Title: The Games We Play #7 - Spike Experiences The Joy Of Childbirth
Author: Anastasia (Charlie1@acay.com.au)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own none, just borrowing them for my own twisted pleasure and public humiliation.
Feedback: If you want me to continue this it is kind of mandatory and it is always greatly appreciated.
Notes: Seventh story in the series. I know on Buffy Spike has moved out, but in my world he is still being shuffled between Giles and Xander's. Another piece of silly fiction written in the throngs of insomnia, doesn't appear to be anything than silly...literally.
***
"You're a bloody twit," proclaimed Spike walking through the door of Giles apartment, clutching at his stomach, a grimace marring his face. Buffy sauntered in behind him shaking her head.
"Oh stop being such a baby," she said flopping down onto the couch. Giles frowned at the two.
"How did it go then?" Giles asked. The two had reluctantly agreed to go out together and retrieve a jewel from one of the many crypts in Sunnydale that had attracted the attention of some nondescript end-of-the-world type demons.
"I am never doing anything for the greater good again," spat Spike before groaning and doubling over in pain. Willow, who had been sitting on her hands trying to restrain herself from showing any special attention to Spike, which could be correctly interpreted by the rest of the gang, jumped up and rushed over to him.
"What happened? What is it? Are you okay?" Steadying him she took hold of his hand and led him over to a chair. Anya was the only one who so much as raised an eyebrow. Turning from the still groaning Spike she faced Buffy. "What happened to him?"
"Please," stated Buffy incuriously casting a general 'I really dislike you' look toward Spike's doubled over form. "He's just being a wimp. We got the rock, a really nice emerald...actually do we have to destroy it? 'Cause I was thinking it would look really nice cut into pieces and made up in some..."
"Buffy," Giles spoke firmly as Spike once more groaned and clutched at Willow's hand. "I hardly think that jewellery is a suitable topic at this point in time, what exactly happened?"
"Well the demons showed up, four of them, with swords and I thought that I'd put the emerald somewhere safe while we fought. I mean I didn't want it to fall out of a pocket or be easily accessible in case they got hold of me," Buffy paused and shot a glance at Spike, smirking. "So I put it somewhere safe."
"What exactly does that have to do with Spike?" asked Giles exasperated.
"The stupid little chit forced it down my fucking throat," Spike growled, his eyes flashing gold as he shot her a withering stare. Giles tried, unsuccessfully, to hold back a smile of amusement while Xander laughed outright.
"Buffy how could you?" Willow asked, shocked by her friend's apparent insensitivity toward Spike.
"I had to think on my feet, Will, and that was the safest place I could think of. I mean at least it couldn't get lost or dropped and it was safe from the demons," Buffy stated standing up. It had, at the time, seemed like the best solution. She looked at the blond being comforted by Willow; he did seem to be in a bit of pain. "Anyway, now we have to get it out and destroy it."
Spike's eyes widened. "What the bloody hell are you talking about woman?"
"The emerald, come on spit it out. Otherwise we'll have to go in after it," Buffy leered at Spike. Spike did the only thing possible, cursed her and hid behind Willow. Giles thought it was time to intercept.
"Both of you that's enough," he spat, silently wishing that they would all stop behaving like such children. "Really Buffy, you could have been more considerate, I am sure that there were other options available," Buffy merely shrugged and sat back down on the couch. Sighing Giles turned to the vampire. "I suppose the best way to get the gem is for you to...er...well regurgitate it."
Spike looked up at him. "You want me to throw up?"
Giles nodded and headed to his kitchen to retrieve a bucket. Returning, he placed it squarely in front of Spike on the coffee table. "That would be the best way."
"Okay, this is starting to become gross," stated Anya. Turning to Xander she frowned. "This is your idea of a social evening with your friends? Watching some neutered vampire throw up?"
"Well..." began Xander.
"Hey, this isn't exactly fun for me you know," declared Spike glaring at the ex demon. Leaning forward he looked expectantly at the bottom of the bucket and opened his mouth. Nothing happened. He leant back. "How am I meant to throw up?"
"Catch a stomach bug," offered Xander.
"Think of something really gross and stomach turning, like your face," stated Buffy.
"Buffy, you really aren't helping," Giles chastised. Sighing he looked at Spike and rubbed at his temple. "I can mix up a few things that might help with the gag reflexes."
Again Giles disappeared into the kitchen and returned a few moments later with some foul smelling concoction. Willow raised an eyebrow and frowned at the Watcher.
"Okay, is he meant to drink it or smell it?" asked Willow trying to wave the stench of the brew away.
"Drink it," Giles stated handing Spike the mug. Twisting his face in a strange mixture of pain and disgust Spike swallowed the whole mug full in one gulp.
"Are you trying to poison me? That's fucking disgusting mate," he said, sticking his tongue out and screwing up his eyes.
"Well actually yes, it is a mild poison but it will cause you to have gag reflexes," Giles calmly stated taking back the mug. Willows face paled and her eyes widened in disbelief.
"Way to go Giles, poison Spike," Xander said, grinning like a maniac. Turning he elbowed Anya in the ribs. "See and you thought he liked him."
Before Anya or anyone else could comment Spike lurched forward and heaved, spewing the brew and blood into the bucket. The whole room was filled with the sounds of dry retching and disgust from the others.
"That is so disgusting...did the emerald come up?" asked Buffy, not looking at the contents of the bucket. Spike shook his head before again throwing up more blood. Wiping his mouth on a cloth that Giles handed him, he shook his head again.
"This isn't working. I need something to really make me heave," Spike declared.
Xander's face lit up. "You mean like 'Exorcists' pea soup stuff?"
"Shut up Xander," said Giles looking at him. "Does anyone have any suggestions?"
"Well maybe if we give him something to visualise, you know, like rotting corpses, disembowelling humans and the stench that their stomach and bowels make," Anya offered, making Xander and Buffy turn green.
"That's disgusting," frowned Buffy, suddenly feeling her stomach lurch. Anya merely shrugged.
"Nah, that sort of thing only gets me all...excited," Spike smirked before looking at the people staring at him. "Come on! I have to really heave - tell me something to make me heave!"
Anya shrugged and Xander looked at him like he was possessed. Giles was mentally sorting through his mind trying to desperately think of something that would create the desired affect while Buffy was concentrating on not throwing up herself. Willow glanced from Spike to Buffy and back to Spike. Leaning forward she whispered in his ear.
"Kissing Buffy," Spike grinned at her, his hand squeezing her ass affectionately without drawing attention to the others.
"Having my sires bitch - no good love. Although the taste of slayer was foul." Spike laughed. Suddenly Buffy slapped him across the head, he had no idea she could move that fast. "Hey, get off me you stupid bloody cow."
Buffy scowled and sat back down on the couch, crossing her arms. Willow looked at her friend again and smiled. Turning back to Spike she crept closer to him. Speaking slowly and clearly she put forward an image, making sure that the whole room was able to hear.
"Angel and Buffy swapping spit," she suggested, making Spike dry heave and motioning for her to continue. "Angel and Buffy declaring their love for each other - constantly while swapping even more spit, and we are talking serious deep tonguing here."
Spike lurched forward and heaved, bringing up the rich dark blood that his body survived on. Gasping unnecessarily he closed his eyes. "Keep going love."
"Angel and Buffy having sex, no not having sex but making LOVE!" Willow said sweetly making Spike once more heave. Buffy began to protest, only to be hushed by Giles and Willow kept going. "Angel and Buffy doing the deed, rubbing uglies, getting pelvic, shagging, bonking, copulating..."
As she continued with the list of repulsive images Spike continued to jettison the contents of his stomach until he dry heaved. But it proved fruitless - the emerald remained elusive. Groaning Spike sunk back into the depths of his chair. Willow stroked his head in sympathy.
"What now?" asked Buffy, peeved that she was the main cause of Spikes ability to heave.
"We wait," said Giles calmly.
"WHAT??" screamed Spike, jumping off the chair and starting to pace. "No way, this THING," he gestilated with his hands wildly. "Is cut - you know sharp edges. It's fucking ripping me up!"
"Oh stop being such a baby - it's not that big." Buffy stated, shaking her head. "Maybe you should eat some bran - you know the sooner its out the better."
"Oh that's just bloody great," says Spike plonking back down on the couch and wincing in obvious pain as the emerald moved. "Somebody get me a crate of whiskey."
"Well as fascinating as this is, I think it is time for Xander and I to leave," stated Anya heading to the door, turning back to Xander. "Xander, come."
Xander shrugged and followed her.
"Come on Willow, we might as well go too," Buffy said standing up. Willow glanced at Spike who nodded slightly so as not to attract the slayers attention. Reluctantly Willow got up and with Buffy said goodnight and left Giles apartment.
***
Some four hours later Willow was back at the apartment. She couldn't stand the thought of Spike being by himself while in pain. Needless to say the sight that greeted her as she walked through the front door surprised her. Giles was stretched out on the couch, reading a book with his headphones on. There was no sign of Spike. Frowning Willow walked up behind Giles and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Aaaahhh," he screamed jumping up from the couch and pulling off the headphones. Turning he came face to face with a worried Willow. "Willow, you...you...startled me."
Willow smiled at him stating the obvious. "Why the head..."
Before she managed to finish the question a long guttural moan came from the bathroom shortly followed by a series of curses that would make the most hardened individual blush. Glancing up the stairs she frowned and turned back to Giles, who was staring at the door at the top of the stairs that led to the bathroom. Clearing his throat he glanced down at Willow.
"Apparently it is somewhat...painful," offered Giles, a look of concern crossing his face. "Perhaps it would be best if you weren't here Willow."
"Why aren't you helping him?" asked Willow, as another low groan could be heard.
"Ah well, you see he...refused my help. Well actually there isn't a lot anyone can do...the emerald simply has to work through his system." Giles paused as another bout of swearing could be heard. "I understand that the emerald was cut to be as sharp as razors so I can't imagine that it would be the most pleasant experience."
"But you can't just leave him up there alone! Have you been checking on him? Does he need blood?"
"Well..." Giles wasn't prepared to share with her the verbal abuse Spike had delivered to him at his offer of assistance. Since that time he had merely left the vampire to wallow in his agony while he passed the time until the stone made an appearance.
"You haven't, have you?" Willow demanded, stamping her foot and glaring at the Watcher. Giles dropped his head guiltily.
"No," he mumbled, she was right in a way, he should have at least been checking on Spike occasionally. Any reprimanding that Willow may have been going to deal out was cut off as another painful groan came from the bathroom. Willow shook her head and started up the stairs. Giles stood watching her, wondering if Spike in his pain induced fury could be dangerous. Mind you he didn't like the idea of trying to stop Willow when she had her resolve face firmly in place. Sighing he went back to the couch and picked up his book.
Willow knocked on the door, it was answered by a low growl. Taking a deep breath she opened the door and peaked inside.
"Oh god," was all she could mutter. The bathroom was completely wrecked. The shower curtain had been torn down and shredded, towels lay scattered on the floor and other bits and pieces lay strewn about. Spike himself was resting his forehead against the hand basin, bent over, his arms crossed and cradling his stomach. He had stripped down to his jeans and his pale skin was covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Moving to him Willow gingerly touched his cold, clammy shoulder and shuddered at the sight of clotted and dark stagnant blood in the hand basin. "Spike?"
"Kill her," he all but growled through clenched teeth.
"What?"
"The fucking bitch of a slayer - kill her," he snapped out, his face crumpling up in agony. "Better yet, bring her here and let me do it - I'll rip her fucking guts out."
"Oh Spike, I'm sure that..."
"NO!" he hissed at her, lifting his head from the basin, his eyes flashing gold and his demon coming to the fore. "She has to fucking pay for this." Willow suddenly become very glad she couldn't understand the rest of his mutterings as she began to rub comforting circles on his back.
"Maybe if you try breathing through the pain?" Willow offered, earning a withering look from Spike.
"I don't breathe," he stated, resting his head against the basin again, groaning long and low before continuing in his rant. "I hope she marries a good catholic boy and has at least 8 fucking pregnancies that are all multiple bloody births with huge bloody heads and that they fucking rip the crap out of her."
"Well, okay..." offered Willow unsure of what to say. She glanced in the basin, her stomach turning at the sight of the clotted blood, and wondered how long ago he had thrown up. Suddenly his body lurched under her hand and another flood of blood poured from his mouth. "Okay that answers my question."
"What?" he asked feebly between spitting out the remnants.
"Nothing, do you want some blood to drink? Can I get you anything?" Willow asked, uncertain how exactly to nurse a vampire who was passing an emerald. Spike shook his head, before twisting his face in agony.
"Yeah, bring me the Slayer, I'll drink her blood and drain the bitch dry then rip her heart out for a keepsake," he hissed.
<Okay, I think Buffy should stay away for a few days.> she thought. The next few hours were spent alternately reassuring Spike, listening to him rant and holding his hand as wave after wave of agony swept through him until he passed the emerald. Willow had never seen so much blood in all her life, apart from the constant throwing up every half hour (Willow could have set her watch by his sessions of heaving) that was nothing to when the emerald actually came out. Dark and stagnant blood, marring his pale skin, making the emerald look more purple than green, and he seem to bleed for hours afterwards. Exhausted and weak she sat cradling him in the comfort of her arms on the bathroom floor until the blood stopped flowing, only then did she get up and walk down stairs to Giles with the stone.
"Here you go," she said handing over the gem, which was nearly as big as her palm. Giles turned it over in his own hands as Willow went into the kitchen to warm up some blood.
"No wonder he was making such a fuss," he stated, glancing at Willow. "Is he okay?"
Willow nodded mutely as she waited for the microwave to beep. Taking the mug out she turned to head back up the stairs. As she passed Giles she paused and looked at him.
"Perhaps it would be best if you called Buffy and told her to keep out of his sight for a few days," she said quietly, not wanting to share with the Watcher the details that Spike had described to her about what he was going to do to the Slayer the next time he saw her. "I'm going to give him a bath, get him cleaned up...if that's okay?"
"Oh, of course Willow," Giles said nodding in agreement. "Take as long as you like."
Willow nodded and headed back up to the bathroom. Spike was still leaning back against the tub, butt naked, and blood marring his excessively pale skin. Kneeling down next to him she handed him the mug, her free hand caressing his face.
"Thanks, love," he said taking it from her. Standing up she began to clean away the mess, letting the water rinse away the bloody mess in the sink. "Willow, pet, leave that I'll clean it up later."
"No it's okay, I've nearly finished anyway," she turned back to him, smiling slightly before leaning over and filling up the bath with warm water. "Get in."
Spike, too tired to argue climbed in, grateful of the warmth that enveloped him. He felt Willow's hands on his back, urging him forward and couldn't help but sigh when she slipped in behind him. Turning in the water he rested on his side, his arms snaking about her waist and rested his head between her breasts, placing a light kiss on her skin.
"Thank you," he whispered, closing his eyes and letting her steady heartbeat and warming hands soothe him. She laughed lightly and hooked one of her legs about his.
"You're welcome," she kissed the top of his head, stroking his hair with her long fingers.
"I am telling you now, you are never having kids. I don't want you to go through anything like that," Spike demanded, his arms holding her tightly to him, one hand lightly tracing her ass. He felt her heartbeat increase beneath his ear. "Willow?"
"Shhh, Spike. No more talking, just rest."