Title: The Games We Play #5 - Squeaking Beds and The Threat of Castration
Author: Anastasia (Charlie1@acay.com.au)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I own none, just borrowing them for my own twisted pleasure and public humiliation.
Feedback: If you want me to continue this it is kind of mandatory and it is always greatly appreciated.
Notes: Fifth story in the series and only a short one.  I know on Buffy Spike has moved out, but in my world he is still being shuffled between Giles and Xander's.  Another piece of silly fiction written in the throngs of insomnia.  For the Toe Tinglers and the dog torturers and the girls of the second floor.

***

Giles bounced on the bed, his head resting against a wealth of pillows.  Sighing he stopped bouncing and jerked his body up and down trying to rattle the bed.  No squeaking, that was good.  Mind you his old bed didn't squeak...until 3am this morning when Spike and Willow began their fourth coupling.  Strange isn't it how when you know that someone is having sex your ears become sensitive to the sounds?  Giles had thought that as he lay on the couch watching the second hand make its torturously slow journey around the clock while listening to Spike and Willow groaning and moaning.  The first time he had simply turned on his heel and walked away, deciding that he didn't want to know.  The second time, some half an hour after his initial discovery, he had become curious as he listened to the muttered terms of endearment and the soft guttural moans of pleasure that were floating down the stairs.  The third time, a little after midnight, he tried to block the sounds and upsetting thoughts out by covering his face with a pillow - he only succeeded in nearly suffocating.  The fourth time, as the bed began its screeching and squealing protests, he had gotten off the couch to pace after growling obscenities about the stamina of a rutting vampire and cursing the rejuvenating energies of youth.  He had lost count after that, but needless to say he didn't sleep for the rest of the night and had left early in the morning to go to the furniture store.

Now as he tested the various beds and ensembles he let his mind wander to the possibilities of Spike and Willow as a couple.  From his observations it was obvious that they had been lovers for a time...for how long he wasn't sure.  He moved restlessly about on the bed.  It made him edgy that he had been so ignorant to what was going on, as he thought back over the past few weeks he could see blatant signs - their behaviour after LA...Giles sat up on the bed, his head spinning in protest at the sudden movement, remembering the conversation with Spike.  Had he been telling the truth?  Giles groaned and pressed the palm of his hands to his eyes.  How could he have been so blind?  The incident with Oz and then afterwards before Oz left Spike had been hovering around Willow, whispering things, always touching her and then his behaviour the night Buffy was looking for her.  Giles laid back down and shook his head in disgust at his own stupidity - that night Spike had come back just before sunrise and slept the whole day, a stupid smirk plastered on his face.  Since then Spike always left as soon as the sun set only to return just before sunrise and Giles hadn't seen Willow at all during that time. 

Lovers.  Having sex.  Having sex in his bed.  A shudder ripped through him.  Bloody hell they made his bed squeak.  His bed wasn't meant to squeak - ever!  No matter what...unless of course he was in it.  His eyes flew open as a rather disturbing image flashed behind his eyes - the three of them naked in his bed doing things that would definitely make it squeak.

"Do you like it?" a soft female voice jarred him out of his erotic vision.

"What? No, no I would never consider...oh...you're um talking about the bed...of course you're talking about the bed...what else would you be talking about?  Certainly not a..." he glanced up at the young women who was looking at him like she was considering calling the police.  He coughed slightly, clearing his throat.  "Yes, actually I do.  Do you have it in a King size?"

He was determined to buy all new linen as well and he couldn't do that if he simply bought another queen-size bed.

"Of course," the women looked at the flushed and obviously flustered gentleman who seemed lost in thought.  "Will you be needing linen?"

"Erm, yes, yes...I'll need everything and at least two sets of sheets," stated Giles pushing himself off the bed.  As he automatically gave his details to the shop assistant his thoughts again returned to Spike and Willow.  He was certain that no one else was aware of their, he shuddered at the thought of the word he had to use to describe it, relationship, except maybe Oz who had left.  If Buffy ever found out about what was going on he was certain that Spike would be dust...dust...and where would that leave Willow?  He thought about that.  Willow wasn't the sort of girl to just jump into bed with someone, especially not a vampire, defanged or not, without some sort of emotional attachment.  Whether he liked it or not Willow was involved with Spike, cared for him enough to give herself to him physically.  His mind screamed in protest at that - Willow was a good girl, she loved wholly and unselfishly, would give herself wholly and unselfishly.  Did Spike understand that or was she just some sort of toy for the vampire?  Maybe a sick twisted way to get back at the Slayer since he couldn't physically hurt her why not hurt her emotionally by using Willow? 

"So what sort of linen were you interested in?  We have some lovely satin sheets on special at the moment - nothing more delightful than slipping into cool soft satin on those warm Sunnydale nights," the saleswomen offered cheerfully.

"Satin?" Giles squeaked, his mind filled with images of Spike dragging Willow upstairs and shagging her senseless on red satin sheets.  "No, no! Cotton, white if possible. Thank you."

Giles hoped that would be off putting for the perpetually horny vampire.  Horny, yes...but would he really use Willow merely to get back at the Slayer?  Giles turned to stare blindly at the bed linen stacked before him.  It would seem a petty act of retaliation -he was a vampire and that is what vampires are known for.  But then Spike was different.  He had betrayed his sire for the sake of love, admittedly that had gone badly and he had been scorned and dumped by Drusilla.  As far as Giles could tell Spike had gone from one meaningless shag to another after that...perhaps he saw Willow as just another conquest, another notch in the belt.  That irritated Giles to no end, Willow didn't deserve to be treated like that - especially if she really did care for the vampire, as Giles feared.

"Well, we can have the bed delivered this afternoon.  Is four o'clock suitable Mr Giles?"

"What?  Four?  Yes that will be perfect.  Thank you so much for your assistance."

***

Spike prodded at the microwave to heat his blood.  He was wearing just his jeans and a sooky pout.  Willow had left to go back to her dorm, she had been mortified about what they had done. She felt so guilty that she had stripped Giles bed and put the linen in the washing machine leaving Spike strict instructions to transfer it to the dryer.  Spike smirked, what a night they'd had - there was no argument about who had to sleep in the wet patch, by the time the sun rose the whole bloody bed was a huge wet patch.  Naked and in bed together, that was the way he had always wanted it. Unfortunately it had ended around nine that morning when Giles had slammed the door on his way out, Willow had woken, done her guilt ridden cleaning act and was incredibly pissed off at Spike.

"Secret!  Remember SECRET!" she had hissed at him, her forehead crumpling into a frown while her lips formed a pout, which only turned him on more.  Unfortunately there was no means of convincing her to let him kiss it better.  She had continued her rant on the importance of keeping their relationship a secret as she stripped the bed and remade it, then announced that she was going to go back to the dorm.  Spike had tried to dissuade her but it didn't work and she'd left.  Now all Spike wanted to do was eat and crash.

Unfortunately nothing was going to work the way he wanted it to.  Giles came home just as the microwave beeped.  As Spike turned around to mutter some form of greeting Giles fist collided with his face sending him and the mug of warm blood crashing to the floor.

"What the bloody hell..." Spike was cut off as Giles picked up a large knife and held it to his jean-clad testicles.  Spike stopped all movement and eyed the watcher carefully.  He was in deep shit.  "Okay mate...want to tell me why you are so testy?"

Spike grimaced as Giles twisted the knife blade up putting even more pressure on his testicles and decided that "testy" wasn't the best choice of words when faced with an irate Watcher holding a very sharp blade to his balls.

"What is going on?"

"Well apparently you're about to castrate me so I can sing soprano.  Personally I prefer my tenor range...you know quite happy with it...manly and all that...takes balls - which is something I'd really like to hold on to, so if you'll just," Spike lowered his hand only to have Giles move the knife and cut through the denim, the blade pressing into the flesh of his balls. "Fuck!  Okay what do you want to know?"

"Willow," stated Giles glaring at the panic-stricken vampire.

"She's left, gone back to the dorm," offered Spike.  Giles shook his head and raised the blade a little eliciting a sound of sheer horror to leave Spike's lips.

"What is going on between you two?"

Spike was screwed.  He could remain loyal to Willow, keep their secret and lose two of his best qualities or tell and perhaps lose Willow.  He didn't want to lose either of them.  Shit he hated indecision - why couldn't he just have a nice easy prompt in which way to go?  He got it as the blade cut lightly into the flesh of his balls.

"She's mine!" he hissed.  Probably didn't sound very good but it was true in his eyes and it was enough of an answer to relieve the pressure of the knife on his testicles.

"How long?" asked Giles.  Spike swallowed and clenched his jaw.

"A few weeks...not long," Spike muttered.

"Why?"

"Why?  Geez take a look at her mate.  Why bloody not?" Spike yelled and gasped as he felt the blade dig back into the flesh of his balls.

"Are you just using her for sex?"

"Look you bloody git I told you already she is mine!  If I just wanted a fuck I'd go shag a rabid whore. Bloody hell you're holding a fucking blade to my gonads - do you think I would fuck around with you?" Spike hissed as the blade pressed harder against his flesh and his game face came to the fore.  "She is mine and nothing you say or do will change that!"

Giles pulled the knife away and stood up.  It was enough for him that Spike, in his own twisted way, cared for Willow.  That was all he needed to know. 

"Watcher," Spike called as Giles threw the knife into the sink.  Giles turned and looked at the vampire.  "No one knows, no one needs to know - that's what Willow wants."

"I think, for the moment, that would be best," Giles headed back toward the living room, pausing in the doorway he turned back to Spike.  "One thing, don't EVER have sex in my bed AGAIN!  Or I swear I will stake you myself."

Spike waited until Giles was out of sight before pulling his legs up and cradling his balls.  "Hell of a way to get your point across mate!"