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Links:

These three sites are all part of The Portal of Evil Network and are too hilarious to describe.

Though not part of Portal of Evil, Shuttle-Japan was referred to me by them, and I am eternally grateful for the fucked-up japanese pornoness.

Online comics are fun and funny.
www.spacemoose.com
www.penny-arcade.com
www.pvponline.com
Seanbaby has reader comics that aren't funny ha-ha.

Gaming links out the wazoo.
ign64.ign.com
psx.ign.com
ps2.ign.com
dreamcast.ign.com
pc.ign.com
Tom's Hardware is great for hardware news and reviews.
Seanbaby, stud that he is, has an NES page, too.

And here's a link to Slashdot, to show my geek pride.

Welcome to Mikeyland

Last update: 11/25/2000 Added letters from Shen's girlfriend, Maggie on the Shen letters page. Also, as you can see, this page has a new look to it.

Disclaimers/Warnings

This is not a web page. It's my own sovereign nation in cyberspace, so I've got some rules.

Assume anything and everything to be under construction from now until the end of time. There are always more things to find wrong with Claire Danes.

All opinions expressed on this page are mine, and I hate just about everyone.

This page was made for and tested in Netscape 4.0. There's no real reason why it wouldn't work under other browsers, but if you are and it doesn't work, you now know why.

If you read it on the internet, it must be true.

I just updated, so according the official rules of Geocities, they're legally required to deny me access for another 6 months. So links will not work, images will be missing, and condoms will break. Deal with it, missy!!!

Craptacular Content

All of the pages on my site that you, the unwashed masses can access. They are presented in an order that has no real significance other than making my made-up word "e-hatred" more prominent.

• Byte for byte, the best source of e-hatred around, my Claire Danes page.
• You can see what Shen looks like at The Page About Shen It's a page that, obviously, is about Shen. If you've talked to me, you probably know who he is. If not, then what are you waiting for? It's funny. Really. Go see.
• I have yet another page. It's dedicated to my new obsession, Pokémon!!! It's in its formative stages, so be gentle or you'll scar it for life and it'll turn out like me.
• Isn't this list format with all it's little sections annoying? It makes each little piece of crap I say seem important though.
• Links! And not just your ordinary shitty links, no sir. Only hand-picked, cream of the crop sites are here.
• Here's a page about writing in general and the literary movement known simply as "The Movement" and more commonly referred to by critics as cyberpunk. Related to that, here's a page on a fabulous sci-fi/horror writer, John Shirley. Please note that these pages are utter crap at the moment. Email me and tell me what crap they are so I'll feel bad and actually update the things.

Shmee!

This is Shmee. He's an alien. Pet him. Love him!!! I adopted him, partially against my will. He just sort of sits there. He might be retarded. His staring is kind of freaking me out too. I'm considering training him to kill people. He might have weird alien powers. "BZZZT!!! AHHHHH!!! Oh no!! that one-eyed alien set Claire Danes on fire with some sort of laser beam from its eye!! Look at her running around with her flesh burning! Oh lord, what a stench. For the love of Pete, put her out of her misery."
That would be nice.

Note that this poem is not by me. I just found it sufficiently strange and bad to put here. I really should get it scanned so you can get the full effect. It's um, scrawled on a piece of notebook paper. There's always the chance that the author of this poem may find this and hunt me down in a homicidal rage, but that's not necessary. Email me and I'll take it down.

LIAR

FOR U MY LUV

ATTRACTION, AFFECTION, CONNECTION, CONFUSION, SEDUCTION, ANGER, FRUSTRATION, CONFLICTION, REACTION, DISTRACTION, LOVE, HATE, NEGLECTED, UNWANTED, UNNEEDED, NEED, WANT, DESIRE, ON FIRE, REFUSAL, REDUNDANT, DELIRIOUS, HAPPINESS, UNNEEDED, SADNESS, ANGER, RED, red, red, jealousy, green. Gray, GRAY, FADING AWAY, WHAT HAVE i DONE? 3:30 AM ON A SUNDAY, the THOUGHT OF HOW GOOD IT WAS TO BE NUMB! HOW MUCH EASIER... DRUGS, WANT, NEED... WANT, LOVE, GET, HATE, DENIAL, illusions, disbelief, DEFENSIVE, "REMEMBER THE GUTTER",HOW HARD TO FORGET, LIVES LOST 2 MISTAKES LESS SEVERE THAN MINE, PLASTIC, INGENUINE, FAKE, FEAR, DEATH, AUTUMN, NEED LOVE, MISSING SOMETHING THAT WAS NEVER MINE, WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? THE PARK'S 2 DARK, GIVE, TAKE, SCREAM, YELL, FIEND, FIEND, FIEND, SHOUT, DEAF - DEAF - DEAF, IF YOUR READING THIS I HOPE U KNOW THE TRUTH, TRUTH... TRUTH, LIES, LIES, TELL ME YOUR HEART, I KNOW THE SIGNS, I[F] YOUR SEX IS WATER, THEN I'LL BE CLAY, IF AIR FEEDS FIRE WHERE ARE THE FLAMES???? RAGE, BREAK, SHATTER, DRIP, DRIP, DRIP, HIS SMILE AND A STREET LIGHT, HOW COULD U RESIST, CUPID'S BLIND, AND SO AM I, NYMPH, PYRO, ABSURD COMPULSIONS, ENDEARMENT, MY CRACK ROCK, TRYING 2 GET 2 SLEEP, HAUNTED, YOUR FACE, ANTIQUTIES OF MINE, YOUR NOT MY MERMAID, O' CRACK ROCK OF MINE... QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, DROWNING IN THE FLOOD, CAN'T HOLD BACK FOREVER, SOMETHINGS GOTTA GIVE, GIVE, GIVE IN, GIVE IN, NO, NO[T?] A LIFETIME OF WASTE, PUT ME 2 USE, CAN'T U SEE,??? DON'T U HEAR? THE INVISIBLE GIRL, SHE FLIES LIKE THUNDAH! SWEAT, RUSH, BLEED, SCREAM, XTASY, DANCE, FEEL, FEEL, FEEL... CAREENING, SPINNING, DIZZ[Y]ING STEPS THIS DANCE OF YOURS, FIRE HEAT, AIR, FIRE, WARMTH, WARMTH. MY SOFT SNOW SPRITE, NOT MINE... STOP! WHERE R U NOW? CAN U REMEMBER? WHO R U? DO U KNOW? WHAT DO U WANT? WHAT DO U WANT?

WHAT DO U WANT

?

(sound of fingers snapping for applause)

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

In the interests of actually contributing something to the porn industry, which has done so much for me, here is an actual photo that shows Claire Danes' nipple. As far as I can tell, it's the only actual, real shot of her naked out there. I'll have to conduct extensive research on this subject just to be sure though. It was probably also taken when she was under 18, probably making this child pornography. But hey, this link is at the bottom of the page, maybe no one will notice. However, should I or this page disappear, go see The X-Files movie. I'm sure it will all be explained in there. Fight the Future!!! Note: I saw the X-files movie, and it wasn't all explained. On the semi-related topic of TV and porn, I missed the PBS show on Asian hookers a few weeks ago. I was greatly disappointed. Then someone tells me that Lolita sucked, but I'm going to see it anyway. I'm also going to have to see The Governess, because Minnie Driver gets nekkid. Full frontal nekkid. But since I have no money, I'm reduced to watching The Traci Lords E! True Hollywood Story. I did get to see 90% of Lolita though. It was the most erotic movie I've ever seen. I know what you're thinking, and shut the hell up. This is my web page, I can say what I like. And this is all the way down at the bottom, why are you reading it? You should have left long ago. Don't you have a life? Not that I have any room to talk. Anyway, go away now.