Title:The Life and Loves of Xander Harris
Author: Merlin
E-mail: merlin.fifthhorseman@virgin.net
Rating: Um...not sure but implied slash! <G>
Pairings: Everyone!
Category: Humour
Spoilers: Some for the first season of Angel and the fourth season of Buffy.
Status: New; Complete
Date: 01/04/2000
Archive: List archives and my site only.
Series: No
Website: http://www.fifthhorseman.freeserve.co.uk/lair.htm
Disclaimer: <Sigh> All these lovely characters are the creations of Joss
Whedon and are owned by Warner Brothers and Mutant Enemy...that said if I
win the lottery I'm buying them all!!! No copyright infringement intended.
Notes: Thanks as always to Claire for beta-reading :-) And for that
inspirational conversation!
The Life and Loves of Xander Harris
By Merlin
Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer extraordinaire, glanced across at the door to
Xander's hospital room and sighed. It wasn't her fault she reminded
herself...how was she to know that Xander had a grumbling appendix...and it
wasn't as though she'd hit him THAT hard. She scowled at the closed door for
the hundredth time and shifted uneasily on the plastic waiting room chair.
It wasn't fair...everyone was blaming her for this...especially Giles.
The hands of the clock on the wall moved to 6pm and the doors at the end of
the corridor opened. Buffy glanced up to confirm her suspicions as Giles
arrived. He'd been a regular visitor since Xander had been
admitted...arriving at 6pm and leaving when the nurses threw him out. Buffy
was no innocent...slow on the uptake sometimes...but no innocent...she
recognised love when she saw it and Giles' broken confession on the second
night had only confirmed her suspicions. Giles and Xander were an item.
It had taken a while for Buffy to move past the eew factor...but she was
finding it easier to picture the two of them together...she blushed as Giles
walked over to join her...too easy!
"How is he?" Giles' hopeful voice drew her back to the present.
"No change." Buffy smiled reassuringly at her former watcher. "I'm sure
he'll be fine Giles." She ran a hand down a tweed-clad sleeve, in sympathy.
"Xander's strong, he'll..." she broke off as the corridor doors flew open
and a wild eyed dishevelled figure burst through.
"I just heard. How is he?" Hands pushed nervously back through blonde hair
and the second man shifted nervously from foot to foot.
Buffy barely had time to blink before Giles threw himself into the
newcomer's arms with a sob. She watched as Spike...SPIKE...enfolded Giles in
his arms and started to pat his back comfortingly. Murmuring
reassurances...telling Giles that Xander loved them and would come back to
them. Buffy sank back onto her hard plastic chair, trying desperately to
ground herself in reality. It had been weird enough learning about Xander
and Giles...but Xander and SPIKE?! She shuddered, at the possible
implications of that piece of news....
The vampire had finally got Giles calmed down and had pushed two chairs
together so they could sit and blatantly...cuddle...when the doors to the
corridor opened again.
"Uh...hi..." a familiar figure sidled into the room.
"Oz?" Buffy smiled. "Oz!" She rose to her feet and crossed to enfold him a
hug, grateful for his stable presence in the light of the new developments.
"Willow will be so pleased to see you, she's not here at the moment...."
"I know." Oz pulled back slightly, smiling gently. "How's Xander?"
"Xander?" Buffy repeated almost stupidly. "Xander's...fine." She came close
to snapping the last word.
"Thank god!" Oz let out a sigh of relief. "We had a gig last night and I
couldn't get away sooner. I worried all the way here...."
Buffy stepped back and looked at him in amazement, wondering if her friends
had all been replaced with pod people.
"You and Xander?" her voice cracked with incredulity.
Oz smiled sheepishly and nodded. "It's why I left...I...I...couldn't bare to
share him...." His smile was sad as he turned to face Giles. "I'm sorry...."
"Don't be," Giles reached out a hand and pulled Oz down to join him and
Spike, "Xander has enough love for all of us!"
"Not to mention stamina!" Buffy muttered determined not to throw up at the
cloying sweetness emanating from her companions. Her mind reeled at the
implications. Xander had three...THREE...male lovers! What the hell had
Xander got that she hadn't!
Buffy was so lost in thought she barely glanced up as the doors were thrown
open again and the swirl of a black coat brought in the last person she'd
expected to see.
"Angel!" she whispered.
"Buffy," the vampire nodded in acknowledgement his eyes flicking nervously
across the people gathered there. "How is he?"
"How is HE?!" Buffy's voice rose and her hand reached for the ever-present
stake in her jacket pocket. The only thing that saved her former lover from
becoming a pile of dust was the doors crashing open again as Doyle raced in.
"Angel!" the half-demon exclaimed skidding to a stop, "you could've waited!
I was only parking the car!" He turned to Buffy and smiled charmingly at
her. "How is he?"
Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer extrodinaire, pulled herself up to her full
height and glared at the five men in the room.
"Tell me," she said icily, "is there any man I know who ISN'T sleeping with
Xander Harris?"
The doors opened one final time and Riley walked in. "Hi Buffy, how's..." he
never finished the sentence. The right hook caught him on the jaw and he
flew backwards across the room.
Gathering her shattered dignity around her like a cloak, Buffy strode from
the room, the hospital and Xander Harris' life.
Riley accepted the solicitous hand that Doyle offered him and let himself be
pulled to his feet. He shook his head to clear it and grimaced ruefully.
"And I was only going to ask her if she wanted to catch a movie tonight!"
Finis