Scene Ten


Just as in Scene Four we suddenly hear pure cacophony---an explosion of noise and music that literally rattles the theater. It is even louder than before. Then the backdrop rises, and we are on a street in Shreaneck, which looks very much like the street in Clittsburgh except for a few minor changes in the background. The great difference is that now the stage is filled with Pandas. Once again there are three raised platforms, and on each is a PERFORMER---only a PANDA PERFORMER. Below them are individual PANDA BAND MEMBERS playing curious-looking instruments, and each with a different song. DEEDELUS, MILLIAMA, MAXIMUSH and SOMA enter from stage left all dressed in Panda suits.
DEEDELUS
This looks just like Clittsburgh.

SOMA

You seen one city you seen ‘em all. (FIRST PANDA PERFORMER shoots off a pistol and ALL turn to watch.)  
FIRST PANDA PERFORMER
Look at me!
Whatdya see?
I'm a pure shluckin' gem!
Look at me!
Look at me!
Ain't I better than them?!


DEEDELUS

That song sounds familiar.

MILLIAMA

Those K.P. schlitheads don’t have that much originality.

MAXIMUSH

Sssh! You want them to hear us?

SECOND PANDA PERFORMER

Look at me!
Whatdya see
From the front and behind?
Look at me!
Look at me!
I'm the best that you'll find!
THIRD PANDA PERFORMER
No one ever saw some-
One quite as grand as me!
I am truly awesome,
Much more so than he---
Or she.
FIRST PANDA PERFORMER
                              I'm a walking icon!

SECOND PANDA PERFORMER

                              I'm a moveable feast!

THIRD PANDA PERFORMER

                              Look at me!

SECOND PANDA PERFORMER

                              Look at me!

FIRST PANDA PERFORMER

                              Look at me!

ALL THREE

I'm as great as the Beast!
I'm as great as the Beast!
I'm as great as the Beast! (Now ALL the PANDAS on stage go into a wild precision chorus number.)
SOMA
One thing you gotta say for them schluckers, they sure got rhythm. (One of the PANDAS begins to stare at the Quartet, as if to say, "Why aren’t you dancing?" SOMA regards MAXIMUSH. MAXIMUSH shrugs, and now HE joins the dance. Then SOMA, then DEEDELUS and finally MILLIAMA, all of them attempting to follow the intricate Panda steps. As the number reaches a smashing finale, a murmur begins to grow among the PANDAS. One whispers to the other, the SECOND to the THIRD, etc. DEEDELUS glances toward Maximush. MAXIMUSH returns a fearful look. MILLIAMA reaches in her Panda suit to grab hold of her gun just in case they are whispering about them. Suddenly ALL the PANDAS face front.)
PANDAS
Screw the Beast!
Screw the Feaster!
Slug em in the kishkas
And kick em in the keester!
Sit on them schluckers
And make them go splat!
We’re on our way
To the Library at Marianat.
DEEDELUS
Milliama, did you hear that?

PANDAS

We’re on our way
To the Library at Marianat
That’s where we Pandas belong!
DEEDELUS
We’ve found it! We’ve found the Library!

PANDAS

We’re on our way
To the place where the in crowd is at---
Where we’ll raise our voices in song.!

They’ve got all these nooks there
Where knowledge we can seek out---
They’ve got all these books there!
We’ll have a Panda freak out!
MAXIMUSH
Never knew those K.P.s were even literate.

PANDAS

We’re on our way
To the Library at Marianat
Where the coners and the cubers once sat---
But now it’s ours,
All ours!
 
  (PANDAS dance off. DEEDELUS is beside himself with happiness. MAXIMUSH, SOMA and MILLIAMA dance after them. DEEDELUS stands alone on stage. If he were not wearing his Panda head, we would see tears of joy cascading down his face. HE reaches into his knapsack and pulls out the Beast urn, holds it to his lips.)
   
DEEDELUS
Oh, Mama! We’ve found the Library you always told me about. We’re going to put you to rest after all. (HE dances off in pursuit of the others.)  
LIGHTS DIM RAPIDLY
 


 
 

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