CMU Quotes
"Nice shoes, let's ****."
--CJ
"I'll have a chocolate milkshake, a BLT to go, and an undetermined number of drinks."
--Mike
"Bang! Kick him in the Jimmy!"
--Louis
"Suck it!"
--everyone
"It varies between 250 and 300 pounds."
--Garg
"I got these cheeseburgers man!!"
--Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinkin' Your Juice in the Hood
"Hello my fine white lady, can I buy the tape with that big breasted white woman?"
"Can you guarantee that I will get an erect *****?"
"Do you not understand my lang-oo-wadge?"
"Jamal Izakawan…Izakawan, of the great African…*click*"
--all Louis when prank calling "Girls gone Wild"
"This is the first time Communism has ever had a surplus."
--Mike
"That's WOng, with a capital WO!"
--Garg
"Well you see…"
--Greg
"You guys should be more social"
--an RA in the Underground
"We're social-ist"
--Mike's response
"If you're going to play around with your private parts make sure they're the right private parts."
--Don Slater, CS Professor
"We never learned a thing in HAM."
--James
"Hey Andrew, you want the rest of our pizza?"
--Mike
"Hey let's get a large fry at the O."
--Joe
"Sure, you go ahead…"
--James
"Excuse me, I'm in need of some emotional support, can you tell me where my RA is?"
--Mike
"Come on! Let me play Quake!"
--Nick on a caffeine high after a sip of Battery
"AAAHH!"
"WHAT???"
"*GASP!*"
--everyone in CS-125 when finding out the median SAT score of the incoming class and the average nightly homework load
"The difference between a 3.8 and a 2.8 GPA is 6 vs 2 hours of sleep."
--the guy giving the presentation on the CS program
"Does anyone know the answer? Hmm, how about…Joe!"
--Jike (our TA) in CS recitation
"Come on Joe, answer the question!"
--Nick in CS recitation via NetSend
"Going into your own stomach, hmm, is that recursive?"
--WOng after programming for too long
"Hey that's a palindrome…oh wait, no it's not…"
--Joe after programming for too long
"Hey I want one of those."
--everyone after seeing Moon's air chair
"Wong I'm going to beat the **** out of you."
--Greg
"And then I'll **** the beat out of you!"
--Mike
"…Kinky."
--Greg
"It was fun for the first 3 hours…"
--Joe
"KiloLouie, MegaWong!"
--Louis
"It would take 20 SuperLouis's to equal one PicoGarg."
--Garg
"Hey Mike, you want some Communist napkins?"
--Joe
"I don't think there was one scene in that movie without nudity in it."
--Mike referring to "Eyes Wide Shut"
"Likewise."
--Louis
"Just ignore him."
--everyone referring to Louis
"It used to be that the only men who wore earrings were either: gay, a pirate,…or gay."
"I don't trust anything that bleeds for 3 days and doesn't die."
--both from The Man Show on the night we took over the Donner Hall TV
"Everything is Kinky."
--Mike
"No, some stuff is raunchy, and some is just wrong."
--Greg
"Hey, have you seen doombringer?"
--Nick to Joe
"This baked chicken looks darker every day."
--Wong referring to his lunch from Chick-hens
"I could watch them all day."
--James referring to the girls' tennis match
"Hey, want to make a dollar:"
--Mike
"I'll catch y'all later."
--Andrew
"I'll have a large fry."
--Greg
"For you?…No way, a large fry feeds 6 people."
--cashier at the O
"I'm bigger than you."
--Greg
"Well I'm older than you."
--Joe
"How old are you?"
--CJ
"17"
--Joe
"Holy **** you're older than me?!"
--CJ
"Yes, I'd like 7 large Cokes to go."
--Mike
"Hey, I'm actually taller than Mike!"
--Joe
"Joe wins the prize with www.souto.com being a Portuguese website"
--Mike after trying out everyone's last name followed by .com
"Forget about Calc, he's an idiot and we're not even going to get to Integrals."
--James
"Hey Greg, do you know Calculus?"
--Joe and Nick
"WEST SIIIIIIIIIDE!"
--the Donner west side RA at the first meeting
"….I'm not a part of that…."
--Mike in response
"ANDREW!!!"
--everyone
"Hurry! The stores are about to close and we have to go drain our accounts!"
--everyone
"Louis went from classical to rap. He didn't even stop at alternative."
--James
"Real physics is completely useless unless you have a lot of tools to take measurements."
--Terrence WOng
"Sometimes I wonder why I beat myself in the head with a stick."
--James
"PGSS people do basically the same stuff as us except we're getting credit for our classes."
--James
"I'm MVP!"
--Mike after the laser tag game
"Wicky Wicky Wong"
--everyone
"Hey now."
"You're a pornstar."
"Take your clothes off."
"Get laid."
--Mike and James
"Louis, you retard, sign in!"
--Louis's note to himself
"Got cookies?"
--Louis's poster
"Apparently you only get written up when you obey the rules."
"Like getting written up for signing in on time."
--Joe and Mike
"It was so hot today that I just turned the cold water on in the shower and walked around in it. It kept me cool for about a half hour."
--Terrence
"I was so hot last night that I just got up and walked around the hall to try to cool off."
--Greg
"We have more fans in our room than anyone else in our hall, yet our room is the hottest."
--Joe
"AGH! I locked myself out of my room again!"
--Andrew
"You don't want to see my lovely Floridian face?"
--Mike
"I am lines of code away."
--Mike
"So how's your colon?"
--Paul
"We call it [soda] pop around here."
--Terrence
"We're in the nerd program."
--James
"Yeah, I met this guy named Junior downtown who gave me a phone number and said to call him if I ever need anything. He said that he runs this whole town and everyone knows it."
--Mike
"We took the "bus" to Monroeville."
--Mike
"Hmm…would this "bus" happen to have extremely strong base and hold about 5 people?"
--Joe
"Yes it would."
--Mike
"Why did you block me from your buddy list??"
--Joe
"We're in the same room!"
--Garg
"How about me boning you in you in your *** in the rain?…Oh you don't like the rain?"
--Mike
"I'm going to tear him a new ***hole."
--Mike
"Nick, there's two other people on this floor you haven't met yet…Lumpkin and Bumpkin!"
--Mike
"YESSSS!!!!!!"
--everyone once their Ethernet connection was set up
"You know that you've warezed too much when you can lose everything that you've ever warezed and be left with nothing."
--Mike
"Like the operating system for one…"
--Garg
"Only a megabyte per second?? FASTER!!!"
--James when downloading off of Nick's FTP server
"Hey we lost our Wong."
--Mike
"He's a dirty Wong."
--James
"Oops we lost Joe."
--Louis
"I'm sitting right next you!"
--Joe
"Hmm Calculus, that class must bite."
--Garg
"Probably not as much as ECE."
--Joe
"Ok, now that's going too far."
--Garg
"What's up with Spain Calculus?"
--Mike
"Hmm, maybe I should read the book. Everything is starting to make sense now."
--James
"Yeah, back when I actually bought CDs."
--Nick
"I have about 6 gigs of mp3s right now."
--James
"I have about 6."
--Terrence
"I just keep talking until someone either laughs or just yells at me."
--CJ
"I'm not afraid to admit that on warm days I prefer the support of briefs."
--*name removed*
"My Calc professor says that we're going to finish chapter 8 early and start a preview of Calc 2."
--Mike
"Hey, just because by my estimates we're only going to get halfway through chapter 5 doesn't mean my professor is going slow…"
--Joe
"Worms! Can my team be that kinky purple color?"
--Greg
"Hey, any of you have change?"
--a bum downtown
"Sorry, we've just got campus dinex cards."
--Mike
"Hey, I'll take plastic. Just give me your pin number, we can be pin pals."
--bum
"Hey, any of you guys got a dollar?"
--a fat drunken bum in Oakland
"Man, I'm a teenager, I'm flat broke. You should be giving me money!"
--CJ
"Ha ha, ok, then go away ****** ******."
--bum
"If we had money do you think we'd be walking?"
--Mike
"What did I say? Bye!"
--bum
"…We're walking back to campus on the other side of the street now."
--Joe
"I left my car with some 'family'."
--Mike
"Ok guys, I'm going to need to see all of your ID's right now……yeah, right!"
--Joey
"My calculator can give me trig values in radical form!"
--TI-89 nerd in Calc class
"That's slick."
--Slick
"I wonder if there's a 'Calculus for Dummies' book."
--student in Calc
"There is, it's called a TI-89. Plug in the numbers and it gives you the answer."
--TI-89 boy
"…Can you have conversations with your calculator?"
--student in response
"You can if you get the modem adaptation!"
--TI-89 boy
"We didn't eat on campus at all today. Now we can go buy $17.50 worth of drinks at the Underground!"
--Mike
"Can I have a Killer Kookie?"
--James
"Are you joking?…umm which button is a Killer Kookie?"
--cashier
"It took us two days to figure out to pool our accounts for food, yet it took us 3 weeks to realize that we could upload CodeWarrior to one of our FTP servers instead of trying to warez it."
--Joe
"You are my entertainment!"
--Mike and Garg referring to the drama kids
"Hey we've actually got a legal copy of the Star Wars game."
--Greg
"Joe, you're going to let me burn a copy of that."
--Mike
"Perhaps I will…"
--Joe
"What do you call Knapp's children?…Napkins! What is Mike Knapp when he goes in a pool?…A wet nap!"
--Mike
"The student to computer ratio in our hall seriously has to be at least 2:1."
--Mike
"We need a name for our hall to paint on the fence."
--Joe
"How about 'the Cluster'?"
--Mike
"NO!"
--Andrew
"What's wrong with that?"
--Mike
"I'm an ART student!"
--Andrew
"Hey I still like 'Donner Party'."
--Greg
"Ok Louis, you're not a Communist anymore!"
--Mike
"Hey Joe can I check my email on your computer."
--Louis
"No."
--Joe
"Why not?"
--Louis
"Because you're no longer a Communist."
--Joe
"He's alone in there with two girls and when he opens the door he's wearing a towel. What do you think they're doing in there?"
--James
"Hey Andrew, can I have your Mojo?"
--Mike
"I'll tell you what Mike, the little I do have I'll give you."
--Andrew
"My advice: never listen to Stabbing Westward when you're going to sleep."
--Greg
"I'm from Texas, I'm allowed to say 'y'all'."
--Andrew
"Integration by parts wasn't on the AP exam."
--Terrence
"You mean that sent the message to all of Wean Hall??"
--Nick
"There are robots wandering around Wean Hall. At any other university, that would be strange, but not here."
--Terrence
"Hey we've got time to kill before the mini-mastery, let's go chase around the robots."
--Joe
"Our Calc professor tells us what the extra credit problems on the test are going to be."
--Mike
"I'm not drunk!"
--Andrew
"Hey Andrew, do you have a girlfriend?"
--James
"No…NO I'm not gay!"
--Andrew
"I would rule the world if I could only start my car."
--bathroom stall in the UC
"Hey Andrew, they bet me a dollar that I couldn't down a whole 2 liter of coke…I did lose the bet."
--Mike
"A dollar? That's crazy. Usually you wouldn't do something like that for any less than ten dol…wait what am I saying? I'm going to get into trouble."
--Andrew
"Why do people keep uploading porn to my FTP server??"
--James
"4 out of 5 experts agree that Pennsylvanians suck."
--Terrence
"You've lost your right to speak."
--Mike
"I'm a 6'3", 250 pound white guy…which means I move, like a rock."
--CJ
"Back dat azz up!"
--Louis
"Louis listened to classical before…and he bought Eminem?!"
--Andrew
"Don't you feel any guilt for what you've done to Louis?"
--Joe
"What? I just exposed him to a song that he happened to like."
--Mike
"And that he won't stop singing."
--Joe
"It all started in seventh grade when the original Quake came out."
--Garg
"Do you know how many people I know that flunked out of college because of Quake?"
--Garg
"Did you hear the base in my car?"
--Mike
"We didn't hear it, we felt it."
--Joe
"Do they run relay races at night on that floor?"
--James
"Hey Joe, I think this is the latest you've ever been up."
--Mike
"Contrary to what you may think, Mike, I actually do find your antics funny."
--Andrew
"Andrew, have you ever actually seen a large fry?"
--Mike
"I've only heard of them."
--Andrew
"I feel sick, I just ate a large fry with two of my friends. That was my lunch and my dinner for today."
--Moon
"How big was it?"
--James
"It took a whole tray."
--Moon
"There's a complex money laundering system here."
--Jike
"My boss lives in that big air conditioned room next to mine"
--Andrew
"So you're almost sleeping with your boss."
--Mike
"Andrew, is that the watch you stole from the hands of a dying old man?"
--Mike
"Excuse me our friend is trying to shave his head, does anyone have a disposable razor we could use?…No one, ok I feel stupid."
--CJ
"We need to dominate that Juke Box for the next half hour by putting on Stairway 4 times in a row and then turn the volume all the way down."
--Mike
"You're putting animal cracker's from Garg's bag into your box?"
-Joe
"Inbreeding!!"
--Mike
"Does that mean I'll have more tomorrow morning?"
--Greg
"What program are you guys in?"
--diversity meeting speaker
"Music", "Drama"
--everyone else
"…APEA…"
--all of us
"Sasparilla, the Granddaddy of all root beers!"
--Dave
"Someone uploaded Windows 2000 Beta to my FTP server!"
--Garg
"Are they doing what I think they're doing in there?"
--Andrew
"It was better than sitting in the heat of a dorm for 2 hours."
--Mike
"Quick we have to get back to the dorm. We only have another half hour to blast "Back Dat Azz Up" through the halls!"
--Mike
"Deleting C:\WINDOWS…"
--Mike's computer when attempting to install RedHat
"You know there's a much easier way to get past a screen saver password."
--Joe
"Shut your mouth unless you're giving me oral sex."
--Mike
"What are you talking aboot?"
--Louis
"I was under the impression you were having sex."
--Andrew
"Andrew wants you to sign his ball."
--Mike
"My goal is to draw the most ****** up thing I can think of, and then top it."
--Greg
"It's not rape if I enjoy it."
--Greg
"I just wanted to let you know that we liked the Killer Kookie, and it burned a hole through the bottom of the plate leaving chocolate on the table."
--Garg
"Where my girlz at."
--Mike's song
"Can I rent HBO for the time that we're here."
--Mike
"Yeah, we'll have two 16" pizzas."
--James
"Ok, who's havin' the party?!"
--they guy behind the counter
"I'm going to make a new operating system called klinux. The k stands for Kinky"
--Mike
"You could never be an Asian, Joe."
--James
"I'm still a Communist, I swear to God!"
--Louis
"Communists don't believe in God."
--Joe
"I say that if the code is hard to write the code should be hard to read."
--Mike
"People will buy anything if it's marketed right. You could even sell **** on a stick if you put it in a nice package."
--Greg
"Alright, what's the correlation between sex and quantum physics?"
--Joe
"The people who think up quantum physics, what do they never get?"
--Mike
"Everyone in Oakland seems to have a certain bum that they support."
--Greg
"I'm an ultra right-wing Republican."
--Louis
"We're tekkies, we meet girls online and then later find out that they're really guys."
--Mike
"Why don't we know any of these people? Are we like completely shut out from the outside world?"
--Nick's roommate (Gerry?)
"Garg! Garg! Garg!"
--everyone during the ending celebration when Garg's picture got stuck on the slide projector
"Remember, you can fudge things on your application."
--Josh
"Hey CJ, want to make a dollar?"
--Mike
"…How?…"
--CJ
"You're going to learn to say no to this really soon."
--Joe
"Are you familiar with the phrase homo-necrophilia?"
--Mike
"If my roommate doesn't show up by 10:00, I'm taking over the whole room, who's with me?"
--Greg