Scene Six
SOMA, DEEDELUS, MILLIAMA and MAXIMUSH appear in One against
a backdrop of ominous purple mountains.
DEEDELUS
It was right there all along.
MAXIMUSH
It’s not a question of right or wrong, dear boy.
MILLIAMA
Will you stop pawing him, for schlit’s sake!
MAXIMUSH
I fear you youngsters don’t understand innocent physical contact.
MILLIAMA
A horny schlucker is a horny schlucker.
DEEDELUS
There hasn’t been another sign. This is the right direction, isn’t it?
MAXIMUSH
It is if you think it is.
(Sounds of thunder and flashes of lightening.)
MILLIAMA
I’m starving.
SOMA
Schluck!
(As we hear the echo of a torrential rain, the backdrop rises
and we are in a cave with EIGHT FEASTERS. Upstage left is an opening leading
outside. Through the opening we see the downpour. On the wall is a large
portrait of the aesthetic looking man we saw two scenes ago. On either
side are torches. The FEASTERS are standing in front of a table which has
been set with golden plates and silverware in sharp contrast to the pristine
appearance of the cave.)
FEASTERS
The thrill
Is not the hill
Nor the lake nor the pond;
The hope
Is not the slope
But what lies way beyond.
Think what you will
Go over the hill
And then you will find
A world full of peace there,
A feast without cease there---
If only you will
Go over the hill,
Over the hill.
(More claps of thunder and flashes of lightening. As the GROUP
sits down to the table, SOMA, DEEDELUS, MILLIAMA and MAXIMUSH, all very
wet, enter through the opening in the cave. THEY stop when they see the
FEASTERS. LEADER of the group approaches them.)
LEADER
Come in, my children. Do not be afraid. The Feast is open to all sinners.
SOMA
How ‘bout to funga?
DEEDELUS
We were on our way to the Library at Marianat when…
LEADER
You needn’t explain. We were just sitting down to dinner. Will you join
us?
MILLIAMA
Schlit yes!
(THEY take their places at the table. As ONE of the Group begins
to serve a sticky maroon concoction from a silver bowl.)
LEADER
I hope you like red rice.
DEEDELUS
Never had it. Never had anything but burgers and fries.
MILLIAMA
They call this a Feast?
LEADER
But you are catching us on an ordinary Feast day. On a religious Feast
day we add blue chips.
MILLIAMA
Can’t wait.
LEADER
And while we dine, my children, I have something for you.
(ONE of the OTHERS rises, hands out a fat volume to each of
the FOUR.)
This will tell you a little about our work.
MILLIAMA
Just what I was dying for.
SOMA
Look, pal. I might as well tell you. He’s a coner, she’s a cuber, he’s
an isosceles, and I’m a crescenter.
LEADER
What difference does that make, my child? That is your ethnic background.
We all have ethnic backgrounds which are forgotten when one becomes a Feaster,
and we remove the tattoos with acid. The Feast knows no prejudice…no boundaries.
Read it at your leisure.
DEEDELUS
This is the kind of book one would find at the Library at Marianat?
LEADER
Of course, my son.
DEEDELUS
Then you know the Library at Marianat?
LEADER
It is over the next ridge. In Shreaneck.
DEEDELUS
Then the sign was right. You see, sir, all my growing up years, my mother
told me about it. Then she got shot and her last request was to be buried
there. So I have her ashes in this urn…
(HE reaches into his knapsack and extracts the Beast urn. The
GROUP draws back in horror.)
LEADER
I’ll take that.
(HE grabs it out of Deedelus’ hands, but DEEDELUS grabs it back.)
LEADER
You don’t understand, my child. That is a sacrilege.
DEEDELUS
But that was the urn she herself had chosen.
(Once again LEADER seizes it, and DEEDELUS wrests it from him.
LEADER slaps Deedelus hard across the face. DEEDELUS slaps him back.)
LEADER
You schlucker! You sonuvaschlucker! Your whole family were schluckers!
MAXIMUSH
My dear fellow…
LEADER
Shut your schluckin’ mouth!
(The FEASTERS reach for their weapons and surround the GROUP.
As the FEASTERS overpower DEEDELUS, SOMA and MAXIMUSH, MILLIAMA races out
the entrance to the cave.)
LEADER
After that schlunt!
(TWO of the FEASTERS rush out after her. The FOUR OTHERS are
tying up the three intruders as the music of "The Thrill is Not the Hill"
is now played at an accelerated pace.)
BLACKOUT
