People of the Sand

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns the whole Star Trek Universe and all the major characters. Lucky them! I’ve just borrowed them for a short time, and promise to return them all when I’m finished.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

In this early morning hour he walked alone across the sand at the edge of the oasis. He always walked alone for there was nobody he wanted to invite to walk with him and share this precious time. This was his time of solitude, a time to think and plan for his future and the future of his people. He desperately wanted someone to share his life and thoughts, a woman of feelings and intelligence, someone he could cherish and who would cherish him and his people in return, but the sensations he longs for have not yet come to him and no woman has yet touched his heart and mind. He is beginning to despair for he is running out of time.

His friend kept watch over him from among the tents of the oasis. This was his job, to protect his leader and friend, but the loneliness in his leader’s posture silhouetted against the sand and the early morning sun told more clearly than words what his friend was feeling. There was nothing to do but wait.

"We need Beryllium and we need it now," B’Elanna Torres informed her captain via the com system, "and without it we cannot continue for very much longer. The parts I have to replicate to keep the warp drive functioning must have beryllium, and our supply is completely gone. I estimate maybe two to three weeks before our present coil connector quits for good, and that’s only if I baby it. If it quits, we’ll only have impulse engines."

"Commander Tuvok, scan for the closest source of Beryllium and let me know as soon as you detect it," Captain Janeway orders from her chair on the bridge of the starship Voyager. She slowly sits back with a soft sigh since this has been a week of nothing but problems. Upon hearing the sigh, Commander Chakotay quickly glances at his Captain and notices the fatigue in her face and the weariness in her posture. He is feeling the pressure too, but he knows Kathryn is feeling it more since she is the captain and the responsibility for all of their lives ultimately falls onto her slender shoulders.

Unfortunately, being so far from home means they cannot just put into a Starfleet facility and obtain the parts they need to repair Voyager when something breaks down. They sometimes have to be creative and fashion parts themselves.

"Captain, my scans show Beryllium on the second planet of seven in a star system six light years from our present position. The planet appears to be mostly desert, and preliminary scans indicate that the planet is inhabited solely by nomadic tribe people who closely resemble human beings. They have rudimentary interplanetary communication, but there is no sign of them having space travel," Tuvok reports. There is no satellite system in orbit."

"Mr. Paris, increase speed- warp 6," Janeway orders with a slight smile at Chakotay. "Tuvok, contact the planet and make arrangements for us to meet with their leader." "Aye, Captain," they both reply

"Janeway to Torres. With any luck we’ll have your Beryllium soon. Just keep those engines running a little longer."

"Kathryn, have you had anything to eat today?" Chakotay quietly asks as they prepare to leave the bridge after being relieved by beta shift. "I’d be willing to bet you haven’t, so will you join me for dinner? I’ll replicate something and we can relax. You do look tired. When was the last time you slept?"

"Which question should I answer first, Chakotay? Alright, you know me too well! No, only coffee so far today. Yes, I’d love to join you for dinner, especially if you’re cooking. And as far as sleep is concerned, probably about the same time you last slept," Kathryn sighs. "And when I do get a few minutes, I keep dreaming about our problems. It sure has been one hell of a week. Let’s hope that planet can offer a chance to rest and repair."

Two hours later Voyager’s two senior officers are relaxing on the couch in Chakotay’s quarters. They are both pleasantly full from a wonderful vegetable stew which Chakotay served for dinner, along with his freshly replicated bread and wine. Kathryn had enjoyed every mouthful, although Chakotay wished she would eat more mouthfuls. For quite a while now it has been one of his goals to ensure that she got enough to eat since her tendency is to often forget to eat altogether.

"Come here," Chakotay whispers as he draws Kathryn close enough to rest her tired body against his side. She gladly complies since she always finds contact with Chakotay not only a source of strength, but a definite pleasure. He drops a gentle kiss onto her forehead and as he watches the stars streaking by outside the windows silently contemplates their future, Chakotay feels Kathryn’s head sink onto his shoulder and her soft auburn hair tickles his chin. It’s not long before her soft, regular breathing tells him that she has finally fallen asleep. Not long after he willingly follows her into the welcoming world of slumber thankful for the knowledge that their relationship has progressed to this point where they can sleep together, even if sex isn’t always involved.

They arrive at the planet without incident. Captain Janeway, accompanied by an away team consisting of Tuvok, Tom Paris, Neelix and 2 security guards beam down at the voice-only invitation of Benn Saied El Al Aabam, Exhaulted Ruler of the People of the Sand, the dominant tribe on the planet. Their leader, Benn, is worshipped by his people because it is their custom and because he is a good and fair leader. They live in large tents erected at a beautiful oasis, and this appears to be a prosperous and thriving community. The oasis is large, the size of a small Earth city, and is surrounded by desert as far as the eye can see. Mountain ranges are visible in the distance and the sky is a lovely shade of green due to the atmospheric composition.

The air is hot and dry and a soft breeze blows the loose sand slowly over the ground. It appears to be a wonderful place for some shore leave.

"Please come with us," are the orders as the away team is met by several of Benn’s honor guards who escort them to one of the luxurious tents which will be their ‘home away from home’ during the visit. "Our leader is always willing to trade for new and unusual things. I will make arrangements for you to meet with our leader’s agent to arrange trade terms," he informs Neelix.

"Thank you for your hospitality," Captain Janeway replies to the honor guard as she looks around. "Your community is beautiful."

"You will be notified when our leader is ready to meet with you," the guard states proudly. "In the meantime, please make yourselves at home. It is our pleasure to serve you."

He watches from his tent, unseen by her and her people. Something is stirring in his chest, something he has been longing for, but he does not understand how or why. Who is she? He cannot tell clearly what her facial features are, but her slim body moves gracefully, and she has an air of command about her. Her head is held high although overall she is the smallest one in the group, even in her elevated heels. She must be a leader of some kind. She certainly has a leader’s bearing.

She has fairly long auburn hair which blows softly in the breeze, something unheard of among his people as they all have coarse black hair. Only one of her attendants has light hair, the others all black, except for the funny looking individual. Who is he? Obviously another one of her attendants judging by the way he acts toward her. He longs to reach out and touch her, to feel her hair and breathe its fragrance. Her hair is moving softly in the breeze caressing her face and teasing him. He is eager to meet her.

Once inside their tent, the away team is made comfortable by women who are dressed in beautiful, flowing clothing and by men who wear soft robes. They all have black hair and dark eyes. These friendly people are basically gentle and very polite, but they can be tough when the situation and their environment demands.

They are semi-nomadic people who are very proud of their horses, and they take the away team to see these horses, all of which are extremely beautiful. The horses are their only mode of transportation, so they treat them like family, including having them live in tents to protect them from the elements. "I love horses," Captain Janeway enthuses as she pets the noses and necks of the beautiful gray mare and her colt who have come up to nudge her. The soft inquiring nose of the colt tickles her and makes her smile. "I was raised in a farming community and many of my friends had horses."

The people tell Janeway and her team that their leader, Benn, shares his wealth with all who are faithful to him, therefore life as a loyal member of his tribe can be very good and extremely rewarding. "He is a good and fair leader, but a lonely one," says Lynnar, one of the women seeing to their comfort. "We are all hoping that someday very soon he will find happiness for himself."

"What do you mean?" questions Janeway. "Isn’t he happy?"

"We all hope he will be," is all that Lynnar will say

The time has passed quickly when word comes that Benn is ready to meet with the away team, and he cordially requests their presence at a banquet which he has prepared for them. They are led into a large tent resplendent with beautiful furnishings and are shown to their places. With dignity and fanfare Benn and his attendants enter the tent, and Benn cordially makes his rounds wishing everyone wealth and long life. His clothes are the simple but elegant clothes of the other members of his tribe, but the lower portion of his face is covered with a short veil and only the top portion of his face and his eyes are showing. This covering is their custom for unmarried rulers.

He is tall, well built and has a regal presence about him and Captain Janeway quietly wonders what he would look like without the veil.

Benn continues making his rounds, and when Captain Janeway’s turn comes for Benn to greet her she looks up and is struck by something about Benn’s dark eyes. They are looking directly at her and she feels that he is not only looking at her body, but at her soul. She can’t break the hold his eyes are having on hers as they look intently at each other for several long breathless seconds.

"Greetings, and welcome to our world," he smoothly says as he takes her small hand in his large hand and brushes his lips through the veil across the back of it. "We are proud to be of service. Your wish is my command," he gallantly offers.

Blue/gray, he thinks to himself as he smiles behind his veil. Her eyes are blue/gray and very beautiful. How unusual. She is not a strikingly beautiful woman, but with her lovely hair, expressive eyes, pale smooth skin, beautiful cheekbones, and slim but very feminine figure, she is very attractive and I feel the attraction. She has a natural air of command about her and her eyes reflect a very sharp intellect, he marvels. Was she sent for me?

He appears to be reluctant to move on, but as the banquet and festivities continue, Captain Janeway discovers that Benn is staring at her more and more and much of his conversation is directed toward her. Tuvok notices but says nothing. He strongly feels that there is some hypnotic effect emulating from Benn, but he cannot prove this since it is only something teasing at his telepathic feelings. He is becoming concerned and protective for his Captain since she seems to be the object of Benn’s attention, but the Captain seems entranced and unaware of anything unusual.

After the festivities have concluded, Benn heads directly to Janeway’s side with a smile and a pleasant request, "May I walk you to your tent?"

After Janeway accepts his invitation, he says to his servants, "You may go." He has no fear of walking freely among his people since they all worship him and he can come and go unprotected as he likes.

They talk as they walk and Benn proudly shows her around his oasis. He is charming and protective, constantly offering his arm to her or placing his hand at the small of her back to guide her. Janeway is absolutely hypnotized by his eyes, as he is by hers, and finds herself amazed at what she is feeling. Since she is the leader of the community of the starship Voyager, Benn considers her an equal and they find they have many common points of reference.

"Can I see you again tomorrow?" he gallantly asks as he delivers her safely to the doorway of the tent she is sharing with the other members of her team. "I promise to show you more of my domain." Taking her hand in his and turning her to face him, his eyes capture hers again for long seconds as he whispers, "Good night."

"I’ll look forward to it," she accepts as she realizes she is already looking forward to tomorrow.

After she enters the tent, Tuvok takes her aside. "Captain, may I have a word with you?" he asks. "I would like to know if you feel anything different about this man, something that makes him not like the other members of his tribe?" "I like him and trust him. He has been a perfect gentleman," she replies. "He has invited me to have a tour of the oasis tomorrow, and I have accepted. Is there a problem?"

"Captain, I cannot substantiate my feelings about this man, but I would ask you to please be careful," Tuvok states surprising the Captain. He will not elaborate more because he is not totally sure of Benn’s hypnotic abilities as he is telepathic, not empathic. He is merely getting a suspicion about Benn, something that tickles only at the periphery of his senses, whereas if he were empathic he would feel what is happening. The Captain just shakes her head and goes to bed

The next morning after breakfast Benn arrives to escort Janeway on her private tour. Neelix has gone off with Benn’s agent to finalize their trade negotiations. Tom Paris is escorted by several of Benn’s tribe women who promise to show him and a reluctant Tuvok around. And the security guards elect to be sent back to Voyager since there is no danger threatening the away team.

Benn’s oasis is very lovely with its colorful, sturdy tents and well-kept gardens. Since the oasis has been blessed with a bountiful supply of water, these people are able to grow all kinds of wonderful flowers and vegetables in well planned plots. They grow food for their horses and other animals in fields at the edge of the oasis.

Benn has his own private garden which encompasses approximately ten acres of ground. As they walk side-by-side down the paths of the garden and Benn points to this plant and that plant with obvious pride, it feels like heaven to Captain Janeway who has spent most of the last several years aboard a starship. The garden is lovely.

As they pass a beautiful, fragrant flowering tree, Benn reaches and plucks a soft purple flower from the tree and presents it to the Captain. "This is a passion flower," he says as he looks intently into her eyes as if searching her soul. "Legend states that he who presents this flower is destined to fall passionately in love."

Kathryn just looks at him not really understanding what he is trying to say. After all, they just met. But she does experience a shivering thrill like she hasn’t felt in a long time, kind of a teenager thing. But she’s not looking for love or attraction, only beryllium for her ship.

"I have something special to show you now," Benn states after they have spent some very pleasant time touring the garden. "This is something very special to me."

Benn takes Janeway to meet his prize horses, all of which come to meet him as soon as he enters their tent. They are beautiful and very affectionate, as he is to them. He treats them like his children.

"I love horses," Captain Janeway enthuses. "I grew up in an area where riding was common. In fact, it was a course I took at school and several of my neighbors had horses. My sister and I were always able to ride, and we did." Benn just smiles happily at her enthusiasm.

At a signal from Benn, two strikingly beautiful saddled horses are brought to them. After affectionate petting of the horses and nudging by the horses they mount and ride off to explore the desert outside the perimeter of the oasis.

Benn will not allow any of his attendants to help the Captain mount her horse. He gallantly offers his cupped hands for her to step into, and then he smoothly lifts her so she can throw her other leg over the saddle. "She’s very light and graceful," he thinks to himself as if evaluating the Captain. "She should have no trouble."

Benn refuses any offers by his protectors to accompany them. Captain Janeway proves herself to be a very competent rider. She finds her beautiful mare easy to ride and Benn rides his stallion effortlessly because he was born to riding. He discovers to his unexpected delight that he is enjoying himself immensely. In truth, he would like this ride to go on forever with the horse beneath him, Kathryn beside him, and the wind in his hair.

"It’s so beautiful here," Kathryn cries happily as her mare canters along effortlessly. "Riding across the sand like this makes me feel free - like I could go on forever. I had forgotten how good it is to feel a horse move beneath you and have the wind in your hair." Benn is startled by her remark because it is exactly what he was thinking. There must be a connection, he thinks to himself.

Benn looks at her intently and captures her gaze, and they both find it difficult to tear their eyes apart. After an enjoyable time of riding across the sand, they stop the horses for a short rest. As Benn lifts Kathryn down from her horse he forces their eyes to meet again. Kathryn feels like Benn’s eyes are holding her in a trance that she cannot break. They quietly continue to stare into each other’s eyes for some time, and she wonders what he is trying to tell her.

Slowly Benn reaches his hand to his face and unfastens and drops his veil. Kathryn can now see that the rest of his face is as beautiful as his dark, mysterious eyes. He reaches his hands to her head and slowly runs his hands through her soft auburn hair. He then continues to run his fingers through her hair, smoothing the windblown strands and freeing the soft tangles. As it cascades around her shoulders and face, he can’t keep himself from admiring that part of her. "It’s so soft and light in color," he marvels to himself because his people all have dark, coarse hair.

As he gently moves to hold her face in his hands, his face closes in on hers and they softly kiss. Staring into her eyes, he guides her hands around and behind his neck, and as their bodies come closer she loses her grasp on reality and time seems to stand still. Her mind has completely shut out everything but Benn’s eyes – she can’t seem to break his spell.

Benn slowly and gently moves his hands through her hair and softly down her neck and her back to her hips, over her stomach, up her sides and back to her face. She can feel a thrilling trail of fire move along her body where his hands touch and she can’t seem to gather the strength to break away. All of her willpower seems to have left her body.

"Captain Janeway of the Starship Voyager," Ben whispers holding her eyes captive with his, "you are a lovely woman."

"Please call me Kathryn," is all she can whisper in reply.

Kathryn, what a beautiful name. It feels so right, he thinks to himself. She’s a natural rider and she loves the desert, just like me. She’s intelligent and comfortable to talk to. Her hair is so soft and silky, and her lips thrill mine. And then there are her lovely blue eyes. She’s so slim she fits right into my arms, and I like it when she’s there. I can feel that her body is ready and able. I want to protect her and hold her, but I know we must go back. I don’t want to frighten her, she doesn’t yet understand.

After a short time they mount up and ride back to the oasis. Conflicting emotions are running rampart in Kathryn’s mind. These are feelings she can’t explain, and she wonders if she may be in love, even though she cannot imagine how this could be happening. It feels so right when Benn is looking into her eyes and she feels so very happy. He can make her body burn. But once they part company her feelings are very different.

Then these feelings for Benn seem very strange and not really real, as though they were the feelings of someone else. She realizes that this is odd, especially since her feelings lately have been definitely moving in another direction aboard Voyager, and that is becoming very special to her. "Oh, well," Janeway reasons with herself, "we’ll be leaving soon and it won’t really matter what I think."

Tuvok, who is waiting for her to return, sees immediately that something has affected his Captain and tries to talk to her. "Captain, could I have a moment to speak with you?"

"Later," she replies brushing past him with her mind obviously elsewhere. "I don’t really feel like talking right now."

This is so unlike Captain Janeway that Tuvok suddenly realizes he needs to talk to someone. So he beams back up to Voyager to discuss the matter and his concerns with Commander Chakotay. "I cannot yet substantiate my suspicions about Benn’s telepathic or empathic abilities," he informs Chakotay, "but I am becoming increasingly aware of a change in the Captain and I am becoming concerned. She obviously is unaware that anything is happening and I do not know how to inform her."

"We have to get her out of there," Chakotay worries. "What do you think he will do to her? Is she in danger?"

"I do not know what he plans, but I will stay by her side during tonight’s banquet and try to determine exactly what he is doing to her," Tuvok promises. "I will report back to you after the banquet."

"Agreed," Chakotay responds realizing that short of beaming the Captain back against her will this is his best option. He knows he is being overly protective, but he loves her and knows she loves him too. It took so long to get to this point and he does not want to jeopardize anything about his Kathryn. Besides, they do not yet know Benn’s intentions and they have no solid proof that he is affecting Kathryn, only Tuvok’s suspicions however reliable they might be.

The time for the banquet arrives and Voyager’s away team is seated to Benn’s immediate right. Benn decreed that Kathryn sit beside, him and he personally presented himself to escort her to her seat. Tuvok promptly placed himself at her right side. The food is wonderful and those serving the meal are attentive and courteous. Soft music is being played by a small ensemble. All in all, it is a lovely and romantic setting.

After the meal and entertainment are finished, Benn rises and calls for everyone’s attention.

"I have an announcement to make. Everyone, please listen," Benn states. "You will all be very happy to know that I have finally met the one person who can make me happy and complete my life. I have fallen deeply in love with Captain Kathryn Janeway and I intend to pursue her until she agrees to marry me."

Taking her small hand in his large one, he pulls the shocked Kathryn to her feet and stares hard into her eyes, virtually holding her prisoner with his eyes. "I love you," he states intently, "please marry me. I will not give up until you say yes."

"To prove my love, I have a courting present for you. Behold, darling Kathryn, Ammara is now yours," Benn proudly announces to all present. Ammara, the beautiful bay mare that Kathryn rode earlier that day, is led into the banquet tent and the reins of the mare are given to the now violently shaking Kathryn.

Ammara is very wise for a horse and is very comfortable with Kathryn so she gently nudges her. Kathryn is so emotionally shaken that she feels the tears starting to fall, so she rips her eyes away from Benn, throws her arms around the mare’s neck and buries her face in Ammara’s long soft mane. Ammara turns her head and just rests it against Kathryn seeming to offer her own comfort and encouragement.

Shock flows like ocean waves over the gathering. Benn’s people are aghast because it has always been intended that he marry the woman chosen for him by his advisory council, or if not her, one of their own. They certainly never imagined that he would marry an alien. Voyager’s people are stunned because they don’t want to lose their captain.

Kathryn’s emotions are taking a roller coaster ride. She thinks she may be in love with Benn, even though she cannot imagine how, but Benn makes her feel good. She realizes that she has sometimes been very lonely aboard Voyager because she feels as captain it is her duty to remain somewhat detached in order to be objective. Lately though her feelings for some of her crew members have drastically changed and they have become more like her family. She is totally torn between Benn, who has her emotions in a turmoil, and Voyager and its crew, her first responsibility and labor of love. And then, of course, there is Chakotay and her feelings for him. She doesn’t understand her new feelings for Benn and cannot seem to control them. What should she do? She is rapidly becoming desperately confused.

"Take some time to think about this," Benn softly whispers in her ear as he puts his arm around her shaking shoulders and turns her to face him. "I didn’t mean to shock you in front of everyone, but this was the best way I could think of to let everyone know how I feel. Let me know when you are ready, but please be prepared to say yes. I can accept nothing less."

"Thanks for the time," Kathryn whispers back. "I’ll let you know." She marches unsteadily from the tent with Tuvok at her heels ready help her if she needs him. They then beam back to Voyager. She is physically unable to talk to anyone and heads straight for her ready room.

It’s so hard to watch her go. He hopes she will come back to him, but he isn’t sure. He can feel her confusion and her emotions are in turmoil, even though he used all of his power to control her mind. She has a very strong mind, which he respects about her. Her sense of duty is something he can see but cannot touch with all of his powers at full force. He realizes that her people are important to her, just as his people are important to him, and that her sense of duty is a good part of who she is. He loves this about her, but will it stop her from coming to him? He and his people need her desperately. He has touched her body and it is ready, and his body is willing. He can only hope and pray. Will she understand?

Attempting to ease her mind and her emotions and to understand her feelings, Kathryn buries herself in work. Neelix’ report on the acquisition of the beryllium makes her feel a little better. They were able to obtain all they needed and then some. Neelix also managed to negotiate for some other metals, minerals and some food. A job well done on Neelix’ part. Voyager is now well stocked.

Suddenly her buzzer rings, startling her from her reverie. "Come in," she replies. When she looks up both Tom Paris and Harry Kim are standing there uncomfortably waiting to talk to her. "What can I do for you?" she asks already guessing what they want and dreading what they will say.

"Please stay with us," they blurt out in unison as they uncomfortably shuffle their feet and entwine their fingers. They then spend the next twenty minutes telling her how much they will miss her if she leaves them to stay with Benn and how much they and the other members of the crew need her. They all want her to be happy but don’t think Benn is right for her. The Captain is truly moved by what they have to say and promises to think hard about it and not make any rash decisions.

Once they leave, there is a steady parade of her closest friends and other crew members who come to her one-by-one, two-by-two, or in groups, and plead with her not to leave. Seven and the Doctor come together and cannot imagine this journey without her. Seven surprises her when she states that she could not function without Kathryn’s motherly advice and guidance.

B’Elanna Torres emotionally vocalizes her need for Kathryn to continue to supply strength, confidence, and a sense of being people who matter, to her and the rest of the crew.

Tuvok, who has been her friend for so long and who has shared so much with her, logically states the reasons why she should stay with Voyager. He then surprisingly states some personal reasons why he doesn’t want her to leave. Apparently none of them believe she can possibly be in love with Benn, and they don’t want to see her hurt. More than one of her visitors mentioned her relationship with Chakotay, which touched a raw nerve. She truly had no idea her people cared so much about her happiness, and this revelation erodes at her already shaky emotional control.

And then there is Chakotay!

He arrives last, and by that time she is emotionally exhausted and has been in tears on and off for some time. He just stands there looking hard at her with worry and concern radiating from his dark eyes. When he approaches and takes her hands in his she does not protest, in fact she welcomes it and realizes suddenly how much she needs it. He draws her to her feet and into his arms where he holds her tight and doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t have to. She is able to cry into his shoulder without feeling guilty or weak, and it feels good. Right now being held and not feeling so alone in the world are what she needs most, and this enables her to make her decision. This has been a long and very painful night.

Early the next day Captain Janeway beams back to the planet accompanied by Tuvok, Tom Paris and Chakotay, who absolutely insisted on coming. In fact, there was no stopping him. They all know her decision and are there to protect her physically and support her emotionally because she is now emotionally exhausted and was not able to rest at all last night. In fact, she spent the entire night crying and shaking in Chakotay’s arms, which only reinforced his suspicion that Benn is doing something to her.

Shortly after they materialize they are approached by Camen, the woman Benn’s council had chosen to be his mate and who Benn refused. Camen has been waiting for the Captain.

"I challenge your right to marry Benn," Camen shouts angrily at Janeway as Chakotay, Paris and Tuvok move to stand protectively between Kathryn and Camen. "I demand your answer to his proposal."

Upon hearing Camen’s shouted demand, Benn and some of his people come running from their tents. Benn would not put it past Camen to try to physically harm Kathryn or even kill her. He quickly approaches Kathryn and takes her hand in his, forcing her to look into his eyes. He notices that her beautiful blue/gray eyes are red and dull with pain, and he dreads what he thinks he is about to hear.

She can’t say no, he prays. What more can I do to make her stay with me? I have used all the power of my mind and body. I only have one year left, and this will take most of that time. Her body is ready and so is mine, and my time is almost up. I could truly love her so very easily. She is a remarkable woman. What can I do to keep her?

Struggling to speak and obviously in emotional pain, Kathryn’s eyes are held captive by Benn’s as she tells him her decision. "I must stay with Voyager and get my crew home. This is my duty and also my desire," she states not too steadily as she tries to look at him through her unshed tears. "I’m sorry, Benn, for I feel I could love you, but I’m not sure that this is what either of our hearts truly desire. I can’t seem to understand my feelings, they are in turmoil. You must respect your traditions and customs, and my crew needs me and I need them. Besides, I do love Chakotay and have for some time. We are truly soulmates."

"Please take good care of Ammara for me," she whispers softly as her trembling has started again. Tears are now falling freely down her pale cheeks. "Good-by."

Benn just looks at her for long seconds trying to capture her eyes and project to her. Chakotay quickly steps between them and protectively gathers Kathryn into his arms as he knows how hard this was for her to do, not because she really loved Benn because she didn’t and she knows she didn’t, but because she hurt someone who was trying to love her. Kathryn never likes hurting anything, which is one of the things he loves about her. Besides, something that none of them are fully able to understand is eroding her emotional control. Tuvok and Paris stand protectively by their sides.

Benn slowly turns and walks away.

As they prepare to leave the planet, the away team hears Benn’s cry of pain. They look around and see Benn falling to the ground with a knife in his stomach. As they stand there in horror, it is then explained to them by the People of the Sand that this is the custom on their planet. If the Exhaulted Ruler is ultimately rejected by his heart’s chosen he will eventually be rejected by his people, so he must take his own life.

Kathryn and her crew knew nothing of this custom. With a cry of pain and despair she slides from Chakotay’s arms and falls to her knees in shock. Chakotay, Paris and Tuvok, who are also in shock, help her up and support her to a spot away from the group where they can all be beamed back to Voyager.

The last thing Kathryn sees before the transporter beam takes her away is Benn’s body lying in the sand with the knife protruding hideously from his stomach.

Once the away team materializes in the transporter room, Tuvok orders the four of them beamed directly to Kathryn’s ready room where they make her lie down. This isn’t hard, she can barely stand. She is in deep shock and her emotions are totally numb. She can hardly respond to any of them. Chakotay, Paris and Tuvok are still in shock also.

The Doctor is summoned to sedate Kathryn to give her a chance to rest and recover, and also to make sure that she was not physically harmed. Chakotay insists on staying with her, as does the Doctor who is very worried, as this reaction is totally unlike their usually exceptionally strong Captain. He is also detecting elevated chemical levels in her brain. These elevated levels are not normal and could be dangerous to Kathryn if left unchecked. He has not been able to figure out how to control them.

Tuvok is ordered to resume a course for home and Paris leaves with him to pilot the ship, giving his Captain a look of sympathy.

A week later as Voyager is again heading toward the Alpha quadrant, a totally dejected and lethargic Janeway is sitting in her office talking with Chakotay, who has been trying on a daily basis to console her. She cannot eat because of her emotions or sleep because of terrible nightmares she has about Benn and what happened. She still doesn’t understand why she had some of the feelings she experienced.

Every time she closes her eyes and tries to sleep, the nightmares come and she sees herself plunging the knife into Benn’s stomach as he pleads with her to marry him. He tells her that it’s her fault he is dead - he only wanted to love her and have a family with her. His people desperately needed her and the children they would have together in order to insure the ruling line would prevail. Benn’s family line possessed special mental power which made them world class leaders, and all the other tribes willingly acknowledged Benn’s family’s dominance solely because of his mental power.

Benn had probed Kathryn’s mind and felt her body. He determined her to be an extremely suitable mate, one able to give him the heirs he so desperately needed. He also felt that he could truly love her. Doesn’t she want him to love her? His blood is all over her hands. In her nightmare his loyal people chant "murderer" in the background as he continues to plead with her.

She blames herself thinking she could have found a better solution, and she refuses to take the sleeping pills which the doctor has offered because of the nightmares. She is afraid to sleep and fights fiercely against it. According to the Doctor she is now suffering from sleep deprivation. She is losing weight because she can’t force herself to eat. Just the thought of food makes her feel sick. She just can’t seem to control her feelings no matter how hard she tries.

"It’s all my fault that he’s dead," she says with almost no emotion in her voice. It has become her self-preservation tactic to keep her emotions dead. Chakotay and the Doctor are concerned that she is becoming depressed because she just can’t believe that Benn’s death is not her fault. Her emotions are in such turmoil that she can’t even relax enough to let Chakotay help, even though he is constantly trying. In all honesty, they know she’s trying her best. They suspect that her intense feelings are the result of Benn’s mind control still lingering and they have been desperately looking for a way to break this control.

"You know what Tuvok conclusively determined," Chakotay reminds her gently. "Benn was endowed with some kind of natural hypnotic abilities, and he used them on you. He used them intensely to control your mind and force you to stay with him. Only a few of his people have this ability and they are all related to Benn. He tried to mentally persuade you that you loved him, even though you know in your heart that you didn’t. You do realize that, don’t you?"

"Yes," Kathryn answers softly, trying to cooperate with Chakotay since she knows what he’s trying to do. "I really do know I didn’t love him and I don’t understand why I felt that I did. I love you!! All he wanted was to love me. I just couldn’t look away from his eyes. I killed him by not knowing their customs."

"No you didn’t," Chakotay replies passionately. "Benn tried to use you to get out of marrying Camen because he didn’t love her. Maybe he did love you or thought he could. But one of his faithful friends told Tuvok that he was running out of time and would have to soon marry Camen if he didn’t marry someone he truly loved. Because of his age, he only had one year left to produce a child to succeed him or he would be replaced as Exhaulted Ruler and executed by his people. It’s their custom – their way of preserving their leadership, strange as it may seem to us."

"Camen is a mean and scheming woman who cares more about herself than about the good of her people. Benn knew that and didn’t want her to be the mother of his children. There was nobody in his tribe that he truly loved and he was afraid and desperate. When you came along - who knows what he thought could happen."

"I could have done things differently," she states miserably as Chakotay rises from his chair and walks to her replicator.

"Here, drink this," Chakotay offers as he hands her a cup of coffee into which he has slipped the sedative that the Doctor gave him. As Chakotay continues to talk to her Kathryn finally falls asleep at her desk, fighting against it all the way. He then calls Tuvok who comes quickly into the ready room. "She’s finally asleep," Chakotay announces. "Let’s do it! Computer, lock the door to the Captain’s ready room."

Chakotay gently carries the sleeping Kathryn from where she is slumped over her desk and lays her down on her couch. He then places himself on the couch with her head in his lap. She is not resting peacefully and he assumes she is having her dream since tears are falling silently from her closed eyes. He is very concerned for her and softly brushes the tears from her cheeks.

Tuvok, seating himself at her side, reaches with his fingers and places them at the points on her face which enable him to access her mind, and thus initiate the Vulcan mind-meld. This he is able to do easily as he has melded with his friend on several occasions, and her mind is familiar to his. "My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts," he whispers as the connection is made

Even though he is initiating this mind-meld without Kathryn’s consent, Tuvok logically rationalizes that he is doing this for the good of his friend and captain, as well as for the good of the ship and crew. He, the Doctor and Chakotay have discussed this in great detail and can find no other way to break Benn’s control of her mind before it either kills her or drives her into a deep depression. None of them are willing to let this happen if they can prevent it.

Reaching into Kathryn’s mind, Tuvok is able to take all of her considerable pain and guilt into himself where he struggles to logically deal with it free of any emotions or personal involvement. He is amazed at the power of Benn’s control and even more amazed that Kathryn could resist it as much as she did. Only her fierce sense of duty, her love for Voyager and its crew, and her newly acknowledged love for Chakotay saved her from totally submitting to Benn’s will. By melding with her he is enabling Kathryn, without her pain and overwhelming burden of guilt, to go on with her life as it was meant to be. Benn will be just another memory, although a sad one.

Time passes slowly and Chakotay is able to witness Kathryn’s emotions pass over Tuvok’s face as he struggles to deal with them one-by-one. As the meld is broken and her body finally relaxes into an exhausted but innocent sleep, Chakotay is relieved.

After Tuvok has recovered from the effect of these strong emotions, he leaves to return to duty. Chakotay carefully lifts Kathryn into his arms and has them beamed to her quarters. He slowly carries her to her bed and lays her on it then gently removes her jacket and boots. After removing his own jacket and boots, he settles on the bed beside her and gathers her into his arms covering them both with her blanket. As he looks at her sleeping face resting on his shoulder which is now at peace, he realizes with relief that it’s finally over. Once she has rested he’ll remind her of his love and they can pursue their relationship without fear or guilt on her part.

He kept his lonely watch, but there was no longer anyone to watch over. His friend and leader was dead, and shortly a new leader would be chosen to take his place. He understood what had happened and why it happened, and could never blame the woman. It was not her fault, she had been the innocent victim. She did what was right and was badly hurt in the process, but he still misses his friend. He can only hope when the new leader is named that loneliness is not his destiny.

The End

January 2000

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~