Title: Understandings (1/1)
Author: Saone
Summary: Angel gains an unwanted comprehension (A/X)
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: They’re not mine
Archive: Angelslash, Deadboy and Xander, UCSL,
Xanderslash
Website: http://adult.dencity.com/srof/index.html
E-mail: Saone@yahoo.com
Date: March 15, 2000
Notes: This is my response to challenge #13 on the
Angelslash list. It is also XanderMuse’s retaliation
for my fic ‘Mistakes’
**********
When Xander first brought out the chains I thought he
might finally understand. This was about lust, and
pleasure, not love. Lust, pleasure, and. . . pain.
I‘m not ashamed to admit that. Like most vampires, I
enjoy a little torture with my sex.
When I first said that to Xander he went completely
pale, and his eyes got this look in them, like a
rabbit who just realized it was making kissy faces
with a cobra.
He was scared of me. . . as well he should be.
It took a few minutes to explain what I wanted. If it
was physically possible, the boy actually got paler.
He said he didn’t want to hurt me. He said he wanted
to make love to me.
I said it wasn’t about what he wanted.
That was a week ago. A week of mindless sex, not
love, just sex. Hard, rough, animalistic sex. A week
of me pushing Xander off the bed as soon as he was
done. I knew, that eventually, he’d learn the way
this worked.
He’d learn. No hugging, or cuddling, or caressing, or
those sweet, soft kisses that he’s just so damn good
at. . .
He can be such a tender lover.
But, I don’t want tenderness. I don’t need it. I
don’t need him.
This wasn’t about love.
And, like I said, when he brought out the chains I
thought he had finally accepted that. When he locked
the cold iron around my wrists and ankles, I thought
he understood.
I really don’t need him, you know. There are places
in L.A. full of people who would beg for the chance to
mark my skin. I chose Xander. I figured he’d be more
then willing to hurt me, and horny enough to want to
get off while doing it.
I know he’s got it in him. It’s right there, running
under the bumbling best friend facade. The dark part
of his soul that’s just waiting to revel in the agony
he could produce.
And here I am, all willing, exposed, and helpless.
I thought he finally understood.
When he was done with the restraints he just looked at
me for a long moment. I was waiting for him to get
out a whip, a cock ring, an inhumanly large dildo,
something to give me what I wanted.
I was expecting a strike, light at first, but that
would get harder as Xander got more accustomed to
dealing out my punishment.
What, like you didn’t already know I had issues?
Anyway, I was waiting for the sharp stings of leather
on my flesh, but instead, Xander smiled at me and
started stroking my hair.
Those gentle, soulful eyes looked into mine, searching
for something he wouldn’t find, because I don’t care
about him. I don’t.
But, those eyes kept looking, and his hand moved to
cradled my cheek. Then, there was something
different, I could feel it. Something changed inside
of him.
He looked away from me, and moved back from the bed.
His eyes trailed idly around the room as he leaned
against my dresser.
Xander’s head fell back and one finger trailed down
the pale column of his throat as his other hand lazily
unbuttoned his shirt.
He didn’t look at me.
There was a sharp intake of breath as his fingers
brushed over his nipples. His back arched slightly as
he teased the dark rose skin into tiny nubs. He
licked his lips just as I realized my own were very
dry.
I watched as his fingers undid the fastenings on his
jeans. Xander pushed the material past his hips and
freed his cock from the constricting clothing. He
sucked his bottom lip as his fingers danced lightly
over the shaft.
But he didn’t look at me.
He stopped touching himself and glanced around the
room, his gaze finally falling an armchair, not three
feet from the bed.
He didn’t bother to cover himself as he walked to the
chair. He eased down into the soft leather, letting
one leg hang over the arm. It was an hedonistic view.
His most private area, right there, spread out,
begging for my touch, my tongue. . .
But he didn’t look at me.
His eyes fixed on the ceiling as he began to stroke
himself. Those talented fingers, which had elicited
such wantonly sensual responses in my body, were
slowly teasing his own to ecstasy.
He seemed to delight in the feel of his own skin. His
free hand ran over his exposed chest and torso before
dropping down to gently fondle his velvety skin of his
sac. It stayed there for a moment, before venturing
even lower. A hiss of pleasure let me know he had
found the bundle of nerves that guarded the entrance
to his ass.
I wanted him to look at me.
Xander threw his head back and I could almost see his
mind shut down as the carnal instincts of his body
took over.
His breath came in short, quick pants as his hips
began to move with the staccato rhythm of the hand
wrapped around his erection. His muscles quivered
under the strain of being so close to fulfillment.
I wanted him.
A soft whimper worked it’s way out of his lips. . .
those perfect lips. . . Then, his entire body stilled
and tensed, right before he exploded into a shuddering
mass of satisfaction.
I loved. . .
I watched as the waves of pleasure from his orgasm
dissipated, and he once again regained control of his
breathing.
I watched as he used an old shirt of mine to clean
himself with before he straightened his own clothing.
And, I watched as he left my bedroom.
Xander finally understood. . . and so did I.
**********