was the arrival of a young girl who had been stabbed and taken a tremendous fall. He'd set her bones, and repaired the damage to the kidneys from the stab wound, but the head trauma was too intense. The girl would obviously not open her eyes in this lifetime. He set her chart back down at the end of her bed, a girl who's only form of identification was the first name of "Faith"; a name recognized by Mayor Wilkins himself. Dr. Powell turned and moved to the water cooler not seconds before the ER doors burst open violently and his second surprise of the night spilled into the hospital with terror in his inhuman eyes. * * * His father had been drinking that night. How that was different from other nights was to be examined, but Xander had come to expect the turmoiled status quo his family life had taken on since his father slowly began to slip from the rungs of the sober. And on the first day of school. Figures. The first day of sophomore year hadn't been all that bad -- he'd met the new girl, Buffy Summers, and she hadn't hated him. In fact, something was definitely up with her and the librarian. He'd gotten an earful of talk about vampires, demons, and the creatures of the night -- three things that scared him most, besides a potential twinkie shortage in Sunnydale... who knew Hostess was switching distributors? But the day had been all too good. He knew coming home he would be taken down from his seat in the clouds. Mom wasn't even home this time, and his father admitted that he didn't know if "the bitch was coming home at all." Now, he rode his battered skateboard over the crumbled cement of Sunnydale behind the Bronze, a fresh, purple welt on his cheek to treasure. It would be simple enough to explain it as another skateboarding accident, but that wasn't the point. The point was that it hurt, and that he wished his life really sucked a little less. Again, his mind turned to Buffy, the new girl, and he wondered if she might be the diversion he'd been searching for in a member of the opposite sex. His thoughts were bluntly dented when he slammed face-first into somebody. Xander didn't see the tall, trench-coated frame until it was too late, and a swift swerve didn't help to change his course. Throwing his arms out, he crashed clumsily into the man, sending them both plummeting aimlessly to the hard ground. Xander landed on his hands, both of which slid against the pavement and split open into a multitude of tiny, bloody cuts. The other man was already on his feet when Xander rolled over on his side to catch his breath. "I-I'm really sorry, I mean, sorry, I usually hit--" "Are you all right?" The man asked, ignoring Xander's stuttering. The voice was deep and masculine, but also gave off a distinct gentleness of sincere concern. Xander squinted his eyes in the darkness and saw that the man was older than him by at least a couple years, maybe a freshman in college. He leaned over and held his hand out; Xander took it and scrambled to his feet. The man's skin was cold, but smooth. "Yeah, I, uh, I'm great. Peachy. Bloody hands, got'em all the time. What about you?" "Oh, I think I'll survive." The older man responded with a sarcastic smile. He reached down and picked up Xander's skateboard, handing it to him carefully. "You better watch where you aim this thing." Xander cracked a smile and found that he couldn't take his stare away from the man's deep, penetrating eyes. "Yeah..." "So do you have a name?" Xander broke out of his mindset and made himself smile again, the pain in his hands suddenly forgotten. "It's Xander. Look, I'm really sorry I hit you like that, man. I mean, most guys your size would beat the living hell out of someone like me who did that to someone like you and someone... uh... I mean, in this part of Sunnydale, you know, um--" "I'm Angel," the man said, holding out his hand to shake Xander's. "And don't worry about me, man. Are you sure you're ok? Your hands look pretty banged up." Xander grinned. "I'll survive." Angel laughed slightly and straightened his coat. "So I guess I'll be seeing you around, Xander." "Yeah, sure..." He replied, still in awe and fascination at the amazing guy in front of him. Even as Angel turned and walked away, disappearing into the night, Xander felt uplifted and rejuvenated just from talking to him. His eyes, that face, the huge, muscular body... Buffy who? * * * Angel burst into the ER, tears welling up into his eyes. Nurses flinched and swerved around to face him, a large man in a black trenchcoat carrying an unconscious teenager in his arms. Xander's body laid limply in his hands, and even Angel's preternatural senses could not figure out if the boy was breathing or not. The gaping wound on Xander's neck had crusted over, the blood coagulated and slimy against his throat. Xander's body was still shirtless, and blood had run down one arm and his chest, where it now dried and stained his pale skin. "I NEED SOME HELP!" He screamed, loud and horrifically, into the room. Doctors and patients alike jumped at the bellowing voice which broke through the quiet daze of the evening. Immediately, doctors and people in lab coats swarmed around him like bees, taking Xander from his arms, looking him over, looking Xander over, shouting orders and needs. Angel was crying, he felt the tears rolling off his face, and he was unsure of everything now. "Please, he's lost a lot of blood..." A nurse grabbed his arm, tightly, and tried to get his attention. His eyes were glazed from shock, but he managed to focus his energy on her. "What happened?" Angel screamed in her face desperately, "he needs blood!" "Try to stay calm. We're going to take care of him." The same nurse managed to say without becoming terrified herself. Angel shook and vibrated the chair he sat in as he kept his eyes on Xander's body. They placed the boy on a gurney and began wheeling him out of eyesight. Angel immediately sprang to his feet in pursuit, not wanting to let his love be alone. "He needs a transfusion!" Angel pleaded. Doctor Powell was next to question Angel. "You found him?" Angel stared at the man for a moment, unsure of how to respond. Xander's body lie on the gurney near him, that bloody, gaping wound still throbbing on this neck. Angel felt his own throat welling up and held back an insane urge to weep. "Yes." "Was he conscious?" Another breath and now Angel knew he was crying. "Yes." The doctor stared at him with those familiar suspicious eyes. "Are you sure?" "I'm sure!" He nearly screamed, thoughts racing through his mind. What if Xander didn't make it? What if it was all for nothing? Angel shook his head at the idea of Xander dying for him. The doctor watched him carefully. "Ok." Quickly, the man turned to the nurses and doctors around him. "I need a type and crossmatch; get him on two lines of ringers lactated and watch for hypovalemic shock!" Again, Dr. Powell took a short breath and returned his gaze to Angel. "Tell me, what happened?" Angel stuttered, "Something bit him... I, I don't know what." "Ok." He spun around. "I need a rabies shot treatment!" Then he was facing Angel again. "Any allergies?" "Not that I know of," the vampire responded, unsure. Angrily, he turned from the doctor and whirled around, holding his head. Xander could die. It hit him full force and the sheer thought nearly knocked him over. Snarling, he fought to keep back his gameface as he slammed his fist into the wall, tearing a heavy chunk of plaster out with his fist. The doctor stared, but didn't seem too shocked by Angel's responsive actions. "JUST HELP HIM!" The vampire finally screamed. Powell paused, then put his hand on Angel's shoulder. "You two doing drugs?" A beat. Angel didn't respond, but his eyes dropped to the tile floor. He didn't know how to answer; he couldn't tell the doctor he was an undead creature of the night, obviously. "You want him to live, you're going to have to be straight with me." "He's clean." Angel mumbled. "All right. Wait outside; let us work." Powell responded, and Angel slumped down into a chair, his face buried in his hands. ***** The word insanity was redefined that night. Xander had mistakenly entrusted Amy Madison, the local teen witch, to cast an obsessive love spell over Cordelia, the latter of which had just dumped him. Inexperienced Amy botched the spell, and to Xander's horror, every woman in Sunnydale had eyes only for him. Although it had been an idea that sounded good on paper, Xander realized very quickly that magick wasn't anything to play with, especially around the Hellmouth. Cordelia, the only one not affected by the great mistake, had led him to Buffy's house -- the only place they believed they were safe from the rampant mob of women who stalked the night for him. With themselves barricaded in Buffy's room, Xander turned from the window and gave Cordelia a panic-stricken look. "Good... the mob still hasn't found us. We should be safer up here." He said, his voice shaky. No sooner had the words come out of his mouth and his head had turned to face Cordelia, was he suddenly jerked back. A rough hand clawed into his shirt and grabbed tight. Cordelia's eyes widened and she managed to scream Xander's name as he was pulled through the window, a familiar voice echoing threateningly in his ear. "Works in theory." Angelus pulled the rest of Xander's helpless body through the window and held him close to his own body. He sneered, feeling the rush of Xander's hot, boy-scent only inches from his aching mouth and sharp teeth. Xander quavered with fear under his grasp. Since losing his soul to the very girl who lived in this house, he'd struck fear in the hearts of all her friends through a series of malicious attacks and threats. But tonight... tonight was something different, Tonight was Valentine's Day night. And because of that, he'd planned to do something absolutely horrific to his ex-girlfriend; instead, he found himself drawn to her house not because she lived here, but because of another scent. Xander's scent. Angelus didn't know why he had picked up on this particular boy's scent, or why all of a sudden he was so enraptured with the thought of being close to Xander, but now he was here, and for a centuries old vampire used to pain and torture, he didn't have the slightest idea what to do with him now that he had him. Deciding to play it safe, he growled viciously and shook the scared teenager. "Where's Buffy?" Cordelia ran to the window, the fear still prominent in her eyes. She threw one hand up to reach for her friend, her face frozen. Xander gagged under Angelus's tight embrace and coughed out "Cordy, get outta here!" Before he knew it, Xander was being let go and then he was airborne. Angelus's face was contorted into a horrible grin as he tossed Xander off the roof and into the air as casually as a frisbee. A few seconds of flight, and Xander's body struck the ground hard. The boy tried to move, or roll over, but his breath had been knocked from his chest. He winced at the pain shooting through his form, and raised a hand in defense as Angelus plummeted off the roof and leapt onto the lawn. Standing over Xander, with his black leather boots flanking either side of the boy's torso, Angelus cocked an eyebrow. "Perfect." Reaching down, he picked up Xander by the shirt and held him as close to his face as possible without their lips actually touching. "I wanted to do something special for Buffy... actually, TO Buffy, but this..." He leaned down and nuzzled Xander's throat, taking in his scent by inhaling deeply. Xander almost screamed and tensed up, realizing that Angleus probably wanted dinner. "This... is just perfect." The vampire finished. Although fear was what overtook Xander's body, he wasn't about to let Angelus kill him, when down deep in his mind, he was enjoying the fact that every woman in Sunnydale was madly obsessed with him. Instinctively, he brought his knee upwards until it came into forceful contact with Angelus's crotch. Although it hurt, it didn't hurt nearly enough. An unfazed Angelus whirled Xander around and slammed him angrily down onto the ground. No one touched him like that, unless he asked. A vampiric smile came over his face. Xander's warm, living body wriggled beneath his own as he pinned the highschooler down. Immediately, Xander began writhing harder, and as he squirmed against Angelus's overbearing form, he felt something hard pressing against his lower back. Angelus had a hard-on. He stopped squirming, not wanting to arouse the homicidal maniac any more than he already was. Angelus knew Xander could feel his erection, and grabbed the thick, wavy mass of black hair on Xander's head. Pulling up the boy so his mouth brushed ever so lightly against it, he whispered in a psychotic, gentle voice, "If it's any consolation, I feel very close to you right now." With those words, he licked his lips and bit at Xander's earlobe lightly, all the while grounding his hard-on against Xander's lower back. Xander let out a small cry. "It's not a consolation, Dead-Boy..." He managed to groan. "You know, if Angel were here, he'd save your little ass," Angelus chortled. He pulled Xander to his feet and shoved him against a tree sitting in Buffy's front yard. "Angel liked you, for all it's worth, little man. He respected you, believe it or not. I just wanna drain you." Xander clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, Angelus's cold hand clamped around his throat. Suddenly, the vampire's other hand was gripped onto his crotch, tightly holding his privates through the pants he wore. His eyes shot wide open to face Angelus's sneer. "Well why don't you just drain me, fucker?" His words were nearly cut off as Angelus's face morphed back to human visage, and he forced his mouth over Xander's. The boy, too startled to move away, squinted his eyes and felt Angelus's lips pressing over his own, locked in a kiss. Angelus moved his lips to the side and pushed his tongue past the barricade of Xander's own persed lips, breaking into his mouth. Xander didn't know how to react, but couldn't fight the urge to gorge himself on Angelus's attention of him. He put his own tongue in the vampire's mouth and explored hesitantly. The kiss continued, until Xander ripped his face away, howling in pain. Blood ran down his chin, and his tongue swelled and ached. Angelus swallowed, savoring the small bit of Xander's blood in his mouth. "Sorry 'bout your tongue, but I'm sure it'll heal quickly. You're young, vibrant..." He cupped Xander's crotch tighter with his hand. "...virile." As he took his hands away from the boy, Xander slumped to the grass, shivering and leaning against the tree, holding his lower jaw as blood ran down his lips. When Xander looked up, Angelus was gone. He sat, stunned, still feeling the wet saliva on his lips that had belonged to his sworn enemy, soul-having or not. And his tongue hurt like a bitch. And even after Cordelia had come down to the front yard to help him... even after the night was through and Amy had reversed the spell, thus freeing Sunnydale's women... Xander still had that most prominent memory of Angelus and their unexpected kiss under Buffy's front yard tree. Neither of them ever told anyone, of course, and then Angel went to Hell. And when Xander found Angel that fateful night in the mansion, naked and seizuring from his five-hundred year torture in the demon world, it was like someone had given them a chance to have something that may or may not have started with that kiss. * * * Xander awoke groggily. His eyes were blurry and there was a large pad on his throat, covering the wound. The bandage was so large he couldn't even move his head to the left. An IV was feeding a clear medicine into the inside of his arm, and he could feel the sticky pads on his chest, the ones that were connected to his vital signs monitor. He smiled as Angel's face came into focus. The vampire was leaning forward, one hand stroking Xander's hair, his eyes intensely staring into his lover's. "Xander?' "Dead-boy..." He murmured, but then stopped. His throat hurt to speak and the room spun when he tried to move. Angel held him down gently, motioning for him not to stir. "Hey... that's quite a hickey you have there, guy." The vampire smiled and kissed Xander's lips lightly. The boy's face lit up instantly, regaining it's color. He smiled back and nuzzled Angel's hand as it stroked his face. Looking into Angel's eyes, he closed his eyes and fell back into slumber. Angel got up and leaned against the wall, relieved that Xander would recover, but still shaking with exhaustion and sorrow. In retrospect, he couldn't see how he had done it; how he had bitten Xander. He loved him so much, and the thought of drinking his lover's blood made him want to slit open his own chest and let himself bleed. He didn't deserve Xander's blood any more than he deserved the innocent boy's love. Not after everything that he'd done. "How is he?" Giles's voice broke through the somber silence of the moment. Angel ran a hand through his hair and wiped his eyes, checking for random tears. When he turned to face the Watcher, he saw Buffy, Willow, Oz, and Cordelia standing there as well. "He's fine... he's just asleep." They studied his face, and then the face of their friend in the hospital bed. Oz looked back at Angel curiously. "You look all right too." Everyone non-verbally agreed by placing their accusing eyes on Angel's face. "Yeah," was all the vampire could get out, and even that came out as a hoarse whisper. He choked back fresh tears, not wanting to embarrass himself any more than he already had, and would once they discovered what he'd done. Buffy crossed her arms. "What happened?" But she already knew. She just wanted to hear it from her ex-boyfriend's mouth. Willow ignored them and gave Angel the benefit of the doubt. "When we left you he was fine. Did a vampire--" "No," Angel admitted. "There was no vampire. Except me." "And?" Buffy pressed. Angel was stuttering again. He wrung his hands together, unable to face any of them with his eyes. He looked all around the room, the walls, the door, Xander himself... as long as it wasn't their eyes. "Xander cured me. He made me--" "How much?" Giles interrupted. "He's going to be fine!" Angel said, his voice getting louder and impatient. "He's going to be fine..." He repeated, trying to keep himself calm in the situation. Willow gulped, her eyes bouncing from Angel to Buffy to Xander and back to Angel. "He won't be a vampire?" "No, he didn't feed off of me." He said, and there came a group sigh of relief. Angel leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Giles removed his glasses to wipe them, while Buffy couldn't ignore her anger. She stormed up to Angel and cleared her throat. "Well, it's just good to know that when the chips are down and things look grim, you'll feed off the guy who loves you to save your own ass." The room grew extremely quiet, save for the sigh that escaped from Angel's throat. He felt tears falling down his cheeks and everyone suddenly saw him differently, with pity. He sat down on the chair next to his lover, and started to sob uncontrollably, his arms wrapped around Xander's sleeping body tightly. Giles shook his head. "You better go, Angel. We'll watch over him." Angel sat up and tried to wipe all the tears away. His vampire blood had risen to his cheeks and flushed them a deep crimson. "I don't want..." "The sun will be up soon," Buffy stated simply. Apprehensively, Angel lifted himself from beside Xander and ripped open the door, nearly pulling it off the hinges. Leaving quickly, he slammed it closed behind him. Buffy looked at the others, and then at Xander, who showed no signs of waking. "I better go talk to him." She didn't wait for a response from her peers, but jettisoned out into the waiting room. Her head spun around, her eyes scanning every body in the room, but she couldn't find him. Angel was gone. *** Angel sat in front of the fireplace, watching the flames dance absently around the brick. Wrapping his arms around himself and enjoying the feel of the black wool sweater he wore, he closed his eyes and thought about Xander. Xander, the first person he saw when he returned from Hell, and the man he was in love with. It was all going to end soon. "I thought you'd be here." Angel turned at the girl's voice. Buffy walked into the large, spacious living room, her blond hair pulled back away from her face and her eyes looking at him with kindness, not bitterness. He didn't bother to get up or greet her, only turned his head back to watching the fire. "If it's any consolation, I feel really close to you right now." At Buffy's words, a chill raced up Angel's spine. He turned, his eyes wide, almost unable to speak. A sliver of memory flashed through his mind, and then it was gone. His eyes wandered over her face. "What did you just say?" Buffy smiled and sat on the couch next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I said I feel really close to you right now. I understand where you're coming from and where you're going. I know what it's like to be in a position where it seems there's no right way out." She paused, thinking. "And I just want you to know that I don't blame you for any of this." "But Xander..." He began. "Xander is going to be all right, Angel." She consoled him, placing her hand over his. "What you did was courageous and out of love for him. He asked you to do it; he gave you a choice -- live or die. And you chose life because you knew that's what he wanted. For you to live. And if he had died, he still wouldn't have wanted it any other way." Angel was silent, his eyes still fixed on the fire. "Hey," Buffy said, a bit reprimandingly, and reached up with her hand to touch Angel's face. Turning his head towards her, she smiled once their eyes were locked on each other's. "Xander loves you Angel. You love him. And he's alive. No one blames you for--" "I'm leaving tomorrow." Buffy's eyebrows scrunched slightly and her mouth stopped speaking. Angel pulled away from her hand forcefully and got up, walking half- way across the room before turning back to her. "What?" She asked, breathless. "You heard me. I'm leaving tomorrow night, at sunset. I'll disappear from all your lives, and you can all move on. It's time to get the fuck out of Dodge." Buffy stood now, her face angry, and rushed up to him. "This is Sunnydale, and what the hell are you talking about? Xander needs you now, more than ever!" "Like a hole in the head." Pulling her hand back, the Slayer put enough force into her hand to get his attention, and back-slapped the vampire across the face. A deep rose imprint covered his cheek, and he snarled at her angrily. "Look, Buffy! Xander doesn't need me, all I am is a danger! A danger to him, to you, to everyone in this town!" He grabbed her shoulders and shook her, nearly morphing into his gameface. "I'm in love Buffy, and love leads to sex, and sex leads to--" "Yeah yeah, leads to pain, pain leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, thank you Yoda, but it's not gonna happen." Angel stared at her blankly. "What?" Buffy looked away, almost embarrassed for insulting him at such a moment, but then continued speaking. "Willow... she, uh, she doesn't think it can happen again." "What can't happen?" "You! Angelus! She thinks that her version of the curse didn't have a happiness clause on it. She wasn't a vengeful gypsy, she was a caring friend. The entire process and spell was changed. Your soul is more a part of you now than it ever had been before." "I don't care," Angel dejectedly spat out and then crossed to the other side of the room. "I'm so tired of ruining your lives. I come here, I try to help, I always end up doing damage. I'll hurt Xander. Just like I hurt you." "Are you listening to me?" "Are you listening to ME?!" Angel screamed back. "Is it me, or am I the only one that seems to remember myself trying to suck the world into Hell? Evil incarnate, drawing pictures of your mother while she slept and leaving them on your pillow? Killing Willow's fish? Any of this ringing a bell?" "Willow overfed her fish anyway," Buffy joked, trying to make Angel crack a smile. At his horrified look, she smiled and let down her guard. "Kidding, Angel, kidding. And yes, I know you did all those things, but it wasn't you, and furthermore, I TOLD you, it can't happen again!" "How do we know that? Do we really--" "Angel, please... Xander will be crushed if you leave like this. It's bad enough he knew you were planning to leave after the mayor's Ascension. But now? After last night?" Angel felt himself wanting to cry again, but this time he was able to hold it in. "Don't make this any harder than it is, Buffy. Lord knows you always have in the past." The Slayer gaped at him, shaking her head. "Don't do this, I'm begging you. For his sake." "That's why I'm doing this. For his sake." Buffy turned and walked to the main doors, looking over her shoulder at the vampire one last time. "Fine, but you're making a mistake." Another step, but then she looked back again. "I love you." Angel lowered his head as his eyes wandered the floor. "I know." And he heard Buffy's light footsteps as she disappeared into the night. That was the last time Buffy Summers saw the one-time love of her life, Angel. *** Xander sat on the end of the bed, dressed in his clothes from the previous night. Oz helped him finish putting on his shirt and then adjust the bandage on his neck, while Willow and Giles spoke with a doctor and filled out the release forms. Oz turned around to give Xander some privacy while he zipped up his jeans. "So what's up with your 'rents, man?" Xander looked up, the hairs on his neck standing on end. Oz turned back around and eyed him. "I don't get it. Shouldn't your parents be here to sign your release forms?" "Yeah, well... my parents aren't exactly the stellar example of what parents should be like. They don't pay much attention to my life. In fact, they probably don't even know I'm here, even though the hospital has tried contacting them for two days." "Sorry ta hear that," Oz replied, smiling reassuringly. "That's the way things go, I guess. No biggie, just another shithole in the wonderful life that is Xander Harris. Hey, at least I finally got a break," he chuckled. "I'm gay and out, right? And I got a 240-some year old boyfriend who's never gonna age." Oz looked away, sighing, realizing that no one had told Xander. Meanwhile, Xander continued talking about Angel, his face lighting up brighter with each mention of the vampire's name. "...speaking of him, where is Dead-boy?" "I don't know," Oz said quietly. "What? Why the..." Xander began to question, and then suddenly realized. Jumping to his feet, he ignored the nausea and dizziness he experienced as he rushed from the room and into the hallway. Giles looked over at him, as did Willow and Doctor Powell. Xander stumbled towards them. "Where is he?" Giles lowered his eyes. "Who?" "You know who I'm talking about, Giles! Where is Angel?" "He--" Xander wiped a stray tear and turned to Willow, cutting Giles off. "Will... where is he?" "Xander, I don't know, I mean..." Buffy walked through a set of double doors, her face pallid and pale. Her first glance brought her to Xander's eyes, and they only had to stare at each other to communicate. Immediately they were running to each other, and, meeting half-way, they fell into a tight, loving embrace, both crying heavily. Their tears ran onto the shoulders of each other's clothing, and they held each other without words. Finally, Buffy hugged him tighter and through her sobs, attempted to comfort him. "I'm so sorry, Xander, I tried to stop him, I tried..." "I know, I know..." The boy answered through his tears. "He left both of us..." Buffy pulled back at that comment, and, quieting herself, she touched his face lovingly. "No, he left you. He loved you, and only you, Xander. I'm so sorry..." They embraced again, and somewhere in the distance, thunder rolled. * * * The mansion was dark. Xander entered through its large, front doors and stepped inside. There was a cold, dead wind narrowly traveling through the shallow corridors, howling quietly throughout. Not a single candle was lit, not a single light turned on, the fireplace dark and filled with black, cold embers. The furniture remained the same; every item, untouched. He retraced his footsteps, running his hand along the walls, remembering that night when it all began. When he had been hiding in the conservatory, the ivy crawling down its sides and onto its tiled floor, and seen Buffy come in to say her good-byes. How the room had lit up, how Angel's naked body had toppled to the floor, and only he was there to witness it. He stopped about twenty yards from the atrium when he saw something small and silver gleaming on the floor. Bending over, still a little wheezy from the transfusion, he picked up the tiny object. Holding it in his fingers and staring at its miniature features between his dirt encrusted nails, he felt a lump of sadness rise in his throat. It was Buffy's claddagh ring, the very one she'd removed the night everything began. Suppressing his urge to scream as loud as he could to vent the pent up anger and frustration of losing the one thing that mattered in his life, he chose instead to slip the silver band on his finger. "The heart facing you, Buffy told me, means..." "That someone, somewhere, loves you. That your heart belongs to another soul." The voice came out of nowhere. Xander turned on his heels, and saw him standing half in the shadows between rooms. He stared for what seemed years, unsure of whether he was really facing his love or if it was just an emotionally-induced mirage. "Angel?" There was no verbal response, just Angel's arms suddenly around him, running up and down his back, touching his chest, his arms, his face, his hair. Xander moaned and let his lips be swarmed by the passionate kisses. Ravenously, he ran his hands over Angel's tight shirt, feeling the vampire's hands touching his most private of areas and arousing an immediate response. They fell back and Angel was on top of him, their bodies writhing on the large sofa in the dark. Xander gasped for breath as his love's form pressed on him and touched as much of his body as he could. Angel's hands were under his shirt, his thumbs running over Xander's taut nipples, his hands finally running back over his sweaty torso and pulling his shirt over his head. Angel reached behind his own shoulders and removed his own shirt, their bare chests now free to slide against each other, their sweat mingling and lubricating their skin between them. Xander's hard organ stretched his pants and he bucked his groin against Angel's, grinding it against him. Angel responded with more kisses, kissing the young man's naked chest and face, lips, shoulders, neck. Xander didn't even tense as Angel's tongue moved carressingly over his throat, over the thin layer of flesh that covered his jugular. As the boy ran his hands over the muscular back of the man on top of him, he felt Angel's hands on his belt buckle, unlooping the strap and unzipping his fly. But as the vampire tugged at Xander's jeans delicately, Xander put his arms between them and attempted to push Angel off. "N... no, Angel, w-we, we can't..." Angel continued to kiss his body and ran his hand across the bulge in Xander's boxers. Xander shoved his hand away and sat up, holding his hands out at arm's length, as if protecting himself. "No, Angel! The curse, you'll lose your soul, I couldn't take it if you--" "Shhh..." Angel placed a finger on Xander's lips and hushed him. "It's not gonna happen. Willow's curse is different. You can give me true happiness, Xander. Over and over and over again..." At that, they both started to laugh. Xander let Angel lie on top of him again and they began kissing, when Xander broke off. "I've, uh, never done anything like this before." "It's ok, you're with me. And I love you... and I'm gonna take care of you for tonight." Angel pressed his lips on Xander's stomach and began trailing his mouth down the boy's belly, down the treasure trail of brown hair that led into the nether-regions beneath his boxer shorts. As the elastic of his shorts was stretched and Xander felt Angel pulling them down to reveal his erection, Xander stopped again. "S-safe...safe word..." He managed to get out between groans of passion. "We need a safe word." Angel kissed his hard penis and looked up, all the while running his tongue along Xander's shaft. "Mmm... 'monkey'. You don't want to do something, just say 'monkey'." "Keep doing that..." Xander gasped as Angel took his part into his mouth, sucking with a rhythm he never imagined when he used his hand during those long nights in his room. He ran his hands through Angel's hair and ground his teeth together, his eyes fluttering open and closed. Angel looked up, taking Xander's penis out of his mouth for a moment. "How do you know what a safe word is anyway, Mr. Harris? I thought you'd never done this before." Xander grinned. "Not with another person, Dead-boy. I'm an 18 year old guy, I've seen my share of cheap porn." "Oh." Angel nodded and reassumed the position. * * * Angel laid Xander carefully down onto the bed, being wary of the wound still on the boy's throat, and kissed him. They had finished removing their clothes and now the sheets bunched up as their bare bodies intertwined, Xander taking in the musky, manly scent emanating from Angel. He cuddled his face in the vampire's shoulder as they rolled over and over, their bodies seemingly glued together. Xander gasped slightly when Angel's own part began probing his backside. Then, the head of Angel's organ slid into him and his eyes jolted open in shock. "MONKEY!" Angel suddenly pulled out, his hands holding Xander's shoulders and a look of concern sprawled on his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--" Xander smiled a little and used his free hand to wipe the large bullets of sweat from his face. Angel continued to breath heavily, unsure of how do make the next move. "It's ok, Dead-boy, just take it easy, I'm new ta this, remember?" "Mmmmhmmm..." the vampire mumbled as he gingerly massaged Xander's opening with his fingers, watching as Xander's features quickly changed from uncertainty to pleasure to excitement. As he tried for the second time to enter him, Xander's moans paused, but then resumed. Both let out small gasps of fruition as Angel ever so carefully inserted himself. Once inside, he held still, allowing Xander to adjust, and also to let his lover catch his breath. Xander stared up into Angel's eyes and lost himself in the stare, feeling the only person who ever truly cared for him sensitively make love to him. As the pressure built, Angel lowered his head and locked his lips onto Xander's, then reached down with one hand and took the boy's manhood into his palm, jerking up and down, all the while thrusting his own self inwards and out. As Angel reached climax, he buried his organ completely into Xander's hot bowels and squeezed Xander's member slightly, causing them both to freeze and groan in passion. Angel's hand became slick and rubbery as Xander's come shot out into his hand and oozez between his finger tips. No less than two seconds later was Angel growling again, his own semen being emptied into Xander. Xander closed his eyes for a moment as Angel collapsed on top of him, both of them spent. After a few short breaths, Xander opened his eyes and kissed Angel lightly on the cheek. When the vampire rose up, propping himself above Xander on his hands, his human face had melted away into his gameface. "Oh my God..." Angel looked at Xander, his head cocked slightly. "What?" Xander's face paled and he screamed, shoving his arms up against Angel's chest. "NO!" Suddenly, Angel realized what had happened, and brought his hand up to his face. In the heat of the moment, he'd forgotten to explain to his lover, like he had once with Buffy. His face, the demon, always materialized briefly during orgasm. Xander was screaming and beating his hands against Angel, almost in tears. "XANDER!" Angel cried out, his face morphing back to normal. Xander froze in terror, thinking Angelus had taken the body of the man whom he loved. "Oh God, he told me it wouldn't happen..." "Shhh," Angel said quietly, stroking Xander's cheek. "Nothing's wrong. I'm still Angel... my face changes during moments of intense... well..." "I'm sorry, I--" "It's ok," Angel soothed, rolling over and pulling Xander close to him. Snuggled together on the bed, beneath the sheets, Angel wrapped his arms around Xander, who laid his head on the vampire's chest. There followed a moment of long quiet, when neither slept, but both were lost in their own thoughts. They enjoyed just lying together for the first time, reflecting on what had brought them to this moment, the hardships they had faced and finally overcome. Eventually, Xander shuffled beneath the covers, craning his neck up and gazing into Angel's face. "Don't go." Angel lowered his eyes and stroked Xander's shoulder tenderly. "It's not about losing my soul, or Buffy, or you, Xander... this is about the series of events that have ended time and time again with pain. No matter what happens, I'm not going to be able to protect you from all of this. And it kills me every time I think about it." "It doesn't have to be this way," Xander replied softly. "I love you." Angel sighed, Xander's hot, blood-filled body lying by his side. He closed his eyes. "I know." "Stay." * * * It was three-thirty in the morning. Xander awoke to a silence that was deafening with it's implication. He sat up in bed, the place next to him still warm where Angel had been lying. He wasn't sad, or angry, or hurt, but almost instantly was filled with an intense feeling of loneliness. He sat up and swung his legs around off the bed. Reaching down, he grabbed his pants and pulled them on quickly. Not bothering to put on socks or his shirt, he ran from the room and into the main corridor of the mansion. He passed the large atrium, where the vines lie still and untouched. The fireplace was as cold and barren as it had been before. He passed the dining hall, and it too was empty. He called Angel's name twice, and was greeted only with his own voice resonating through the hollow space of the building. Xander opened the main doors and stood on the terrace overlooking the garden. The sun wasn't going to be up for another two hours, and the cool, early morning breeze slid over his face, welcomed. Looking out over the skyline, he saw Sunnydale, lightless, sitting still in the night. Crawford Street was empty. The breeze was hitting his arms now, and producing a chill. Gooseflesh rippled over the toned skin of his forearms. "I love you too, you know." Xander turned, his hair mussed from sleeping, his eyes focusing in the darkness. He wrapped his arms around himself and smiled slightly at the figure before him. Angel was dressed in black jeans and a black sweater, with a duffel bag in one hand and a bookbag slung over his shoulder. "I thought you'd already left," Xander stated. "I'm all packed," Angel said, ignoring Xander's question. "I see that." Angel stared at him. "I love you." Xander turned away for a moment, looking out over Sunnydale from the elevated balcony above the garden. Before him stretched out everything he knew about life, a place he believed somewhere inside he could never leave, even with the knowledge of demons crawling in the dark. Eyeing the town, he smiled. "Yeah..." He turned back to face his lover, but saw only the doorway. "Angel?" The vampire he called "lover" was gone, save for the gleaming silver object on the floor. Xander picked it up and smiled with a few stray tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Angel's claddagh. He looked back out over the city and stood there for hours, watching the sun come up, and then went home. * * * An exerpt from Xander's journal that morning: Sometimes you look at someone every day, and you never really realize what that person is to you until it's too late. That wasn't the case with Angel. I found him, in every sense of the word. He gave me something I will always have -- memories. And love. Although I know him now, I will always regret waiting so long to see his true colors. I look back on what I've written in this journal in the past and I start to understand that the more and more you read about fictional dreams and characters, they seem more real than real life. The Angel I always imagined became my reality. Sometimes I wonder what could have been, if he had stayed. But then I know that everything happens for a reason, and that I really have gotten a happy ending somewhat, because I found someone who loves me. I'll always dream of the senior year of high school, and my relationship with a vampire. I wonder though, what could have been, and then dismiss it -- these days I prefer not to. ***** Angel slung his book bag over his shoulder and picked up the duffel bag sitting beside him. A young woman's voice came over the airline's intercom -- last call for Flight 204 from Sunnydale International Airport to L.A. He tried not to think of the future; he was having trouble enough getting past the thought of leaving forever. The sun had just dipped underneath the horizon; it had been almost twenty-four hours since he'd last seen Xander and he was already missing him. Xander's blood was in his body, now and forever. They shared a bond that even death wouldn't break. Exiting the main building and walking along the concrete landing pad towards the plane, and destiny, he let his mind drift away to the past night. Being inside Xander, loving him, making love to him. Feeling Xander's semen spray into his fingers and knowing that he'd just caused the young man he loved to have the most pleasurable moment of his life. How they'd lain together, and how he'd begged Angel not to go. Angel stepped onto the ramp and looked up. Some woman was asking him for his ticket. He debated just turning around and leaving, going to find Xander and hold him and tell him he would never let him go, and then realized it was too late. He'd destroyed a relationship once again. He gave the woman his ticket and kept walking up the ramp. For some reason he slowed down, and stopped, standing on that ramp, wondering why he'd done this, berating himself. The line began to back up as he lost himself in his own brooding. "All aboard, Dead-boy." Angel looked up. Xander smiled at him from the doorway to the plane. He had two duffel bags slung over each shoulder and his hair was hanging over his face, blown slightly over his eyes by the wind rushing around the plane. "Xander, what--" "You left this at the mansion." Xander smiled and held out his hand. Angel's claddagh sat in the middle of his palm. The vampire took it and placed it gingerly on his finger, then looked back up at Xander. "If you think you're getting away from me that easily, Angel, you have another thing coming." "But Xander," Angel sarcastically pleaded, a smile creeping over his face. "What about school, and your parents, and Buffy..." "The mayor's dead, I have a diploma, the high school's blown up, I couldn't give a shit about Buffy if it means being with you, and you really don't want me to get into my parents right here." "So I guess this only means one thing." Angel said solemnly. "Yup." Rushing up to meet him, Angel grabbed Xander by the shoulders and slammed their lips together, igniting their body heat and flustering them both as they lost each other in a fiery, passionate kiss. The other passengers who'd heard their conversation erupted into applause, and as the clapping of strangers continued, they continued to lap at each other's mouths and fiercely kiss each other. Pulling back, Xander wrapped his arms around Angel and hugged him, not bothering to wipe the tears streaming down his face. "Angel, you really piss me off sometimes. You have no idea the emotional baggage I'm carrying because of you." He giggled softly into Angel's shoulder as he nuzzled him. Picking Xander up as if he was about to carry him over the threshold of some invisible hotel suite, Angel headed up the ramp as they kissed again. "Shut up Xander, or I'll have to kiss you again to shut you up." "Then I'm gonna keep on talking all the way to L.A... speaking of which, what are we gonna do when we get there?" Angel shrugged. "I don't know, we have our whole lives to plan the future. It's just you and me and the world, Harris." Xander's eyes widened. "Wow, that sounds pretty serious. Let's talk about the future later. Right now, we have a plane to catch." The End.