WARNING! Please note that some may find this disturbing. I did apologise to Ezra before hand and will be making it up to him at a later time!

Ezra sat quietly on the bed that he had spent so much time in over the last ten months of his life and waited for Nathan, Buck sat next to him, also sitting in silence as he didn't want to involve Ezra in a conversation that he knew he wouldn't want to take part in. Ezra had improved over the last two weeks but there were still times when he was quiet and would not speak to any of them, there were moments where he flinched back from their touch due to the fear that was still in his mind. They all knew that it was going to take time so they were patient with him, they showed no anger towards him as they knew that it would cause him to begin to withdraw into himself again but during all the time that they showed him the comfort and attention that was required to help him heal he didn't push them away or show them any of the anger that he had always used to stop people from getting close to him.

"What's taking him so long." Ezra demanded to know, he had been sitting here for twenty minutes already and was beginning to become impatient, he tried to keep calm as the feeling of being closed in began to weigh heavily on his mind. Dealing with and coming to terms with his feelings was taking a lot longer than Josiah had said, they were getting better but they were healing slowly.

"He'll be here in a minute Ezra." Buck assured him as he patted him on the back, Ezra flinched but didn't push his hand away. When Nathan had told Ezra to wait for him in the clinic he knew that he wouldn't be able to do it on his own so he had asked Buck to wait with him. Nathan wanted to check him over as the fever had still not completely left his body, there were times when Ezra's temperature had been normal but other times it had gone up again, not enough to make him sick but enough to worry Nathan.

"Can't we at least wait outside?" Ezra looked sideways at Buck.

"Sure, but outside doesn't mean the saloon." Buck smiled as Ezra's face relaxed.

"I can't get anything by you can I?" Ezra returned the smile as he stood up to leave the room. "How about I sit outside and you go and get the bottle?"

"Well if I leave you alone . . . ," Buck groaned inwardly making sure that Ezra didn't see the regret that he felt at mentioning him being alone, "you'll just make your own way there, won't you."

Ezra fiegned a look of hurt. "Buck how could you not trust me."

"It has nothing to do with trust Ezra but everything to do with the fact that I know you would!" Buck was just about to open the door when Nathan did it for them.

"And where do you think your going?" Nathan asked Ezra as he forced him back towards the bed in the middle of the room.

"We were going to wait outside." Buck explained and saw the understanding come over the healer's face.

"Sorry I took so long Ezra." Nathan saw the fear that had grown in Ezra's eyes.

"Is he still out there?" Buck asked Nathan. He had decided to use this opportunity to get back at JD for when he had tricked him with that love potion.

"Yeah he is but he's getting ready to leave. Why you need something? Are you sick?" Nathan asked him.

"Love sick probably." Ezra laughed as the tension and fear began to leave him once again, being around his friends helped him cope when the emotions got to strong for him to handle on his own.

Buck slapped him on the back and smiled when he didn't react. "Something like that Ezra, I'll be back in a minute and then we'll go and have that drink."

"No!" They both looked up at Nathan. "I told you Ezra, I want you to lay off that stuff while your taking these herbs for your fever." He watched as Ezra hung his head. "Chow Chee said that this should help get rid of your fever and the effects that those other herbs have done to your system, then you can drink as much as you want."

"And how long is that going to take?" Ezra asked him.

"He said a few days."

"Fine, I guess I can manage to go a couple of days without a drink." Ezra though decided that a small drink here or there wasn't going to hurt him. He was still stubborn when it came to following Nathan's orders.

"A few Ezra, not a couple." Nathan repeated as Buck slowly snuck out of the room.

"Coward!" Ezra called out after Buck. "That man never stands up for me anymore."

"You okay Ezra?" Nathan wasn't sure what he was feeling at that moment, there had been no humor in his voice when he threw the accusation at Buck.

"I'm fine thanks Nathan." Ezra smiled up at him. "Did he tell you what was wrong with the last batch he gave you?"

"He was teaching his Nephew some of the mixtures but he apparently put something in it that he shouldn't have." He sat down on the bed next to Ezra and placed his hand on his forehead, Ezra didn't move his head, he then picked up his wrist and felt his pulse. "Your temperature's up slightly." He moved to the table and began to mix some of the herbs in some water. "I couldn't get away from him because he kept apologising for what happened."

"That makes two of you then." Ezra told him.

Nathan turned around and saw the genuine concern on Ezra's face. "We have reason to apologise Ezra." He came back to the bed and handed the cup to Ezra, he didn't take it though. Nathan took a small sip of the mixture and then gave it to Ezra. "It's fine, Hong Lee put it together."

Ezra drank the mixture in one go, he grimaced and nearly spat the mixture back out. "It sure as hell doesn't taste any better."

"Three times a day Ezra." He smiled at Ezra's confusion. "I want you back here at lunch time for another dose of this foul tasting drink, if you don't come back I'll come looking for you and you know I will." He placed a hand against Ezra's face. "Go on get out of here before I decide to make you stay." Ezra didn't hesitate, he was out of there before Nathan was able to say anything else.

Buck had managed to catch up to Chow Chee before he left town. "Mr Chee." Buck walked up to him making sure that none of his friends saw him.

"Yes?" The small frail man turned to him.

"You might not remember me but . . . "

"Course I do, how could I forget, you are man with limp noodle." Chee smiled at Buck's sudden embarrassement.

"Now look, I told you before that I have no trouble in that area." Buck began to argue with him but remembered what he wanted from him. "Then that means that you would also remember how you helped my friend trick me with that love potion." Chow Chee laughed behind his boney hand. "I thought so." Buck pulled at his trousers. "I want to get him back, have you got anything that I could use. Something that might make him go a bit funny, do some things that might embarass him." Buck winked at him. "I'll pay of course."

"I not know." He put his hand out asking Buck for whatever cash he had. He didn't listen to Buck's protests as he kept his hand out waiting until Buck's pockets were empty, he then went to his small wagon and brought a small bag back with him. "Give him this." He handed it to Buck but grabbed his hand and gave him a serious look. "But do not mix with alcohol or let him drink after taking this because if he do it won't be pleasant."

"Don't worry, JD doesn't drink a lot so that won't be a problem." Buck thanked him again and headed to the saloon where he knew JD was. Finally he was going to be able to get him back for what he did.

Buck walked into the crowded saloon and looked around for JD, it took him a couple of minutes but he finally found him sitting at the poker table trying to win money from Vin, he laughed as he knew that JD couldn't win money from either member of the group. He was about to head towards the bar to begin his plan when he heard Ezra's voice.

"Coward!" Ezra growled at him. "You left me alone in there!" Buck spun around as he heared the anger in Ezra's voice.

"Ezra I . . . " He stopped when he saw the smile that was evident on the gambler's face. "Ezra! For cryn' out loud, don't do that!" Buck slapped his arm and watched as he lifted it to protect himself but the smile hadn't left his face.

"I believe you owe me a drink Buck." Ezra placed an arm around Buck's shoulders and led him towards the bar, he was beginning to find it easier to show friendly affection towards the other men, sometimes it was forced but other times like now he found it easy to do.

Buck shrugged him off. "No way Ezra, Nathan told you three days, I'm not going to be on the receiving end of his anger, your on your own with this one."

"I knew that you were a coward." Ezra smiled at him.

Buck became serious. "Anyone would be afraid of Nathan when he gets angry like that, if you want to spend a week in his room then go ahead and have a drink."

"I can get around him at the moment Buck." Ezra faltered but he managed to keep the smile on his face.

"You Ezra Standish are getting to much attention." Buck walked away from him and headed towards the bar, he hid the smile that was on his face from him, he was glad to see that Ezra was having some fun for a change.

Ezra pulled himself back together, Buck's comment of spending a week in Nathan's clinic had thrown him for a moment but he did what Josiah had told him to do, he accepted the fear that he felt and it soon passed. He then turned and walked to his regular table where Vin and JD were sitting. He watched as JD threw his cards down in disgust.

"Your worse than Ezra." JD told Vin, he didn't see Ezra coming towards them.

"In what way JD?" Ezra asked him as he sat down at the table, he saw the worry show on the young face of his friend but waited to see how JD was going to answer his question.

"He won all my money just like you do." JD smiled at him knowing that Ezra wasn't going to take any offense at what he had said.

"Would you like me to win it back for you?" Ezra asked him.

"Now wait a minute . . . " Vin began to protest.

"If you are willing to take this young man's money then I am sure that I can return the favour." Ezra winked at JD who's smile grew even wider.

"But . . . "

Ezra allowed the hurt to show on his face at the dissapointment of Vin not wanting to allow him to win some of JD's money back.

"Aw hell." Vin threw his hands up in the air as Ezra took the cards from him and began to deal.

"You gentlemen are too gulible for your own good." Ezra didn't look up at the expressions of surprise on their faces but instead reached for the bottle of whiskey that stood next to Vin, he poured himself a drink and after looking over his shoulder to make sure Nathan was no where to be seen he quickly swallowed it, enjoying the taste as it flowed down his throat.

Ezra looked up when he heard a cough behind him, he was ready to take Nathan's anger but he instead saw Buck looking down at him, he was also holding a glass of milk in his hand. "I hope that's not for me?" Ezra asked him trying to change the subject before Buck could even start it.

"No it's for JD." Buck placed the glass in front of JD and then sat down at the table, he leaned towards Ezra. "No more of that please Ezra."

"Fine!" The anger in his voice was real but the others thought that he was still continuing with the friendly jibes.

"Why did you buy me a drink?" JD suspiciously looked at Buck.

"I didn't, Ezra did." He smiled at Ezra, he had gotten Inez to get a glass of milk for him and when he had made sure that no one was looking he poured the contents of the small bag into the glass, he had to mix it with his finger as it had taken a couple of minutes for the powder to soak into the milk.

"I'm not made of money Buck!" He growled at him, he felt angry and couldn't understand why. "I'm sorry Buck, guess I'm feeling a bit tired." Ezra hoped the explaination worked. Buck nodded at him but was still concerned anyway.

"Buck!" He turned around as he heard Chris's voice yell out to him, he saw the dark clad gunmen standing in the doorway of the saloon. "Back in a minute boys." He didn't worry about the potion that was in the milk as he knew that neither Ezra or Vin would drink it.

"Well JD, are you in or not?" Ezra asked him after Buck left the table to find out what their leader had wanted.

"Sorry Ezra, no money remember." He smiled at Ezra but it left his face as Ezra didn't seem to be enjoying himself anymore.

Vin nudged JD in the shoulder. "Bet him your glass of milk."

Ezra raised his eyebrows at Vin. "That is not a bet Vin."

"Afraid that your going to have to drink it Ezra?" Vin teased him.

"It's not a real bet." Ezra repeated as he scowled at Vin.

"Go on Ezra, ain't never seen you drink a glass of milk before." JD smiled at Vin.

"And what makes you think that I would win it if I did allow it to be taken as a bet instead of money."

"Because Ezra, if you didn't win then we would know that you cheated." Vin explained to him with mockery in his voice, he failed to notice the underlying anger that was building up in Ezra.

Ezra kept in the anger that had threatened to take control of him and then decided to take the bet, afterwards they could play a serious game of poker where he would at least take Vin's money from him. "If that's what you want." Ezra continued to deal out the cards knowing that he was going to have to drink the milk, these men never seem to believe him when he told them that he didn't cheat when he played against them, he didn't need to as his skills always won the game for him.

He grimaced at the glass of milk that he had so easily won, his stare then went from the glass to JD, Vin then back again. He told himself that it would be just like drinking one of Nathan's concoctions, he picked it up and under the amused stares of JD and Vin he began to drink it, he choked on it halfway through though and put it back down. He grabbed the bottle of whisky not caring if Nathan was anywhere within sight of him, he filled the glass back up to the top and then started again, it was easier the second time around as the whiskey eased the taste of the warm milk.

"I have never liked the taste of milk." Ezra growled at them as he remembered that it had all started because he had spilt his milk. This thought hadn't even crossed JD and Vin's minds when Ezra had first questioned the milk as a bet. "If you tell anyone I drank that I will do my upmost to make you regret it." He growled at both of them.

"Sure Ezra." They smiled at each other not realising the violent chain of events that would now begin to occur because Ezra had drunk the glass of milk that was meant for JD.

Ezra looked upon the very small pile of money that was in the middle of table. 'It hasn't really been worth the effort.' He thought to himself. He looked up at Vin to find him returning his stare. "Something wrong Vin?"

"No Ezra, just waiting for you to show me what you've got." Vin glanced at JD who had also been watching Ezra.

Ezra showed his hand and Vin threw his cards down with almost as much disgust as JD had used earlier. "Looks like you got all your money back JD."

Ezra hadn't heard the remark as he was pulling the money towards his side of the table but he did finally hear JD's coughing. "What is it JD?" Ezra sighed, he really was becoming bored.

JD looked from Ezra's eyes down to the money. "You . . . um . . . said that you were going to win it back for me Ezra." JD said hesitantly, he hadn't failed to notice that Ezra didn't seem to be himself.

"If I remember correctly JD, I also said that you were to gulible for your own good." Ezra reminded him, he had intended to do that for him but then changed his mind.

"Ezra you did say you were going to win it for him." Vin's voice was firm, he didn't like the way Ezra had tricked JD or himself for that matter, if he had known that Ezra wasn't going to give it back to him he wouldn't have played him.

Ezra looked up at Vin and smiled at him. "Well it seems that I am a cheat so why not a thief as well."

JD and Vin gave each other worried glances as Ezra pocketed the money. "Is there something wrong Ezra?" Vin asked him as he looked back at Ezra.

"No why?" Ezra rubbed his hand across his eyes as he began to feel tired, the noise of the crowded saloon was also giving him a headache.

"You have something to eat today? Maybe all that whiskey isn't doing you any . . . " Vin began.

"Oh no. What time is it?" Ezra interrupted him as he remembered he had to go back and see Nathan, he quickly looked over his shoulder to see if he was coming, he knew that if Nathan got angry with him he would make him stay in the clinic.

"It's just going on lunchtime. Are you sure there's nothing wrong Ezra?" Vin asked him again.

Ezra calmed down and stood up from the table. "I have an appointment with Nathan, if I don't show up, he'll shut me away again." He didn't even register the stunned expressions that overcame his friend's faces before he left them to go back to see Nathan, he was to worried that he wasn't going to get there in time.

Ezra rushed passed Chris and Buck who were sitting outside discussing what they were going to do about the group of ranchhands that had just ridden into town, they had been in Four Corners once before and had caused a lot of trouble for the townspeople.

"Where's he going in such a hurry?" Chris looked up as the figure ran passed him.

Ezra threw the door to the clinic open and stepped inside but didn't move any further into the room. "I'm here Nathan so there is no need to come looking for me."

Nathan had jumped at the sound of the door banging open and he turned around to see Ezra standing in the doorway, he noticed that he looked flushed and was out of breath, he went to him and without saying anything to him, he took him by the arm and led him towards the bed, using his hand to gently sit him down. He felt Ezra's forehead and found him to be warmer than he was that morning.

"Your fever's up again." Nathan said with concern.

"No, I just rushed over here that's all, I didn't want you to have to come looking for me." Ezra looked away from him and felt the room closing in on him. "Nathan could we get this over with please."

Nathan leaned closer towards Ezra but pulled back when he flinched away from him. "Have you been drinking Ezra?" He used a gentle tone as he noticed that Ezra was scared about being in his room and he didn't want to make it any worse for him.

"Buck bought me one." He looked up at Nathan's angry stare. "He said one wouldn't hurt me." Ezra felt a shiver go through his body as he saw the anger in his eyes. "I'm sorry Nathan, I didn't think that he would lie to me about something like that, I won't do it again." His body shivered a second time. "Your not going to make me stay are you?"

There was a pleading tone to Ezra's voice that made the anger immediately leave Nathan. "No Ezra, just promise me that it won't happen again."

"I just told you that it wouldn't." Ezra retorted.

"Is there something wrong Ezra?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Of course there's something wrong, you know that, or haven't you noticed what's been happening lately."

"Take it easy Ezra, just calm down." He put a reassuring hand on Ezra's shoulder and expected him to pull away but he didn't. "This is why I asked you not to drink while taking these herbs."

"Alright, will you just give it to me so I can get out of here. Please." Ezra eyes were darting around the room as though he was looking something.

"Just give me a minute Ezra." He noticed that Ezra had started to fidget with his hands.

It had only taken Nathan a few minutes to make up the mixture but if felt like hours to Ezra, his hands had begun to shake so he rubbed them hoping that they would stop before Nathan noticed, he wasn't going to stay there. Nathan returned with the cup and placed it in Ezra's shaking hand and waited for him to finish, he took the cup back and stepped back as Ezra jumped up from the bed.

"Ezra!" Nathan stopped him in his tracks, he was already halfway through the door. "How about I bring this to you tonight, save you coming back here." Nathan frowned as Ezra didn't relply, he watched as he dissapeared through the door. Nathan followed him out and watched him gingerly walk down the stairs and then hurry towards the saloon. Nathan thought that Ezra's behaviour was due to the fact that he didn't want to be in the clinic.

Ezra felt his whole body start to shake again as he left the clinic and it wouldn't stop, he carefully made his way down the stairs so he wouldn't fall again and then quickly walked towards the saloon, he needed a drink to stop the shaking. He again walked passed Chris and Buck but didn't look at them or answer them when they asked if he was alright, he also didn't notice as they followed him into the saloon.

Ezra made it to the bar and grabbed the bottle that was placed in front of him but before he could pour himself a drink someone took it from him, he looked up into Buck's determined glare.

"Nathan doesn't want you drinking remember."

"Speaking of which you are in a lot of trouble." Ezra told him as he placed his shaking hands out of sight and hoped that they didn't notice that his body was shaking as well. He enjoyed Buck's confusion and Chris's stare as it was turned in Buck's direction.

"In trouble about what?" Buck wanted to know.

Ezra could feel his teeth starting to rattle, he frowned. 'Maybe I'm coming down with something.' He shook the thought away as his body continued to shake. "Maybe you should go and ask Nathan." Ezra turned away from them and headed for the stairs.

"Do you know what he's talking about Buck?" Asked Chris as he watched Ezra walk up the stairs, not failing to notice that he was holding onto the railing.

"No but I'm going to go and find out." He stormed out of the saloon with Chris right behind him.

Buck walked into Nathan's clinic and was suddenly bombarded with abuse.

"What the hell did you think you were doing Buck!" Nathan shouted at him. "I told you I didn't want Ezra drinking but no, you wouldn't listen to me would you. What makes you think you know what's best for him?" Nathan waited for an answer but didn't get one. "Well?"

"What are you talking about Nathan?" Chris asked him, he was suprised at the healer's outburst towards Buck.

"He bought Ezra a drink after I told him not to." Nathan was glaring at Buck.

"I did not! Who told you I did?"

"Ezra!"

"Nathan, I didn't buy Ezra a drink, honest." Buck assured him but wasn't sure if he believed him or not.

"Why would he lie to me?" Nathan demanded to know.

"Why would I lie to you." Buck retaliated.

"Before you two go any further perhaps we should go and ask Ezra." Buck and Nathan looked at Chris.

"But why would he lie?" Nathan asked again.

"Nathan I . . . " Buck stopped at Nathan's gesture of surrender.

"I'm sorry Buck, I shouldn't have gone off at you like that without asking you first. What I mean is why would Ezra lie." This time he voiced it as a statement as he knew he wouldn't get an answer.

"Let's go and find out shall we." Chris walked out of the clinic with all intentions of finding out what was going on. Ezra had being doing fine over the last couple of weeks, he had been improving everyday but now something was going on and he was wanted to know what it was before it went further.

Ezra sat on his bed, his arms wrapped around his body trying to stop the violent tremors that had begun to tear through him. He couldn't stay here, he had to do something but he couldn't go to Nathan though because he would get locked in a room again as he knew that Nathan would make him stay in the clinic. He got up and his knees began to buckle beneath him, he grabbed the bed railing and waited until he was sure his legs would take his weight. When he was able to stand whithout worrying about falling over, he made his way to the door and out of his room, he only had one person on his mind and that was the man who had helped him so much over the last two weeks.

As he made his way to the church Ezra had to grab hold of stable objects as his legs threatened to give way beneath him. He hid in the shadows as he saw Buck, Chris and Nathan heading towards the saloon. When they were out of sight he continued the short journey to the church, a journey that seemed to take for ever due to the fact that he had to keep stopping when he felt his legs threatening to give way to the weight that they were so desperately trying to stop from falling to the dirt pavement. When he finally made it to the open doorway of the church, his eyes searched the empty building for the man that he was seeking.

"Josiah!" He called out, he noticed that his voice was also shaky. "Josiah!" He yelled out again, the despair beginning to build within his fragile mind. "Josiah!" He moved forward and sat down on the church pew. "Josiah." he whispered.

All three lawmen walked into the saloon with the determination that they felt showing in their body language and without glancing around the saloon they headed straight for the stairs. Vin and JD who were still sitting at the poker table frowned as their friends purposely walked passed them with a glance. They got up and followed them, intending to answer the question that the three men had brought to their already worried minds.

They bounded up the stairs two at a time and without knocking they entered the empty room. "Where the hell is he?" Buck growled as he realised that Ezra was not there. "Did he just walk up here and then straight out the back door?"

"Knowing Ezra, I would say yes." Chris answered, the anger showing in his own voice.

"Something wrong?" Vin asked as he entered the room with JD behind him.

"Yeah, Ezra's what's wrong." Nathan explained as they left the room leaving Vin and JD to look at each other and then follow them back downstairs.

They walked through the saloon, quickly taking in every person that was there making sure that Ezra wasn't one of them, he wasn't.

"Where is he?" Chris demanded as he tried to think of where Ezra would go.

"Would you like to tell us what's going on?" Vin asked, he could see the worried expressions on his friends faces and he was concerned that they were put there by Ezra.

"Something's wrong with Ezra." Nathan told him.

"Such as?" JD added his own question to the converstaion.

"He lied to me, told me that Buck had bought him a drink when he didn't." Nathan continued to explain.

Vin frowned and watched as the expressions of concern were aimed at him. "Ezra was with us most of the morning playing poker and he did have a drink but Buck didn't buy it, Ezra actually had more than one drink." He cringed back from Nathan.

"How much did he drink Vin?" Nathan was becoming angry again, the concern had left him.

Vin looked across at JD. "About half a bottle, he didn't seem himself either."

Nathan threw his hands up in the air. "Why do I bother, between all of you and Ezra . . ." He shook his head. "One of these days . . . "

"Do you think that we should check with Josiah, maybe he knows what's going on." JD suggested. "Ezra's been talking to him quite a lot lately." He recieved another slap on the back, he was getting more of those lately instead the hit on the back of the head for saying the wrong thing.

Ezra waited but Josiah didn't come, he drew his knees up to his chest, the heels of his boots sitting on the edge of the seat and he placed his head on his knees. The shaking hadn't stopped yet and he was beginning to think that there was something seriously wrong and this terrified him, the idea of being sick didn't scare him but the thought of having to be locked up in Nathan's clinic did. Nathan wanted to do the same thing that his Uncle had done, he wanted to shut him away in a small room, lock the door and leave him there. He decided that it wasn't going to happen to him again.

Josiah stepped through the back door of the church and into the main room, he didn't see the figure hudled up on the seat at the back of the room until he heard a moan that only just managed to reach his ears, he looked up and instantly recognised the red jacket.

"Ezra?" He walked towards him when he didn't get a response. "Ezra!" He raised his voice hoping to get the gambler to answer him but he didn't. He sat down beside him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Where were you?" Ezra asked in a quiet voice. "I needed you and you weren't here. Where were you?"

"I was out the back cutting some wood." Josiah explained to him. "What's wrong Ezra?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter anymore." The tremors had started to ease until they finally left him. He wanted to leave but didn't trust himself to stand up because he felt weak and he knew that his legs wouldn't carry him out of the building. He felt Josiah's hand move to his head, he welcomed the comforting touch as it helped to ease his fear.

"Tell me what it was Ezra." He gently asked him.

"I . . ." He began.

"Ezra Standish! What the hell do you think you were doing?" Nathan yelled at him as he entered the church, he was full of anger and frustration at the man who continued to ignore his instructions. He stopped though once he saw the position that Ezra was in and the glare that was thrown at him from Josiah.

He felt Ezra cringe at the sound of Nathan's voice. "It's okay Ezra." He turned to Nathan. "Nathan, what's so important that you have to come in here yelling at Ezra like that, can't you see that something's wrong."

"I know something's wrong and it's all Ezra's fault." Nathan tried to calm his voice but he still felt angry. "I asked him not to drink after taking those herbs but he didn't listen, he went straight to the saloon and drank half a bottle of whisky."

"No I didn't." Ezra defended himself against the man who wanted to lock him in a small room.

"Yes you did Ezra, JD and I watched you drink it while we were playing poker." Vin told the figure that still had his head against his knees.

"Ezra, look at me." Josiah used a gentle but firm voice and watched as he lifted his head, his green eyes turning towards him. "Did you go against Nathan's instructions?"

"I just told you I didn't." Ezra's anger was building.

"Vin and JD said they saw you Ezra. Why are you lying?" Chris asked him as he came forward to look down at Ezra.

"I'm not lying!" Ezra yelled at him. He had to get out of there, he quickly stood up, pushing Josiah's hand away from as he did so. He tried to get past Chris but he wouldn't allow him to.

"What's going on Ezra?" He asked in a concerned tone.

"You mean apart from all of you believing that I'm a liar. I was only accused of being a thief and a cheat earlier but now I'm a liar as well." He was looking at Vin when he said this and everyone turned to look at the accused. Vin shook his head at them, his body language telling them that there was more to it.

Ezra grimaced as he felt the pain that hit him, he placed one hand against his stomach and the other gripped the seat next to him, his knuckles turning white. Another pain, worse than the first tore through his stomach again, this time causing him to double over.

"Ezra!" Chris grabbed him before he could fall. "Nathan!"

"No, don't come near me." Chris knew that Ezra was not talking to him as Ezra's right hand was holding onto his arm, his fingers digging into his flesh.

Ezra cried out as the another bolt of pain hit him, he was now doubled up in Chris's arms, the agony tearing through his stomach. He felt someone's hands trying to straighten him up but he wouldn't let them, he knew the pain would be worse if he did.

"Chris, take him to the clinic." Nathan had tried to get at Ezra but he wouldn't allow him to move him.

"NO!" The terror was evident in Ezra's voice. "Your . . . not going to lock . . . me up."

"Ezra we have to take you there, Nathan's not going to keep you long, there's something wrong with you and he needs to check you over and he can't do that here." Josiah tried to calm him down but couldn't as the fear only seemed to worsen with his words.

"No . . . please . . . don't put me . . . in there again." Ezra spoke through clenched teeth as another cramp hit him. "It hurts!"

Josiah took Ezra from Chris's arms, pulling the painful grip that he had on Chris's forearm away, he started to walk towards the small room at the back of the church with the others following close on his heels, they knew exactly what he was doing. He carefully placed Ezra on the small cot and took his hand in his as Nathan began his examination. Josiah clenched his teeth against the pain that Ezra's grip was causing him.

Nathan tried to roll Ezra onto his back but couldn't get him to do it, Ezra's whole body seemed to have gone into some sort of spasm, his muscles cramping up. "Ezra?" Nathan looked up at him, he could see the pain written all over the gamblers face.

"What!" Ezra gasped out.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Nathan . . . are you always . . . this stupid or is it . . . just today." Ezra glared at him. "Can't . . . you see what's . . . in front of your . . . face!" Ezra groaned and pushed himself against Josiah as the pain got worse. "Make it stop."

"Nathan can't unless you tell him what's wrong Ezra." Josiah told him.

"Can't you see . . . that I'm in pain, why . . . won't you make it . . . stop!" He managed to yell at them. "Make it stop!" Ezra opened his eyes and looked past Chris and the others who were standing back watching what was happening. "Oh God." he groaned, the colour drained from his face as he saw Rochelle standing in the doorway looking at him, the anger visible both on her face and in her eyes.

Ezra shut his eyes, counted to three and opened them again, Rochelle was no longer there. 'Must be from the pain.' He thought to himself. He also realised that the pain was no longer there either. It had left him as quickly as it had come. He remembered the people around him and looked up at Josiah to find him staring at him.

"What?" He asked him.

"Ezra!" Josiah was so stunned at Ezra's simple statement that he couldn't find the words that he wanted to use.

"What?" Ezra demanded again. When he didn't get an answer he tried to get up only to have Nathan push him back down again. He forced him onto his back with Josiah's help and then tried to undo the buttons of his vest.

"What are you doing?" Ezra tried to push them away but Josiah grab his arms and pulled them above his head so Nathan could continue what he was doing. "Josiah, let me go, what are you doing?"

"You were in a lot of pain Ezra, I need to find out why." Nathan explained.

"You don't need to find out anything." Ezra growled at him as he continued to struggle against him.

Chris moved forward and placed his hands against Ezra's legs as he knew that he was capable of using them when he couldn't use his hands to push someone away. He watched as Nathan undid the buttons to Ezra's vest and shirt and then began to use his fingers to examine Ezra's abdomen.

Nathan looked into Ezra's face for any reaction to his fingers probing but there was none. "Has the pain gone Ezra?"

"You really are asking some stupid questions aren't you! Isn't it obvious!" Ezra spat at him as he managed to finally pull his arms from Josiah's grip. "Chris, get off me!" Ezra tried to sit up but Josiah gently pushed him back down again.

"Ezra calm down and tell me what happened." Josiah leant over him and brushed the hair from his forehead.

"I don't know what happened, there was pain and then it was gone." Ezra closed his eyes, the comforting touch making his body relax and his eyes feel heavy.

"In your stomach?" Nathan asked.

"Yes." Ezra had already forgotten the image that had terrified him earlier. "But it's gone now so you can go away Nathan, you don't have to lock me up." Ezra rolled his head to the side. "Josiah."

"Yes Ezra."

"I'm tired, if I fall asleep could you make sure that they don't take me to Nathan's room." He lifted his arm and Josiah took his hand. "Promise me."

"Don't worry Ezra, you'll stay here until you wake up." Ezra nodded his thanks and then his breathing slowed as he fell into a peaceful sleep.

Chris stood up and rubbed his face in frustration. "Is anyone else as confused as I am?"

"The only thing I can think of is the whisky mixing with the herbs I gave him, if that's the case then he should be fine once the alcohol is out of his system." Nathan told him.

"But why is he so angry at you Nathan?" Buck wanted an explaination for that. When Ezra was angry he took it out on everyone but this time his anger seemed to be aimed at Nathan.

"I don't know why he's angry at me Buck but I know why I'm angry at him and he's going to know it when he wakes up." He looked down at Ezra's peaceful expression and felt the anger leave him. "Josiah, could you do me a favour as well please. Could you remind me how angry I am at him when he does wake up."

Ezra continued to sleep peacefully as Nathan and Josiah watched him, the dreams had left him a week ago and they were glad that the incident with the herbs and alcohol hadn't brought them back. They had managed to remove his upper clothing without waking him and placed a blanket over the sleeping form, they did this because they were unsure how long he was going to sleep.

"When is it going to stop Nathan?" Josiah asked quietly, he didn't want to wake Ezra up.

"What's that Josiah?" Nathan's voice wasn't as gentle.

"What Ezra's going through, just when everything seems to be getting back to normal for him something like this happens."

"There is no one to blame but Ezra, he did this, I told him not to drink but as usual he ignored what I asked him to do. I can't seem to get it through to him that it's for his own good." Nathan's tone had an edge to it as his anger at Ezra's stubborness began to build again.

"Why do you think he lied? Would it make him do that?" Josiah didn't want to think that Ezra was returning to his old ways.

"Maybe, why don't we wait until he wakes up and ask him again." Nathan suggested, he looked down at Ezra and watched as he rolled over on to his right side and continued to sleep.

Ezra woke a few hours later to find Nathan leaning over him and his first thought was that he was in the clinic, his eyes filled with fear as he sat up quickly causing Nathan to step back, Ezra took in his surroundings and realised that he was still in the church, he relaxed and fell back onto the cot.

"Ezra?" Nathan had seen the fear in Ezra's eyes but it had left him as he realised where he was.

"Yes." Ezra was waiting for his heartbeat to slow down, he opened his eyes and looked at the man that was speaking to him.

"Feeling better?" Nathan asked him.

"I'm fine. Why?" Ezra sat up. "Where's my clothes?"

"Don't worry there here. Do you remember what happened?" He looked up as Josiah came back into the room, Ezra didn't notice as he seemed to be concentrating.

"I was in my room and I couldn't stop shaking, then I came here, Josiah wasn't here to help me, then there was this pain in my stomach, I don't really remember anything after that." He tossed the blanket off his legs. "Can I have my clothes please."

Nathan ignored him. "You were shaking?"

"Yes, I couldn't stop and I found it hard to walk." Ezra explained again, the frustration sounding in his voice.

"Ezra, why didn't you come to me?" Nathan wanted to know, his own anger was beginning to show.

"Because you want to lock me up just like my Uncle did." Ezra got up and began to look for his own clothes as no one seemed to want to tell him where they were, he looked up as Josiah handed them to him.

"Nathan only wants to help you Ezra." Josiah told him.

"Yeah, well, he has a wonderful way of showing it." He pulled his shirt on and began to do up the buttons but Josiah took his arms and led him back to the bed, he pushed him down as Ezra wasn't willing to do what he was being asked to do. "Now what?"

"Do you remember what happened before that?" Nathan saw Ezra's confusion. "When you were in the saloon, you were with Vin and JD, you were drinking."

"I wasn't drinking, you told me not to, remember." The sarcasm was heavy in Ezra's voice.

"They said you were Ezra." Josiah supported Nathan's statement.

"Why would they lie?" Ezra looked at Josiah and then back at Nathan but their expressions told him something different. "You think that I'm lying, I didn't have a drink." He looked at both of them. "Why won't you believe me."

"I'm sorry Ezra but I can't see any reason why Vin and JD would lie." Josiah saw the anger grow on the gambler's face. "I'm not saying that your lying Ezra, maybe you don't remember it."

"I do remember, I was playing poker with them, I won all of Vin's money, he accused me of being a thief and then I left to go to Nathan's clinic for more of that stuff he wanted me to drink." Ezra stood up and grabbed the rest of his clothing. "I'm not lying Josiah, I didn't drink anything."

"I'm sorry Ezra." Josiah knew that if he remembered then he had to be lying.

"I thought you understood, I thought you wanted to help me." Ezra's voice had become quiet, he backed away as Josiah came towards him. "Don't bother Josiah."

"Ezra they were with you, they wouldn't lie about it, you know they wouldn't." Josiah tried again.

"Yes they would, you changed your mind, you all have, you don't want to help me anymore." Ezra continued to step away from him. "A let you get close to me and you have decided that you don't like what you see, you don't want to be my friends anymore."

"That's not true Ezra." Josiah said with concern.

"Yes it is!" Ezra quickly wiped the tear away before it fell. "This is why I pushed people away, I finally let you in and you do this to me. I don't like being hurt Josiah, I've already had enough of it in my life, I don't want anymore." Ezra turned and walked away from him.

"Ezra why is it so hard for you?" Josiah asked the retreating figure.

Ezra pulled his jacket on and wrapped it around his body as he walked towards the saloon, his head was down, watching each step that he took, he was fascinated by the sound of his boots hitting the hard wood that was below him. He only looked up when he reached the saloon, he walked in and looked around the crowded room, seeing Vin and JD sitting with the others. He moved towards them, listening to the different sound that his boots were making but the noise stopped when he did, he was dissapointed.

"Feeling better Ezra?" Buck asked him but decided that he wasn't because what he saw scared him. They had seen Ezra enter the saloon and walk towards them, his arms wrapped around himself as they held his jacket in place. They didn't see the vacant look in his eyes until he reached the table, they also saw Josiah and Nathan come in after him.

"Why are you lying?" Ezra asked Vin in a calm tone.

"What's wrong Ezra?" Chris stood up and came around the table towards him.

"Tell me! Why did you tell them that I was drinking when I wasn't!" Ezra's anger rose. "Your trying to turn them against me aren't you."

"Ezra calm down." Chris put a hand on his shoulder and was shocked when Ezra turned on him.

"I knew I shouldn't have done it, it's my own stupid fault, I shouldn't have let you in!" The room had become quite at Ezra's sudden outburst. "I let you get close and then you tear me apart, is that it! Do you enjoy doing this to people, are you enjoying doing this to me?" Ezra was yelling into Chris's face now but they were all to stunned to stop him. "You force me to tell you what happened to me, let me think that you care, all just so you could destroy me!" Ezra stepped back from the faces that were now staring at him in shock. He looked down at his boots as they made that fascinating noise again.

Everyone was watching Ezra as he began to walk around in a circle, he was looking down at his feet, his outburst forgotten, he started to walk around the room between the tables, his eyes not leaving the floor. He was ignoring those around him as they stared at him wondering what it was that he was doing.

Ezra could hear the noise as it echoed in his mind, he had forgotten why he was here, the sound had taken all other thoughts from his mind. He watched as his heel first hit the floor and then his toes following, he realised that it was the heel that was making the noise that had captivated his mind. He stopped as he heard someone else's footsteps, he turned to find the sorce of the noise and saw another pair of boots standing before him.

"Ezra?" Josiah called to him even though he was standing in front of him, he knew that Ezra was in another world, he just didn't know why.

Ezra took a few steps away from him, he listened to his own footsteps and then the other's as they stepped closer to him, he thought that he heard a voice but he ignored it as he was too interested in the sound that the boots were making. He stepped back again but bumped into something, he realised that it was a someone as he felt the hands take hold of his arms, he continued to listen as the other boots came towards him, then they stopped. There was only silence then, he tried to move away so he could hear his boots as they hit the floor but someone held him back.

"What's wrong with him Nathan?" Buck asked him, he had forgotten all about the milk and the potion that he had put in it, he hadn't noticed any difference in JD so he thought that it hadn't worked, that the chinese man had conned him. Buck looked across at Nathan when he didn't recieve an answer. "Nathan?"

"It's as though he has closed himself off to everything and everyone." Nathan finally answered, he then moved towards Ezra.

Ezra turned his head when he heard another pair of footsteps, the sound was different to his own shoes, the noise seemed to be louder in his mind this time and it was no longer fascinating as it sounded familiar to him, it sounded the same as the footsteps that came down the stairs of the cellar, the ones that fed him occassionally and then took him and beat him. He looked up to see his Uncle walking towards him, a smile on his face.

"NO!" Ezra screamed at him. Nathan stopped as Ezra turned to him, his eyes filling with terror. "Keep away from me!" Ezra pushed back against Chris to try and get away from his Uncle. "Don't let him near me!" He asked the person holding him. "Please, don't let him hurt me!" He kept pushing until Chris's back hit the bar but he didn't stop, he continued to push backwards trying to get away from the man that had terrorised him for so long but when he realised that the person with him wasn't going to help he knew that he was on his own. Ezra searched his mind for the anger and hatred that he was going to need defend himself.

When he had finally gathered enough courage he tore himself from the grip that held him and attacked the man that he thought was his Uncle. Nathan didn't know what hit him, one minute Ezra was terrified of him and the next he rushed forward driving his shoulder into his stomach, knocking him backwards onto one of the tables, he felt his fists hitting his face and body but they didn't hurt him as much as the sound of Ezra's voice.

"Your not going to hurt me anymore, I won't let you, do you hear me!" Ezra screamed at him. "You son of a bitch!" He continued to hit out at him even though hands grabbed his body and pulled him away. He began to use his legs and laughed when he heard the cry of pain as he kicked his knee. "Do you like it? Answer me! Did you like the pain I caused you, it was nothing compared to what you did to me you bastard!" He knew he couldn't inflict anymore pain as whoever had hold of him had pulled him out of his Uncle's reach.

Chris and Josiah had slowly come to terms with what was happening, they then quickly moved forward and grabbed Ezra before he could do anymore damage. They pulled him away from Nathan but heard the healer's cry of pain as one of Ezra's kicks connected with his knee.

"Come and help us!" Chris yelled to Buck and the others.

Buck and Vin came forward and helped drag Ezra away from Nathan, he continued to struggle against them as he tried to free himself their grip. They pulled him as far away from Nathan as they could and then threw him into a chair. Three of them held him down while Josiah tried to get through to him.

"Ezra!" Josiah and to grab hold of Ezra's face as he wouldn't keep his head still, he was trying to look around him so he could see his Uncle. "Ezra!"

Chris looked to see how Nathan was doing and found JD looking after him, if they had reacted to Ezra's physical attack on Nathan then he would have come out of it unscathed but they didn't, they were shocked at Ezra's reaction to Nathan.

Josiah looked into Ezra's wild eyes, he wasn't able to get him to answer him. "Ezra listen to me!" He decided to try something else. He let go of his jaw and then used his hand to stroke Ezra's forehead, he used his thumb to rub his temple. "Ezra, it's Josiah. Can you hear me?" There was an instant reaction in Ezra, his eyes moved towards the sound of Josiah's voice. "Ezra talk to me, I want to know that your here with us." He moved his hand down to Ezra's cheek. "Let him go." He ordered the others.

"Are you sure?" Chris asked him, they let go of Ezra and stepped back when Josiah nodded his assurance that what he was doing was going to work.

"Ezra?"

"Josiah?" Ezra looked into Josiah's eyes. "He was here, he was going to hurt me again."

"Who was here Ezra?" He asked him as wiped the hair from his forehead, he had hoped that the gentle touch that he had accepted would help calm him down and it had.

"Jack." It was a simple statement that scared everyone, including Chris.

"Your Uncle wasn't here Ezra." Josiah told him, he could see that Ezra's anger had turned to confusion as he searched the saloon for his Uncle.

"Yes he was, he was right there." He pointed a shaking finger over Josiah's left shoulder. "He would have killed me this time if I hadn't stopped him."

Josiah turned and followed the direction that Ezra was pointing in. All he saw was Nathan as he sat in a chair with a cloth held against his bleeding nose. He turned back to Ezra and noticed that the others had stepped back as they also realised that the anger had left Ezra. He saw that Chris's fists were clenched at his side and he hoped that the anger he was feeling wasn't aimed at Ezra.

"Ezra look at me." He waited patiently for Ezra turn his eyes back to him. "I'm not going to lie to you Ezra. Do you believe me when I tell you that?" Ezra frowned for a moment as he tried to remember something that had happened earlier but he couldn't so he just nodded. "That wasn't your Uncle, you attacked Nathan."

"No, it was my Uncle, I saw him, he was there." Ezra argued with him, his voice was calm though and Josiah was grateful for that.

"No he wasn't Ezra. If your Uncle was here he would be dead now because one of us would have shot him on sight." Josiah moved to his side and Ezra's eyes followed him. "We wouldn't have let him come anywhere near you Ezra, he wasn't here."

"But I saw him." Ezra whispered. "I saw him, I hit him just like he hit me, I kicked him like he kicked me but I didn't get to do as much damage as he did, someone pulled me off him. There was no one to pull him off me though, no one stopped him."

Josiah continued to rub Ezra's left temple as he tried to keep him calm, it was something that always seemed to work and he used the touch when it was neccessary to calm him down. "Ezra can you see Nathan over there?"

"Yes." His confusion grew even more at the sight of Nathan. "What happened to him?" Ezra had turned his face to look at Nathan, he could see that his friend had been hurt, he was bleeding from his nose and a cut above his left eye, his knee also looked as though it was beginning to become swollen.

"You attacked him Ezra, you thought he was your Uncle." Josiah tried to explain to him but Ezra laughed at him, he removed his hand.

"How could I mistake Nathan for my Uncle." Ezra actually found the idea funny, there was no way he could have done that.

"Hullucination!" Nathan called across the now empty room, everyone had decided to leave when Ezra attacked Nathan, they didn't want to be next. He got up and with JD's help he limped towards Ezra, he watched him carefully for any sign of another attack. "The alcohol probably did more damage than I thought, if he's so sure about it then he did see his Uncle." Nathan explained as he slowly made his way closer to his attacker.

"Nathan what's a hullucination?" JD asked him.

"It's when you see something that's not there, it seems so real but it isn't." Nathan pulled up a chair and placed it next to Ezra and sat down in it. "Ezra saw his Uncle, it was real to him." He looked into Ezra's eyes. "I believe you Ezra, you saw your Uncle and I know you didn't drink any alcohol." Ezra hadn't taken his eyes from Nathan's face as he moved towards him and sat down next to him, he didn't even flinch when Nathan pressed his hand against his forehead to check for a fever. "At least your fever's coming down."

Ezra lifted his own hand and touched the cut above Nathan's eye, he saw the blood on his own knuckles, he stared at his hand and then back at Nathan's face. "I did that?" He whispered.

"No Ezra, you didn't." Nathan saw the questioning look that was sent to him from Josiah and he returned the look with his own glare, he understood and left him to finish what he was doing. "You didn't hit me Ezra."

"Then why do I have blood on my hand?" Ezra asked him.

"Ezra you attacked your Uncle, not me."

Ezra was confused and he allowed Nathan to see it, something caught his attention though and he looked away from Nathan. The blood drained from his face a second time as he saw Rochelle walking towards him, she still wore the pale blue dress that she had been buried in but she couldn't be dead, she was here now. "Nathan?"

They all turned their heads to the direction that Ezra was staring in, they had seen the small amount colour that was left in his face dissapear and knew that something was wrong. "What is it Ezra?" Josiah asked him, he hadn't left his side.

"Do hullucinations include people that have died?" Ezra's voice was shaking with fear, he was trying to convince himself that it was only what Nathan had said but Rochelle did seem so real, the anger was still there in her beautiful eyes.

"They can Ezra. What do you see?" Nathan asked him, he knew that Ezra was looking at something or someone, if he had one hullucination he could have more. He placed his hand on his shoulder and could feel him shaking. "Josiah!" Nathan warned him.

"Ezra." Rochelle spoke to him and he knew she had to be real but her voice was full of anger and hatred. Ezra pressed back against the chair. "You could have saved me but you didn't. Why did you let him kill me?"

Chris took Josiah's position as he left Ezra's side and moved in front of him, he could tell that Ezra was looking at something that wasn't there, his eyes were following someone, he knew it wasn't his Uncle because his reaction was different. He took his arm just in case and he felt the tremors that were wracking his body. "Ezra." Chris said more to himself than anyone else.

Josiah looked into Ezra's eyes and saw the fear and sadness that filled them. Ezra's eyes moved to the side, he didn't see Josiah in front of him, he didn't even acknowledge him. All Ezra saw was the woman he loved, her eyes full of hatred that was directed at him.

"I tried . . . " The tears fell from his eyes as he realised she blamed him for what happened. "I tried . . . I didn't get there in time." He tried to explain to her but the anger only grew.

"You allowed him to kill me." She hissed at him.

"No." Ezra started to shake his head in denial, he only stopped when he felt someone's grip on his jaw. "No. No. No. . . "

"Ezra. Ezra listen to me, whatever it is that you see it's not real." Josiah tried to get through to him but he couldn't, Ezra just kept repeating the word no over and over again. He removed his hand and watched as someone's fist connected with Ezra's jaw, snapping his head back, his rambling and fear finally ending. He quickly grabbed Ezra around the chest as he slumped forward, he allowed Ezra's head to fall onto his shoulders as he looked up at Chris.

"I'm sorry but I'm not going to let him go through that and I can't watch him either." Chris explained to him, Josiah nodded in understanding.

"Take him up to his bed Josiah." Nathan sighed, he gripped his knee and winced at the pain that tore through it.

"You okay Nathan?" Chris asked him.

"Ezra kicked me pretty hard, I don't think there is any real damage but I'll have to wait for the swelling to come down to make sure."

"Your lucky to be alive Nathan." Chris told him and then answered his confused expression. "He was to angry to think, he just reacted, if he thought about it first he would have pulled someone's gun and shot you, we were slow to react Nathan, if he used a gun you would be a dead man right now."

Nathan fell back into his chair as the realisation of what Chris had just told him sunk in. "Your right Chris, it was all so real to him."

Josiah had stood up, lifting Ezra into his arms with Vin's help but he didn't make his way to Ezra's room. "Why did you tell him that it was his Uncle he attacked and not you after I told him differently?" He wanted to know.

"Joisah, he's going through enough as it is, he doesn't need to feel guilty about hitting me as well." Nathan explained as he stood up and tested his knee, there was pain but he was able to walk on it. "Let's get him to his room and hope that he sleeps it off."

"And if he doesn't? What if he's the same when he wakes up or even worse?" Buck asked from behind Vin, they were watching their friend in Josiah's arms and were concerned for him. Everything seemed to change so quickly with Ezra, he was fine one minute and then something would go wrong, seriously wrong.

"I'm sure that he'll be fine." Nathan told them as he was unaware of the potion that Ezra had drunk. He limped up the stairs after Josiah and Chris, the others stayed downstairs.

While Chris and Josiah made Ezra comfortable in his bed Nathan used the water bowl to clean the blood from his own face, he checked the cut above his eye and found it not to be deep enough to require stitches. When he was finished he used the cloth to wash the blood from Ezra's hand, he didn't want him to wake up and find it there. He hoped in his heart that Ezra wouldn't remember any of it when he did wake up.

"Are you sure your alright Nathan? Ezra hit you hard here as well." Chris pressed against the bruise that was forming on his left cheek. He yelped when Nathan slapped his hand away.

"I'm fine, there just bruises." Nathan growled at him.

"I hate to say it Nathan but you sound just like Ezra does when your doing the same to him." Josiah smiled at him as he remembered all the times Ezra pushed Nathan's arm away when he was checking one of his various injuries.

"I protest at that statement Mr Sanchez." Nathan smiled back at him as he tried to do his best Ezra Standish impersonation, he looked at Ezra's sleeping form. "Did I get that right?"

"Not quite Nathan." Chris answered him, he to was looking at Ezra.

He had been sleeping for two hours now, there were no nightmares, his fever had finally left him alone and they were beginning to relax, they thought that he was going to be alright. They became quiet as Ezra rolled onto his side and groaned in protest, his arm lifted to block out the light that was blinding him. Chris had lit the lamps in Ezra's room as night had fallen outside and they didn't want Ezra to wake up in the dark and not know where he was.

"Oh no." Ezra groaned again, blinking his eyes until they adjusted to light that was causing his headache to become even more painful, he seemed to have the worst hangover.

"Ezra?" Nathan came over to the bed and sat down, he smiled at the glare that Ezra gave him, it was the same look that Ezra gave everyone when he woke up before he was ready.

"Oh no." Ezra repeated, the shock of what had happened hit him with a force that literally knocked the wind from his lungs. "I did that." His hand lifted towards Nathan's face but he quickly withdrew it so he wouldn't hurt him again.

"It's okay Ezra, you thought I was your Uncle, don't worry about it, I don't blame you for it." Nathan smiled at him to make sure that Ezra understood that he wasn't angry with him, he didn't want him to feel guilt about it, not yet anyway.

"Why? Did I have to much to drink?" Ezra sat up and moved away from Nathan. "I didn't say that, really I didn't drink that much, I only had a glass . . . I . . . " He gave up when he realised that Nathan wasn't going to take anything that he said as an excuse or an apology. "I'm sorry Nathan, I didn't listen to you."

"You never listen to me Ezra." He forced a dissapointed look onto his face. "This was your own fault Ezra, you went through all of this because you drank when I told you not to." He watched as Ezra hung his head and he couldn't get angry at him. "Chris, you want to have a go, I can't do it." Nathan got up and enjoyed the expression that was on Ezra's face when his head lifted up to look for the man who was going to yell at him.

"Ezra." Chris smiled at him coldly.

"Chris." Ezra smiled back but his was full of doubt. "I'm feeling a lot better now, just got a hangover."

"Good." Chris knew that Ezra was trying to change the subject. "That you have a hangover that is. Serves you right." He leaned closer to Ezra as he pulled further away from him. "Do you realise what you went through, what you put us through."

"I can remember." Ezra winced.

"I should make Nathan keep you in the clinic just to teach you a lesson." Chris saw the fear flicker through Ezra's eyes. "You do as your told Ezra, you hear me." He didn't allow Ezra's fear to stop him. "I asked you if you heard me Ezra."

"I heard you." Ezra didn't know what to think, he knew that Chris would do it but he hoped that he still understood why he didn't want to go to Nathan's clinic but he seemed to have forgotten as he ignored the fear that must have been obvious in his eyes. "I'll do as I'm told."

"Good." Chris slapped him on the leg and got up from the bed. "Josiah, your turn."

Ezra looked at Chris's retreating back and then Josiah's face as he came towards him, they were ganging up on him and he didn't like it. He took his eyes off Josiah and continued to watch Chris as he stood by the door, he felt his bed shift as Josiah sat down next to him, he tore his eyes from Chris's form and looked at the man who sat next to him.

"You okay Ezra?"

"I have a headache." He rubbed his temples hoping that it would ease the pain that was becoming worse.

"Apart from the headache. Are you okay with what happened?" Ezra frowned at him. "You went through some nasty things Ezra, I want to make sure that your okay."

"Nathan makes me feel guilty, Chris tries to scare me into not doing it again by threatening me and then you make sure that I'm okay with it?" Ezra stared at him. "Is that right?"

"No that's not right. I'm sorry Ezra but we are angry about what you did." Josiah told him in a firm voice. "What if it was worse, what if you did more to Nathan than hit him."

Ezra looked up at Nathan and again saw the cut and bruises that he caused. "I'm sorry Nathan." It was all he could say and wanted to say at that moment.

"I told you that it was okay Ezra, it wasn't me you were hitting." Nathan told him.

Ezra laid back down on his pillow and closed his eyes, he wasn't tired but he wanted them to leave. He felt Josiah's hand on his forehead. "We'll leave you to rest Ezra, I'll come back up later and talk to you." Ezra nodded, anything to get them out.

They left Ezra thinking that he was falling back to sleep but once they were out of the room he sat up and watched the door for a few moments, when he was sure they weren't coming back in he got up and after subconsciously taking out an old pack of cards from the dresser he went and sat in the chair that was next to the only window in the room. He only had his trousers on and didn't bother with a shirt, his body was covered in goosebumps within seconds but he hadn't noticed the chill that began to settle into his bones.

He took the cards out of the pack and began to shuffle the deck while watching the street below him. He didn't feel it when the sharp corner of one of the cards cut his finger, he had never used these cards for that reason, they had squared corners instead of the normal rounded ones, his mother had yelled at him for buying them but for some reason he had never gotten rid of them. He lifted one of the cards up in front of his eyes and ran his forefinger along the corner, he pressed down and didn't feel the pain of the sharp edge as it cut into his finger. Ezra then laid his left forearm down on the armrest of the chair, the palm facing up and with the card gripped tightly in his right he ran it's corner across his arm, drawing a thin line of blood that followed the card to the end of it's path.

He then drew a parallel line next to it, the card had become blunt due to the blood that had soaked into it and would not cut a third time so he discarded it into his lap and took another card and began again. Ezra wasn't feeling any pain from what he was doing, his mind was empty of all thoughts and feelings. He only stopped what he was doing when he ran out of cards, his arm was now a bloody mess but he didn't see it or feel it.

Ezra turned his head towards the door and knew that they would eventually come back and check on him, he collected the bloody cards and placed them back in the drawer of the dresser. Without taking care of his arm he went back to his bed and laid down, he pulled the covers over his body, still unaware of how cold he was, he didn't even realise that he had coverd his injured arm so it wouldn't be seen. He laid still, staring blankly at the ceiling waiting for someone to sneak into his room.

Josiah stepped into Ezra's room an hour later, he watched for a moment as Ezra lay on his back staring at the ceiling, he had become really worried about him but they had decided that they had to let him know that he did the wrong thing, that what happened was his own fault, he felt like a father punishing a son. He realised that he had come to think of Ezra more like a son over the last four weeks, the young man had never had a father to look after him or watch out for him, only a mother that never really wanted him and often left him with people that physically abused him.

He had been taking care of Ezra like a father would, he helped him deal with his problems, he would talk to him for hours at a time when things became to much for him and he cared for him when he was ill. Ezra had also taken more to Josiah, he went to him when he couldn't take the pain of the memories anymore, he spoke openly to him when he wouldn't talk to anyone else, they had become closer over those four weeks and now Josiah felt as though he could be more of a father figure to him, if Ezra would allow him to.

Josiah closed the door and went towards the bed, he sat down and watched as Ezra blinked his eyes in confusion and then look at him. He placed his hand on Ezra's forehead to make sure the fever had not returned and was happy to find that it hadn't. He didn't speak for a few minutes but instead to continued to watch him, Ezra though didn't seem to like the silence.

"What do you want Josiah?" Ezra asked him, he had heard him come into his room but he had stood to the side for some reason before coming closer. Ezra was grateful for that as it gave him a few extra moments to get himself together.

"Thought that maybe you would like to talk about what happened." Josiah told him as he made himself more comfortable on the bed.

"No, not really." Ezra answered him as calmly as he could. "It was my own fault, I didn't think a drink would do that much harm, I should have listened to Nathan, I was being my usual stubborn self, I was stupid."

"You weren't stupid Ezra, you just made a mistake." Josiah assured him.

"Stupid and mistake mean the same thing." Ezra didn't know what the problem was, nothing serious happened, he didn't know why they were making such a big deal over it.

"I assume that is something that your mother told you." Ezra diverted his eyes and he knew that he was correct in his assumption.

"Is everyone still downstairs?" Ezra asked, again trying to change the subject, he wanted this man to leave his room but knew that if he asked him to that he would want to know why.

"No, they have gone to their own beds, the saloon is empty."

"Then why aren't you in your bed?" Ezra smiled at him.

"I didn't want to leave you alone." Josiah told him seriously. Even though they left him alone at night they still took turns to check in on him, they had disrupted their own sleep to make sure that Ezra's was okay, they'd had a roster going between them.

"I'm fine Josiah." Ezra yawned to make it more convincing. "I'm tired anyway, I think that I'm going to sleep until lunch time."

"That doesn't surprise me." Josiah laughed and Ezra laughed with him. He placed his hand on Ezra's shoulder and smiled at him. "You sure, I can sleep in the chair or stay downstairs."

"Josiah I'm fine, there is no need to tire yourself out." Ezra pushed him away. "Go to bed."

Josiah nodded and got up off the bed, he took one last look at Ezra and then left him alone. Ezra wasn't tired, he didn't want to sleep so he got up, dressed himself, making sure that his derringer was in place, he shaved and then walked down to the dark empty saloon. Without lighting any lamps he made his way to the bar and after grabbing the first bottle of whiskey he could find he went and sat down at one of the tables that faced the door and drank straight from the bottle.

Ezra watched the sunlight as it made it's way into the saloon forcing the darkness to retreat, he was fascinated by the way it crept along the floor, he could see the dust as it danced in the bright light. He shook his head as he remembered that the others were early risers and would probably be making their way here shortly so he removed the half empty bottle from the table, placed it back behind the bar and went to make some coffee, while preparing himself for their arrival.

Chris walked into the saloon with the intention of going straight upstairs to check on Ezra before he made himself comfortable in the main room of the building to wait for the others. He glanced to the side of the room and stopped in his tracks as he saw Ezra sitting in the corner drinking what he hoped was coffee. He walked over to the table and saw the expression that had been hidden in the shadows reveal itself as he got closer but it was quickly replaced with what he thought was a genuine smile.

"Ezra what are you doing up so early." Chris tried to hide the surprise that he felt at the gambler rising before sunrise. He knew this because of the coffee, it would have taken him time to make it, he had also cleaned himself up, taking time to shave.

"I woke early and couldn't get back to sleep, so I came down stairs." Ezra explained.

Chris sat down across from him and glanced down at the cup that was sitting in front of Ezra. Chris watched as Ezra pushed the cup towards him so he could see that it was full of coffee and not whiskey.

"Drink it if you still think that I spiked it." Ezra challenged him.

"No need Ezra." Chris pushed the cup back and took one of the empty ones, he poured coffee into it and then looked back up at Ezra. He thought for a moment that their was something in his eyes but it was gone as quickly as the expression that he had held earlier. "You told me you wouldn't drink and I trust you to keep your word."

They sat in silence then, Ezra not wanting to talk and Chris not wanting to push him into talking as he could tell that he wasn't in the mood for conversation. Chris watched Ezra when he was looking in a different direction and then glanced away when his eyes turned back to him.

"Is it because I am the only pretty face here?" Ezra asked Chris with a forced smile that he hoped looked genuine.

"Sorry?" Chris was confused.

"Remember, when we were all sitting here once before, all of you were staring at me and when I asked why you said it was because I was the only pretty face here."

"Oh that. I'm not staring Ezra." Chris told him.

"Your lying."

Chris looked up at him and saw the serious look that was aimed at him. "Okay, I'm worried about you that's all."

"Chris, I'm sure that you can worry without staring." Ezra's grin grew causing the dimples to form in his cheeks and he watched as Chris began to relax more. Ezra's eyes turned to the sound of the saloon doors swinging open as Vin made his way into the room and head towards the table.

"Ezra what are . . ." Vin began.

"I couldn't sleep." Ezra explained for a second time. "I hope I don't have to say that six times."

Sorry Ezra I was just . . ."

"I know, you were suprised to see me up at this ungodly hour." Ezra interrupted him again as he pushed a cup towards him.

Vin threw a nervous glance at Chris but calmed down when he saw the smile on his face, he took the cup from Ezra and poured himself some coffee. They then sat in silence again enjoying the warm liquid, it wasn't everyday that Ezra made the coffee.

They looked towards the door as they heard the laughter that had drifted into the room. "Sounds like JD and Casey are at it already." Vin told the two men that were also looking towards the door.

"Is it always this noisy in the morning?" Ezra asked as he heard Buck yelling at JD and Casey before he entered the saloon.

"Hey Ezra what . . ." Buck yelled into the room as he entered.

"He couldn't sleep." Chris and Vin yelled back at him much to Ezra's annoyance.

Ezra was listening to the laughter, he couldn't ignore it as it was aggravating his nerves, he rubbed his eyes with his hands and when he removed them he saw JD standing in the doorway with Christy behind him, the woman who had threatened to kill Jean before she shot him twice, nearly killing him. Ezra began to shake as he saw the gun appear in her hand, she pressed it against JD's back and then his instincts took over.

"JD!" He yelled as he stood up, ejecting his derringer at the same, he aimed the gun at the woman that was threatening his friend and squeezed the trigger. He watched as Christy fell to the ground and then heard someone calling Casey's name as the gun was pulled from his hand.

Casey's name echoed in Ezra's mind as rough hands pushed him back down into the chair, he could hear someone yelling at him, wanting to know what he thought he was doing but the voice was distant. He began to rub his forearm causing the pain to ignite but his mind pushed the pain away, he continued to rub as the voices yelled around him and at him. His eyes took in nothing that surrounded him, all he saw were the figures as they rushed past his line of vision, he went to stand up so he could get a drink but was roughly forced back into the chair, a voice yelling at him to stay to where he was.

JD had come into the saloon and he heard Ezra's voice as he called his name, he looked up in surprise wondering why he was up so early but the gun drove the question from his mind, his own instincts taking control of his body. He pulled Casey towards him and in doing so saved her life as the bullet entered her upper left arm instead of her chest. She fell against him and they both fell to the floor.

"Casey!" JD yelled to her, he saw the wound in her arm and began to try and stop the blood flowing from it.

Chris, Buck and Vin watched as Ezra rose from his chair yelling JD's name but they couldn't stop him, Ezra was to quick with the derringer, they heard the gun being fired as they rose from their own chairs and watched in horror as Casey and JD fell to the floor. Chris quickly pulled the gun from Ezra's hand before he could fire again and with Vin's help he pushed him back down into his chair.

"Ezra, what the hell do you think your doing?" Vin yelled at him. "You just shot Casey."

"Stay with him." Chris ordered Vin and as he ran after Buck towards JD and Casey. He could see the blood as it flowed through JD's fingers as he tried to stop the bleeding. Chris knelt down beside Buck blocking them from Ezra's view, he pulled JD's hands from Casey's arm and quickly examined it, the bullet had gone straight through, he placed JD's hand back over it.

"JD are you hurt?" Buck asked him as Chris examined Casey.

"I'm fine Buck." JD assured him as he watched Casey.

"Buck take her to Nathan and stay with her." Chris told him. "JD go with them."

"Why did he shoot Casey?" JD wanted to know, he hadn't taken his eyes from Casey's face, she had lost consciousness as soon as the bullet had entered her arm.

"Take her there now Buck!" Chris growled at him. He watched as Buck lifted Casey into his arms and ran out of the saloon with JD running after him, he turned back to see the blank expression on Ezra's face as he tried to stand up again but Vin shoved him back into the chair.

"Stay where you are Ezra, don't even think about moving!" Vin told him harshly.

Chris took his time walking back to Ezra so he could contain the anger that was building, he reached Ezra and placed a chair in front of him and sat down facing him. He didn't say anything as he watched Ezra, his face was blank, his eyes empty but he was rubbing his left forearm. Chris took his right arm and pulled it away. Ezra looked at him but he knew that he couldn't see him.

Chris didn't turn around when he heard the footsteps as someone ran into the saloon but he noticed that they had caught Ezra's attention as he looked towards the floor to find the source of the sound. He became distant again though as the sound stopped.

"What happened?" Josiah asked. "Did he really shoot Casey?"

"Yes he did." Vin leant down in front of Ezra and looked into the unseeing eyes. "He shot casey!"

"Vin . . . " Josiah pulled him away. He sat in the chair that faced Ezra after Chris emptied it for him, he looked into Ezra's eyes and saw nothing. "He's not here."

"What do you mean he's not here?" Chris asked him.

"Just like I said Chris, he's not here, his mind is somewhere else." He wiped the hair from Ezra's forehead and then allowed his hand to fall to his cheek. "He's gone." Josiah stood up and lifted Ezra up to his feet. "Let's get him to Nathan."

"I don't think that's a good idea Josiah." Vin told him.

"Vin look at him. Do you actually think he's capable of doing anything?" Josiah asked him.

"He just did something Josiah, he shot Casey. I don't want him there when she wakes up." Vin growled at him.

"I don't care what you want Vin, it's Ezra that's in trouble here. How do you think he's going to feel when he comes out of it and realises what he's done." He began to lead Ezra away from him and was grateful when Chris took Ezra's other arm. They didn't wait to see if Vin was going to follow them.

"It's still not out of his system is it?" Chris asked Josiah as they left the saloon with a very passive gambler between them.

"Obviously not." Josiah answered him sarcastically but Chris ignored it as Ezra had gotten his attention by looking down at their feet. He watched Ezra out of the corner of his eye on the way to the clinic, noticing what he was doing.

They pulled Ezra into Nathan's room and placed him in the empty chair in the corner, they were ready to defend him against JD if they had to but they didn't, he understood the situation as they did and they were both proud of him for remembering what Ezra was going through.

"How's Casey?" Chris asked Nathan as he came towards Ezra, he stood protectively in front of Ezra because he knew that Nathan may react differently than the way JD did.

"She's going to be fine, the bullet went clean through, there's no damage to the muscle but she's going to be plenty sore for a while." He gently moved Chris aside and knelt down in front of Ezra. "You want to tell me what happened." He spoke to Chris because he could tell that he wasn't going to get an answer from Ezra.

"I don't know what happened, he was fine, normal even but he saw JD and Casey come in. Ezra stood up yelling out to JD and he pulled his derringer and fired. You know how quick he is with that thing, we couldn't react fast enough to stop him from killing Casey but JD did. If he hadn't pulled her away . . . " Chris left the thought hanging heavily in the air around them.

"You don't know why he shot her?" JD asked from the bed, he was wiping Casey's hair from her face but his eyes were watching the still form of his friend across the room in the chair. He knew that it wasn't Ezra's fault and he knew the guilt that he was going to feel when he did remember what happened and he wasn't going to make it worse for him.

"No." Chris answered him. "Thanks JD."

"Anyone of you would have pulled Casey out . . . " JD started.

"No, I mean thankyou for not blaming Ezra." Chris explained in more detail.

"Can you help him Nathan?" Buck asked as he came forward from the bed stopping the thankyous that were being passed around.

"I don't know Buck. Why don't we put him on the cot over there and we'll try and think of something." Nathan told him.

They walked Ezra over to the cot and laid him down onto his back and left him with his eyes staring at the ceiling, Chris waited a moment while the others walked away and watched as Ezra rolled onto his side, his eyes following the retreating footsteps.

"Nathan?" Chris called him back and when he stood next to him he moved an obedient Ezra onto his back again. "Watch this. Josiah could you start walking around please and make sure your feet make a noise."

"What are you doing Chris?" But the only answer he got was Ezra's reaction to the sound of Josiah's footsteps, his own face turned into a frown as Ezra rolled over and his eyes began to follow Josiah's feet.

"That's what he was doing in the saloon yesterday after he made that outburst, he was quiet but then after that he attacked me." He looked sideways at Chris. "I'm going to have to tie him to the bed Chris just in case something like that happens again."

They didn't want to do it but they knew that Nathan was right, if Ezra did become violent again they didn't know what he would end up doing. Josiah used a rope to tie Ezra down to the bed, he hated doing it but there was no longer any choice, he left his green jacket on so the ropes wouldn't cut into his wrists. He then sat in a chair next to the cot and started to rub Ezra's temple hoping that it would bring him back to them.

"There has to be something else, the alcohol couldn't have done this much damage." Nathan said out loud as he started to pace the room, he stopped when he saw Ezra trying to watch him. "Hong Sing wouldn't have given it to me if there was going to be this sort of reaction if Ezra did have a drink. There has to be something." He went and stood in front of JD. "You were with him yesterday morning, is there anything that seemed strange to you, anything different."

"No. He came over to the table, Vin had just won all my money and he offered to win it back for me but when he did he kept it." JD thought about the milk but he knew Ezra didn't want the others to know about it.

"What? There is something isn't there?" Chris could tell by the look on JD's face that he was keeping something from them.

"Vin and I promised Ezra we wouldn't tell you, besides it was nothing that would have done this." JD flinched back from Chris.

"What was it?"

"Buck bought me a glass of milk, I didn't have any money left to play so Vin told me to bet him my glass of milk, he won it, had to or we would of thought that he was cheating. He didn't like it, said he never liked the taste of milk, drank half of it and then filled it with whiskey so he could drink the rest." JD knew that Ezra was going to ge angry at him over this. "Milk wouldn't have done this to him."

"Of course he would hate the taste of it JD, he got shut in a cellar and beaten because he spilt his milk." Chris reminded him.

They all turned when they heard Buck fall into the empty chair, his face now as white as Ezra's had been the night before. "Ezra drank the milk."

They moved as one towards Buck who looked passed them at Ezra, he could see his eyes following everyone's shoes as they crossed the floor. He inwardly died as he realised what he had done to his friend, his own eyes then moved to Casey, she was lying under a blanket, her bandaged arm above it, he knew how close she had come to being killed by Ezra.

"What is it Buck?" Chris asked him.

"I got something from Chow Chee to get back at JD for that love potion stunt, I put it in the milk, he said to make sure that he didn't drink any alcohol with it because if he did the results wouldn't be pleasant." He didn't look up at any of them as he knew what their faces would tell him, they would be saying the same as his own mind was. It was a stupid thing to do and the result of the prank nearly cost people their lives and it may cost Ezra his sanity. The guilt was overwhelming, it was a lot worse than the guilt he felt when he allowed Horrow to take Ezra. He looked up as someone bent down in front of him, it was Nathan.

"I want you to ride out to the rail camp and find Chow Chee, tell him what happend and find out what we can do to help Ezra." He stared at Buck and saw the guilt in his eyes but he was to angry to tell him anything different. "Now!"

"Take Vin with you." Chris told him as he got up to leave. Buck nodded in silence and left the room without looking at any of them.

"No wonder he's so out of it." Nathan said as he went back to the cot, he looked down into Ezra's unseeing eyes. "He stays here in the clinic until he's healthy again, even if it takes weeks!"

Ezra began to sense what was happening around him but everything was to far away for him to really understand it, he could hear voices and see figures but he couldn't make out the words or recognise the people who stood in front of him. He did hear footsteps and as before they captivated his mind, he searched for the source each time he heard them. A nagging feeling began to interrupt his fascination with the sound that echoed in his mind, he had done something that made people angry at him but he couldn't remember what it was.

He also started to feel something rubbing against his head and it was then that he heard the words, they were going to make him stay, they were locking him up again, he couldn't let them shut him away. He fought his way out of the emptiness that had encircled his mind.

"No." He groaned as he continued to fight, he tried to lift his arms but someone held them down. "No."

"Ezra?" Josiah called to him, he moved his hand to Ezra's forehead, he felt the others standing near him as they all hovered over Ezra.

"No. Please." Ezra pleaded.

The four men watched as Ezra's eyes began to focus on his surroundings but they were worried about how he was going to react to what happened. He was still watching the ceiling and it was another few minutes before he began to actually look at them.

"Please, don't make me stay here." He cried. "I can't go through it again."

"Your okay Ezra, your in Nathan's clinic." Josiah tried to comfort him with his words and his touch. Ezra accepted the touch of concern but not Josiah's words.

"No." He began to pull at the ropes. "I'm scared Josiah, I can't stay here."

"You'll be okay Ezra, I'll stay with you." Josiah told him.

"No, Josiah please . . . don't let him keep me . . . here." Ezra began to shake as the fear took a strong hold of his mind. "Please Josiah . . . help me." Ezra was crying now, he couldn't stop himself, he was terrified. "Josiah . . . please."

"Ezra, I promise you, I won't let them keep you here, don't worry, I'll take care of you." Josiah wiped the tears from Ezra's face with his hand. "It will be okay."

"I can't stay here . . . don't keep me here . . . please."

"I won't, I promise." Josiah could feel Nathan tense up behind him but he ignored him for the moment, he had to get Ezra to calm down first, he would argue with Nathan later.

They heard a moan come from the other bed as Casey began to wake up, Ezra's eyes turned towards the figure in the bed and the memory of what happened drove the fear from his mind replacing it with guilt and despair. Nathan left Ezra in Josiah's capable hands and he went to check on Casey. Josiah watched Ezra as he became quiet, his eyes never moving from Casey's waking form.

"Is she . . . " Ezra started.

"No Ezra, she's fine, it's just a scratch." Chris sat down on the cot. "She'll be okay."

"Oh God, I shot her didn't I, I tried to kill Casey." New tears began to fall from Ezra's eyes as he tried to pull himself away from everyone, he wanted to turn away from them and curl up into a ball but neither his legs or arms would respond to his commands.

"It's the herbs you drank Ezra, there doing it not you, don't blame yourself, we don't." Josiah was getting no where with him, he couldn't calm him down.

"It was the alcohol wasn't it, what I drank this morning, it was me." Ezra's body shook with the tears that wracked his body.

Josiah put his hands on Ezra's shoulders. "You drank again?"

"I shot her, oh God, I shot her." Ezra felt the same pain he had before as it tore through his stomach, his face contorted with the pain. "Josiah!" He grimaced through clenched teeth. His hands gripped the sheet beneath him and he struggled to bring his knees up to his chest.

"Nathan!" Chris called him and then turned back to Ezra. "Is it the same pain you had before?"

Ezra cried out causing Casey to become fully awake, she opened her eyes and looked across the room. Ezra screamed at the agony that he was feeling as Josiah and Chris fought to untie the ropes that bound him to the bed. Once he found that he could move Ezra drew his knees up to his chest and rolled over onto his side.

"Ezra, I'm going to need to examine your stomach, can you roll back over for me." Nathan asked him. Ezra violently shook his head and then screamed into the pillow as another bolt of pain ripped through his stomach.

"Were going to have to wait until the pain leaves him again." Nathan told Josiah.

"You can't do that Nathan, give him something for the pain." Chris told him, he was holding his own stomach in sympathy for Ezra.

"And what if it makes him worse, that potion that Buck gave him isn't out of his system yet, if I give him something I don't know what it would do to him, I can't take the chance Chris." He looked back at Ezra's painfilled face when he screamed again. "It's a lot worse than yesterday."

"JD, get me a damp cloth." Josiah called to him, he only had to wait a few seconds before he felt the cool material in his hand and he used it to wipe away the sweat that had begun to form on Ezra's face.

He listened as Ezra moaned and rolled further into the pillow so he could muffle his screams. JD went back to Casey and held onto her as they watched Ezra, they all knew that there was nothing that they could do to help him, they could only support him and wait until the pain left him like it did the last time. Chris got on the cot and sat behind Ezra's back and leaned over him, he took his hand in his and hissed when Ezra squeezed it as the pain caused him to scream again. He could feel Ezra shaking, he used his free hand to stroke the back of his head.

Five minutes had passed and the pain still hadn't left him, his body was trembling, his hair was now soaked with sweat. Chris felt as though his fingers had been broken in Ezra's grip. Josiah continued to wipe his face and they all listened as Ezra's screams turned into soft moans as he became semiconscious. Another ten minutes passed before Ezra started to feel the pain leave him but the tremors didn't.

"Josiah." He croaked, his throat was dry but he didn't dare drink any water in case it brought the pain back. "It's gone but I can't stop shaking."

Josiah lifted Ezra up into his arms and held him tight, feeling his body shaking within his grip. Nathan tried to take him from his arms but he wouldn't let him go.

"Josiah I need to make sure he's okay." Nathan told him.

"Not yet, just give him a minute." Josiah leant down and kissed Ezra's damp forehead and laid his hand against his warm face. "Just give him a minute, please Nathan."

Josiah continued to wipe Ezra's face with his hand as he held him tight against his own body, feeling his muscles relax as the tremors left him. He used his soothing voice to keep him calm as he gave the younger man everything that he had never recieved in his long and lonely life, he gave him a parent's love. He knew the other's were watching but he didn't care, it's what Ezra needed and wanted, it was just something that the gambler had never admitted to anyone, not even himself.

"Your okay now Ezra. Don't worry, I'll take care of you, I'm not going to leave you alone. I'll be here for you, we all will." Josiah kept saying these words over and over, even after Ezra had fallen into an exhausted sleep.

"Josiah, let me take him now." Nathan had to literally pull Ezra from Josiah's arms, he knew the older man had come to care for Ezra but he didn't realise just how much until now.

"You have to help him Nathan." Josiah told him as he continued to show his concern towards Ezra, he wiped the damp hair from his forehead with one hand and held his limp hand with the other.

"I'm sorry Josiah, I won't do anything until Buck comes back, I'm not going to risk it." Nathan made Ezra comfortable by placing him on his back and began to unbutton his clothing, he pulled the shirt aside, exposing the pale damp skin that was hidden beneath it, he let out a ragged moan when he saw the swelling around Ezra's abdomen. "My God".

"What is it Nathan?" Chris was still sitting on the cot next Ezra and after finding that there were no broken bones in his own hand he had picked Ezra's back up, squeezing it gently so the gambler would know that they were still there with him, hoping that the simple act of a gentle touch would help reassure him. He was looking down at Ezra's pale and sweat soaked face but shifted his eyes to what Nathan was looking at, suddenly he felt the need to lash out at Buck. Chris knew that he couldn't blame him, he hadn't known what the consequences of he had done were going to be but he still thought that it was a stupid thing to have done, he was angry at him, he also knew that Buck was going to be angry at himself.

Nathan ignored him and gently pressed against the swelling, Ezra groaned as he tried to move away from him. "He's still feeling some sort of pain." Nathan sighed, he hated not doing anything for his friend but he also knew that if he did try something Ezra would only get worse. "I don't know what's caused the swelling, maybe it caused the pain he suffered or the pain caused his stomach to swell. I just don't know." He pulled the shirt closed, hiding the swelling and then looked at Chris. "Could you tie his arms again for me, I'll do his feet."

"Nathan you can't do that." Josiah protested. He didn't want to see Ezra tied to the bed, it was bad enough what he was going through. He knew that if he was to wake up more coherent and find himself tied up then Ezra would think that he broke his promise. Josiah sighed quietly as he realised he wouldn't be able to keep his promise to him, Nathan wasn't going to allow him to leave the clinic.

"He still might become violent Josiah, he could hurt someone or even himself. I don't want that to happen." He stared at Josiah knowing that what was happening to Ezra was beginning to tear him apart but they couldn't take the chance, he had to think of the other people in the room as well. "Do you?"

Josiah hung his head in defeat and then watched as they tied Ezra, bounding his arms and legs to the bed once more. He felt someone's hand on his shoulder and looked up into Chris's eyes, seeing the understanding that they held.

"It's for his own good Josiah, he'll understand."

"I don't think he will Chris and I wouldn't blame him if he didn't." He looked away from him and turned his eyes back to Ezra. "I promised him that I wouldn't let Nathan keep him here and I can't keep that promise."

"Yes you can." Nathan smiled at his shocked expression. "If the swelling comes down and he's comfortable then well move him back to his own room but I want two of us staying with him, we can't leave him alone, not now."

"Thank you Nathan." Josiah was grateful for what Nathan was willing to do for Ezra, he had wanted to keep him in the clinic but he nderstood that Ezra wouldn't be able to cope with being kept here, he had taken Ezra's fear into consideration and wasn't going to force him to stay.

"That's okay Josiah, I know exactly how he feels about being here." Nathan remembered the fear that Ezra's eyes held everytime he thought that he was going to have to spend time in the clinic. "He relates it to his Uncle, he wasn't allowed out of the cellar and I won't allow him to leave here unless I think he's ready. He thinks that I want to lock him up and not let him out like Jack did." He bent down and wiped a strand of hair away from Ezra's forehead. "He just needs more time to deal the fear that he feels when he has to stay here."

"Why did he do it?" They heard Casey ask from across the room. All eyes turned to her, their expressions trying to hide what they felt.

"Buck did something stupid Casey, he isn't going to be able to apologise enough for this." Chris growled at her as he thought of the pain that Ezra had gone through, the condition that his stomach was now in and what that stuff had caused him to do to her, he saw her flinch back at the sound of his voice and realised that he had scared her. "I'm sorry Casey, I just can't believe what he did."

Nathan went over and sat on Casey's bed and explained to her what had happened, her eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat and then a tear fell from her eye.

"He's been through all that just because Buck put something in JD's milk." She looked around Nathan so she could see Ezra.

"It's not over Casey, he's still going through it, the potion hasn't left his system yet." He pulled Casey's face back so their eyes met. "I want you to stay in a bed for a couple of days. I'll get JD to take you home so you don't have to stay here." The relief flooded her young features.

"I couldn't watch him go through that much pain again." Casey mumbled as she looked back at Ezra. "How did something like that do so much to him." Her tear filled eyes stared back at Nathan. "He's going to be alright isn't he?"

"I hope so Casey but I don't know if this is going to leave any permanent damage on his mind or body." He looked sideways at JD and saw the emotion that filled his eyes as his words reached him. "JD see if you can get a buck board, I don't want her on a horse and then take her home, I'm sure Nettie can look after her, then come back here, we might need your help." Nathan smiled at Casey. "I'll come by in a couple of days to make sure your okay."

"Could you tell Ezra that I don't blame him, that it wasn't his fault." Casey asked him. "I don't want him feeling guilty about something that he couldn't control."

"If he's feeling better I'll bring him with me so you will be able to tell him yourself." He couldn't help but smile at Casey's wisdom, she was young like JD and they had proven it many times but they had also shown that they could be wise beyond their years. "You want to wait outside?" JD helped her up when she nodded and then led her outside so she could wait for him to come back and then take her home.

Nathan went back to the cot where Ezra continued to sleep while Josiah and Chris held his hands. He felt his forehead to see if a fever had begun at all, there was none. He pulled Ezra's shirt open again and noticed that the swelling had started to lower, he gently pressed against his stomach. Ezra didn't react to the touch and this told Nathan that he was no longer feeling any pain.

"The swelling is coming down and the pain is gone, I'll see how he is when he wakes up, if he's okay then you can take him to his room." Nathan informed Josiah.

Josiah only nodded as he listened, he kept his eyes on Ezra, the emotions and thoughts were out of control in his own mind. He had heard what Nathan told Casey. If this did leave him permanently effected he knew that Ezra wouldn't be able to cope, he had depended on his own sharp mind and quick reflexes to survive all his life as there had been no one else to back him up and if he couldn't do it anymore then he would have to depend on others. Ezra had accepted their friendship and concern but Josiah didn't think that he would allow himself to depend on them to survive everyday life.

Nathan kept himself busy around the clinic while he waited for Ezra to wake up, he kept going back to him regularly just to make sure that he was still okay. The swelling had gone and he was sleeping peacefully on his right side, facing Chris who was still sitting on the cot. Nathan hadn't argued with them when they wanted to lengthen the ropes so Ezra could be more comfortable. Josiah was still holding his hand and JD, who had returned an hour after taking Casey home, was sitting on the bed watching him from a distance.

He stopped what he was doing and moved quickly to the cot when he heard a soft moan come from Ezra as he rolled onto his back. He sat down and leaned over him once he made sure that Chris and Josiah had a strong hold on his arms.

"Ezra?"

"Nathan . . . what's happening to me . . . am I going crazy . . . or something." Ezra asked him as he opened his eyes and focused on him.

"No Ezra, it's something you drank." Nathan smiled at him.

"Something I drank?" The confusion was evident on his handsome features but it turned to one of shock as his head spun around to take in the empty bed across the room. "Casey, where's Casey? Is she dead?" Ezra gasped out, the fear of what he had done causing him to shake again.

"No Ezra, she's fine, I sent her home." Ezra didn't calm down. "It was just a scratch Ezra, she's fine." Nathan continued to try and convince him but he couldn't. "Josiah . . . "

"Ezra look at me." Josiah told him, he saw the emotion in the dull green eyes as they turned to him. "She's fine, the bullet grazed her arm, that's all." Josiah watched as his words finally sunk in and Ezra began to calm down. "Can you remember why you did it? Did you see your Uncle again?"

"No, it was that woman," Ezra couldn't think of her name, his mind felt numb, he couldn't think. "the one that took Jean, she wanted Chris."

"Christy." Chris reminded him, he understood now why he had shot at Casey. Ezra had taken two bullets himself when he tried to protect him from Christy, he was just doing the same for JD, he must have thought his life was in danger. "You thought that she was going to kill JD." Ezra nodded.

"Casey doesn't blame you Ezra, she doesn't want you to feel guilty about what happened." Josiah repeated Casey's words but could see that they did not make him feel any better about what he did.

"You want to tell me how your feeling Ezra?" Nathan changed the subject hoping to take Ezra's mind off what happened.

"I just feel tired Nathan and my stomach's sore." Ezra tried to lift his arm to show Nathan where it hurt but he couldn't, he looked down to see the rope that was tied around his wrists.

"I'm sorry Ezra but we didn't know what condition you were going to be in when you woke up." Nathan waited for him to erupt, they were all ready for the reaction that they had expected from him.

"That's okay, I've hurt enough people already." Ezra told him, the guilt was heavy in his voice. He had beaten Nathan and shot Casey, when he woke up he was suprised to find himself in the clinic and not a jail cell.

"You said your stomach hurts? Is it like before?" Nathan asked him trying to keep his mind occupied with something else.

"No, it's like when you have thrown up too many times and your muscles hurt afterwards." Ezra explained to him.

"But apart from that your okay?" Nathan got up and walked across the room and then back again, he watched Ezra to see if his eyes followed his footsteps but they didn't.

"Yeah just tired." He repeated.

"I know you don't want to stay here Ezra so I'll get Josiah and JD to take you back to your room. Okay?" He hadn't seen any fear in Ezra's eyes since he woke up but he didn't want to give it any reason to show itself.

"I don't have to stay?" Ezra's eyes widened, he thought that he wasn't going to able to leave.

"No you don't but I would like you to stay in your room for a couple of days at least. Think you can do that?" Ezra nodded. "Good. Chris, Josiah you want to untie him."

They released Ezra from his ropes slowly and carefully just in case he was not what he seemed to be. Once his hands and legs were free Ezra tried to sit up but needed help to do so, Josiah's strong hands then helped him to stand up

"Think you can walk Ezra?" Josiah asked him

"Yeah, there's no way your going to carry me there." Ezra smiled at him but the humour didn't show in his dull eyes. With Josiah and JD on the either side of him he left the clinic to begin what seemed like to be a long walk back to his own room.

"You think he's okay now Nathan?" Chris asked him as they watched Ezra and the others walk slowly out of the clinic.

"He seems alright but we thought that before didn't we." Chris nodded in silence. "You want to help me get some things together and then we'll follow them. It will save me coming back just in case something does happen."

Ezra walked slowly between his two friends, the saloon was only around the corner and past the alley but it was already beginning to feel like it was a mile away. His head was up and he was watching the townsfolk as they walked passed them, he wanted to tip his hat as he always did but couldn't find the strength to lift his arm, the short walk seemed to be sapping all his energy. He could hear JD chattering away in his ear, he wanted to shut him up but didn't think that he would even be able to clench his fist let alone hit him. They were crossing the entrance to the alley when he glanced sideways and saw two strangers walking towards them. He stopped as someone bumped into him, the anger suddenly took control of his mind and he was about to lash out when he heard a young voice.

"Sorry Mr Standish, I was in a hurry. I was supposed to be home already, mama's gonna yell at me when I do get there." Ricky Blair had run into Ezra as he tried to enter the alley that would give him a shortcut home but stopped to apologise as he was always taught to do.

"That's okay Ricky, you hurry up and tell your mother you were helping me with a chore and that I send my apologies for keeping you so late." Ezra felt as though his mind was beginning to drift away, he had looked down into the child's face and saw his own, he saw the bruises that lined his features, the drawn and pale complexion. The voice broke into his thoughts and brought him back to reality.

"Thanks Mr Standish." Ricky ran off towards the two men that were still coming down the alley.

"Ezra are you teaching that young boy to lie." Josiah smiled at him.

"Of course not, I just don't want him to get into trouble that's all." His head quickly turned to the alley when he heard a cry of pain, the voice sounding so much like his own when he cried out after his Uncle had hit him. Ezra could see the two men standing over of the young boy, he could see the tears that were falling from the child's eyes, the boy was terrified.

"That will teach you to run into me." One of the men growled down at Ricky.

Ezra heard the words as they echoed in his now empty mind, he instantly reacted to them and his reaction was violent. He no longer felt drained of energy as he began to walk towards the man who had hit the frightened child that was still lying on the ground, the anger burned in his mind and soul giving him the strength that he needed to do what he wanted to do and that was to kill the man who had hit Ricky. He felt someone grab his shoulder and pull him back but he wasn't going to allow anyone to stop him, he spun around and drove his left fist into the stomach of the man who had tried to stop him and as the person doubled over, his right hand grabbed the man's jaw and he pushed the head up and back with such force that it hit the wooden pole that was behind him, he heard the sickening sound as the skull connected with the obstruction and he smiled. Ezra then turned back to what he was doing, he walked slowly towards the man that he intended to kill.

JD had seen the blank expression as it overcame Ezra's face when they heard Ricky cry out, he then watched in slow motion as Ezra started to walk towards the men but Josiah then tried to stop him. JD stood in shock as Ezra turned around and hit Josiah. He yelled out at Ezra when he saw what he was about to do but his voice did nothing to stop him, he heard the sound as Josiah's head hit the pole, he then fell into a heap at Ezra's feet. JD felt sick to the stomach as he saw the smile form on Ezra's face.

Ezra stopped in front of the two men and then reached down to help Ricky stand up, he could see the thin trail of blood that ran from the boy's cut lip. "Go home Ricky." Ezra pushed the boy into the direction of his home making sure that he gave him a reassuring pat on the back as he did so, he then turned to the man who's thin frame stood at least an two inches over him. Ezra didn't notice that Ricky moved to the side instead of going home.

JD momentarily forgot about Ezra as he knelt down to help Josiah. He turned him onto his side and looked at the back of his head, he could see the large gash that was already beginning to swell. The blood was dripping from the wound and was forming a pool beneath Josiah's head and what didn't stay on the boardwalk escaped through the wooden planks to the dirt below. He tore off a large piece of his shirt and pressed it against the wound to try and stopped the bleeding.

The ranch hand who had ridden into town a couple of days before smiled down at the shorter man, he could tell that he was a fancy gambler who probably couldn't fight to save his life - he hadn't seen what Ezra had just done to Josiah. He tried to push him out of his way but Ezra didn't move.

"What do you want Mister?" The man growled down into Ezra's face, he was too stupid to see the anger that was in the southerner's eyes.

"I want you." Ezra's voice was cold and flat, he was now calm but the anger still boiled within him.

The man laughed at him and then turned sideways to his companion, he saw the nervous look in his eyes as he stepped away from them. He turned back to Ezra and finally saw what his friend had seen, the man standing before him was crazy. "Listen Mister, I didn't do anything to you so why don't you just let me be on my way."

"You hit Ricky." Ezra nodded in the direction that he thought the young boy had gone. "No one hits a child and gets away it." Ezra took a step back.

The man closed the gap that Ezra had just created and as he did so Ezra turned sideways and with all the strength that he could gather he slammed his right fist into the man's stomach. Once he was doubled over like the man that he had hit before, Ezra placed both hands on the man's shoulders and pushed down as he brought his own knee up to connect with the unprotected face, he then let go as the larger man fell onto his back.

The man's friend stepped forward to try and help him up but Ezra's stare stopped him, he moved away and looked around for someone to end the fight before it got out of hand, he knew he couldn't do it on his own. He ran to towards the group that had gathered to watch the fight.

"Someone's got to stop him." He yelled a them, he watched as they shook their heads, they weren't going to go up against the gambler as they knew what he was capable of doing. He turned back to watch, feeling helpless to stop what was going to happen.

Ezra looked down at the cowering figure before him. "Get up!" The man didn't move so Ezra kicked him in the side and heard him yelp in pain, he kicked him again and felt his ribs crack beneath his foot, he kicked him a third time. When the man curled up into a ball Ezra bent down and pulled him to his feet.

"Don't hit me please." The man had lost all his courage.

Ezra hesitated for a moment as a memory tried to force itself into his empty mind but it was pushed away. His fist suddenly connected with the man's nose, breaking it on impact. He hit him again feeling the blood that was beginning to soak into his own knuckles. He subconsciously wiped the blood on the man's jacket and then hit him in the already injured side and smiled at his cry of pain.

JD heard someone scream out in pain, he looked back at Josiah's slack face and knew it wasn't him. He looked around for Ezra and saw the group of people who were gathering in front of the alley. He pushed his way through them and stopped at the sight before him.

"Ezra!" JD ran to him and tried to pull him away from the man but found himself becoming the target for Ezra's anger. He felt Ezra's fist connect with his jaw, knocking him to the ground. He looked back up and watched as Ezra continued to beat the other man. "Ezra stop, your going to kill him!"

"That's exactly what I intend to do." Ezra quietly answered him before his fist hit his weakened victim once more.

JD looked to the side when he heard someone crying, he could see Ricky Blair sitting against one of the buildings that lined the alley. He ran to him, he needed to get him away from what he was seeing. "Ricky go and get Chris and Nathan." The boy could only stare past him as he watched Ezra hitting the man who had hit him. "Ricky! Do as I say! Their at the clinic." He pulled the fragile child to his feet. "Go and get them, hurry!" He watched as Ricky ran from the alley and as he did he saw the ranch hand's friend draw his gun. "NO!"

He couldn't stand by and allow the gambler to kill his friend and if no one else was going to stop him then he was. He knew he wouldn't be able to do it physically so he pulled his gun from his holster and aimed it at the man in the green jacket. He winced as he heard his friend cry out in pain once more when the man hit him again. His friend fell to the ground and the man began kicking him in the back. He couldn't let this go on, he was killing him, he hesitated for a moment trying to decide if he was doing the right thing but he heard his friend's anguish cry and pulled the trigger. He watched in satisfaction as the bullet found it's mark, the force of it entering the man's back slammed him up against the wall and he smiled as he then fell back to the ground. The dust settled around the unmoving body of the man who had beaten his friend.

It only took Ricky a couple of minutes to reach the stairs that lead up to the clinic, he had heard the gunshot and it had nearly caused his young heart to stop as he knew that it wasn't Mr Standish who had fired the gun, he hadn't been wearing one. He was also terrified of what he had seen, he liked Ezra and knew that he would never do anything to hurt him but he had never seen him that angry before.

He looked up as he heard footsteps running down towards him. "Mr Larabee . . . you gotta stop him . . . he's killing him!"

Chris had heard the gunshot and dropped everything that Nathan had placed in his hands as he ran to the door with Nathan right behind him, their first thought had been Ezra. He reached the top of stairs and looked down at the young boy who was running towards him, he could see the frightened look in his tear filled eyes. Chris reached him and knelt down on the step below him so his eyes would be level with the boy's.

"Who Ricky?" Chris asked him in a calm voice as he wiped the tears from his face.

"Mr Standish." Ricky whispered.

"Someone's killing Ezra?" Nathan moved down past both figures and looked up into Ricky's eyes.

"No. Ezra's killing him. " It was a simple statement that caused both of their hearts to become heavy.

"Where is he?" Chris's voice was firm but he showed no anger as he knew the boy was scared enough as it was.

"In the alley next to the saloon." Ricky pointed in the direction that he had just come from. "JD told me to come and get you."

Chris picked Ricky up and ran towards the alley, as they rounded the corner he saw Mrs Potter sittng on the boardwalk as she leant over someone. Chris stopped behind her and looked over her shoulder making sure that Ricky wouldn't be able to see what he was looking at. What he saw broke his already heavy heart as he knew that Ezra had done it. He could see all the blood that had come from Josiah's head wound.

Nathan quickly knelt down next to Josiah and felt for a pulse, after finding one he checked the wound on the back of his head. "The wounds deep and he's lost a lot of blood. We have to get him back to the clinic Chris." He then began to look for the bullet wound as he thought that it was Josiah who had been shot.

"Mrs Potter, could you take care of Ricky for me please while we fix Josiah up." Chris went to hand Ricky over to the older woman.

"Ezra's in the alley, you gotta stop him before he kills that man." Ricky repeated what he had told him on the steps to the clinic.

Chris frowned, he thought that Ricky was talking about Josiah. "Your not talking about Josiah are you Ricky?" The boy shook his head. The tears began to fall from his eyes again as he pointed to the alley.

"Nathan, get someone to help you with Josiah, I'll go look for Ezra and JD." He pushed Ricky into Mrs Potter's arms and ran through the crowd that he had neglected to see earlier. He could hear Nathan yelling at someone to help him carry Josiah back to his room, he silenty hoped that Josiah was going to be okay, if he died Ezra would never be able to live with the guilt, he wouldn't allow his own grief at the thought of Josiah dying to enter his mind, if he did that he wouldn't be able to help either Josiah or Ezra.

He broke through the thick crowd to find a terrifiying sight before him, Chris ignored the man who was a bloody mess as there was someone already helping him, he ran to JD who was leaning against the wall that housed the saloon with Ezra's upper body held in his arms, he could see Ezra's head hanging limply from JD's grip, his already damp hair scraping the dirt floor beneath it. He knelt down beside Ezra and looked up into JD's eyes and saw the tears, he then looked down at Ezra's deathly pale complexion before examining him for any wounds, he found none.

"JD is he hurt." Chris waited for an answer but JD just removed his hand from under Ezra's back and showed him the blood that covered it. He pulled Ezra from JD's hold and turned him over, he saw the blood that covered the lower half of Ezra's back. His own tears joined JD's as he picked Ezra up and started towards the clinic with JD following him.

"Get out of the way!" He yelled to the crowd as he pushed his way through them a second time. He could feel Ezra's head and legs being pushed and pulled as he tried to get through the crowd, he pulled him closer to his own body and yelled at them again to let him through. Chris couldn't see Nathan or Josiah as he ran along the boardwalk. 'They must be back at the clinic.' he thought to himself. He didn't see Mrs Potter as she stood with Ricky watching as he rushed by with Ezra hanging limply from his arms, he didn't hear the child as he began to cry again. All he could see was Ezra's pale face, the only sound he heard was Ezra's ragged breathing, the only thing he felt was the blood that was soaking into his own clothing.

Chris struggled up the stairs to the clinic and didn't wait for JD to open the door, he kicked it open and then walked in sideways so no part of Ezra would hit the door frame, he didn't want his friend to suffer even the slightest bruise or scratch. He took one quick look at the still unconscious Josiah and walked to the small cot and with JD's help he gently laid Ezra down onto his stomach.

Nathan could hear the pounding footsteps on the stairs and stood up turning his back to Josiah because he didn't know who was going to come running through the door. He stood staring in horror as the door was kicked in and Chris entered the room with Ezra in his arms, he could see the blood that was soaking into Chris's trouser legs. He watched as he placed Ezra onto the cot and saw the blood that covered Ezra's back.

"JD come here." Nathan called to him. "JD!" When JD finally tore his eyes from Ezra he came over and stared down at Josiah who was also lying on his stomach. "Press this against the wound, the bleeding hasn't stopped, I'll check Ezra and then come back." He grabbed JD's hand and placed it against the cloth that was trying to stop any more blood escaping from the head wound.

Chris had already begun to take Ezra's jacket off but he was having difficulty removing it from his arms, he looked up at Nathan as he joined him, pulling Ezra onto his side in one quick motion so he could take the jacket off, once they had done that Nathan pulled the back of Ezra's shirt up. He fingers efficiently prodded the bullet wound that was in Ezra's lower back close to his left kidney. "This isn't good Chris."

"What about Josiah?" Chris asked him, he knew things didn't look good for Ezra, he didn't need Nathan to tell him that but he did need to keep control of himself.

"The bleeding still hasn't stopped, I was just about to stitch the wound closed when you came in." He looked sideways at Chris. "He'll have a severe concussion. Ezra hit his head against something with a lot of force."

"We have to make sure that Ezra did do it." Chris told him, when he had seen the aftermath in the alley he had hoped that the stranger had hit Josiah and Ezra had then retaliated.

"Ezra did it." JD told them from Josiah's bedside.

"Chris I'll need you to help me, I have to get the bullet out and stop the bleeding." Nathan grabbed a knife from the table and used it rip Ezra's vest and shirt in half, he then pulled them from his arms, neither of them noticed Ezra's left forearm as it was now face down on the bed, his hand lying on the pillow next to his face.

"Will Josiah be okay while you fix Ezra up?" JD asked.

"He'll be fine JD, just let me know when the bleeding stops." Nathan didn't look at JD, he kept his eyes on Ezra as he placed his hand against his already warm face. He then got ready to do what had to be done.

Nathan quickly washed his hands and took what he needed from the table to remove the bullet, he then moved back to the cot and began to wipe the blood from around the wound so he could see what he was doing. Nathan then began what he thought was a hopeless task of removing the bullet from Ezra's back as he thought that it had done irreversible damage to vital organs. He knew that the wound may not kill Ezra but he was sure that it was going to leave permanent damage just as he thought the potion would.

Nathan used a small sharp knife to cut into the wound, making it wider so it would be easier to find the bullet, he quickly glanced up at Ezra's face to see if there was any sort of response but there wasn't, his eyes turned back to the wound. He used a damp cloth to wipe away the blood that had begun to pour from the wound after he had made it larger. Nathan then used a sterilised clamp to probe the wound looking for the bullet, it took him a few minutes before he found it.

"Thank God." He whispered.

"What is it Nathan?" Chris asked him as he looked away from Ezra, he had been wiping the sweat from Ezra's pale face when he heard Nathan's quiet voice.

"The bullet passed between his lower two ribs and is now lodged in some muscle, if it had gone through any further it would have done some permanent damage to his organs. This man has the luck of the devil Chris." Nathan gently pressed further into the wound to get to the bullet. "Damn."

"Now what?" Chris growled at him.

"I can't get to it." Nathan put the clamp down and used his fingers to try and reach the bullet, he heard Ezra moan as he tried to shift away from him. He withdrew his blood soaked fingers when he couldn't get to the bullet. "I'm going to have to try and spread his ribs so I can get to it."

"And how are you going to do that?" Chris asked him. He couldn't hide the fear that he was feeling from his voice.

"Just give me a minute to think." Nathan stood up and bent back down, he took Chris's hand off Ezra's face and put in on the cloth against the wound in Ezra's back. "Press down on it." Nathan used the short reprieve to check on Josiah, he found that his head wound had stopped bleeding. "JD use some of the water that I put on to boil to clean it for me please, make sure you wash your hands first." JD did as he was told.

Nathan went back to the table and looked for something that he could use to spread Ezra's ribs, all he could see was a larger version of the clamp that wasn't able to reach the bullet. He picked it up and went back to Ezra. "Chris your fingers are thinner than mine so I'm going to spread his ribs and then I want you to get the bullet." Nathan looked into his eyes. "Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah." Chris answered him.

"Good, go wash your hands first." Chris only took a few minutes to sterilise his hands, he then returned to the cot. "Put your knee on his upper back, I don't want him moving." Chris placed his left leg on the cot and his right knee on Ezra's back. Nathan nodded and then pushed the larger clamp sideways between the ribs. "I just hope this works, if I pull to hard I might break them."

"You can do it Nathan." Chris assured him.

He began to pull the handles of the clamp apart and felt the ribs resistance. Ezra groaned louder and as he tried to move Chris put more of his weight on Ezra's back. Nathan waited until Ezra settled down and then pulled harder as he began to feel the ribs move under the pressure.

"Get ready Chris, the bullet is just above the clamp on Ezra's left side." He watched as the ribs begin to spread and then stopped when he knew they wouldn't give anymore without breaking. "Now Chris."

Chris first looked into the wound and saw the glint of metal, he held his breath as his fingers pushed into Ezra's damaged flesh, he felt them scrap against the ribs and then close on the cold metal. He gripped the bullet firmly and then removed his fingers.

"Got it." He held it up to Nathan and then looked up as he heard the door slam open. He saw one man literally carrying another. It was the man that Ezra had beaten.

"My friend needs a Doctor, they said that I could find one here." He dragged his friend into the room.

"He's the one that shot Ezra." JD nodded his head towards the uninjured man.

Nathan quickly used his eyes and looked the man over, he could see no life threatening injuries. "Wait outside." He told him.

"Now hang on my . . . " He stopped as Chris stood up and came towards him.

"Wait outside." The man had thought that the gambler's voice was cold but this man's voice held a stronger threat. He nodded and then left the clinic.

Chris went back to Ezra and sat on the cot, he began to wipe the sweat from Ezra's face again as Nathan cleaned and stitched the wound. When he had banaged it Nathan pulled Ezra's boots off and then pulled the blanket up over his body. "I won't be able to give him anything for the pain or fever that the wound may cause, not until Buck gets back and lets me know what I can do to help him."

"That's going to make it hard for him." Chris spoke more to Ezra than to Nathan.

"I know Chris, I know." Nathan moved back to Josiah's bedside and once he was satisfied that JD had done a good job he began to stitch the wound. He bandaged it and then made him comfortable. He felt Josiah's forehead and found that he was beginning to become warm. "Fever's starting."

"Ezra's never going to forgive himself." Chris knew the guilt that his friend was going to feel, it was going to be very much like the guilt that he had felt himself after his family had died, he had blamed himself for their deaths just as Ezra was going to blame himself for everything that the potion had caused him to do.

"Where just going to have to do our best to prove him wrong." Nathan silently agreed with Chris and knew that there were not going to be enough words to convince Ezra that it wasn't his fault. He got up from Josiah's bed and walked quietly to the corner to pick up an empty bucket, he knew that Josiah was going to need it, the concussion would cause him to be ill, he placed it next to his bed. "Guess I'll go see to the man outside."

"In a minute Nathan. JD tell us what happened."

JD looked up from Josiah's pale face and looked over at Ezra who's complexion was even paler. "Ricky Blair bumped into Ezra, he apologised and Ezra then sent him on his way, told him to tell his mother that it was Ezra's fault that he was late. Everything that he's going through and he still doesn't think of himself. We heard Ricky cry out and saw him on the ground at that guys feet," he nodded to the door, "I think he hit him. Ezra lost it, Josiah tried to stop him but Ezra attacked him then he went after the guy that hit Ricky. I tried to stop him but I couldn't so I sent Ricky to get you, that's when the man's friend pulled a gun and shot Ezra in the back." He wiped the tears from his eyes. "He shot him in the back Chris, I know he was trying to save his friend's life but he shouldn't have shot him in the back."

"Was Ezra trying to kill him?" Chris asked him.

"I told him to stop, that he was going to kill him." He looked up into Chris's eyes. "He said that it was what he was intending to do. He was going to kill him Chris, that's the only reason why I didn't shoot the other guy, he was protecting his friend."

"Damn." Chris muttered as he looked down into Ezra's face.

Nathan didn't say anything as he quietly gathered some things and then left to take care of the other man's injuries.

"I couldn't stop him Chris." JD repeated.

"You couldn't have JD, none of us would have been able to stop him." Chris reassured him.

Buck and Vin rode through the darkness into the railway camp as it was now late at night, they had ridden in silence most of the day, as they hadn't spoken a word since Buck told Vin what he had done. Both were feeling guilty and angry but for different reasons. Buck felt this way because he had given Ezra the potion by mistake and Vin because of the way he had treated Ezra after he had shot Casey.

They stopped and asked someone where they could find Chow Chee and then followed the directions that they were given. They didn't take in any of the scenery or the people around them as the only thought in their minds was Ezra. Nothing else seemed to matter. It took them ten minutes to find the old man and then another five before Buck could get the courage up to tell him what happened. Vin tried to wait patiently by Buck's side because he was not going to do the talking and make it easier for him but he couldn't wait any longer and neither could Ezra.

"Tell him Buck." Vin elbowed him in the side.

"Yes please tell me. I am waiting." Chow Chee told Buck, he had been standing there looking at the man as he shuffled his feet in the dirt and he was becoming tired of it, if he didn't say something soon he was going to walk away.

Buck finally got up the nerve. "That potion you gave me . . . someone else drank it by mistake . . . and they drank half a bottle of whiskey as well . . . now he's gone all crazy on us . . . doing weird things . . . he's been violent as well." Buck's eyes stayed focused on something that he had found interesting on the ground.

"I told you not let person do that." Chow Chee's voice was very calm even though he was very angry at the stupid man standing in front of him. "Who drank it?"

"Does that really matter?" Vin asked him.

"No but would like to know who suffering because of this man stupidity." Chow Chee told him.

"You were the one who gave it to Buck in the first place." Vin reminded him.

"Yes, I to am stupid." He hung his head in shame. "It something that I never do again."

"Ezra Standish." Buck told him, his eyes were still watching the interesting dirt at his feet.

"Umm?" Chow Chee asked him.

"It was Ezra Standish who drank it. It was one in a million, Ezra never drinks milk, he won . . . " Buck stopped when he heard the moan come from the small man in front of him. "What's wrong?" Buck finally looked up at him.

"Your friend in serious trouble, what he gone through already is nothing compared to what he going to go through." Chow Chee informed them.

"Can't you give us something that will help him?" Vin asked him but all hope left as he saw the old man shake his head.

"No. The herbs I gave Mr Jackson, potion and whiskey is already dangerous mixture, if I give something else it could kill him." He waved his hand at the two men. "He have to wait until it out of his system."

"How long will that take?" Buck felt even sicker than he had been, he was never going to forgive himself for this.

"When did he drink it?"

"Day before yesterday." Vin informed him.

"At least 'nother five day." Chow Chee looked into the worried eyes.

"That long?' Vin was shocked.

"And even then, can't drink whiskey or take herbs for one week." Chow Chee moved forward and placed his hand on Vin's shoulder, he wasn't going to go near the stupid man. "Go back to your friend, he going to get very sick."

Ezra could feel the hot pain as it began to spread through his lower back and with it came the memory of what he had done. His heart broke as he remembered the sound of Josiah's head hitting the wooden pole and he felt sickened by the smile that had crossed his own face as it had echoed through his mind. That simple sound kept repeating in his mind over and over again until he could stand it no more. He tried to think of something else but it was nearly as bad, he thought of Casey and how he had nearly ended her young life. He couldn't understand why he was doing these things, he had no excuse for his actions and he knew that he needed to be punished for them.

He tried to move and groaned as the pain in his back ignited. He heard a voice call his name but he ignored it, he felt someone's touch and wanted it to go away, he didn't deserve it, he had hurt his friends, he shouldn't even be allowed to live. Ezra knew that they wouldn't allow him to die, that they wouldn't punish him and if they weren't going to allow him to suffer for what he had done then he would have to do it himself, he would cause his own suffering.

He knew the pain was mostly on the left side of his back so he tried to roll onto that side so the pain would erupt giving him what he hoped would be a punishment for his crimes, he deserved to suffer and what better way was there than physical pain. He felt hands pull him back down onto his stomach as someone's words tried to reassure him that everything was okay.

Nothing was okay, he had hurt his friends, nearly killed them and he had to recieve retribution for what he had done. He turned his head so it was facing his right shoulder and then pushed himself away from the hands that tried to hold him and cried out as the pain tore through his back as he managed to roll onto his left side, the hands though ended his punishment as they pulled him back down.

He tried again but there was a weight pressing down on his back stopping him from moving onto his side, he needed that person to get off him so he could carry out his punishment, he was wasn't going to suffer if he stayed in the position that he was in. Ezra opened his eyes and saw the still form of Josiah lying on the bed across the room. His vision became blurry as his eyes filled with tears at the sight of his friend.

His line of sight was blocked though as Chris bent down on his heels in front of him, he felt Chris's hand wiping his face, he heard his words telling him that Josiah was alright, that he was just sleeping but Ezra knew that he was lying to him. He could see Josiah's pale face, the bandage that was wrapped around his head and the slow movement of his chest as he breathed. He blinked allowing the tears to fall from his eyes and then turned his head away from the sight. Ezra rolled onto his right side and was grateful when they didn't pull him back, he could feel the pain in his back but it wasn't enough.

He pulled his left arm down under the blanket and with his right he began to scratch at the healing scabs that were on his arm. He could feel the sting as the scabs peeled from the small cuts revealing the raw skin that was beneath them, he felt the wetness of the blood that began to build under his finger nails. The pain wasn't enough so he dug deeper into his flesh pulling the skin that surrounded the small wounds making them wider and deeper, the blood began to flow more freely. The punishment that he inflicted upon himself still wasn't enough but it would have to do for now. When they moved away from him and gave him some room he would do more, he needed to be punished for hurting Josiah, for shooting Casey and for beating Nathan.

He could still hear the voices but he continued to ignore them, they wanted to help him but they didn't realise that they should be punishing him not helping him. A loud moan broke through the voices and he knew that it was Josiah, he heard Nathan as he went to help and spoke to him trying to get him to wake up, he heard the violent sounds as Josiah was sick and he began to dig even further into his flesh hoping that the pain would drive the sounds away, it was a few more minutes before the noise stopped and he didn't want the pain to stop but the blood had caused the skin to become soft and he couldn't grip it between his fingers anymore, the blood was making it hard for him to get any purchase on the torn flesh so he stopped. The voices came back to him.

"Ezra will you answer me please." Nathan called to him hoping to break through to him. "Ezra!"

They had heard a soft moan come from the cot as Ezra finally woke up from his seven hour unconscious reprieve from what was happening to him. They had to stop him as he tried to move and Chris had to hold him down when he then tried to roll onto his injured back but after two attempts he had succeeded. He didn't know what Ezra had tried to do, he had cried out in pain but had made no attempt to move back onto his stomach, they had to force him off his side, he had thought that he wanted to see Josiah but when he had he only turned his head away from him as the tears fell from his eyes. He had then laid on his other side and continued to shut them out. Chris had tried to reassure him that Josiah was okay but he didn't listen to him. Nathan knew that he was still with them because for the short period of time that he had opened his eyes they were clear and sharp, not distant and cloudy as they had been before.

Nathan had to leave him for a few minutes though when Josiah had woken up again and help him as he threw up into the bucket, it had been the third time already that night that he had done so. The first time that he had woken up he had asked about Ezra but they told him that he was sleeping, they didn't tell him that he had been shot, they had decided to wait until he was more lucid because they knew he would only worry about him and then try to get out of his bed to get to Ezra. Once he had made sure that Josiah was comfortable he had gone back to Ezra. Chris was leaning over him so he could see his face as he wiped the sweat from it.

"Ezra I'm going to check your back to make sure that you didn't injure yourself more and cause the wound to start bleeding." Nathan stopped trying to get him to answer, he just talked to him instead knowing that Ezra could hear him.

"It's fine." Ezra muttered, he didn't want Nathan to stop the dull ache that had begun in his back. He needed to be punished.

"It will only take me a minute Ezra." Nathan assured him as he thought that Ezra was worried that he was going to hurt him.

"No! It's fine, it doesn't hurt much." Ezra growled at him, he wanted the pain to get worse, he just had to wait for an opportunity to cause the pain to become unbearable, it was the only way to pay for what he had done to his friends. He opened his eyes and stared into Chris's face.

"It's okay Ezra, Nathan's not going to hurt you. Will you let him check your back?." Chris asked soothingly as he placed his hand on Ezra's warm cheek.

Ezra didn't answer, he knew that he wasn't going to be able to stop them, he drew his left arm closer to his bare chest and rubbed his forearm against the soft skin, the sting of the raw flesh rubbing against his chest caused him to smile. Chris nodded at Nathan to go ahead as he thought that Ezra's smile was an answer to his question indicating that it was okay for Nathan to check his back.

Nathan pulled the blanket down from Ezra's shoulders as he cringed away from him and revealed the bloody arm that was hidden beneath it.

"What the . . . " Nathan saw the blood that covered Ezra's arm and chest but wasn't sure where it had come from. Ezra pulled his arm closer to his body, telling Nathan that it was the source of the blood loss. He grabbed Ezra's wrist and pulled it towards him and he heard Chris's quick intake of breath at the sight of Ezra's arm. The flesh was torn, there were pieces of skin hanging from the still bleeding wounds. Ezra tried to pull his arm away but Nathan held his wrist firmly in his grip.

"Let go of me Nathan!" Ezra growled at him, his voice holding a threatening tone.

"What happened to your arm Ezra?" Chris asked him as he stared at Ezra's forearm, his mind refusing to take in the reality of what did happen, that Ezra had done it himself.

"Not what Chris, who." Nathan looked into Ezra's eyes and didn't like what he saw. "You just did this didn't you Ezra?"

Ezra tried to pull his arm from Nathan's hand but he wouldn't let go of him. He had to stop them as he knew they would only ease his pain, he didn't want that. He sat up and brought up his right fist to hit him but Chris was faster, he grabbed the arm as it moved slower due to the weakness of it's owner. Ezra couldn't pull his arms away, he had to tried harder, he had to punish himself.

"LET GO OF ME!" He screamed into their shocked faces.

He started to fight them, he pulled his arms towards himself as far as they would go, knowing that they would pull back in return and then pushed back towards them with all the strength that he could gather from his weakening body as he knew they would not expect it. Nathan lost his grip as he fell from the bed when Ezra pushed towards him but Chris still held onto his right arm. Ezra though didn't need that arm to do what he wanted, he reached behind his back and pulled the bandage up exposing his wound, he intended to inflict the punshiment he thought he truly deserved.

"Chris! Stop him." Nathan yelled at him as he saw Ezra reach for the bullet wound in his back.

Ezra had heard the warning and before Chris could grab his free arm he dug his fingers into the wound, tearing the stitches from the flesh. He wanted to do more as the pain tore through him punishing him for what he had done but knew that it was not enough as he still felt the guilt that filled his heart and soul. Ezra felt someone grab his arm and pull him onto his stomach causing the pain to ease.

"No! Let me go!" Ezra was furious, he continued to fight them but to no avail, he felt a knee dig into his back, pushing his face into the pillow and the weight that fell onto his legs. "Get off me! Get the hell away from me!" He spat at them as he turned his head to the side. "I have to do it! You won't!"

"Hold him down Chris." Nathan warned him.

"What do you think I'm trying to do Nathan." Chris retorted.

"GET OFF ME!" Ezra screamed again.

"Ezra calm down, try and relax." Nathan knew that he was wasting his time as he tried to calm the gambler down but he had to do something as he was only going to injure himself more. He could see the blood that was already soaking into the bandage that was wrapped around his waist.

"Let go of me!" Ezra continued to struggle and surprised the two men that were holding him down with the strength that he was using to fight them. "Chris!" Ezra tried to pull his arms down but Chris's grip held them in place above his head, he could also feel his knee on his upper back. "Bastard! Get off me!"

"Ezra." Josiah's voice was soft and gentle and it was enough to stop Ezra so suddenly that Nathan had to check to make sure that he hadn't lost consciousness. "Ezra look at me please."

Josiah had heard the screams as they broke through his clouded mind and he knew instantly that it was Ezra, he had to wake up and help his friend. It took him a few minutes but he was finally able to open his eyes and when he did his heart went out to the gambler, he saw the blood on his arm as Chris struggled to hold it over his head, he winced at the injury on his back that was below Chris's knee.

"No." Was the whispered reply. Ezra had heard Josiah's voice and it had brought the guilt to the front of his mind, pushing the need to punish himself away for the moment. He stopped his struggles as he closed his eyes, he hoped that the voice was only in his mind.

"Ezra, look at me." Josiah used the same sort of tone that a father would use on a son, he needed to be firm with him yet also show the concern that he felt.

"No." Ezra tried to put his hands over his ears to block out the voice that he now knew was not in his head but he still couldn't pull them away from Chris's grip. "Let me go." They didn't. "Get the hell off me!"

"Ezra listen to me!" Josiah raised his voice. "Will you please listen to me."

"Get off me you Bastard!" Ezra no longer listened to Josiah but began to struggle again against the forces that held him down.

JD was returning to the clinic in the early hours of the morning, the streets were empty as the townsfolk were yet to rise from their beds. He needed to get out of the clinic as he could no longer stand to be in the room anymore, he wanted some fresh air to clear his head, he found it hard to watch what Ezra was going through and was going to go through when he woke up, he knew he would feel guilty, he always took responsibility for someone being hurt even if it wasn't his fault as though he had hurt that person himself and this time he had.

He looked up main street and saw two riders coming in, he didn't recognise the horses but he knew the riders. He ran up to Buck and Vin to find out if they brought back any good news but their forlorn expressions told him otherwise. They dismounted from their horses empty handed.

"Anything at all?" He asked with a small glimmer of hope. Buck shook his head to indicate that they had nothing.

"What about Ezra?" Vin asked, he still felt a lot of remorse for what he had thought about him after he had shot Casey but he knew that it was nothing compared to what Buck was feeling or even Ezra for that matter. JD couldn't look at them, he lowerd his eyes to the ground.

"What is it JD? Is he okay?" Buck stepped forward and lifted JD's head up with his hand and stepped back when he saw the tears. "He's dead isn't he?"

"No but he might be better off." JD bit his lip as the words escaped his mouth, he didn't want to say it, didn't even want to think it but he couldn't help it. "Maybe you should go and look for yourself Buck, go and see what you did."

"JD, he feels bad enough as it is." Vin informed him.

"That's not enough Vin. You don't know what he did while you were gone, what he went through." He stepped closer to Buck. "Go on, go and see him, go and see Josiah."

"Josiah?" Vin questioned him.

"Yes Josiah." JD turned his back on them and continued on to the clinic, he could hear their footsteps as they sounded behind him but he ignored them, he felt bad about what he had said but he needed to get it out of his system.

They had reached the bottom of the stairs when they heard the screaming coming from inside the clinic, it was Ezra's voice. They bounded up the stairs and through the door and didn't even have time to take in the sight that was before them.

Nathan and Chris were finding it hard to keep Ezra down, he shouldn't have been able to keep going like this but they knew that he was thriving on the pain that he was in, for some reason he wanted that pain and it seemed the worse the pain got, the stronger he became. Neither held no anger towards Ezra for the abuse that he was hurling at them, all they wanted was for him to stop, Chris had even hit him once trying to knock him out as he had done in the saloon but it hadn't worked, it just made him more angry. Chris had heard the door open and quickly glanced up to see the other three members of the group.

"Get over here and help us!" Chris yelled at them.

"Hurry up, we have to tie him down before he hurts himself even more." Nathan told them. "Vin you take his legs, Buck help Chris, JD grabbed me some bandages." Once Vin had taken his place Nathan gathered the ropes that were on the floor and when JD returned with the bandages he gave out more instructions. "JD get his left leg, I want to bandage his ankles so he doesn't pull on the ropes and rub his skin raw." He looked up to see JD watching Ezra. "JD! Now!."

"I"ll kill you if lay a hand on me JD!" Ezra yelled at him. "Get off me!" Ezra's voice was becoming hoarse with all the yelling that he had been doing for the last fifteen minutes but he felt as though he could continue to struggle against them, it was giving him the pain to help deal with the guilt that he was feeling and the more he struggled the worse the pain became. He continued to yell at them hoping that it would make them angry and cause them to push down harder. He wanted the pain, he needed it. "Bastards, get off me."

JD took Ezra's left leg and pulled the trouser leg up so Nathan could bandage it, he then helped tie the rope to his leg and then the cot. They then repeated the procedure with his right leg and arm. JD went to help with Ezra's left arm but Nathan's voice stopped him.

"Not that one JD, I'll need to clean it and then bandage the wounds, then we'll tie it." He stepped back from the cot and looked down at Ezra, he could see the hatred and pain that his eyes held. "Chris keep your weight on his back. Buck take his left wrist and hold his arm down with his palm facing upwards."

Buck did as he was told and saw the injury to Ezra's arm, he had seen the wound to his back as soon as he came into the room but Chris's voice tore his eyes away from it. He now took his time to take in Ezra's wounds, he then looked over at Josiah and saw the bandage that was wrapped around his head, he also took in the tears that were falling down his cheeks as he watched Ezra's struggles and listened to his words. Ezra's voice pulled him back to reality.

"Buck! You son of a bitch. Let go of my arm!" Ezra tried to pull it away but when he saw Nathan returning with the things that he needed to clean it he stopped struggling. He knew that it was going to cause him a lot of pain and he was going to welcome it.

Chris felt Ezra's struggles stop and he saw that Buck was about to let go of his arm. "Don't let him go Buck! Vin help him hold his arm so Nathan can fix it up." Chris kept his own weight on Ezra's back.

Nathan quickly cleaned Ezra's arm, the blood had made it look worse than it was. He had looked into Ezra's eyes only once, he wasn't going to do it again as he could see that Ezra was enjoying the pain that he was causing him. When he was finished he wrapped the wound loosely so the bandage wouldn't stick to the flesh. He then had Buck help him tie his arm with the injured side facing upwards, once again bandaging the wrist so Ezra wouldn't be able to use the rope to cause himself any more injuries.

"Chris you can get off him now but I'll need someone to sit on his legs so he can't move his back while I restitch the wound." He saw Buck and Vin's curious glances but he ignored them, his first priority was Ezra. He would answer their questions when he was ready, not before hand.

While Vin sat on Ezra's legs Nathan dealt with the wound. Vin watched what he was doing and knew immeadiately that it was a bullet wound. He wanted to know what had happened but was going to wait until Nathan was finished before he asked his questions.

"Get off him Vin." Nathan told him when he had finished. He wiped his tired eyes and then stepped back.

Chris went and sat down in front of Ezra and as he did so he saw a sudden change overcome his friend. "Ezra?"

"Why Chris?" Ezra couldn't stop the tears that fell from his face. "Why am I doing this? What's wrong with me?"

"Ezra." Buck came forward and put his hand on the back of Ezra's shoulder, he could feel the heat that his body was generating, he hadn't noticed it before. Chris moved out of the way for him. "I'm sorry. It's my fault, I did this." He saw the confused expression that overcame Ezra. "Remember when I went to see Hong Sing. I got something off him so I could play a joke on JD, I put it in that glass of milk that I bought him but you drank it and the alcohol that you had with it caused this to happen, it's making you act this way. It's my fault not yours." Buck had looked away from Ezra's eyes so he didn't see the anger return but he did feel the moisture as Ezra spat in his face.

"You bastard, you did this to me!" Ezra yelled at him as he pulled at the ropes. "You son of a bitch, do you have any idea what I'm going through! What I've done to people, my friends. DO YOU! Get the hell away from me!" The tears began to fall again as the anger left him once more. "Chris?"

"I'm here Ezra." Chris came forward again and sat down in front of him, he placed his hand against his face and began to wipe the tears away with his thumb.

"I'm . . . sorry, I didn't . . . mean what I . . . said, I'm sorry. I . . . didn't mean any of it . . . Nathan I'm sorry . . . I didn't want to hurt . . . Casey or Josiah . . . that man . . ."

"It's okay Ezra, it's not you doing it. I know you can't stop what your doing. It's okay." Once he had wiped the tears dry he began to stroke the side of his face and head in a soothing motion and watched as Ezra finally drifted off to sleep.

Buck walked backwards until his back hit the wall, he then allowed himself to slide down the wall until he was sitting on the cold floor, the spit was still clinging to his face untouched, he hadn't bother to wipe it off as he was still in shock from Ezra had said to him, he had heard the anger in his voice but what had hurt him the most was the hatred that Ezra had obviously felt towards him in regards to what he had done, the sight of him tied to the cot and Ezra's injuries hadn't helped him either. He watched as Chris stayed by Ezra's side as he continued to brush his face with his hand, talking to him as though Ezra could still feel the touch and hear the words. He looked up when someone stood in front of him and handed him a cloth to wipe his face.

"What did Chow Chee say?" Nathan asked him as he took the material and began to wipe Ezra's spit from his face.

"There's nothing you can do for him, he said if you gave him anything it would kill him." Buck muttered more to himself than to Nathan. He would never forgive himself for what he had done and he didn't expect Ezra to either but that didn't worry him because he didn't deserve his forgiveness.

"Nothing?" Nathan confirmed his own doubts.

"Not a thing, we have to wait until it's out of his system and even after he's better, he still can't take anything or drink alcohol for a week." Vin spoke up as he saw that Buck wasn't going to say any more. He had become silent as he sat against the wall staring at Ezra's slack features as he slept.

"We!" Chris growled at him. "Don't you mean Ezra, he's the one going through this Vin not us. He's the one that has to suffer until it's out of his system."

"Take it easy Chris." Nathan came over and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"How long did he say it would take?" Chris wanted to know as he ignored Nathan.

"Five days." Vin continued with his explanation. "Said that it was going to get a lot worse for him too. Says that he's going to get real sick."

"Are you telling us that it's going to get worse than this! That he's going to suffer more than he already has!" Chris growled at him as he pointed out Ezra's injuries and Josiah's. "He can't go through any more of this Vin."

Vin nodded as he dropped his head, he was also beginning to feel that he was also responsible for what happened as he was the one that told JD to bet his glass of milk in the first place. "Can you tell us what this is Chris? What happened while we were gone?"

"JD you tell them." Chris had heard Ezra moan and move beneath his hand so turned his back on the others and began to comfort the gambler again in an attempt to calm him down.

JD spent ten minutes explaining what happened, he wanted Buck to hear every detail of what Ezra had done, the way he had felt when he watched Ezra fall to the ground after he was shot in the back, the sound of Josiah's head hitting the pole and the smile that Ezra wore. Nathan then took over as he told them the injuries that he had caused the man who hit young Ricky, what Ezra must have done to his own arm, how he had torn the stitches out of his back, then as an afterthought he told them how he spent fifteen minutes in agony as the pain tore through his stomach a second time leaving it swollen and sore. Buck and Vin both listened to what JD and Nathan told them as their eyes never left Ezra's sleeping form.

"And how's Josiah doing?" Vin asked Nathan.

"I'm fine." Josiah answered his question as he tried to get up off the bed, he stopped his efforts as a wave of nausea overtook him. He had been listening to the coversation also as he still didn't know what had happened after they left the clinic to take Ezra back to his room.

"Josiah stay where you are." Nathan ordered him as he came to the bed, he pushed him back down and felt his forehead for the fever that he had earlier. "Your fever has broken but you still need plenty of rest Josiah. I don't want you going anywhere, you hear me."

"I can rest better on the cot, Ezra would be more comfortable here, I want you to put him on this bed." Josiah tried to get up again but was pushed back down.

"Your to big for the cot Josiah." Nathan told him.

"Put Ezra on the bed." Josiah growled at him. "If you don't I'll do it myself." Their argument was interrupted by Chris's voice, they could hear the fear and worry that it held.

"Nathan." Chris called him over to the cot and gave him room so he could confirm what he was feeling, Ezra's body was being tormented by the tremors that he'd had on two other occasions and in both of those situations they were either proceeded by or followed by the pains in his stomach.

Nathan leant down over Ezra and put his hand on his back, feeling what Chris had felt. "Vin, JD untie his legs then get Josiah off the bed."

"What's wrong?" JD came forward as Nathan and Chris quickly untied Ezra's hands.

"Just do it JD!" Chris ordered him.

When JD gently took hold of Ezra's leg to untie it he could feel the slight shivers that were running through his body. "Oh no." He knew what it meant.

When they had released Ezra from his bonds Chris carefully picked him up, he could feel the tremors as they began to take control of Ezra's body as he waited for JD and Vin to help Josiah off the bed. He laid Ezra down on his right side and then made his way around to the other side of the bed, he got onto the bed behind Ezra and lifted him into his arms, he held his trembling body against his chest making sure that Ezra's back was facing outwards so he wouldn't hurt his gunshot wound. He wrapped his arms around Ezra's upper body, pushing his head into his shoulder, he gently placed his own chin on top of Ezra's damp head and held him as tight as he could, hoping that the act itself would stop the tremors that were becoming more violent. He watched as Ezra tried to bring his knees up to his chest as the pain began but Chris's own body was in the way. Chris could feel his knees as they pressed into his side, he heard Ezra moan as the pain got worse and then his first scream filled the room when it became unbearable.

Nathan came forward and sat next to Ezra who was now curled up tightly in Chris's arms, he wanted to do something for his friend, anything as he hated to see him go through so much pain but there was nothing that he could do except watch and comfort him as best he could. He put his hand against Ezra's damp head as he struggled in Chris's grip against the pain.

JD ran out of the room because he couldn't watch Ezra. Josiah lay on his side as the tears fell from his face once more, he wanted to go to Ezra and help him but his own body wouldn't allow it, he took comfort in the fact that Chris was doing his best to help Ezra through it. Vin sat on the cot with Josiah and listened as Ezra let out another agonising scream, he flinch at the thought of how bad it must have been for Ezra to scream like that. Buck stayed on the floor forcing himself to watch Ezra and to listen to his screams, he blinked allowing his tears to fall.

Chris felt as though he was being torn apart as he realised that Ezra had finally lost consciousness five minutes after the pain had started, he was grateful but he could now feel Ezra's body twitching within his comforting embrace and it told him that the pain had still not left him. His own clothes were soaked with the sweat that poured from Ezra's body, he could feel the heat burning through to his skin, telling him that Ezra had a very high fever but he didn't know if it was from the gunshot wound or another symptom of the potion's effects on his body. He continued to speak to Ezra in a quiet voice not knowing whether he heard him or not.

Nathan used the opportunity to pull Ezra away from Chris so he could check his stomach, he found it to be swollen again and when he pressed against it Ezra moved away from him back into Chris's arms. "Don't." Ezra whispered as the touch caused him to wake up.

"Ezra? Has the pain gone?" Nathan asked him as he leaned forward to look into his face.

"No." He groaned. "It's not as bad though." He pushed himself further into Chris's chest as he welcomed the comfort that he gave him, he knew that Chris didn't blame him for what he had done.

"Is it like before when it had gone, is it an aching feeling that you have?"

"No it's sharp." Ezra gasped and gripped Chris's arm against the pain. "Nathan why won't you give me something for the pain?"

"I'm sorry Ezra but Chow Chee said if I gave you anything it would only make you worse. I can't do that to you Ezra." He placed his hand against Ezra's cheek and felt the burning fever that was raging through him.

Ezra opened his eyes and looked up at Nathan. "You can't help me?"

"Ezra he said that it would kill you. I'm sorry but all we can do is be here for you." Nathan told him, he left his hand where it was and felt Ezra's body jerk as the pain shot through him again. His eyes were now squeezed tight.

"How long?" Ezra asked after the pain eased.

"At least five days Ezra." He stroked his face with his healing hands knowing that they could not help Ezra as they had done on the other occassions when he had been hurt.

"Five days." Ezra croaked. His eyes opened again to find Nathan nodding in acknowledgement. "Nathan is Buck still here?"

"Yes he is. Do you want to talk to him?"

"No. Make him leave, I don't want him here." He could feel the pain finally leaving him but wondered how long it would be before it came back. It had five days to come as often as it wanted to. "Please get him away from me."

"He feels really bad about what he did Ezra." Chris spoke gently into his ear.

"Does he feel as bad as I do Chris?" He didn't get an answer. "Buck get out of here."

Buck got up off the floor and walked past the bed looking down at Ezra. "I'm sorry Ezra."

"Sorry isn't enough Buck. Get out." Ezra didn't look at him but instead looked down at his own legs as he felt something moving on them.

Buck nodded and then left the room and closed the door behind him. He leaned back against it as the screams started again. The tears flowed freely from his eyes as he listened to Ezra screaming and couldn't move away from the door until Ezra was silent once more.

Ezra looked down when he felt something on his legs and saw the rats, the fear squeezed his heart as the memory of the cellar was brought violently back to the forefront of his mind. He couldn't count how many there were because they were running over each other but he did realise that he could no longer see his own limbs under the vermin that now covered them. He started to kick his legs trying to get them off his body but they just kept coming back.

"GET THEM OFF ME!" He screamed at Nathan as he tried to push himself further into Chris's embrace. "GET THEM OFF ME!"

Ezra kicked out trying to get the rats off his legs and accidently hit Nathan in the chest, he pulled his eyes up from the terrifying sight before him and watched as Nathan fell from the bed. He now knew that Nathan wasn't going to be able to help him so he tried to turn his terrified eyes towards Chris hoping that just the fear in his eyes would tell him what was wrong but he felt someone grab his legs, he looked back to find Vin leaning on him to stop him from kicking. Ezra realised that they must have thought that he was trying to hurt them again.

"NO!" Ezra tried to push himself away from them. "RATS! GET THEM OFF ME!"

"Vin get off him!" Chris yelled down at him as he turned Ezra's face towards his own and saw the terror that filled his eyes. "Ezra there aren't any rats."

"Yes there is, there all over my legs, I can feel them! " He tried to tear his face from Chris's hands so he could confirm that what he was seeing was real. "Chris I can feel them biting me! Get them off me please!"

"There not real Ezra." Chris turned Ezra's face away so he couldn't see his legs anymore and pulled him back into his arms. Because Ezra was now lying on his stomach against Chris's chest with his face buried in his left shoulder, he was still able to kick out at what he was feeling even though he could no longer see them. "There not real Ezra, there not real."

"But I can feel them!" Ezra still kicked out at the rats that he felt climbing up his legs. "CHRIS! Oh God there on my back. GET THEM OFF ME PLEASE!"

"Ezra there's nothing there, the rats aren't real." Chris's hold on Ezra became even tighter as the gambler tried to push away from him, he began to rock him back and forth. "There not real Ezra."

Nathan had finally managed to get himself up off the floor as everyone was watching Chris and Ezra, they were to scared to remember that Ezra had kicked him. He quickly moved around to the side of the bed and looked into Ezra's face, the eyes were closed tightly against what he was feeling but the tears still managed to escape.

"Ezra look at me." Nathan told him. "Ezra!"

"Get them off me Nathan, please." Ezra sobbed through the tears.

"Chris is right Ezra, there not real, there's nothing for you to be afraid of." Nathan assured him.

"But why can I feel them if there not real." Ezra finally managed to get a hand free and frantically tore through the empty air above his back. Chris gently took Ezra's hand and pulled it back towards him and then placed his own arm back around Ezra.

"Nathan." Josiah called to him and once he got his attention he told him what to do. "Rub his temple, it usually helps calm him down."

Nathan frowned at him but did as he was told, he carefully began to massage Ezra's temple with his healing hand while reassuring him with his soft voice that what he was feeling wasn't real and after a few minutes Ezra did begin to calm down.

"Ezra?" Nathan wasn't sure if Ezra was back in the real world or not.

"I'm okay now Nathan, there gone." Ezra's words were slurred.

"Are you tired Ezra?" Nathan asked him and felt him nod under his hand. "Get some sleep then." He continued to rub his temple as his breathing became more shallow.

"Five days, how am I supposed to get through it Nathan." Ezra whispered before he finally fell into a deep sleep.

"I don't know Ezra." Nathan looked up at Chris not hiding the despair that he felt. "Chris can you lie him down on his side first for me, I want to check his stomach." Chris did as he was told and when Nathan saw that the swelling was already beginning to subside he gently rolled Ezra onto his stomach. He pulled the blanket up to his waist and laid his own hand on his back. "Hopefully he'll sleep for a while."

Chris went and got a bowl of water and cloth and went back to Ezra, he then sat down beside him and started to wipe the sweat from his face and upper body while he waited for what was going to happen next.

JD sat on the stairs that led up to the clinic with his hands against his ears as he tried to block out the sound of Ezra's screams. Even after the silence settled once more the sound of Ezra's torment stayed in his mind. He only pulled his hands away when he realised that someone was sitting next to him, he looked up at Buck.

"He doesn't want me in there." Buck answered JD's questioning look.

"He'll calm down when it's over." JD told him.

"I don't think so, he's really mad at me. He hates me, I could see it in his eyes." Buck wiped his face as he felt the new tears that were beginning to form in his eyes.

"He doesn't hate you Buck. He's saying a lot of mean things at the moment, you should have been here before, the things that came out of his mouth, I've never heard him talk like that, never knew he could." JD smiled slightly. "He put you to shame Buck."

"He hates me for what I did JD not because that stuff is making him angry."

"Angry isn't the word." JD looked over at Buck. "Why don't we go and get some food, I'm sure everyone could do with something to eat, some soup for Ezra, maybe Nathan can get him to eat something."

Buck nodded and together they went to the Hotel, both glad to have something to distract them from what was happening.

Ezra began to talk in his sleep, he talked about his nightmares and other things that they had never heard him speak of before. They could hear the guilt that was in his voice as he muttered about what he had done over the last few days. There were times when he cried in his sleep and when things got to bad for him Chris rubbed his temple as Nathan had done, he was able to calm him down most of the time but there were times when they could do nothing to ease his torment. He tried to move about but the gentle hands that were on his back stopped him from moving to far.

Buck sat in the corner of the room watching the man he hoped was still a friend. They had returned with the food but it still lay on one of the tables untouched, no one had been hungry. He asked if he could stay and they allowed him to because Ezra was asleep but Buck knew that as soon as he woke he would have to leave again.

Chris hadn't moved from Ezra's side during the six hours that he had managed to sleep through, he had wiped the sweat from the gambler's body as it continued to form in droplets on his back and arms, he gave him the comfort that he needed and helped keep him still when Nathan cleaned and rebandaged his wounds.

Chris watched as Ezra finally became quiet as he settled into an even deeper sleep than the one he had been in. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at Nathan.

"Why don't you get some rest Chris, I'll sit with him for a while."

"I'm fine Nathan, really." Chris didn't look fine though. Nathan could tell that he had been crying while he had his back to the others but he didn't blame because he had shed his own tears.

"No. You get some rest while he's quiet, he's going to need you when he wakes up." Nathan pulled him up by his arms and took the damp cloth out of his hand, he pushed him towards one of the empty chairs in the room. Once he made sure that Chris was going to get the rest he needed he sat down on the bed next to Ezra and placed the damp cloth on the back of his neck. He felt Ezra's forehead to find that his temperature had come down but it was still at a dangerous level.

Chris couldn't rest though, he kept his eyes on Ezra while taking an occassional glance at Josiah who was also sleeping. He knew that Josiah was going to be fine so he was able to give Ezra all of his attention. Chris watched Ezra and wondered if his peaceful sleep was the quiet before the storm.

"Nathan?" Ezra forced his heavy eye lids to open, he saw someone in front of him but it took a few minutes before he could focus on who it was. "Nathan!"

"I'm here Ezra, it's okay." He used his thumb to rub Ezra's temple and he calmed back down again. Nathan was amazed that a simple touch could calm him down so easily. He thought that it had something to do with the fact that Ezra had never had anyone care about him like the men in this room did and now that he had finally accepted the concern, the small act of a gentle touch meant a lot to him.

Ezra tried to roll onto his back but Nathan stopped him. "Nathan, my stomach hurts, I have to get off it."

"Are those pains coming back Ezra?" Nathan would have done anything that he could to stop the pains that caused him so much agony but he knew that he couldn't and it tore him apart. He had never felt so useless.

"No. It just hurts lying on it, I need to get off it, please Nathan, I have to get off my stomach." Ezra was starting to get agitated so Nathan helped him roll over onto his side but Ezra wanted to go further. "It's still pressing on my side." He pushed himself onto his back.

"Be careful Ezra, your back remember?" Nathan warned him.

Ezra closed his eyes against the pain that he felt in his back but it was nothing compared to the pain that had gone through his stomach ealier. He waited until the pain in his back eased and then opened his eyes to find Nathan leaning over him.

"You okay now Ezra?" He felt relieved when Ezra nodded that he was better, he even managed a smile that Nathan found hard to return as he knew that it wasn't over for him. He had slept through the night into the next morning but he still had four more days until it was out of his system. He wished that Buck and Vin had gotten more information about what Ezra was going to go through, the waiting and not knowing what was going to happen to him was becoming unbearable. They had sat and waited while he slept worrying themselves sick about what was going to happen next.

"I'll get you some water." Nathan told him as he felt his forehead, his fever had come down dramatically during the night but it was beginning to rise again.

"I'm not thirsty Nathan."

"Could you drink some for me anyway, you lost a lot of fluids last night and I don't want you getting dehydrated."

"Last night?" Ezra was confused.

"Yeah, you slept through the night Ezra, it's nearly lunch time now." Nathan was wiping Ezra's face with his hand. "Now how about some water."

"I'll try Nathan." Ezra muttered.

"That's all I want you to do Ezra." Nathan patted his shoulder and went to get him some water.

While Nathan wasn't looking Ezra tried to push himself up into a sitting position, his arms began to shake with the effort and he collapsed back onto the pillows. Nathan turned to see Ezra trying to sit up and had to frown at the man's stubborness. He went quickly back to the bed and helped him as he knew he would only get an argument if he told him not to move, he didn't want to make him angry as he didn't know what would become of that anger. Once Ezra was sitting as comfortable as he could he held the cup as Ezra drank the water.

When he had finished Ezra looked around the room at his friends. "They all asleep?" His eyes turned to Buck and he quickly shifted his gaze back to Nathan.

"They fell asleep about an hour ago. Do you want Buck to leave?" Nathan watched Ezra's eyes take in the occupants in the small room and knew that he would see Buck sitting in the corner, he had been awake all night and even took a turn sitting with Ezra.

"Did you get some sleep Nathan?" He ignored his question about Buck.

"I got a few hours Ezra, it was enough."

"How's Josiah?" Ezra's gaze turned to the larger man in the cot.

"He's doing a lot better, he'll be fine Ezra. He just needs rest." Nathan assured him.

"I don't know what I would have done if I killed him." Ezra spoke quietly. "What about the guy I tried to kill, is he . . . ?"

"No, he's going to alright." Nathan took his hand and squeezed it gently. "There all okay Ezra. I don't want you to feel any guilt about it, none of it is your fault." He used his free hand to wipe the tear from Ezra's face. "It's not your fault Ezra."

Ezra nodded as he leaned back and closed his eyes, he suddenly felt sick, he waited for the nausea to pass but it didn't, it began to get worse. "Nathan, I think I'm going to be sick."

Nathan jumped up off the bed and got the bucket that was now clean and brought it back, he sat on Ezra's left side. "Cross your legs Ezra." When he had done that Nathan put the bucket on his lap and then took his shoulders and brought him forward so he was leaning over the bucket. "Buck give me a hand will you."

"No." Ezra gasped as he struggled to hold the bile down, he still hated throwing up in front of people. "I don't want . . . him near me."

"Okay Ezra, it's okay." Nathan put a supportive arm around his shoulders and held onto him as he vomited into the bucket. Nathan waved his free hand in Buck's direction and then pointed to the damp cloth in the water bowl. Buck stood up and quietly walked to the dresser and wrung out the cloth and passed it to him, Nathan took the cloth and put it on the back of Ezra's neck. "Get me another one."

When Nathan thought that Ezra had finished he pulled him to his chest and used the second cloth to wipe his mouth but quickly pushed him back when he felt his shoulders lurch beneath his arm and listened as Ezra was violently ill again. He had thought that it was the water but now knew otherwise as the water would not cause him to continue vomiting.

Chris jerked awake at the sound of someone being sick, he saw Nathan sitting on the bed with Ezra leaning over a bucket. He pushed himself out of the chair and went to the bed, he carefully sat down next to Ezra and put his arm around his waist to help support him but Ezra flinched away from him.

"It's alright Ezra, it's Chris." Nathan told him and felt him move back towards Chris.

Ezra threw up a fourth time and then collapsed against Nathan's chest gasping for air, he felt the damp cloth as it wiped his mouth. They gently took his shoulders and leaned him back down but he pushed himself forward as the bile rose in his throat once more. Chris and Nathan could feel Ezra weakening within their grip and they had to hold him up as he continued to be sick.

Chris didn't have time to think about what was happening, he woke to the sounds of Ezra being sick and twenty minutes later he was still throwing up. He could feel Ezra shudder beneath him as his stomach muscles contracted each time he was sick, the sweat was pouring down his back so he used the cloth that was on his neck to wipe it off so it wouldn't soak into his bandage. He felt Ezra suddenly go limp in his arms as he collapsed against his chest, he looked across at Nathan for an answer to the question that had been on his lips since he woke up but Nathan only stared back at him.

"Help me lie him down Chris." Nathan lifted the bucket and put it on the floor with out looking into it. He pulled the blanket back and straightened Ezra's legs, he laid him down with Chris's help and then pulled the blanket back up to his waist. "Buck bring me that bowl of water please and some more cloths." When Buck brought the bowl over, Nathan soaked one of the cloths in the water and used it to wash Ezra's face and chest. Chris also took one of them and began to wipe the damp hair back from Ezra's face.

"Nathan." Buck's voice was a hoarse whisper and it caused both Nathan and Chris to look at him.

"What is it Buck?" Nathan asked him but he had to get up and look at what he was staring at because he didn't answer him.

Nathan turned back to Chris. "There's blood."

"What?" The colour drained from Chris's face.

"There's blood in the bucket Chris." Nathan fell back on the bed and then looked down at Ezra thinking that the movement might cause him to wake up but it hadn't. He lay unmoving, his face becoming a pale grey colour before their eyes and he was now breathing in quick shallow breaths.

"Damn!" All Chris wanted to do at that moment was to pick Ezra up and hold him. He hated not being able to do anything to help him. He stood up and paced the length of the bed as he ran his hands through his hair. "What does it mean Nathan? Why was he vomiting blood?"

"He's stomach must have been bleeding, the pain that he's been suffering from could have caused it, the herbs might be doing it, I don't really know Chris." Nathan shrugged his shoulders, he knew it could have been a number of things but couldn't be specific in what actually caused it. He sat back down on the bed and felt Ezra's forehead, his skin was cool and clammy, but the fever was also still burning within him.

"What are we going to do? How are supposed to help him Nathan? Damn I hate this!" Chris contined to walk up and down the length of the bed.

"What's happened?" Josiah asked from the cot, he had woken to hear Chris letting out his frustrations.

"Ezra was sick Josiah, he was vomiting blood." Nathan explained to him.

"Is he alright?" Josiah struggled to get himself out of the cot, Chris grabbed him before he fell back down and helped him to Ezra's bedside. Josiah looked down into the pale sweating face of his friend and saw the answer to his question, Ezra wasn't alright. He sat down on the bed and placed Ezra's hand into his own.

Nathan was going to tell Josiah to go back to the cot but when he saw the distress on his face he found that he didn't have the heart to do it. He saw how gently he had taken Ezra's hand and then began to rub the palm with his thumb in the same way he would rub his temple. Nathan looked away and saw Buck standing over him.

"How are you holding up Buck?" Nathan asked him.

"How am I going to get him to forgive me Nathan, he's a good friend, I don't want to loose him." Buck choked back the tears but he wasn't successful, he burst into tears and Nathan quickly stood up and took him in his arms.

"He will Buck, I know he will." Nathan told him as he comforted him.

"How do you . . . know Nathan?" Buck didn't believe that Ezra would forgive him.

"Because it was a long hard struggle for him to accept your friendship and ours, he won't throw it away Buck, not now, he knows you wouldn't do anything to hurt him, he just needs time that's all."

"Nathan's right Buck," Chris added to the conversation, "he won't put all those efforts to waste, he values the friends that he's made here. He wouldn't be able to push any of us away anymore, even if he tried."

"I just hope your right." Buck pushed himself away from Nathan and dried his eyes. "I don't want to loose his friendship." Buck made his way back to the corner that he had been sitting in and made himself comfortable. "At least he didn't tell me to leave."

"Nathan." Ezra groaned from the bed as he struggled to get up. "I'm going to be sick again."

Nathan quickly pulled Ezra over onto his side with one hand and moved the bucket underneath him just in time. He could feel the violent convulsions of his stomach as he kept his hand on his back. When he felt Ezra relax he gently rolled him onto his back, he used a cloth to wipe the thin trail of blood from his chin.

"Ezra?" Nathan wiped Ezra's forehead with his hand. "Ezra?"

"What?" Ezra moved his head towards Nathan's voice but didn't open his eyes.

"Is your stomach still sore." He felt him nod slightly under his hand. "You still feel sick?" He shook his head indicating that he didn't. "I want you to get some sleep then. Okay?" The nod was only slight but Nathan still felt it.

Ezra couldn't sleep though as he could feel the pain in his stomach becoming steadily worse, it wasn't the shooting pains of agony that he had felt before but a constant sharp pain that had settled in his stomach. He couldn't stop the involuntary groans from escaping and each time they did someone was there for him, stroking his face, rubbing his temple and talking to him. He even heard Buck's voice but he didn't have the strength to tell him to go away. He knew that he couldn't blame Buck but he was angry at his situation and he needed to take that anger out on someone, he just wished he had the strength to show the anger that he felt towards him.

Josiah and Chris sat on either side of Ezra, they knew that he wasn't sleeping. He slack features often turned into grimaces of pain as he moaned and tossed his head. Josiah could feel his own weakness getting the better of him but he wouldn't leave Ezra's side. He kept Ezra's hand in his but felt that it was all he could do, whenever he tried to lean over the gambler and stroke his face he felt dizzy and had to pull back so he had to settle for watching Chris and the others as they comforted Ezra.

"He still awake?" Nathan asked as he came up behind Chris.

"Yeah, the pain must be stopping him from sleeping." Chris looked up at him and then stood up when Nathan indicated that he wanted to check on Ezra.

Nathan sat down and looked across at Josiah, he could see that he was struggling to keep awake. "Josiah you should get some sleep, your not doing Ezra any good. You know we'll wake you if his condition changes."

"Just a bit longer Nathan, then I'll get some sleep." Josiah didn't take his eyes off Ezra as another grimace crossed his face. Josiah suddenly thought about Ezra's father, he didn't know why but he did, he wondered what he was like, if he was still alive and if so why he had never had any sort of contact with his son. He watched as Ezra's face became slack again and asked himself if Ezra had gotten his handsome features and green eyes from his father, there was a resemblance to Maude but it wasn't strong. But it was something that he would never find out, Ezra had never spoken about his mother even after the day she had shown up in Four Corners much to Ezra's and everyone else's suprise. They only found out what sort of mother she was because of the things that had happened to Ezra and he didn't give any information voluntarily, it was forced from him. He knew Ezra wouldn't speak of his father even though he had become closer to the other men who were more like a family to him now, he wasn't even sure if Ezra knew anything about his father. He was brought out of his thoughts by Nathan's voice.

Nathan sat on Ezra's left side and placed his hand on the bed on Ezra's right side so he could lean over him, he placed his right hand on Ezra's warm face and began to speak to him.

"Ezra? Can you hear me Ezra?" His voice was strong and loud so he could break through Ezra's painfilled mind. "Ezra, you with me? Comeon Ezra, talk to me." He watched as Ezra turned his head towards him and felt him nod. "Good, you don't have to talk, just nod okay." He felt his nead nod weakly. "Is the pain bad?" The nod indicated yes. "Do you feel sick at all?" No. "I want to check your stomach and then your back. Okay?" Ezra shook his head and his eyes flew open. "It's okay Ezra, it'll only take me a moment."

"No, please." Ezra groaned weakly.

Nathan pulled the blanket down to Ezra's waist and gently pressed against the flesh, he wasn't prepared for Ezra's reaction. He screamed as he rolled onto his side and pulled his knees up to his chest, Nathan quickly removed his hands and checked Ezra's back while he had the opportunity. It was clear of any infection.

"I'm sorry Ezra, I won't do that again." Nathan assured him as he carefully tried to roll him back but Ezra wouldn't move so he left him on his right side facing Josiah, he pulled the blanket back up over Ezra and began to rub his upper back hoping that it would help him to relax and calm down.

Ezra took a stronger hold of the hand that held his as he waited for the pain that had erupted with Nathan's touch to ease but it didn't, it was getting worse like it had done before. "Nathan," he gasped through the pain, "it's coming back!"

Ezra didn't even have time to scream as the first agonising pain tore through him, it was so strong that he lost consciousness but the blackness didn't stop his body from reacting to the pain. Josiah didn't have the strength lift Ezra up into his arms like he wanted to, he felt someone's strong hands push him from the bed and he watched as Chris sat down and took Ezra from Nathan's arms and hold him to his chest, he sat down on the cot, never taking his eyes from Ezra's face as his head was now settled on Chris's shoulders. He saw his body jerk as the pain hit him but after a few minutes he stopped, his body relaxed in Chris's arms. The agonising pain had only lasted a few minutes, he hoped that was a good sign.

Chris felt Ezra relax in his arms and he looked over at Nathan. "It's stopped already?"

Nathan leaned forward and manouvered his arm between Chris and Ezra, he looked closely at Ezra's face as he pressed against his stomach, there was no reaction. He checked his pupils to make sure that he was okay and found that he was still unconscious. Nathan smiled up at Chris.

"The pain is finally gone." He took Ezra from Chris's arms and laid him back down, making him comfortable again.

"But for how long?" Chris asked him.

Ezra remained unconscious as the next two days passed by agonisingly slow for everyone. He hadn't made any sort of movement or sound during the two days and it had caused them to worry even more. His breathing was shallow and regular but his pulse was weak, his fever stayed high causing his skin to have a redish tinge that stood out against the paleness of his flesh. They had only left the room when they had to, they forced each other to eat because if they left it to themselves no one would have touched any of the food that had been brought to them. Two of them stayed on the bed with Ezra at all times while the others either slept or watched him from a distance.

Vin sat on the bed with JD as they watched Ezra, he had finally convinced Chris and Nathan to get some sleep. His own hand lay on Ezra's chest so he could feel the slight rise of his chest as he breathed, it was the only way he was able to tell that he still lived. He felt his chest shift beneath him and heard the quick intake of breath as Ezra started to come out of his unconscious state. Ezra's eyes fluttered open and looked at the two men who sat with him without seeing them.

"Ezra?" Vin moved his hand up to his face and turned it towards him. "Ezra. It's Vin." He watched as the green orbs disappeared behind closed eyelids only to then reappear still showing the confusion that Ezra obviously felt. "Ezra?" Vin smiled as the eyes finally focused on him.

"Vin?" Ezra's voice was husky due to the dryness of his throat.

"Yeah it's me Ezra." He watched as Ezra's eyelids slowly closed again. "JD can you get some water please."

"Please." Ezra confirmed as he tried to shift his position. "Oh god!"

"What is it Ezra?" Vin was instantly concerned as he thought that the pain that Ezra had to endure was back.

"I hurt all over, my stomach and back are killing me as is the rest of me." Ezra groaned. He opened his eyes and looked into Vin's worried eyes. "Muscles, my stomach muscles hurt." He started to cough as the dryness of his throat took offense at it's use and he gripped his stomach as the muscles contracted. JD returned with the water and when his coughing eased they helped him drink it, making sure that he drank it slowly.

Ezra managed to roll over onto his right side as he hoped that it would allow the pain that he was feeling in his back to ease, he looked across the room at Josiah who was sleeping on the cot, he frowned and Vin caught the expression.

"Just sleeping Ezra, like everyone else." He nodded around the room to indicate the others.

"How long was I out for this time?" He closed his eyes as he tried to ignore Buck's presence in the corner of the room.

"Just over two days." JD answered him and then sat back as Ezra's eyes flew open as he turned his head towards him.

"Two days?" He groaned more at the pain he felt when he moved his head to quickly and shifted it into a more comfortable position on the pillow and closed his eyes to shut out the light. He couldn't understand why he hurt so much, he didn't do anything to deserve any of this.

"It's nearly over Ezra." Vin looked down. "I'm sorry Ezra, it was my fault too, I told JD to bet that glass of milk."

"Did you know what was in it?" Ezra asked him calmly.

"No."

"Then don't waste my time with your selfpity Vin, I don't want to hear it from either of you. That means you too JD." He wished that it didn't hurt so much.

"You okay Ezra?" He realised Ezra was angry but he wasn't sure if it was part of the sickness or from what was happening to him.

"Don't you think that's a stupid question Vin." Ezra groaned as he shifted his position again.

"JD go wake Nathan." Vin kept his eyes on Ezra and prepared himself for the violent explosion that he expected to erupt from him.

"You do that JD and while your at it can you get me some more water please."

It took JD a few minutes to wake Nathan but once he shrugged off the sleep that clouded his mind he rushed to the bed, he sat down next to Ezra and placed his hand on his forehead, his fever was still high, he frowned when Ezra weakly grabbed his hand and pushed it away, the weight of it made his head hurt more.

"He's in a bad mood Nathan." Vin explained as he took the cup of water from JD. "And he says that he hurts everywhere."

"Tell me how your feeling Ezra." Nathan ordered him.

"I believe Vin just told you Nathan." Ezra growled at him, he moved his head as he tried to find another position but it didn't matter how it was placed on the pillow it still hurt to much.

"Don't start Ezra." Chris warned him as he came towards the bed. All the noise had caused him to wake and he heard the tone in Ezra's words and knew that trouble was brewing. He was as glad as everyone else that Ezra was awake but he also worried that there was now something else wrong with him.

"And what can I start in this condition?" Ezra asked him, the sarcasm was heavy in his voice. "Vin are you going to hold onto that water all day or can I have it."

Chris removed the cup from Vin's hands and took his place on the bed, he then helped Ezra into a better position so he could drink the water. "Would you please answer Nathan's question Ezra."

"I hurt everywhere, like I have a bad case of flu, everything hurts, especially my head." Ezra explained finally as he gave up looking for an area of his head and body that didn't hurt, it didn't seem to matter how he lay, the pain didn't ease.

"Could you roll back over for me Ezra?" Nathan heard him groan at the thought. "It'll only be a for a couple of minutes." When he was on his back Nathan used his fingers to feel under Ezra's neck and then placed his ear against his chest to listen to his breathing, he heard Ezra's quick intake of breath when he put the weight of his head on his chest. "Okay you can go back onto your side if you want to."

Ezra instead rolled onto his left side to see if the pain would be any better it wasn't. "Aw hell."

"Ezra?" Nathan got off the bed and knelt down in front of him, he put his hand on his cheek but Ezra tried to push it away.

"Don't Nathan, it hurts." Ezra groaned.

"Are you saying it hurts when I touch you?" Ezra nodded but winced when his head hurt even more. "How bad is it Ezra."

"It's bad enough Nathan. Can I have some more water please and then I really must go and relieve myself."

"Your not going anywhere Ezra." Nathan told him.

"You don't expect me to use a bucket do you?" Ezra grimaced at the thought.

"That's exactly what your going to do." Nathan smiled at him.

"Buck really has a lot to pay for and he's going to pay with blood." Ezra growled and the smile dropped off Nathan's face as he looked over Ezra's shoulder at Chris.

"He didn't know what was going to happen Ezra." Chris explained to him as he put his hand on his shoulder but quickly removed it when Ezra shuddered under the touch.

"Would you find it easier to blame him if it was JD going through this and not me?" Ezra asked him.

"You know I wouldn't Ezra, the potion is only having this effect on you because of the alcohol you drank with the milk." Chris turned to look at Buck and found that he was awake and listening to the conversation.

"So it's my fault then, that's what your saying is it?" They could hear the insecurities that Ezra's voice held. "You want me to take the blame so your friend Buck doesn't have to."

Chris made his way around the bed so he to could look into Ezra's face. "Ezra look at me while I tell you this." He waited patiently for a few minutes before Ezra opened his eyes and focused on his face. "I care as much about you as I do Buck. Yes he and I have been friends longer but like him your family now and I'm not trying to put the blame on anyone. It wasn't really anyone's fault Ezra, it was something that just happened. Buck feels bad about what he did and he's worried that he's going to loose your friendship."

"I don't blame him Chris, I'm just angry at him." Ezra muttered as his eyelids slid closed.

"You have every right to be angry Ezra." Chris told him as he watched the gambler drift off to sleep.

Ezra's sleep was constantly interrupted as the the pain continued to wake him, he would change his sleeping position and then fall back to sleep only to wake again a short time later. They couldn't hold his hand or stroke his face to calm him down as it seemed to make the pain even worse. They could only sit by and watch him, this made them feel even more helpless because they couldn't do anything to help him. This went on for another six hours and then he finally settled into a more peaceful sleep. When this happened Nathan carefully put his hand on Ezra's shoulder to find that it didn't agitate him and then his forehead to discover that his fever had come down. Ezra then slept late into the night without any further disturbances.

"Nathan how much longer do you think it will take?" Chris asked him as he brushed the hair from Ezra's forehead.

"Tomorrow is the fifth day so it should hopefully be leaving his system already." Nathan answered him. He was on the bed leaning back against the head board with his eyes closed and was stroking the back of Ezra's head, their touch of concern was becoming like second nature to them, it now seemed so natural to show Ezra their concern.

"You don't think that anything else is going to happen do you?" He moved from the bed and sat in the chair that faced Ezra. Josiah had been sitting in it but he had fallen asleep so they woke him up and moved him back to the cot.

"I hope not Chris." Nathan could feel himself drifting off to sleep so he forced his eyes back open, he wanted to be awake when Ezra woke up.

Ezra could feel someone rubbing the back of his head and neck and allowed himself to relax, the touch that he had onced feared and rejected became a source of comfort for him and he wasn't going to push it away, he kept his eyes closed because he knew that if he opened them the person would stop and he didn't want them to. He realised that the pain he had been feeling was now just a steady ache except for his stomach, that was still sore. Ezra could feel another ache and he couldn't refuse it any longer. He opened his eyes and focused on Chris.

"Hey Ezra, how are you feeling." Chris smiled at him and couldn't hide the relief when Ezra smiled back.

"I feel a strong need to relieve myself."

"Well give you some help Ezra." Nathan told him as he got up off the bed.

"I would rather you helped me into the back room and then allow me some privacy, I would like to keep my dignity in tack thankyou very much."

"Only if you can manage it Ezra." Nathan pulled the bedcover back and with Chris's help Ezra was able to sit up, he then had to wait a few minutes for the dizziness to pass before he attempted to try and stand. With Nathan and Chris each holding an arm they led Ezra into the back room and left him alone.

They waited five minutes and heard a muttered curse followed by a loud crashing noise and they rushed into the room to find Ezra sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around himself, he smiled up at them.

"Sorry but my legs could no longer hold me up."

"You finished now Ezra." Nathan shook his head at him.

"Yes thankyou, feeling much better, now if only I could sleep for a month, preferrably in my own room of course." Ezra muttered as his eyelids grew heavy.

Chris knelt down and lifted Ezra into his arms, he heard no protests come from the gambler because he was asleep as soon as his head fell against Chris's shoulder. He took him back to the bed and laid him down before Nathan carefully placed the blanket back over him.

"Sounds like he's feeling a lot better." Nathan voiced his relief as he sat back down on the bed.

"Just like his old self and that's what worries me." Chris removed Nathan's relief with one simple statement. "I mean he couldn't just go from one extreme to the other could he?"

"He might, it was the potion and alcohol that did it and once it's out of his system he should be more or less back to his normal self. His stomach should be sore for a few days but apart from that he should be fine." Nathan settled down against the bed head once more while Chris sat back in the chair.

Ezra became aware of the sun shining through the window into his eyes, he wanted to blink against the harsh sunlight and roll over onto his other side but he couldn't gather the strength that he would require to do such as task, he groaned as the pain spread through his stomach as he took in a deep breath. He felt terrible, his muscles ached all over, his head hurt and he felt like he couldn't even lift his little finger no matter how hard he tried. 'Life is hell.' he thought to himself. He felt someone's warm hand as it was placed against the side of his face.

"Ezra?" Josiah leaned over him and waited, he heard him groan and knew that he was waking up. "Ezra!" He called more loudly. "Come on Ezra, you've been asleep long enough, you need to get some fluids into you." Josiah took his hand off his face and gently shook his shoulder. "Ezra wake up!" He watched as Ezra struggled to open his eyes. "That's the way Ezra, you can do it."

"What time is it?" Ezra muttered.

"It's about seven in the morning Ezra." Josiah answered him, he was glad to finally hear his voice.

"Then I'm not waking up, it's to early."

"I want you to drink some water Ezra and then you can go back to sleep okay." He shook his shoulder more roughly. "Wake up Ezra!"

"Alright, just give me a minute." Ezra groaned in protest.

"If I do that Ezra, you'll go back to sleep." Josiah smiled down at him.

"That was the idea Josiah." Ezra forced his eyes open and looked up at his friend. "Glad to see your okay Josiah."

"I'll only be okay if I know that you don't blame yourself for what happened Ezra." He put his hand under Ezra's head and lifted him up so he could drink the water, when he was done he gently laid his head back down.

"Who else am supposed to blame Josiah?"

"No one is to blame Ezra."

"You said I've been asleep long enough, how long is that?" Ezra changed the subject and heard Josiah's loud sigh when he did.

"Three days Ezra. Three very long days." He refilled the empty cup. "Here, I want you to drink some more water."

"Three days, I wanted to sleep for a month." He drank the second cup of water.

"Think your up to eating something?" Josiah asked him.

"Josiah, I'm not even up to being awake." He closed his eyes as the sleep took him back into it's embrace.

Ezra heard the voice and felt the hand as it stroked his forehead, trying to wake him up a second time, he groaned in protest as he had only just gotten back to sleep after Josiah had disturbed him. Didn't they realise that a man needed his sleep, he was going to have something to say about it when he got enough strength together to raise his voice at them. The voice continued and he knew they weren't going to leave him alone so he opened his heavy eyes and looked into Chris's blue ones.

"I should have known." Ezra muttered as he closed his eyes again.

"No you don't Ezra, open them up again, I want to see those pretty green eyes of yours." Chris had spent the last ten minutes trying to wake him up, no one else had been able to succeed in their attempts to wake Ezra.

"Chris you are really starting to worry me with that type of talk." Ezra opened his eyes anyway. "Why are you waking me when I only just got back to sleep?"

"That was yesterday Ezra." Nathan told him as he came closer to the bed, he had a cooling bowl of broth in his hands. "I want you to eat something."

"I'm not hungry Nathan." Ezra closed his eyes but someone gently slapped his face and his eyes flew open again.

"I don't care Ezra, your eating something whether you like it or not." Nathan growled at him and removed his hand from Ezra's face. "The potion is out of your system now but your still very weak, you need to eat and sleep so you can build your strength back up."

"I assumed that I was getting better." Ezra looked up at Nathan and smiled. "Your no longer being nice to me."

Ezra allowed Chris and Nathan to help him sit up, he couldn't even hold the spoon in his hand so Nathan had to feed him and while he did this Chris talked to Ezra.

"Buck wants to see you." Chris informed him.

"I don't want to see him." Ezra told him between mouthfuls, he just wanted to go back to sleep.

"I thought we went through this before Ezra."

Ezra turned his face away from the spoon in Nathan's hand and looked into Chris's eyes. "I know, I told you I don't blame him but I'm still angry. You know my mouth, I might say something that I won't be able to take back, I'd rather talk to him when I calm down." He turned back to Nathan. "I can't eat anymore Nathan, it's starting to make me feel sick."

"Okay, now drink some water and then you can go back to sleep." When Ezra finished the water they helped him settle back down and watched as he took on the steady rhythm of sleep once more.

Over the next few days they continued to wake Ezra on a regular basis so they could get him to eat and drink and each time they did this he thought that it had only been a few minutes since he had fallen back to sleep. His body continued to recover but it was going to be a slow process because the potion had taken a lot out of him, he had also lost a lot of blood due to the gunshot wound in his back.

Because they were having to wake him they allowed Buck to stay with him as often as he wanted and he only left the room when they brought food for Ezra to eat and then went back in after they had left. Chris had told him that Ezra didn't blame him for what happened but he was to angry to talk to him about it.

It was on one of these occasions that Ezra had woken on his own to find Buck sitting in the chair across from him. Buck got up to leave but Ezra's voice stopped him.

"You don't have to go Buck, it's okay." Ezra told him.

"I'm sorry Ezra, if I had known I wouldn't have done it, I mean I've never seen you drink milk before, I didn't think you or Vin would have touched it, I didn't know what was going to happen, didn't know what you were going to go through."

"Buck." Ezra waited a moment for his rambling to stop. "Buck!" He finally stopped but he wouldn't look at Ezra. "I don't blame you Buck and I'm not angry anymore but that doesn't mean your not going to pay for what you did." Buck looked up at Ezra, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. "I just have to think of something first." He allowed a small smile to creep across his face but Buck looked away from him. "Could you come and help me sit up please." Buck put his hat down on the cot and moved to the bed carefully, he helped Ezra up into a sitting position. "Now come here." Ezra didn't have any trouble hugging Buck, he found it easy to do. "I don't blame you Buck, it's okay." He listened as Buck began to cry.

"I'm sorry Ezra."

"It's alright Buck, don't worry about it." Ezra held onto him as tightly as his strength would allow him to, grateful that he was able to show Buck that he cared and didn't blame him. It was the first time he was really able to show this type of affection to anyone without cringing inside at the thought.

Buck's tears only stopped when he felt someone's hand on his shoulder, he looked up at Chris standing over them. "He's asleep Buck, I think you've hugged him long enough, maybe you should lie him back down." Chris couldn't keep the smile off his face as he took Ezra out of Buck's arms and laid him back onto the bed.

"Wasn't me Chris, it was Ezra." He smiled as he wiped his tears away. "He made the first move."

"Why don't you go and get some rest Buck, I'll sit with him for a while." Chris suggested.

"In a minute Chris." Buck leaned forward and brushed the hair away from Ezra's face, he then lightly kissed his forehead before he got up and left the room.

The End

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