Calling All Angels

 

BY:  Judy Morrow

 

 

DISCLAIMER:  Paramount owns them all, although by now I think they’ve forgotten about them.  What a shame because there are so many possibilities.  I write for pleasure and make no profit from my stories (darn).  Thanks to my friends Iris for hosting my stories and Kat Lady for her encouragement and helpful hints.

 

 

The snow fell silently on the ground outside the Indiana farmhouse where Kathryn Janeway watched from her second floor bedroom window.  Softly and silently it fell, just like her tears, and the world was transformed from a stark, bleak, wintry landscape into a soft white fairyland.  Night had fallen quickly on this early December day and soft light from the downstairs windows outlined her favorite tree still standing guard in the back yard of her childhood home, and the light reflected like diamonds off the accumulated snow. 

 

Kathryn shivered as she watched and imagined the cold of the snow as it lay like a blanket on the ground.  It looked cold and lonely, just like she was feeling as she reflected on all that happened in the six weeks since Voyager had triumphantly touched down on the grounds of Starfleet Headquarters.  She didn’t even brush away her tears because there was nobody to see them anyway, and by now she was used to feeling them.

 

“Oh, God,” she whispered to the air around her, “please send an angel to take away my pain.  Please let the hurting stop.  Christmas is coming and all I want is to be held and loved.  I want someone to care that I’m alive.”  More tears coursed down her cheeks.

 

She had imagined for seven years how they would be welcomed home and treated like returning heroes, and how she and Chakotay would walk triumphantly hand-in-hand down Voyager’s ramp to finally set foot on Earth and start their life together.  After all that they endured and accomplished, they merited at least hero’s treatment, and she felt sure and confident that Starfleet would recognize their achievements.  Unfortunately her dreams didn’t turn out the way she thought they would and here she stood, cold and alone, as she reflected on the recent turn of events.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Guardian angels were something Kathryn Janeway, scientist that she was, never believed in.  But the past seven years had her reconsidering her beliefs.  There had been too many times since Voyager was unceremoniously whisked into the Delta Quadrant that it seemed like something or someone was watching over her and making sure that she survived whatever trials she was forced to endure.  After all, how many Starfleet captains beat the Borg time after time when everyone knew the Borg were much more powerful and possessed far greater numbers than the Captain and crew of Voyager? 

 

How many Starfleet Captains would have beaten the Kazon, the Videans, Species 8472, the Vadwaar and the Hirogen, just to name a few?  How many Starfleet captains could have led for seven years under impossible odds?  There had to be a more powerful force than just the luck of Captain Kathryn Janeway at work here and Kathryn was starting to realize exactly that.  Sure she was blessed with the best crew she could hope for, not to mention the best First Officer, but even with all of that going for her she still would never have believed luck alone would have seen them through all they endured.  No, it was something more, and that something wasn’t even Q.

 

Kathryn, scientist that she was, accepted everything at its proven value and never took the time to consider her guardian angel - until now.

 

When Admiral Kathryn Janeway came aboard Voyager during their last days in the Delta Quadrant, she talked to her younger self and told her how her own future had unfolded.  Being the brash and younger Kathryn, and having every confidence in her crew as well as her own beliefs and abilities, she was hesitant to take her older self’s words to heart, but she did listen to what was being said. 

 

Admiral Janeway told her about the lonely life she led, about Tuvok’s illness, the crew who didn’t make it home, and the long years until Voyager finally entered the Alpha Quadrant.  But the hardest parts to listen to were the memories she shared about Chakotay, her unrequited love for him, and his defection to the side of her protégé, Seven of Nine.  That truly hurt and she could feel the first signs of her heart breaking into pieces even though she didn’t want to believe it.  “Why now?” she cried to herself as her dream started to break apart.

 

Having obvious signs pointed out to her quickly opened her eyes and made her examine the true feelings of her heart.  She loved Chakotay and she knew it, but those damned protocols loomed large in her mind and in her training, and she always dreamed that once they’d triumphantly come home that she would fall into his arms and he into hers and live happily ever after.  Admiral Janeway tried to mentally shake her and actually came right out and told her to tell Chakotay how she felt before it was too late.  Could she do that and still maintain her principles?  Did it really matter if she maintained her principles if her heart was breaking?  Was it too late?

 

She stayed awake all night thinking, and her emotions alternated between joyful hope and depressing despair in case she was really too late.  All she managed to accomplish was to exhaust herself.  The following day Admiral Janeway left to confront the Borg Queen, but her parting words gave her hope that maybe it wasn’t too late after all. 

 

“Try Kathryn,” the Admiral whispered as Captain Janeway administered the hypospray to her neck.  “He loves you and always will, but if you don’t act now he’ll give his love to Seven and being the honorable man that he is, he’ll stay with her no matter what.  I still love him so much and have been so unhappy for all these many years because he felt he would betray Seven’s memory if he came to me after her death.  Don’t become me.  Promise me you’ll try?” 

 

“I will,” the Captain answered softly.  “I do love him.”  With a slightly lighter heart she returned to the bridge to address the matters at hand – namely to bring her ship and crew home and then address the needs of her heart.

 

When they exited the transwarp conduit into the Alpha Quadrant and realized that they were finally home, Kathryn turned to reach out for Chakotay to share the moment with him.  But he was standing by Seven, holding her hand and smiling at her.  Her heart broke once again, her confidence faded and she stood alone.

 

The trip to Earth took almost a week because of where they existed into the Alpha Quadrant.  Starfleet requested they travel to Earth at warp 3 to give them time to notify the families.  They were to land Voyager on the athletic fields of Starfleet Academy where the family and friends would be waiting to greet their returning loved ones.  Kathryn had little time to think about her private life because there was so much to do before they landed, and she hardly ever saw Chakotay except at senior staff meetings.

 

On the third day in the Alpha Quadrant she stopped him as the staff meeting concluded.  The only other person in the room was B’Elanna, but she was on her way out.  “Have lunch with me Chakotay?” she asked in a soft voice as she reached for his arm.  “I’d like to talk to you and spend a little time together before the circus starts.”

 

“I’d love to Captain, but I have plans for lunch.  Some other time?” he said and there seemed to be regret in his eyes.

 

“Sure,” she managed to whisper.  They both knew there wouldn’t be another time.

 

The senior staff members were the last to leave the ship and that included Kathryn, Chakotay, Tom, B’Elanna, the Doctor, Tuvok, Seven and Harry.  As they walked down the ramp and into the waiting arms of Starfleet, Kathryn couldn’t help but notice that Chakotay was walking just behind her with Seven, and they were holding hands.

 

Kathryn tried hard to suppress the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her, but she wasn’t entirely successful as two large tears rolled down her cheeks and a soft sob escaped from her heart.

 

Just then Chakotay stepped forward to say something to Kathryn, and was surprised to see the tears and hear the soft sob.  Why was she crying?  And why did she look like her world was falling apart?  She should be happy and smiling, but instead she was crying.  Why?

 

Seven noticed where Chakotay was looking and promptly pulled his attention back to her.  “Chakotay, I think my aunt is over there,” she pointed to an elderly woman standing about twenty feet away.  “Come with me, please.”  Seven was smart enough to know that Chakotay was worried about Kathryn and she was very jealous of her mentor, but she wasn’t about to allow him to get away.

 

Chakotay looked again toward Kathryn as Seven was pulling him away, but he made no effort to resist as they approached Seven’s aunt.  When he again looked back toward Kathryn, she was gone.

 

Kathryn stood alone at the edge of the crowd and looked at the joyful reunions going on all around her, and started to wonder where her mother and Phoebe were.  Here she stood alone among hundreds of happy people, and her heart was still breaking.

 

“Kathryn, over here,” she finally heard, but it was a man’s voice that was calling her.  “Kathryn,” she heard again and then realized that Admiral Paris was the person calling her.

 

“Owen,” she said as he quickly pulled her into an embrace.  “It’s good to see you,” she muttered against the broad shoulder that was cradling her head.

 

When she could finally pull away she stood back so Owen could look at her, and she at him.  “You look good, Katie, but way too thin,” he smiled.  “I’m so glad to see you, but we need to talk before security allows the media in here.  Come with me?” he asked in a quiet voice, and her heart did a summersault.

 

“Mom?” she asked in a small voice as they slid into a small vacant room. 

 

“Kathryn, I don’t know how to tell you this except to say it.  Your mother died four days ago of a heart attack.  She died quickly and painlessly and she knew you were alive and on your way home.  I was with her when she died and she asked me to tell you that she loves you,” Owen finished as the tears were threatening his own eyes.  “Phoebe just recently moved to an art colony world with her family, and it takes them at least two weeks to get back to Earth.  Your homecoming was rather sudden as was your mother’s death.  Word was sent to her right away, but she won’t be here for another week or so.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Kathryn.  You deserve so much better than this,” Owen continued as he pulled her sobbing body close to his as if he could protect her.

 

Owen continued to hold her for another ten minutes, until her sobbing quieted.  Having prepared for her tears he handed her tissue after tissue until she was able to get her emotions under control, but her crying seemed almost uncontrollable.  He wondered if there wasn’t something more that she was crying for.

 

“I’m sorry Owen, but this was rather unexpected.  I don’t think I can face anyone just now, let alone the media.  Can we slip away before they get here?”

 

“I wish we could,” he regretfully stated, “but everyone would notice that you were gone.  After all, you’re the Captain and the one they most want to see.  If it makes it any easier, we didn’t release the news of your mother’s death, so they don’t know and shouldn’t ask any questions about her.  If you could give it about ten minutes, I’ll devise a way to get you out of here.  I know that’s asking a lot, but I need you to do this, Kathryn.  Just make a brief statement to satisfy the media, then I’ll tell them you’re expected at Headquarters and whisk you away.”

 

Kathryn nodded her head because she just didn’t have any words.  Not only did she lose Chakotay, but she lost her mother as well and was feeling very much alone.  She wondered where the guardian angel she felt was watching over her in the Delta Quadrant had gone. 

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Chakotay kept scanning the crowd looking for Kathryn, but he just couldn’t find her.  He also noticed that every time he tried to look, Seven demanded his attention.  He found her Aunt Irene to be a charming person and she did her best to make him feel comfortable, but he really needed to see what was wrong with Kathryn.

 

A few minutes later B’Elanna passed by and Chakotay grabbed her arm.  After a quick introduction to Irene Hanson he took B’Elanna aside.  “Have you seen the Captain?” he asked.  “I can’t seem to find her.”

 

“Something’s up Chakotay, and I don’t know what but I’m worried,” B’Elanna answered.  “Owen took her aside, but I don’t know what it’s all about.  Owen came back a few minutes ago, but I haven’t seen the Captain.  Why do you care anyway?” she asked with sarcasm entering her voice.  “You have the Borg Barbie to keep you busy and you haven’t had any time for the Captain in weeks.  I happen to know she wanted to have lunch with you, but you turned her down and she was very hurt.  What’s wrong with you anyway?”

 

Chakotay knew his friend didn’t think much of his relationship with Seven, but he had been ignoring her snide remarks because he was flattered by Seven’s attention.  He didn’t love Seven, she was just good for his ego and it seemed like she really wanted his help to develop her humanity.  He was enjoying their relationship and just wanted to see where it would go.

 

He also knew that B’Elanna thought the world of Kathryn Janeway and wanted the two of them to get together.  He’d wanted that for years, but knew Kathryn’s feelings about Starfleet protocol.  He was delighted when Kathryn and B’Elanna became friends, but now B’Elanna was Kathryn’s staunchest ally and felt the need to defend her no matter what.  He also knew she didn’t like Seven and resented his relationship with her.  He’d have to take some time and explain his feelings once this media circus was over and things settled down.

 

Just then Seven turned away from her aunt and started to approach them.  Chakotay quickly whispered, “Let me know if you find out what’s happening – please.”  B’Elanna nodded her head as she turned away.  “Your keeper is coming,” she whispered as she walked away.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

It was almost thirty minutes later when Owen came to take Kathryn to meet the media.  “Security is going to allow the media into the area shortly.  How are you doing?” he asked with concern.

 

“I’m fine,” she answered as she pulled her captain’s mask firmly into place and squared her shoulders.  Owen was amazed at the transformation, but he was worried at the same time.  Kathryn seemed very vulnerable and it wasn’t all about her mother. 

 

“I’ll try to keep this brief, and then I have a security team ready to escort you out of here.  They’ll take you to quarters we’ve set up for you near headquarters, and I’ll get there as soon as I can.  We can talk more then,” he said as he tucked her hand under his arm and led them out into the group.  Kathryn walked blindly at his side, her feelings on autopilot and her face set into her captain’s mask.

 

Owen led Kathryn onto a small stage that had been quickly set up for this event.  The rest of her senior staff was already seated there, and she noticed the smiles on their faces.  They all had someone to meet them or be with them at this time, all except her.  She had to fight to keep the threatening tears at bay, but she managed.

 

Chakotay watched her intently, never taking his eyes from her face, but she wouldn’t even look at him.  He was worried because he could tell immediately that something was very wrong.

 

Fortunately for Kathryn the questions from the media were all about how they coped in the Delta Quadrant and about the aliens they encountered, especially the Borg.  Kathryn was glad that Seven wasn’t on the stage because some of the questions about the Borg were very direct, and in spite of everything she still cared about her protégé.  The media had been instructed on what they could ask and what they could not, so the whole ordeal was easier than she thought it would be.  Kathryn’s answers were brief, but truthful.

 

After about fifteen minutes Owen appeared beside her on the stage and held his hands up for quiet.  “I’m very sorry, but Captain Janeway is expected at Headquarters and she must leave now.  You can ask the rest of her senior staff or me any questions you have that haven’t been addressed,” Owen announced as he nodded to the security officer standing behind them.

 

Chakotay quickly rose from his seat to try to reach Kathryn before she was taken away, but Owen stepped in front of him and motioned for him to resume his seat.  He quickly complied, but was very uneasy about the whole situation.

 

Kathryn was quickly whisked away from her surprised senior staff and crew, and before she knew what was happening she had been beamed to her temporary quarters near Starfleet Headquarters.  They were very nice officers’ quarters, but there was nothing personal in the furnishings and nothing to make her feel at home.  Once the door was closed she collapsed onto the closest chair and again let the tears flow.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

“Where is she?” Chakotay demanded of Admiral Paris as they were leaving to go to their Starfleet issued quarters.  “I need to speak to her.”

 

“I’m sorry Commander, but you can’t see her right now.  Starfleet has matters to take care of and Captain Janeway will be tied up for a while.  I know where your quarters are, and if she wants to contact you I’ll give her your number.  That’s the best I can do for now,” Admiral Paris answered.

 

Knowing there was nothing more he could do, Chakotay nodded his thanks as Seven approached and took his hand.  Owen quickly glanced at their clasped hands, and then turned and left, but not before Chakotay noticed the frown on the Admiral’s face.

 

“Seven, you don’t need to hold my hand all the time,” Chakotay gently complained as he disengaged his hand.  “Let’s go,” he said as they started to look for their separate rooms.

 

“Why can’t I stay with you?” Seven asked.  “I don’t really want to be alone.”

 

“Starfleet has set up separate quarters for all of us, so I suggest we honor their arrangements,” he quietly said.  He was by now really grateful that he would have separate quarters because Seven had clung to him all evening.  While flattered by her attention, it left him no time to be with his other friends, and no time to try to find out what was up with Kathryn.

 

“Here you go,” Chakotay offered as they arrived at Seven’s door.  “I believe I’m one floor up at the other end of the hall, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Don’t go,” she pleaded.

 

“I must,” he replied as he turned to go.  “Goodnight.”

 

*****kkkk*****

 

It was nearly two hours before Owen Paris was able to come to Kathryn’s quarters, and she didn’t immediately answer his knock.  But after knocking several more times, the door finally opened and Kathryn stood there asking him to enter.

 

Owen could tell she had been crying, but she was still in her uniform and he was willing to bet she hadn’t had anything to eat or drink.  In fact, she looked beautiful and awful all at the same time.  But if he had to describe her to anyone else, he would have to say she looked heartbroken.

 

After the door swished closed behind him he just looked at her for a moment, and then he opened his arms.  Kathryn was there in a minute, and he carefully crushed her to him.  He loved Kathryn almost as much as if she was his own daughter, and he took pride in all that she accomplished because she always told everyone he was her mentor.  He loved her for that, especially in light of his relationship with his son, Tom.

 

And he could never forget that she redeemed his son and brought Tom home to him.  When he stopped to think about it, he owed her a lot because he not only had his son back, he now had a daughter-in-law and a granddaughter.  He wasn’t too sure about the daughter-in-law yet, but he was trying to get to know her, and so far everything seemed fine.

 

“Come here and let’s talk,” Owen gently led Kathryn to the couch.  “I want to know what’s going on, and I know it’s more than your mother.  I know you too well,” he chided.

 

Kathryn tried to smile, but it just didn’t work.  “It’s not fair, Owen.  For seven years I dreamed of seeing Mom and Phoebe again, and I missed her by FOUR DAMNED DAYS,” she cried.  “Everyone had someone to be with or meet them when we landed, except for me.”  The tears started to flow again.

 

“I tried so hard not to lose faith and I tried to believe we’d make it home.  I tried my best to uphold Starfleet protocols.  And we did get home, but for what?  I’m lonelier now than I ever was before.  You know that Phoebe and I aren’t that close, and I so wanted to see Mom again.”  Kathryn stopped speaking.

 

“And……….who else?” Owen asked gently because he knew Kathryn had only given him a partial answer.  “Is it Mark, because I know you know he’s married?”

 

“No, I let Mark go a long time ago.  I’m glad he moved on with his life.”

 

“Then who is it Katie?  Who has broken your heart?”  Owen took a minute to think when Kathryn didn’t answer him.  “Wait, it’s that first officer of yours, isn’t it?  You love him, don’t you?”

 

He could barely hear her whispered ‘yes’, but he didn’t need her to confirm it verbally.  Her eyes told it all, and his heart went out to her.

 

“Let me guess.  You adhered to Starfleet protocols which discourage fraternization between the captain and her crew even though your heart was telling you something else.  Am I right?”

 

“Yes,” she whispered, “and now it’s too late.  I planned to tell him before we walked off the ship, but he’s with Seven and they seem very happy so I could never tell him how I felt and intrude in their relationship.  He deserves to be happy, and I couldn’t do that for him while we were in the Delta Quadrant.  If he had only waited two more weeks……..,” Kathryn cried as the tears started to flow again.  Owen just held her once again and let her cry.

 

After a few more minutes he loosened his hold and looked into her face.  “I’m a pretty good judge of people, Katie, and I’d be willing to bet that Chakotay doesn’t love Seven, he merely tolerates her and he enjoys the envy and attention that being with a stunning woman brings.  But he doesn’t love her.  In fact, he seemed to be more worried about you than her at the reception.  Why don’t you call him?  He did ask me to give you his room number and he was very worried about you.”

 

“No, Owen, I just can’t.”  He didn’t argue although he wanted to, but he felt that in her emotional state now was just not the time.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Debriefing had been going on for three weeks when Starfleet finally made the announcement that the Maquis were absolved of all charges still pending against them, and they were encouraged to remain in Starfleet and retain their commissions.  Kathryn had fought long and hard for this and was truly relieved when it was official.

 

She remained in seclusion the whole time, and Owen made her excuses for her.  Chakotay had been on his doorstep almost every day asking when he’d be able to see her, but Owen just couldn’t give him an answer.  It was Kathryn’s choice and Owen thought she was wrong, but he defended her nevertheless.  He also thought it was wrong to keep the news of her mother’s death from everyone, but that too was Kathryn’s wish.  She didn’t want her crew to pity her.

 

They’d held a very quiet service for Gretchen with only the immediate family present.  Phoebe and her family had arrived from Greneth II, but were eager to return because Phoebe had a major art show coming up soon and she wasn’t ready for it.  They only spent a few hours with Kathryn while they were on Earth, but Phoebe renounced any claim she had to the Indiana farmhouse and told Kathryn it was hers.  They parted more as friends than sisters.

 

“I’m sorry Chakotay, but she’s still in meetings and I don’t know when it will end.  I did give her your messages and I’m sure she’ll contact you when she can,” Owen lied as he felt his respect growing for Chakotay.  He sure wasn’t willing to give up easily and every day he learned to respect him more. 

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Once the verdict on the Maquis had been issued, Kathryn planned to take some leave and go to Indiana to see what needed to be done to her mother’s house.  She hadn’t told anyone her plans because she still wasn’t accepting visitors.  The only person she talked to outside of the debriefings was Owen Paris.  The debriefings were over for all of the crew and the senior staff, but Starfleet was still intent on questioning her, although she hoped they would soon be finished. 

 

When her door chime rang she thought it must be Owen coming to check on her yet again.  Once she opened the door she was surprised to see two Starfleet security officers standing there. 

 

“You’re wanted at headquarters,” one of the guards said as he stood at attention.

 

“At this hour?” Kathryn questioned because it was almost 2200 hours.

 

“Those are our orders Captain,” the guard stated as he motioned for her to accompany them.

 

Quickly grabbing her uniform jacket, she followed them to the building’s transporter room where they beamed directly into the lobby at headquarters.

 

“What’s going on?” she asked as she was ushered into the lift that took them to the 12^th floor.  Neither guard said anything, but they finally stopped in front of a door that had Admiral Donald L. Harris’ name on it.  The guards led her through the outer office into the inner office of the Admiral.

 

Kathryn was surprised to see three admirals waiting for her, Admiral Donald Harris, Admiral Alynna Necheyev and Admiral Edward Norris.  None of them were smiling, but Admiral Harris did say, “Come in Captain, and please have a seat.”

 

“What is this about?” Kathryn questioned as the Admirals each took a seat facing her across the table. 

 

“Captain, we are here to inform you that based on Voyager’s official logs and your personal logs we have initiated an official inquiry into some of your actions in the Delta Quadrant.  Some of your decisions were found to be questionable and not in keeping with Starfleet policy or the Prime Directive.  Therefore, a board of inquiry will convene in two days time to determine if there are grounds for a court-martial.  Until that time you are being placed under arrest, and counsel will be provided for you tomorrow.  You will please accompany the guards,” Admiral Necheyev stated with a satisfied smile on her face.

 

“I’m under arrest? You read my personal logs?”  Kathryn was in shock, and without thinking rose to follow the guards.  By now she was numb, exhausted and too weak to fight even though she knew this wasn’t right.

 

She was led to a transporter pad, and once the transport was complete she found herself in the criminal holding area located in one of the lower levels of building eight of Starfleet Headquarters.  She was familiar with this building, having once visited an incarcerated officer after an incident with a Cardassian.  The officer, who was a friend of hers at one time, had been involved in a bar room brawl when the Cardassian called the whole human race ‘weak and mindless.’

 

Kathryn was quickly moved to a remote holding cell.  She vaguely noticed that she was not put through any processing procedures and she soon found herself locked behind a forcefield.  Her mind was still reeling and she just couldn’t seem to get her thoughts in order.

 

‘Why now?’ she thought to herself as she sat on the bed.  ‘What have I done to warrant this, and why didn’t they say something before now?  This is all so sneaky and not like Starfleet.’

 

Then she knew.  She remembered who the admirals were in the room upstairs and she realized that this was a personal vendetta.  Each of those admirals had something against her father and they saw this as an opportunity to take their revenge on his daughter.  Admirals Necheyev and Harris worked with her father on the design of the several Starfleet ships, including the Terra Nova, and each felt they deserved more credit than they were given.  Necheyev resented that Edward Janeway always took his daughter along on test runs instead of her, and she made her feelings clear to Kathryn many years ago.  Besides, Kathryn suspected that Necheyev at one time had feelings for her father, feelings that were not reciprocated.  And Harris had submitted design ideas which Edward Janeway dismissed as foolish – something that didn’t go down well with Harris.

 

Admiral Norris had been in love with her mother, Gretchen, and always resented that Edward stole her away from him.  Kathryn remembered several times after her father died when Norris came to visit their house in Indiana.  Each time Gretchen had sent him packing, asking him not to show up again.  It took four or five trips until the message finally got through to Norris, but Kathryn was sure that was something Norris never forgave her family for.

 

They were out to get her and she realized that, but she just didn’t care.  The fact that nobody knew where she was didn’t even bother her.  After all, who cared about her anymore?  If ever she needed someone to watch over her it was now, but her guardian angel was nowhere in sight.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Chakotay couldn’t stand it anymore.  Nobody would tell him anything about Kathryn, and even Seven was tired of his attempts to contact her or discover her whereabouts. 

 

It finally came to a head three days after the Maquis were acquitted and told they were free to go their own ways or remain in Starfleet with their commissions intact.  Seven wanted him to come with her to her aunt’s house in Sweden, but he still hadn’t heard from Kathryn and didn’t want to leave without talking to her.  He NEEDED to talk to her, and Seven just couldn’t understand.

 

“You love her more than you do me, Chakotay,” she stated as she stood with her packed bags.  She was ready to leave for her aunt’s house and was upset that Chakotay wasn’t coming with her.

 

“Seven, that isn’t true, I do……..,” Chakotay started to say, but then he realized that it was true.  He did love Kathryn and always would.  Seven was only an infatuation that would never lead to anything because she didn’t have the depth of character that Kathryn had.  Seven just wasn’t ‘his’ Kathryn – his soulmate.

 

He was using Seven to try to fill a gap created because he couldn’t have Kathryn, but in a blinding insightful moment he realized what was happening, and he wasn’t proud of himself.  Seven was still an emotional child, even if she was a beautiful woman, and it made him feel good to see other men jealous when Seven was on his arm.  But it was all superficial, good for his ego, but he could never really love her.  It flattered him to be her teacher, but that’s all he felt for her.

 

Seven was reading his expression as a myriad of emotions crossed his face, and she saw the moment he realized his feelings.  Knowing deep in her heart that Chakotay would never truly be hers, she prepared herself to leave.  She was jealous of Kathryn Janeway, but upon reflection she realized that she was wrong to feel this way.  Captain Janeway had never shown her anything but kindness and affection so she was wrong to resent Chakotay’s feelings.

 

“I am correct in my assumptions,” Seven finally spoke as she lifted her bag to leave.  “Kathryn Janeway is a remarkable woman and you should go to her.  Don’t worry about me, I will be just fine.  I will be with my aunt if you need to contact me.”

 

Chakotay could only nod as Seven walked out the door of her apartment.  “Thank you Seven,” he whispered as he just stood there trying to sort through his thoughts.  After a few minutes he realized that Seven was gone, so he returned to his apartment determined to reach Kathryn.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Admiral Paris was furious.  Kathryn Janeway had just disappeared and nobody seemed to know where she was.  One officer living in the same building reported that she saw the captain being escorted by security, but she didn’t know where they were going.  Determined to get answers, he stormed into Alynna Necheyev’s office.

 

“Where is she?” he demanded.  “I know you’ve done something with her.  You’ve made your feelings about her abundantly clear.”

 

“Whatever are you talking about Owen?” she sweetly answered.  “Could you possibly mean Kathryn Janeway?”

 

“You know that’s who I mean,” he growled.  “Nobody’s seen her for almost 5 days, and I know you have something to do with this.”

 

“Why Owen, the criminal is in jail awaiting trial,” Alynna smirked.  “After all, she did break the prime directive more than once, and keep in mind what she did to the Equinox.  She’s lucky we just don’t hang her for her crimes since she was more than willing to execute Noah Lessig.”

 

“That’s barbaric,” Owen stated truly horrified by Alynna’s thoughts and actions.  “Kathryn Janeway is a hero for bringing her ship and crew home, and none of us truly know what she went through out there all alone.  I want to see her right now,” he demanded.  Since he outranked her she had to oblige.

 

Fifteen minutes later Owen Paris was quickly striding down the hallway of the holding area of building eight with a full security delegation accompanying him.  The guard at the front desk quickly scanned the Admiral’s paperwork and motioned for him to proceed.  He denied any knowledge of a prisoner named Captain Kathryn Janeway, so he directed the Admiral and his guards to an area reserved for political prisoners that was supposedly empty.  Alynna Necheyev and Donald Harris were also along, and neither of them looked particularly pleased at the recent turn of events.  Both were starting to realize that their actions could have repercussions, and Admiral Paris’ wrath was very obvious.

 

It only took a couple of moments for them to find the right area, and Owen approached the forcefield of Kathryn’s cell and signaled the guard to lower the forcefield.  The guard quickly looked from Paris to Necheyev as if for guidance, but he quickly realized who was the most senior officer so he lowered the field.  Owen stepped into the cell as his security guards took up their positions near the guard and the other Admirals just in case there was trouble.

 

Kathryn was lying on the cell’s cot with her back turned to Owen, so he approached her and called her name so she wouldn’t be startled.  She didn’t move, so he sat on the side of the bed and again called her name as he turned her onto her back.  She seemed to be shivering, and then Owen noticed how cold it was in this cell.  Kathryn’s eyelids started to flutter and they finally opened.

 

“Owen?” she hoarsely whispered.  “Is it really you?”  She seemed disoriented and was having trouble focusing her eyes.

 

“It’s me, Kathryn,” he answered as he reached for her hand.  “Are you alright?”  Owen was shocked at how cold she was, and she was still shivering.

 

“I’m thirsty, cold and hungry, but other than that I think I’m OK.”  She didn’t make any effort to get up, and this had Owen worried.

 

Turning to the guard who was almost cowering behind his console, Owen demanded, “Didn’t you give her food and water, and why is it so cold in here?”

 

Knowing he was in trouble, the guard decided to be truthful.  “I was ordered to withhold food and water until further notice.  I was also ordered to drop the temperature in this cell and not provide any blankets to the prisoner even if she asked for them.”

 

“That’s not the way Starfleet treats prisoners!” Owen angrily exclaimed.  “And this lady isn’t a criminal – she’s a hero and deserves to be treated as such.”  Turning to his security chief he ordered, “Put the admirals and this guard into cells until I can formally do the paperwork to bring charges of mistreating a Starfleet officer.  Stay here until I finish the processing procedure and under no circumstances are you to let them go.”

 

The security chief nodded as his men deposited the admirals and the guard into separate cells.

 

“Kathryn, can you get up?” Owen asked as he helped her into a sitting position.  He was really getting worried about her.

 

“I think so,” she whispered as she tried to stand.  With Owen’s help she finally made it onto her feet, but she was wobbly so Owen motioned for one of his men to carry her.  “We can’t beam out of here because of the security forcefields, so we’ll have to walk to the beam out site,” he stated as he led the way.  Two of his men stayed behind to guard the prisoners while the others accompanied him.

 

The guard at the desk was surprised to see Admiral Paris reappear with Kathryn in the guard’s arms.  She was barely conscious and still shivering, although the guard’s body was starting to warm her up.  “Where did you find her?” the surprised guard asked.  “She’s not on my list.”

 

“I’m going to get to the bottom of this,” Owen growled at the guard.  “But in the meantime, you have three new prisoners in cellblock P3, so you might want to check on them.  I have two of my men keeping watch there, but under no circumstances are you to release them.  These are my orders, do you understand?”

 

The desk guard nodded so Owen led the way to the transporter room where he ordered a beam out directly to Starfleet Medical.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Chakotay was pacing the living room of Owen Paris’ house where Tom and B’Elanna were staying until they could get their own house, and his pacing was driving B’Elanna crazy.  “Sit down,” she ordered as she shifted the sleeping Mirial into her portable cot.  “You’re driving me crazy and Owen said he’d call as soon as there was something to report.”

 

Tom Paris walked into the room carrying a tray with drinks for all of them.  Harry Kim and Tuvok were also there waiting for word from Owen.

 

Earlier in the afternoon Owen Paris had contacted Tom and B’Elanna from Starfleet Medical where he was meeting with Voyager’s Doctor who had been called in to treat Kathryn.  Tom and B’Elanna knew he was worried since he hadn’t been able to contact Kathryn for several days and didn’t know where she was.  In fact, none of them were able to determine her whereabouts even by hacking into Starfleet’s computers.

 

Once Owen briefly told them Kathryn’s situation and what was happening with her, Tom and B’Elanna contacted Chakotay, Tuvok and Harry who came immediately to the house offering to do anything they could to help.  Chakotay was worried sick and wanted to immediately head for the hospital.  Owen ordered them to stay at the house until the Doctor determined Kathryn’s condition.

 

“I can’t believe Starfleet would do something like this,” Tom said as he passed out the drinks.  “There has to be more to this than what Dad said.”

 

“All we can do is wait,” B’Elanna answered as she sipped at her tea.  “He said he’d be here as soon as possible.  In the meantime, we can hope that everything will be alright.”

 

Twenty minutes later Owen Paris strode into his living room to face Voyager’s senior officers.  Knowing how anxious they all were, he didn’t keep them in suspense.

 

“She’ll be alright.  She’s suffering from hypothermia, dehydration, lack of food and she’s also in shock.  Your Doctor has treated her and has her sedated.  He’s feeding her intravenously for now and expects her to be released in a day or two.  He wants to keep her for observation in case she gets sick from being so cold and run down.  Life hasn’t been easy for your captain since you got back from the Delta Quadrant and this latest episode didn’t help her any.  Against my wishes, Starfleet put her through hell these past few weeks with their endless inquiries and debriefings, and then there’s the matter of her mother.”

 

“Apparently Admirals Necheyev, Harris and Norris decided to take the law into their own hands and extract revenge for old grudges they hold against Kathryn’s father and against Kathryn because she is Edward Janeway’s daughter.  Acting strictly on their own and against Starfleet procedures they had Kathryn arrested on charges of breaking the prime directive and endangering Noah Lessing’s life during the Equinox episode.  Had they checked their daily briefings on the Voyager case they would have noticed that Kathryn had already been cleared of any questionable decisions during the debriefings, and Noah Lessing testified that her actions were at least somewhat justified because of his actions and attitude.  He holds no grudge and totally respects Kathryn Janeway, and if offered the chance wants to continue to serve under her.”

 

“Kathryn was rudely taken from her apartment late at night and taken to the brig in Building Eight at Headquarters.  She had no chance to let anyone know what was happening, and the guard on duty was under orders from the admirals to keep quiet about the whole affair.  With only one exception, the guards were not even aware of who Kathryn was and why she was there.  Only two of them even knew she was at the prison because they kept her in an unoccupied wing, not allowing her to contact anyone.  They didn’t give her any food or water the whole time she was there.  It’s also my understanding that the guard who kept watch over her was ordered to lower the temperature in her cell and offer her no blankets or any means to keep warm.”

 

Gasps could be heard from all the senior staff as Admiral Paris continued his story. 

 

“When we rescued her from the cell she was weak, disoriented and hypothermic.  I’m not sure she truly realized what was happening.  We beamed directly to Starfleet Medical and she asked that Voyager’s Doctor be the one to treat her.  Your Doctor is an amazing hologram and he had her body temperature almost up to normal within two hours.  He’s like a mother hen keeping watch over his chick, so I know she’s in good hands.”

 

“Kathryn woke up briefly while he was getting her warm, and she seemed very comfortable with the Doctor.  He agreed to stay with her until she’s fully recovered and I know he will.  To the best of my knowledge he intends to keep her sedated for at least the next 24 hours, so there’s no point in going to the hospital, but the Doctor will notify me when she’s awake and I’ll let you know.”

 

Chakotay was taking in all that Admiral Paris was saying, and he felt really bad that he couldn’t be there for Kathryn Janeway when she really needed him.  He had promised, after all, to always be at her side.  Seven kept him distracted for the first several weeks wanting to spend all her free time with him, and after she left for her aunt’s he wasn’t able to reach Kathryn.  He knew finding out about him and Seven hurt her and he suspected the hurt ran deep, but he couldn’t reach her to explain the situation.  Now he knew where she was during that time, but he still wished she would have called him.

 

Suddenly something the Admiral said leapt into his mind.  “Admiral, what about Kathryn’s mother?  I didn’t see her with Kathryn at the reception.”

 

The Admiral looked suddenly deflated as he turned to Chakotay.  “I promised Kathryn I wouldn’t tell because she didn’t want to ruin anyone’s happiness, but her mother died four days before you got home.  She didn’t know until the reception when you disembarked.  She took it exceptionally hard.  She put up a brave front for the crew and the press, but inside she was hurting badly.  We quietly buried Gretchen later that week once her sister Phoebe got here, but Phoebe left right after the funeral because she needed to get back home for an art show, so Kathryn was left alone once again.”

 

Everyone in the room gasped because they had no idea this had happened to their captain, but Chakotay looked positively devastated.  Owen decided to take him aside later and have a talk with him.  If he could bring a smile back to Katie’s face, he would risk her wrath just to see her happy.  He remembered the bright enthusiastic ensign she was when he sponsored her junior honors thesis and the hopes she had then for her life.  He wanted to see that enthusiasm once again and that special smile on her face.  He owed her so much for what she did for Tom and for letting him know what a fine man Tom turned into. 

 

Yes, he and Chakotay would have a typical ‘protective father to prospective suitor’ talk so he could determine if Chakotay was Kathryn’s salvation or destruction.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Kathryn Janeway had to fight her way back to consciousness.  She felt warm for the first time in days and she soon realized that she was fighting the effects of drugs.  As consciousness returned so did her memories.  She remembered being arrested late at night and incarcerated in a cell in Building Eight.  She also remembered the guard taunting her by withholding her food and water while he ate his in front of her.  The cell was cold and was constantly getting colder and she suspected the guard was manipulating the environmental controls.  She resisted asking for a blanket as long as she could, but finally when she was shivering uncontrollably she admitted defeat and asked him for a blanket since there was none on the cot in the cell.  He laughed at her and told her that criminals didn’t deserve to be pampered, and since she was a criminal she should be glad she still had the clothes on her back.

 

Realizing that she was being punished by the admirals for her father’s actions and more than likely nobody knew where she was, she gave in and just lay on the cot wallowing in grief and pity.  Coming home was nothing like she expected.  She mourned for her mother and her loss of Chakotay to Seven of Nine.  Phoebe’s lack of interest in spending time with her also hurt.  She finally reached the conclusion that she didn’t really have anything to live for, so she gave up.

 

After the first day, the guard was furious that his taunting didn’t seem to have any effect on her.  She just lay on the cot shivering with her back to the door, so she didn’t even see him sitting there eating and drinking while she had nothing.  At one point he came into the cell and yanked her to her feet.

 

“Look at me,” he ordered as he shook her.  She didn’t fight back even though she had the training to defend herself and could easily have laid him out flat.  He backhanded her across the face and she fell onto the cot.  When she made no effort to get up, he finally gave up and left her alone.

 

Memories of Owen coming into the cell were fragmented and she vaguely remembered someone warm carrying her out of the cell.  Was that Owen or someone else?  Once they beamed to Starfleet Medical, she remembered asking for the Doctor before she passed out.  After that her memories were all muddled and she couldn’t put them back together.

 

“Ah-ha!” the Doctor exclaimed as he checked the monitors above her bed.  “It appears that you’re back in the land of the living, Captain.  Welcome back.  You’re going to be just fine,” he told her as he noticed her eyes finally focusing on him.

 

“The effects of the drugs will soon wear off,” he continued as he stood where she could easily see him.  “How do you feel?”

 

Kathryn started to answer, but her mouth was dry and her tongue didn’t seem to work.  Realizing her problem, the Doctor slipped his arm under her head, raised her up and put a straw to her lips.  Grateful for the help, Kathryn sipped the water slowly savoring the wetness in her mouth.  Once she had enough, the Doctor laid her back onto the bed and put the glass on the bedside table.

 

“Better,” she finally managed.  “How long?” was the next question.

 

“You’ve been here almost two days,” the Doctor answered.  “When you were brought in by Admiral Paris you were suffering from hypothermia, dehydration and lack of food.  I warmed you up slowly and fed you fluids and nourishment intravenously.  You still need to eat, but your fluid levels and body temperature are back to normal.

 

“Thank you,” she managed as she struggled to sit up.  The Doctor helped her into a sitting position and moved the back of the bed to support her.  The effort of just sitting up exhausted her.  “The Admiral wanted to be notified when you were awake, and I’ve been getting constant calls from the rest of your senior staff.  Can I tell them it’s OK to visit you?”

 

“NO!  Please!  Not yet,” she answered.  “I don’t think I want to talk to anybody yet.  Please, Doctor.  I’m very tired.”

 

“Alright, but I will notify the Admiral that you’re awake.  I’ll tell him you’re not up to company and just need to rest right now.  But Captain, you’ll have to see them soon.  They’re very worried about you.  Between Chakotay, Tom Paris and B’Elanna Torres my comm unit has been getting a steady workout.  It’s a wonder I’ve had time to treat you,” he said with sarcasm, but a smile nevertheless.

 

“Chakotay?” Kathryn asked softly.  “I thought he and Seven would be in Sweden by now.”

 

“Apparently Seven went by herself.  I haven’t heard from her so I don’t know if he’ll join her later or not, but he has been worried about you.  If I would have allowed it he would have been here the whole time you were asleep.  Only Admiral Paris’ orders kept them all away.”

 

“Thank you,” she responded as she turned her head to the side and promptly went back to sleep.  The Doctor only sighed.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

A few hours later Harry and Tuvok finally left the Paris household with a promise from Owen to let them know when they could visit Kathryn.  Tom and B’Elanna were persuaded to take Miral for a walk in the park, so Owen was left alone with Chakotay.

 

“Commander, I need to talk to you about Katie.  She’s been like a daughter to me and I know how much she has been suffering.  Life hasn’t treated her too well lately, and I’m very worried about her.  I know from the messages she sent to me while you were in the Delta Quadrant that she thinks the world of you.  In fact, she threatened to do desperate things if all the Maquis weren’t exonerated when you got back.”  Owen laughed at the pictures his mind drew of Kathryn implementing her threats.  It would certainly have been interesting and he knew her well enough to know they weren’t idle threats.

 

Owen continued, “What I really need to know is how you really feel about her and about Seven of Nine.  It appears that you and Seven are together, but when we talk I don’t get the feeling that’s true anymore.  I get the feeling that you care for Katie and it’s important that I know where you stand.  You’re breaking her heart and I don’t want to see her hurt anymore.”

 

“I love Kathryn Janeway with all my heart, but in the Delta Quadrant her Starfleet protocols kept us apart and Kathryn wouldn’t compromise her principles,” Chakotay said.  “I tried to be patient and for seven years I was, but two weeks before Admiral Janeway appeared Seven asked me out on a date.  She said she wanted to explore her humanity and she wanted me to teach her.  You saw her – she’s a beautiful woman and she wanted to spend time with me.  I was the envy of most of the other unattached men on the ship, and of course I was flattered.  But I wasn’t in love with her nor did I think I ever would be.  She’s emotionally a child, even if she has a brilliant mind and possesses the knowledge of the Borg.” 

 

“One date led to another, and we enjoyed ourselves.  Seven is like a spoiled child, and just because I dated her she thought we were a couple.  I think she always knew how I felt about Kathryn and maybe that’s why she wanted to date me.  Kathryn was her mentor from the time we liberated her from the Borg, and Kathryn tried to teach her as if Seven was her own daughter.”

 

“Kathryn didn’t know I was seeing Seven until Admiral Janeway came to us, and I know that the fact I didn’t tell her about us hurt her badly.  I could see it in her eyes, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her.  I felt like I had been caught in a lie, even though there was nothing spoken between us.  I guess I didn’t keep the faith long enough, but I want to make it up to her.  I want to talk to her and tell her how I feel.  I want to hold her in my arms and protect her for the rest of her life and I’ll do my best to make her happy.”

 

“I believe you,” Owen said as he extended his hand and shook Chakotay’s hand.  “I’ll talk to Kathryn as soon as she’s awake and suggest she see you.”

 

“Thank you,” Chakotay offered as he left the Admiral’s house and wandered home trying to imagine how Kathryn must have felt at the reception when there was nobody there for her.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

“Doctor, there’s no reason why I can’t take care of myself and I’d like to get out of here and go home,” Kathryn demanded the following day.  This was the first time she showed any signs of being the woman she was on Voyager and the Doctor was glad to see this.  “I’ll keep in touch with you if you like, but I feel much better and you know how much I hated being in sickbay when we were on Voyager, and Starfleet Medical is no different.  Please, let me go home,” she pleaded. 

 

There were several reasons Kathryn was desperate to get out of sickbay, but she didn’t want to let the Doctor know exactly how she felt.  First, she always did hate being in sickbay, that much was true.  Secondly, she was running out of excuses to keep visitors away and she wanted to see them on her terms, not hospital terms.  And most important, she didn’t want to see Chakotay and Seven together, and she was sure they would come together to visit her.  Her broken heart just couldn’t take that right now.  She needed time to heal and to learn to accept that she was destined to be alone in life.

 

‘You’re a coward Kathryn Janeway,’ she chided herself, but it was true.  She planned to go to Indiana to allow herself to plan her new life alone.  She’d planned her life with Chakotay ever since she fell in love with him on New Earth, but now that wasn’t a possibility and all her plans and dreams had to be changed.  She just needed time.

 

The Doctor knew what was going on in her life because Admiral Paris had told him a little bit of it, and the rest he could imagine for himself.  After all, he had spent seven years with this woman and sometimes felt he knew her better than she knew herself.  He could see her feelings for Chakotay, and in some ways he could relate because of his feelings for Seven.  He also knew how much she was looking forward to seeing her mother and sister again.  Seven years is a long time to keep your hopes alive.

 

Looking for all the world like a little girl, Kathryn was sitting on the bio bed with her feet dangling over the side.  The Doctor could see the hurt and pain in her blue eyes.  He looked at her for a moment and then he opened his arms to her.  Kathryn just looked at him for a minute until she realized what he was offering.  This hologram, who was not a human but at times was much more, and was surely a close friend, was offering just what she needed.  Trying to hold back a sob, she slid off the bed and walked into his arms where she proceeded to cry on his holographic shoulder.  It felt so good to be held, and his hand rubbing up and down her back encouraged her to disgorge some of her sorrow and pain. 

 

“Talk to me.  Let me help,” the Doctor whispered as she continued to sob.  After a few minutes he led her to a sofa at the back of her room where he sat her down and then sat beside her while keeping his arm around her shoulders.  “Talk to me and let me help you like you helped me all the years we were on Voyager.  You know I’m your friend and I’ll always be here for you.”

 

His words, so familiar under other circumstances, brought on a new onslaught of tears, but she realized that he was right.  She needed to talk to someone and the Doctor felt just right.  So she told him everything, including the hurt she felt at Chakotay’s romance with Seven and her mother’s death just four days before she got home.  She also told him of her time in the brig and how the guard taunted her with food and water, kept calling her a criminal that nobody cared about, and how cold she was in that cell.  Every time she asked for a blanket he would lower the temperature by several degrees until she reached a point where she couldn’t stop shivering.  So she gave up thinking that anybody cared where she was, and she started to believe that she was a criminal who was being punished for her crimes.

 

The Doctor was horrified that anyone in Starfleet would allow this to happen, but then again nobody knew the whole story yet because the Admirals involved had not yet been fully interrogated.  Kathryn then told him of her dreams that she harbored for years about how she and Chakotay would be together once their Delta Quadrant ordeal was over.  She spoke of family, children, maybe a career change, but most of all she spoke of love – the love she denied herself for the sake of her crew.  Several hours passed until she was finished, but she felt better for having unloaded some of her burden to her friend.

 

The Doctor felt protective of his Captain and he really didn’t want her out of his care just yet.  He knew in her present state of mind that she wouldn’t eat or take good care of herself.  He could see depression hovering just over her head like a storm cloud waiting to break.  But knowing how insistent the senior staff could be he knew that very soon they would just break into Medical.  Kathryn had one very talented and determined crew.  He finally relented.  “You can go to Indiana if you check in with me twice every day for the next week.  I’m not comfortable letting you stay alone, but knowing you it’s probably for the best.”

 

“Oh, thank you Doctor,” Kathryn tried to smile as she slid off the sofa and wrapped her arms around him.  “You’re very special to me and I hope you know it.  I’ll check in with you once I’m settled.  Please, please don’t tell anyone where I’ve gone.  I just need a few days to adjust to being home.”

 

In less than fifteen minutes she was dressed, so the Doctor beamed her to her temporary apartment so she could collect the few items she had there before she left for Indiana.  The rest of her personal items were in storage, so she would get them later.  She knew her mother’s house was still as her mother left it, and she felt reasonably sure that her old bedroom was still intact.

 

‘What happened to her guardian angel,’ the Doctor thought to himself as he watched her disappear.  He was convinced that she had one because he knew how many times he had to pull her back from near death in the Delta Quadrant, and he also knew how many chances she took with her life but always survived.  ‘I wonder……..’ he thought to himself as he considered her circumstances.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Admiral Paris was furious with the Doctor as he and Voyager’s senior staff barged into the Doctor’s office at Starfleet Medical.

 

“What do you mean she’s gone?” he demanded as Chakotay, Tom, B’Elanna, Tuvok and Harry stood by.  “How could you let her go when she wasn’t fully recovered?  Where did she go?”

 

Chakotay broke in.  “He probably had no choice.  Knowing Kathryn as well as I do I can just imagine the pressure she was putting on the Doctor.  She probably threatened to decompile his program if he didn’t let her go, and she could certainly manage to do it if anyone could.”

 

“No, she didn’t threaten me, but I did feel it in her best interest to let her go.  And you should too, until she’s ready to face you.  I am monitoring her and she promised to check in with me at scheduled intervals.  As to where she is, I promised not to tell, the Doctor stated.”

 

“What do you mean?” the Admiral questioned as he faced the Doctor.

 

“Our Captain has a lot to deal with right now, and Starfleet hasn’t given her any time to deal with anything.  You told her that her mother died, and ten minutes later she had to face the media as well as act like Starfleet’s happy-to-be-home golden girl.  By then she wasn’t sure she was happy to be home.  After that she had to face four solid weeks of exhausting debriefings while at the same time burying her mother.  Then she was taken in the middle of the night and thrown into the brig where she was deprived of food and water and forced to endure what amounts to torture.  Not knowing what her future would bring and not thinking that anyone cared, she gave up and that’s what she has to deal with first.”

 

The Doctor continued.  “And you, Commander, broke her heart by choosing Seven of Nine.  All her hopes and dreams were built around getting her crew home and then allowing herself to love you.  I’m breaking a confidence by telling you this, but I believe your defection was the greatest of all her hurts.  All these years I thought you loved her, but I guess I was wrong.”

 

By now Chakotay had tears running down his cheeks, and so did B’Elanna.  Harry felt so bad he had to sit down, and Tuvok kept his eyes on the floor as he contemplated what was just said.  Tom and his father just stared at the Doctor, their eyes full of hurt and compassion.

 

“Will you tell her we all want to see her and be there for her?” Tom finally asked the Doctor. 

 

“I’ll tell her, but it seems like the guardian angels who took such good care of her in the Delta Quadrant have left for greener pastures.”  The Doctor then looked at all of them, but especially at Chakotay.

 

“What do you mean?” Chakotay asked as he realized that the Doctor was looking directly at him.  He quickly moved to brush the tears from his cheeks.

 

“Commander, please tell me honestly how you feel about the Captain,” he said.

 

“I love her.  It’s pure and simple.  I love her and only her.  Seven needed someone to teach her about emotions and I was lonely.  I gave up on Kathryn never thinking we would be home in just over two weeks.  How could I have known?” he asked with pain and regret radiating from his eyes.

 

“Commander, I believe you and all of her crew are her guardian angels.  She loves you all so much and we’ve become a family over the past seven years.  All the time we were in the Delta Quadrant and she kept beating the odds, she did it because she loved her crew, but especially you.  You were her strength – her special guardian angel.  She did impossible things just to insure that someday her dreams of the two of you being together would happen.  How many times did she lay in sickbay dying, but when you held her hand and talked to her she came back to us?  I can remember several such incidents.  Whenever you were in sickbay for whatever reason, I could almost count the seconds until she would burst through the doors at a dead run asking about your condition.  Several times when we thought you were dead or dying, I could almost see her reaching out for your spirit to pull you back.  She would never give up on you.  She needed you then and she needs you now.”

 

“How can I help?” Chakotay whispered.

 

“Give her a week.  If she isn’t ready to see you by then I’ll tell you where she is and take you there myself if I have to.  She can’t go on like this for long and I can see the depression starting to set in.  When you see her, tell her what’s in your heart and once again be the guardian angel she needs you to be.  And the rest of you can be there for her too, as soon as she’s willing to reach out to you.”

 

“I will, but waiting will be so difficult,” Chakotay said as he looked at the Doctor with hope starting to show in his eyes.  The others just nodded their understanding.

 

“Is she in Indiana?” Admiral Paris finally asked as he took the Doctor aside.  “If so, I made sure her mother’s house was ready for her.  I kept the heat and electric turned on and made sure there was food in the house.  She should have enough food for at least two weeks.  Of course, knowing Kathryn the food will last a month, but I also made sure there was plenty of coffee.  I know her well.”

 

The Doctor nodded.  “Yes, she went home to try to deal with her life and grieve for her mother, which she didn’t have time to do before now.  I believe that Indiana is the best place for her right now.  She needs time and I need you all to give it to her.”

 

Everyone finally nodded.  They knew the Doctor was right and that he would let them know what was happening.  After all, they were a family.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Kathryn finally turned from the window and went downstairs to get another cup of coffee.  She had been in her mother’s house for a week and her only visitor had been the Doctor only because he insisted on checking on her.  She still didn’t want any visitors and the Doctor respected her wishes even though he kept trying to persuade her to see her friends. 

 

She kept trying to understand why things had gotten so bad for her, but just couldn’t come up with any single transgression that would deserve such punishment.  First Chakotay, then Starfleet had betrayed her and she was taking this very hard.  She could feel depression setting in, but she no longer cared.  Even though the Doctor was constantly preaching that her crew cared about her and even loved her, she just couldn’t bring herself to truly believe this was true.  After all, they all had their own lives back and their loved ones to share that life with.  Why should they care what happened to her?

 

‘Where are you guardian angel?’ she kept asking herself.  For all the years she spent in the Delta Quadrant so far from home she had never felt so alone.  “What have I done to deserve this loneliness?  Why did my mother die only four days before I got home?  At least she would have been glad to see me,” she whispered to herself as she wrapped her cold hands around the cup. 

 

The warmth of the cup made her realize that it was cold in the house, but again she didn’t care.  She had forgotten to up the thermostat this morning so the house was still at the cooler nighttime temperature she preferred when she was snuggled in her warm bed.  She wondered why she hadn’t noticed the cold during the day, but then the day had been sunny and the sun had warmed things up at least a little.  She headed back toward the steps thinking she might as well go to bed when the sound of knocking invaded her numbed mind.

 

It took a moment for her to realize that someone was knocking at the front door.  She didn’t want to see anyone and the house was dark, so she headed up the stairs figuring that whoever was there would think nobody was home and just leave.  The knocking stopped.

 

Kathryn once again stepped to her window to look out over the bleak landscape and once again the tears fell from her eyes as the feelings of loneliness enveloped her again.  “Where are you guardian angel?” she whispered.

 

“I’m here, Kathryn, and I’m never leaving you again,” Chakotay stated as he walked into the room.  “I love you and I’m so sorry for hurting you like I did.  I never wanted to hurt you but I lost faith in us and was distracted for a short time.  I quickly realized my mistake, but by then you wouldn’t return my calls and I didn’t know what to do.  I love you.  Please let me take care of you once again,” he pleaded.  “Please let me love you.”

 

Kathryn spun at the sound of Chakotay’s voice, her numbed mind not taking in everything he was saying.  “What??????  Am I dreaming?  How did you get here?” she mumbled as she backed up against the window.  “What do you want?”

 

“I want to love you like you deserve to be loved,” Chakotay answered as he saw fear appear in her eyes.  He was devastated by the picture he saw when he stepped into the room and noticed her dejected figure standing by the window.  He immediately noticed how thin she was and the tears on her cheeks.  Then he heard her prayerful whisper to her guardian angel and his heart broke.

 

“Please listen to me Kathryn,” he pleaded as he took another step toward her.  “I’ve been trying to reach you for weeks to tell you how much I love you and to tell you of my dream that we can be together now that we’re home.  Then I heard about your being thrown in the brig and I almost went crazy.  The Doctor wouldn’t let me see you because you were sick and upset, but I practically got down on my knees and begged him.  I threatened to break into Starfleet Medical to see you if he wouldn’t give me clearance.  Then I found out about your mother and I almost went crazy with the need to see you and comfort you.”

 

“The Doctor compromised with me once you were gone from Medical.  He promised to talk to you about seeing me, and if after a week you wouldn’t agree, he promised to tell me where you were.  Of course being the mother hen that he is, I had to lay bare my feelings for you and explain the Seven debacle.  It took a while to convince him of my sincerity, but Tom, B’Elanna, Tuvok and Harry were all there for me and added their confirmation of my feelings.  When I went to see him this afternoon he told me how you were doing and he gave me the key code you had given him, just in case you wouldn’t or couldn’t answer the door.  I knew you were here when I knocked, but when you didn’t let me in I used the code.  I needed to see you Kathryn, and I love you.”

 

Chakotay held out his arms asking Kathryn to step into them, but he could see the tears flowing faster down her cheeks.  He also saw the fear in her eyes and her hesitation.  He knew her broken heart couldn’t take anymore, and she was very afraid to take a chance on more heartbreak.

 

“Where’s Seven?” she finally asked as she tried to hold back a sob.  She still didn’t come to him.

 

“I don’t know and I really don’t care,” he answered as he took another slow step toward her, arms still open.  “Seven needed someone to teach her about emotions and she picked me.  I was flattered and I was feeling especially lonely when she asked me for the first date.  She filled a need that was getting hard to suppress.  I waited and waited for you to give me some sign, but it never came and I guess I just lost hope.  I’ve wanted to be more than just your friend for a long time.  I realized your responsibilities and your principles, and that’s a part of who you are and in my dreams you loved me as much as I loved you.  But I needed to feel wanted and loved and mistakenly thought maybe Seven could fulfill that need.  I was wrong and I knew it from the beginning.  We parted as just friends shortly after we got home.  I think she’s with her aunt but I haven’t heard from her.”

 

Chakotay watched Kathryn’s eyes as he stepped another step closer to her.  The fear didn’t go away but he saw the first sign of what he thought might be hope.  Could she forgive him?  By just looking at her he could see how much she was suffering, plus he had the Doctor’s report.  If she would just let him, he’d be the guardian angel she needed once again, and it was obvious that Kathryn Janeway did need her guardian angel.

 

Kathryn fought past her initial shock at seeing Chakotay enter her bedroom and tried to clear her muddled mind in order to think clearly.  It was quite an effort seeing as how she’d been in a haze of pain and loneliness ever since she stepped off Voyager six weeks ago, and this had taken its toll on her.  Every part of her wanted to step into his open arms, but her heart and mind were more cautious and sending out warnings.  She knew she couldn’t take anymore heartbreak, and if this wasn’t real it was the cruelest thing she’d ever encountered.  She stood still and just looked at him trying to overcome her fear.

 

Chakotay could see the battle taking place in Kathryn’s mind, and he realized just how much of a battle it was.  Her tears were still flowing, and as he watched the battle in her facial expressions he noticed her start to shiver.  “Kathryn,…..?” he started to say as her shivering became more pronounced. 

 

“Chakotay?” she whispered as she took a hesitant step toward him, but before she could take the second step the effects of her weeks of emotional upheaval asserted themselves and her legs started to buckle.  As she started to fall, Chakotay quickly took the last few steps and caught her just before she hit the ground. 

 

“Kathryn?” he cried as he saw that her eyes were closed and she didn’t appear to be conscious.  “Kathryn!” he cried once again as he carried her to the bed and laid her on top of the quilt.  She was limp and cold and he couldn’t rouse her, so he wrapped her in the quilt and called the Doctor who seemed to be expecting his call. 

 

“Keep her warm, she’s probably in shock.  I’ll beam there as soon as I grab my medkit,” the Doctor replied.  Within five minutes he materialized outside the Janeway home and hurried inside, thankful that Chakotay left the door unlocked. 

 

After examining his Captain, the Doctor reported to a very worried Chakotay.  “As I suspected, she’s in shock.  Her emotions plus weeks of neglecting herself caught up with her, and that’s not even counting the seven years worth of continuous stress she endured in the Delta Quadrant.  I think it was a shock to see you, plus she hasn’t eaten very much at all this past week.  My guess is that seeing and hearing you turned her mind into a battleground, and something had to give.  In this case, her body was protecting itself by inducing unconsciousness.  She’ll be fine by morning.  I’ve given her a light sedative to help her relax, as well as nutritional supplements to replace those she wasn’t getting from her coffee diet.”

 

“But Commander, I’m worried about her emotional well-being.  It’s imperative that she remains calm once she wakes up and that she isn’t put under anymore stress.  She’s emotionally fragile and it isn’t her fault.  A person can only take so much stress and upheaval, and our Captain has had more than her share over the past seven years.  And to top it off, her homecoming was anything but happy.  I’ll stay with her until she wakes and you can make yourself comfortable in one of the guest rooms.  It would be better if she just sees me when she wakes up so she isn’t so confused.  I’ll explain everything to her.  You’d better let the others know that you’re here and how things are going, or for sure they’ll be knocking at the front door before long.  After you talk to them, I want you to get some sleep.”

 

Realizing that the Doctor was right, Chakotay went to inform the others of Kathryn’s response and of his hope that she would be alright by morning.  He knew he wouldn’t sleep, but at least he was here for her if she needed him.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

B’Elanna was upset when she heard Chakotay’ report and it took all of his persuasive power to convince her and Tom to stay home until the Doctor gave the OK for them to visit. 

 

“Chakotay, we could at least be there for her when she wakes up.  She must have gone through hell since we got back and I want her to know we’re her friends as well as her crew,” B’Elanna pleaded.  “Unfortunately the crew was so glad to be home and reunited with their friends and families that nobody gave any thought to who was meeting the Captain.  Then again, nobody knew her mother died and I feel so awful for not getting in touch with her.  Even though I knew Owen talked to her, I never thought to ask him what it was all about, and then security whisked her off to headquarters and none of us gave any thought as to why.  Owen knew and didn’t tell us.  I may have to rip his heart out.”

 

“It wasn’t your fault B’Elanna,” Chakotay replied as he smiled at the thought of B’Elanna going after Owen Paris.  “Admiral Paris promised Kathryn he wouldn’t tell anyone because she didn’t want other people’s reunions spoiled, and Starfleet’s issue of throwing her in the brig for crimes she didn’t commit was totally unauthorized.  The admirals involved are being tried and will most likely spend time in prison, as well as being thrown out of Starfleet.”

 

“How did she react when she saw you?” Tom couldn’t help asking. 

 

“She was shocked at first and didn’t believe her eyes, but she was so depressed, emotionally raw and had been crying.  The Doctor feels she wasn’t thinking clearly because she had been spending so much time giving in to her grief and heartbreak.  Then there is also the issue of seven years of constant pressure and responsibility, plus the fact that she always blamed herself for anything bad that happened to the crew, as well as our being in the Delta Quadrant in the first place.  I’m sure in her mind she’s been rehashing all of that.”

 

“She was stunned and at first fearful of why I was there.  The Doctor told me in confidence how hurt she was by my dating Seven, and I feel awful for deserting her when she needed me the most.  But I didn’t know about her mother, and Seven was something that just happened.  I should have talked to her and told her what was happening, but I didn’t know how to tell her without feeling guilty, and she found out on her own.  She assumed that I’d deserted her for Seven.  Our timing was really bad.”

 

“Kathryn kept backing away from me, but I kept telling her how much I loved her.  I told her that I wasn’t seeing Seven anymore because I realized that my heart belonged to her.  She was listening and I could see that she was trying to make sense of what I was saying, but everything was just too much for her.  She just started to take the first step back to me when her mind just shut down and she passed out.”

 

“The Doctor feels she’ll be better tomorrow.  I’ll be there when she wakes up and hope that she’ll at least listen to me.  I do love her so much.”

 

“We all know you love her, and I think deep down so does she.  We’ll let Harry and Tuvok know what’s happening, but you have to promise to let me know when we can visit her,” B’Elanna compromised.

 

“Thanks, and I promise,” Chakotay said as he terminated the link.  He was tired, but he knew his concern about Kathryn would most likely keep him up all night.  At least he was close by if she needed him.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

The morning sunlight shining through the window warmed her face and slowly brought her back to consciousness.  It felt good to be warm and Kathryn enjoyed the feeling as her senses came back to life.

 

Suddenly yesterday’s memories crashed down on her, and she shot up as she cried out.  “Chakotay!”  

 

“Easy Captain,” came the Doctor’s soft voice as he put his hands on her shoulders and moved directly into her line of vision.  “You’re in your bed and you’re going to be just fine.”

 

“What happened?” she asked as she looked around as if looking for someone.  “Why are you here?”

 

“Commander Chakotay called me because you passed out.  I’m not surprised since you haven’t been eating and your stress levels are off the scale, but I’ve gotten your stress under control and very shortly I’m going to bring you a nice home cooked breakfast, which I expect you to eat.  After that I have a very worried commander who wants to see you and talk to you.  I’ve kept him busy cooking your breakfast, but that will only keep him away for a short time.  You can get up and get dressed, and you even have time for a shower if you like.”

 

Kathryn nodded and the Doctor helped her to her feet.  He hovered by her side as she gathered some clean clothes and made her way to the bathroom across the hall.  Once he heard the water running, he went downstairs to collect the food Chakotay had prepared.

 

“How is she?” Chakotay asked as soon as the Doctor entered the kitchen.

 

“Better, but it’s going to take time for her to heal emotionally.  Once she’s finished with her breakfast I’ll call you.  It’s up to you from then on.”

 

Twenty minutes later Kathryn emerged from the bathroom.  She was showered, dressed in black slacks and a white turtleneck sweater, and had even applied a little makeup and done her hair.  The Doctor guided her to her desk where he placed a tray containing juice, eggs and bacon, fresh fruit and coffee.  “Eat,” he ordered as he held out the chair and gestured for her to sit.  “Eat it all,” he clarified in case she was unsure of his intentions.

 

After giving him the Janeway glare, she sat and started to eat.  The food tasted good and it had been a while since she had eaten anything substantial.  Since the portions were small, it wasn’t long before she was finished and was savoring her coffee.  The Doctor watched her the whole time looking for any signs that she hadn’t recovered, but he was satisfied that she was better.

 

“Are you ready for some company?” he asked as he picked up the empty tray.  “There’s a certain former First Officer cleaning up your kitchen, and as anxious as he’s been to see you for the past six weeks, if I don’t call him up soon he’ll have your old black cast iron pots gleaming like they were stainless steel.  Either that or he’ll decompile my program,” he smiled as he looked anxiously at her.

 

He caught the glimmer of fear in her eyes, but he also knew she had to face her fears and deal with them.  He also trusted Chakotay and his love for this Captain and knew if she would just let him in that everything would be alright.

 

“I suppose I’d better see him if it will save your program,” she finally managed.  “I’d hate to see anything happen to you.  You’ve been a good friend, Doctor.  Thank you,” she tried to smile at him.

 

“I’ll be downstairs if you need me,” he said.  “I’ll also hold off the entire Voyager crew, all of whom have been very anxious about you.  A few, whose names I don’t need to mention, will soon be showing up on your doorstep if I don’t give them a progress report.” 

 

Kathryn once again tried to smile as the Doctor left.

 

When it came a few minutes later, the knock was soft, but she was expecting it.  “Come in,” she called as the door opened and Chakotay entered. 

 

“Hi,” he said as his eyes drank in the sight of her sitting in an easy chair positioned near the window.  She looked beautiful to him and the sun coming in the window highlighted the red and gold streaks in her hair that he loved so much.

 

“Hi,” she returned as her eyes drank in the sight of him standing there in the doorway looking so dark and handsome.

 

Chakotay crossed the room to stand before her, and then he slowly sank down onto one knee so he could look into her eyes.  He saw fear and pain looking back at him, but he also saw a faint glimmer of hope in her lovely blue eyes.  He latched onto the hope and gave her his full dimpled smile.

 

Kathryn couldn’t take her eyes off him, and when he knelt before her she stared into his dark eyes looking for something – anything that would give her hope for the future.  “How are you?” she whispered because she didn’t know what else to say.  But the look of love in his eyes almost took her breath away.

 

“Kathryn, I’ve been so worried about you.  I know this is rather sudden, but I need to tell you how much I love you and have loved you for years.  I’m so sorry about that business with Seven, but there was never really anything serious there.  I gave up on us too soon and then just didn’t know how to tell you that I was dating her, if you could call what we did dating.  She wanted someone to teach her about her humanity and she just picked me.  I never intended to hurt you, and I guess I didn’t want you to know because I was flattered by the attention Seven gave to me, and then ashamed because it didn’t mean anything.  I knew I couldn’t have you and I guess I was pretty desperate.”

 

“You should have asked,” she whispered as she looked deep into his eyes and saw love staring back. 

 

“What?” he asked as he had a hard time believing what he was hearing.

 

“You should have asked,” she stated firmly.  “Being with you has been my dream for years, and all I could envision was getting Voyager home and then starting my life with you.  I dreamed constantly of walking off Voyager hand-in-hand with you so everyone would know how I felt, and when I had to walk down that ramp alone, my world crumbled.  My hope for our future was what kept me going out there and was the focus of my whole life.”

 

Chakotay listened carefully because this seemed too good to be true and he didn’t realize that he reached for her hand until he felt the warmth of her hand enclosed in his.

 

“I’ve loved you for a long time,” Kathryn continued as she saw Chakotay taking in every word she said.  “When I heard about you and Seven it destroyed all of my hope.  It’s a good thing we were so close to getting home at that point because if we had stayed in the Delta Quadrant any longer I would have given up.  Seeing you and Seven together broke my heart – and my spirit.”

 

“Oh Kathryn!” Chakotay cried as he carefully took her other hand and pulled her from the chair and gathered her into his arms.  It felt so good to finally hold her in his arms, even though he quickly realized how thin she had become.  “I’m so sorry, I should have known.  You gave me all the signs but I guess I just wasn’t looking anymore.  I’m sorry for all that’s happened to you since we got home as well.  I didn’t know about your mother and when Owen told me what Starfleet did to you I almost went crazy.  I tried to contact you, but you didn’t return my calls.”

 

“I couldn’t face seeing you and Seven together.  I just couldn’t look at what I missed out on,” Kathryn said as tears started to fall down her cheeks.  “Admiral Janeway told me to try to tell you, and I wanted to, but by that time you were too busy with Seven and I missed my chance.  Losing my mother was hard, but by the time I landed in the brig I just didn’t care anymore.”

 

Chakotay just held her tighter and to Kathryn it was the most wonderful feeling in the world.  She felt safe and protected and she was sure that if she were tall enough to look over his shoulder that she would see her guardian angel hovering above both of them.  It got even better when he muttered over and over, “I love you, I love you so much.  Oh Kathryn, I love you.”

 

Neither knew how long they just stood holding each other, but the knock at the door brought them back to reality.  The knock came again, and the Doctor popped his head around the door as he opened it.

 

“Is everything alright?” he asked in his usual manner.  “You haven’t sent my patient into a tailspin have you Commander?”  Neither Chakotay nor Kathryn could seem to form an answer for him, so he looked carefully at each of them.  “Ah, I see everything is going to be OK,” he finally managed to say.  “Your guardian angel has returned.”

 

“Yes he has,” Kathryn whispered.  “I think everything is going to be more than OK.”  Her smile lit up her face and that made the Doctor feel good because he really cared about this woman.

 

*****kkkk*****

 

Kathryn’s recovery was slow, but it was the happiest time of her life.  Chakotay moved into the Indiana farmhouse and their relationship grew stronger and stronger every day.  The Doctor still dropped by to check up on her, but he was more than pleased with her progress, and after just two weeks spent in Chakotay’s loving care, she had a glow about her that made her look absolutely beautiful.

 

It was Christmas Eve in front of a crackling fire when Chakotay proposed to Kathryn, and with a radiant smile she accepted.  The lovely handmade ring he gave her looked stunning on her hand, and she positively glowed with happiness.  His Christmas gift to her was a puppy, and the small Irish setter-golden lab mix was a joy to have around.  She was eight weeks old, and Chakotay rescued her from the local animal shelter.  Kathryn named her Angel in honor of Chakotay, her guardian angel. 

 

Christmas was spent with the Doctor as their only guest.  Kathryn was surprised that none of her senior staff had come to call, even after she gave the Doctor permission to tell them to come.  She figured it was because of the holidays and their desires to spend their first holidays in seven years with their families.  She hoped that once the holiday season was over there would be visits from her Voyager family.

 

Every day Chakotay spent about an hour in her father’s study, and Kathryn found it odd that he wanted to be alone but she respected his desire for privacy.  She wondered what he was up to, but he wouldn’t tell her anything.  He only said he had some business to take care of.  After a few days she accepted his need for a little privacy and used the time to do things for herself, like relax in a nice hot bubble bath.

 

Two days after Christmas the snow was once again falling softly over the Indiana countryside.  Kathryn was relaxing in her tub when Chakotay knocked at the door and came in. 

 

Kneeling beside the tub he gave her a gentle kiss.  “When you’re finished with your bath, would you like to take a little trip with me?” he asked. 

 

“Where are we going?” she asked as she returned the kiss and wanted more.

 

“It’s a surprise and I want you to trust me.”

 

“Give me twenty minutes and I’ll be ready,” she replied.  “How should I dress?”

 

“I’ve hung a dress in your closet,” he said with a huge smile.  “It would be appropriate for you to wear it today.”

 

Kathryn was intrigued so she hurried to finish her bath.  Once she was dried she applied her makeup and fixed her hair.  She wanted to look nice for whatever Chakotay had in mind.  Clad only in a towel and her underwear she hurried from the bathroom and threw open the door to her closet.  What she saw took her breath away.  Hanging all by itself in the middle of her closet was the most beautiful white wedding dress she had ever seen.  The top was simple and hugged her curves without emphasizing her still very thin frame.  It was made of lace and embroidered with pearls.  It had long sleeves which formed points at the top of her wrists.  The skirt was ankle length and flowed when she walked as it was made of silk.

 

“Oh Chakotay!” she whispered.  She was at a loss for words.

 

“Let me help you,” he offered as she stepped into the dress and the shoes that were waiting for her in front of the closet.  Chakotay zipped it up and then fastened the little buttons scattered up the back of the dress.  When he was finished, he reached for a small pearl tiara that had a shoulder length white veil sewed onto it and he helped her place it on her head. 

 

“Ready?” he asked as he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her.  “Are you OK with this?”  Kathryn nodded and was surprised to see him touch a combadge attached to the lapel of the dark suit he was wearing.  “Energize,” he said and they dematerialized.

 

The transporter deposited them in a beautiful clearing, and at the edge of the clearing was a gazebo.  She noticed that the grass was green and the flowers were all in bloom, so she figured they must be somewhere in the southern hemisphere where it was summer.  Since she was still in shock, it took a few minutes for her to look around, and then she spied three people standing by the gazebo.  “Where are we?” she asked.

 

“Home,” he replied and didn’t give her any other explanation.  “Are you ready?”

 

At her nod he placed her arm in his and led them toward the gazebo.  Soft music started playing as they got closer and Kathryn looked up to see who was in the gazebo.  She was surprised to see Admiral Paris standing there in his dress uniform with a huge smile on his face.  Tom and B’Elanna were standing to either side of him and their smiles were equally huge.  B’Elanna handed Kathryn a beautiful bouquet as she reached her side and gave her a quick hug.  “You look like an angel,” B’Elanna whispered as she stepped back a step.

 

Once they reached the picturesque gazebo, Admiral Paris proceeded to marry them.  When the ceremony was finished, Owen, Tom and B’Elanna each took turns hugging and congratulating them.  Kathryn was in tears, but they were tears of happiness.

 

“Congratulations Captain,” Tom gushed.  “We’re all so happy for you.”

 

“Thank you,” she smiled and her smile was one of pure happiness.  Owen’s heart was bursting with happiness just watching her, and he was glad his Katie had finally found the happiness she deserved.

 

Once all the hugs were exchanged, Chakotay took Kathryn’s arm.  “Let’s go,” he said as he led her away.

 

“Where are we going?” she asked. 

 

“Home,” was once again his only answer.

 

As they approached the edge of the clearing Chakotay turned and smiled at Kathryn.  “Computer, end program,” he said and the beautiful clearing and gazebo disappeared to be replaced by the black and yellow grid of the Holodeck.  “What….where…….?” Kathryn stammered as the door swished open and the halls of Voyager stretched out before them.

 

“Oh Chakotay!” Kathryn cried as she realized where they were.  “It’s Voyager.  How did you manage this?” she asked in awe as she reached out her hand to gently touch her ship. 

 

“I had help,” was his reply.  “What do you think I was doing in the study every day for the past two weeks?” he smiled as he saw how deeply moved she was.  “Owen and I have recently become very good friends, and I had to keep Tom, B’Elanna and the rest of the Voyager crew very busy or they would have all been camped on one very cold Indiana doorstep and we wouldn’t have enjoyed our time together while you were recuperating.  Besides, I was selfish enough to want you all to myself.”

 

Kathryn was speechless as she continued to lovingly stroke Voyager’s walls.  She kept smiling at Chakotay and didn’t even realize where they were going until she spied the ramp they had walked down when they disembarked on Earth.  Standing beside the ramp were all the members of her senior staff in their Starfleet dress uniforms.  Tuvok, Harry Kim, and the Doctor with Seven of Nine on his arm were all waiting for them, and they starting clapping as the couple approached.  Before she knew it Kathryn was caught up in more hugs and tears and she felt her heart would break with happiness.  Even Tuvok gave her a big hug as he whispered in her ear, “Your guardian angels are all here and looking out for you.  Congratulations Captain.  You’ve made a very logical decision.”

 

Kathryn didn’t understand until Chakotay led her to the top of the ramp.  There spread out at the bottom of the ramp was the entire crew of the starship Voyager, along with their families and several of Starfleet’s top admirals.  The cheer that went up as she appeared was deafening.

 

As she stood there in shock, Chakotay stepped to her side and grabbed her hand firmly in both of his hands.  Then with the senior staff of Voyager walking behind them, hand-in-hand the Captain and First Officer of the starship Voyager disembarked as they were meant to – together and into the waiting arms of their crew of guardian angels.

 

 

End

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