ACT TWO
Scene One
It is a few minutes later. DEEDELUS, MILLIAMA, SOMA and MAXIMUSH
are seated downstage right. Even in his Panda suit, we can see that Deedelus
is beside himself. PANDAS at the various tables are slamming the utensils
and what appear to be beer steins. A HARRIED WAITRESS is rushing back and
forth from table to kitchen, kitchen to table. Her name is CHANTARA, and
she is about the same age as Deedelus, dressed very similar to Milliama
and has a cone tattooed on her chest.
PANDAS
Hey, you waitress slut!
Ain’t you one of the owners?
We’re so shluckin’ hungry,
We could eat a whole platoon of you coners.
FIRST PANDA
Gimme a Volume One,
Make mine rare.
SECOND PANDA
Make mine well-done.
THIRD PANDA
I’ll take the jumbo size.
FOURTH PANDA
Gimme a Volume Two,
Put mine on
The barbecue.
ALL PANDAS
And don’t go stingy on the fries.
And don’t go stingy on the fries.
FIFTH PANDA
You’d better fetch up
The mustard and the ketchup!
SIXTH PANDA
How can we embellish
With no pickles and no relish?
ALL PANDAS
We’re ravenous Pandas.
That’s why we’re here!
So get your coner ass in gear!
Make them bookburgers materialize!
And don’t go stingy on the fries!
And don’t go stingy on the fries!
DEEDELUS
This can’t be it!
SOMA
What’s a gal like that doing in a place like this?
DEEDELUS
This isn’t right. It’s just not right.
MAXIMUSH
Keep your voice down.
(DEEDELUS abruptly rises from the table and heads toward the
kitchen.)
MILLIAMA
Where the schluck you goin’?
(As HE makes his way toward stage left the set revolves, and
we are in the kitchen. CHANTARA is breathlessly creating more book burgers
on what looks like a grill. SHE suddenly turns and sees Deedelus and gasps.)
MILLIAMA
Don’t touch me! I’m working as fast I can. I just opened up. What do
you want from me?
DEEDELUS
Don’t be afraid.
(HE removes his Panda head.)
I’m a coner, too.
CHANTARA
If they catch you…
DEEDELUS
I know. But I had to talk to you. My friends and I, we’ve been searching
for the Library at Marianat, and we find this burger joint.
CHANTARA
What do you mean joint?
DEEDELUS
I mean the K.P.s were singing about coming here, finding books, gaining
knowledge…
CHANTARA
You know the knowledge they want? It’s the secret of making a book burger!
They can’t figure out how I get the fries so crisp sandwiched between the
meat. Once they get that, they won’t need me anymore. I’ll be coner cleansed
like all the others who were here in Shreaneck when they captured the city
three days ago. That’s why I won’t let them give me a K.P. to do k.p. That’s
why I’m putting up with all their abuse.
DEEDELUS
But where did you get the name from---the Library at Marianat?
CHANTARA
My mother. All through my childhood, she kept telling me that anything
I wanted to know I’d find at…
DEEDELUS
My mother, too!
CHANTARA
So when I came here to Shreaneck, there were so many fast food places
I had to have a gimmick. And I remembered the way my Mama used to flip
over the burger and put the fries in the middle.
DEEDELUS
Are you from Coner Island?
CHANTARA
Yes.
DEEDELUS
What street?
CHANTARA
Floak.
DEEDELUS
Flelm.
CHANTARA
That’s three blocks away. But I never saw you.
DEEDELUS
My Mama didn’t like me going out. It was too dangerous. So I used to
sit by the window and gun down people before they could gun down me.
CHANTARA
But at least you were shooting at your own kind. It’s not like here
with all these Beasters and Feasters and K.P.s and cubers and crescenters
and I don’t know what all…
(We begin to hear a growing commotion from the dining room.)
CHANTARA
Those monsters are getting restless.
DEEDELUS
If your mother and my mother… Then there has to be a real Library
at Marianat. Listen. Did you see those Pandas I was sitting with? They’re
not real Pandas. They’re like me---except not coners. And we’re all searching
for the Library. Come with us.
CHANTARA
But I’m trapped. There’s no way of my getting out of Shreaneck. I don’t
have a Panda suit like you do.
DEEDELUS
I got an idea! That’s a methadane grill, isn’t it?
(The music begins, and what we see in pantomime is all done
like a speeded-up silent film. DEEDELUS dances off to the others, whispers
to them. THEY all rise, blow kisses to the other Pandas and then dance
off. We see them on the outskirts of the town. PANDA GUARD pantomimes asking
to see their papers. MILLIAMA pushes herself against the Guard in a most
seductive Panda way. As this is happening, SOMA, DEEDELUS and MAXIMUSH
dance off into the hills with MILLIAMA following after she has conveniently
decked the GUARD. Then we see the Quartet back in the mountains removing
their Panda suits. DEEDELUS grabs for the one Milliama has just removed,
loads it into his knapsack and dances off. Back at the Library restaurant,
which is still filled with ravenous PANDAS, DEEDELUS dances into the kitchen,
finds CHANTARA, extracts the Panda suit. As CHANTARA hurriedly puts it
on, DEEDELUS blows out the pilot lights, then turns on what appears to
be gas jets. CHANTARA watches, confused. HE seizes her arm, and THEY dance
off into the dining room. HE blows kisses to the PANDAS, smiles, takes
what looks like a wooden match from his pocket, strikes it against the
bottom of his foot, tosses it into the room. A wild EXPLOSION is punctuated
by screaming Pandas.)
BLACKOUT
