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look what she had to say about it!
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Tanisha Weible, from New York, used Serpentium to spice up her 26 year
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"For the last few years my husband has had no interest in sex. Then I
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But don't just believe these testimonials. Try Serpentium for yourself. Visit www.serpentium.com, and order your trial for only $24.95."
It was another spam mail, one of six which had arrived in Elaine's mailbox since checking her email that morning, just 5 hours ago. However, this one caught her eye. She worked in Venezuela, doing research into the anacondas living there, particularly their breeding behaviour, and the existence of such a pheromone was certainly true.
"They can't be telling the truth," she thought out loud.
"What's that?" a workmate asked.
"I just received a spam, claiming to be selling female anaconda mating pheromones as an aphrodisiac. Pretty crazy stuff, hey?"
"Maybe they'd like to share the secret of extracting it with us. Should we order some, get the anacondas to come to us instead of having to go out looking for them? It'd make our life much easier."
"Yeah, sit with our feet up as every male anaconda around comes to investigate, and then all we have to do is set up a trap, and we'll catch more snakes in a week than we would in a whole year."
"You know, I might try that actually. It can't hurt to try. And if it doesn't work, then we can just put it on expenses. You got the company credit card?"
"Here you are. The site they give is serpentium.com."
Elaine's workmate typed the address into his computer, and within a few minutes had charged their sponsors $24.95 for a bottle of Serpentium.
A couple of weeks later a parcel turned up, wrapped in plain brown paper. Elaine took it in, and opened it, not sure what they had ordered. When she saw the garishly designed box, reminding her of the spam, she remembered the order they had made.
"Hey Joe," she said, "Guess what?"
"What?" he replied.
"You know that Serpentium stuff you ordered? It's just turned up."
"Better not let the boss see it. He's been trying to track down a mysterious $24.95 payment. Of course, I denied all knowledge."
"And I suppose you're going to leave me to deal with it?"
"Hey, you know the boss likes you. If you get caught, just say it turned up in the post. And it's not gonna be too much effort for you just to take it someplace and hide it. Maybe we could try it out this weekend, and then if it works then we'll become heroes."
"OK, I'll hide it, but this is a real favour, understand? But what makes you think I'm free this weekend? I might have a really busy schedule."
"Do you?"
"Well, I guess not. We'll try it out then, and until then I'll hide it in my flat."
Elaine put the box containing the Serpentium in her coat pocket, ready to take it back to her flat when she next had the chance.
By the time Elaine returned to her flat, seven hours later, she had forgotten about the Serpentium. All eight of the research team lived in temporary accommodation, built when their centre was built to house the people working their. A number of groups had used the centre over its lifetime, and her flat was showing its age.
The buildings were mainly close together, but Elaine had purposely chosen one
which was separated from the group. She was the only woman on the team, and
felt that she deserved the little extra privacy which her location gave her.
On arriving in her flat, she quickly changed clothes. It was a Friday evening,
and a social trip to the nearest major town had been organised. It was not much
of a town, but it had a few bars, and made a nice change from the remoteness
of her home, perched above the swamps.
She grabbed her coat and headed across the boardwalk towards the garage. The centre only had one converted four wheel drive, the only vehicle capable of carrying all eight of them, and negotiating the rough three mile track separating them from the main road system.
The eight of them piled into their transport. They rotated the driver for each visit to the town, and this time it was Joe. Elaine had been the driver for the last trip, so she was looking forward to being able to have a few drinks, and get her mind off her work for once.
Half an hour of bumpy driving later, they arrived at the town. They each had their favourite bars, and so, with a strict order from Joe to meet back at midnight, separated into groups of two and three.
It was almost half eight, so Elaine had three and a half hours. She went around with Joe, having him support her as she gradually drank more and more, while he remained sober, the only way it was possible to navigate the tricky drive back.
By ten to midnight Elaine was well and truly drunk. The long hours of work, and the dedication she put in even when not technically working meant that she always felt that she needed to get the most from these trips, and with Joe's help she had definitely managed that today.
The two of them headed back to their meeting place. Everyone else was there waiting, and they set off back. The drive took longer this time, but within forty-five minutes they were back at their centre.
"Are you ok, Elaine?" Joe asked. "Do you want me to walk you back to your place?"
"I'll be fine, darling. I could find my way back with my eyes shut, I've made the journey so many times," she replied
"Sure?"
"I'm an independent woman, stop harassing me. I'm big enough to go places on my own."
"OK then, just make sure you don't come back to my place after you fall into the water."
"I'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen? Eaten by one of these anacondas that we can't bloody find?" Elaine laughed and staggered off, and Joe returned to his own flat ready to sleep.
Elaine made slow progress towards her flat. She was more drunk that she would liked to admit to, but she was fairly sure that she wouldn't have any problems getting home.
"I could do this with my eyes shut," she said to herself. "In fact, I will, stop Joe hassling me like that." Elaine shut her eyes and carried on. She only managed a couple of steps before loosing her footing on a loose plank. It tipped slightly, and she fell off the boards into the swampy water.
"Maybe that's not a good idea. I think eyes open will do me." She climbed back onto the boardwalk, and carried on forwards, leaving a muddy trail behind.
"Hey, I'm already muddy. Why not take a shortcut, save time getting back?" She took her shoes off, and stepped back off the boards, feeling the mud oozing between her toes.
She struggled through the mud towards the light hanging outside her house. Her progress was slow, and she kept falling over, soaking herself.
"Maybe Joe was right. But look, I'm almost there. Just a little further."
Suddenly her foot hit a log under the water, and twisted underneath her. She fell down heavily onto the log, knocking the wind out of her, and bruising her side. She tried to stand up, but every time she moved her leg it just sent pain through her.
"Shit, I'm stuck." The cold water and sudden pain forced sobriety into her, and she realised the stupidity of her actions. She tried shouting for help, but no-one could hear.
She could feel bleeding from the side that she had landed on. She reached under her coat, and felt glass sticking into her side. The bottle of Serpentium had shattered, and one of the shards had pierced the inside of her coat, and was sticking into her skin. She pulled it out, and was relieved to find it was only a minor wound.
After a few minutes of lying there, she could feel her grasp on consciousness falling from her. The injury had got her adrenalin going, and now that it was wearing off she noticed how tired she was. Soon tiredness overpowered her, and she fell asleep, barefoot, cold, wet and muddy in the swamp.
The following morning, as not long after dawn broke, Elaine was awoken by a curious scratching on her good leg. She tried to move her head round to get a look at its cause, and immediately her hangover hit her.
"Where am I?" she groaned. Slowly memories of the night before came back. "My leg! Can I even walk?" She twisted her body round, wriggling out of her coat, leaving her wearing just her casual wear from last night, and looked down at her leg.
She was in among the grass and mud, and she could barely make out her leg among the growth. However, as she twisted further too see what was scratching her, she immediately recognised what she had trained to.
"Crap! An anaconda. Of all the times to find one, it has to be when I'm stuck in the water with it." She tried shouting for help, but in the light she could see how far she was from the rest of the buildings, nearly at her own. It was Saturday morning, and no-one was going to come and look for her until Monday at the earliest.
"I'd better get out of this myself then." She tried to lift her good leg, but it was stuck against something. She reached down to try and move the obstruction.
It was the anaconda. It had wrapped itself around her leg, and its weight alone was keeping her there. It wasn't squeezing, just scratching her. Elaine's work jumped to the forefront of her mind, and suddenly she remembered the Serpentium again.
"It's worked!" she gasped. She recognised the mating behaviour of the anaconda. It was wrapped around her body, and was now trying to encourage her to allow copulation. While she was touched by the thought, her main consideration was to remove it, and return to the safety of her hut.
She tried to use her other arm to take the snake off, but that arm, like her leg was pinned into position. She looked round at it, and saw another green and black body curled over it.
"God, I'm in a breeding ball." She looked round. There were only the two snakes on her, but she knew that the breeding balls could have anything up to twenty males on the female.
It was only a short amount of time before a third snake joined her, curling around her other leg. It sent twinges of pain as it moved, and Elaine was sure that the leg was broken, or at the very least badly sprained. Her single free arm was not enough to control an anaconda, even the smaller males, and she was defenceless to do anything but let it enwrap her leg.
She could see the sun moving slowly across the sky, but time was loosing its hold. By noon a further two snakes had joined her, both coiling round her waist. From time to time all of the snakes on her performed their strange scratching.
"Guys, I'm not a nice lady anaconda. I'm a person. I'm not going to mate with you." Her pleas had no ears to fall on.
As night fell a further snake smelt its way towards her. Slowly it pushed its way under her body, its head at her side, then against her spine, and then at the other side. It pulled more of its body under as it moved its head over her chest, and then back under her body to encircle her another time.
The other snakes moved slightly to accommodate the newcomer. Her body felt like it had a second skin in some parts, smooth bands shifting slightly under and over her, never squeezing but just holding.
The seventh snake was not long in coming. It started to coil round her free arm, and she tried to shake it off, but the exhaustion had taken its toll on her, and her actions barely had an effect. It coiled the arm, then slid across her face and looping a coil around it.
Elaine could no longer see anything but the six inches of snake obscuring her vision. She struggled to breathe past the coil, just managing to find a large enough air gap to ensure an adequate supply of air.
One more snake came to her. She could not tell whether it was night or day, unable to see, and too covered in anacondas to feel any warmth from the sun. She hardly had any of her body exposed, and she could feel the occasional movements on her as the new arrival tried to find room.
It slid between her legs, and then into the skirt she was wearing. Its nose pushed into her panties, and slowly it forced its way in until its size ripped her clothes. She felt its body slide up over her, before settling, satisfied in having found her body.
Time passed, but she had no idea how long. The gentle movements of the anacondas as they moved around each other, and their scratching as they tried to induce her to mate were the only things that distinguished one moment from the next.
Exhaustion and dehydration were taking a toll on her, and she started to panic. She knew that these mating balls could last for days, and she was doubtful as to whether she would survive hours. The snakes had not mated yet, unable to find the clues they needed, and she hoped that they would not be too persistent.
Suddenly, one of the snakes slid off her leg, and swam away. Within an hour, they were all moving, no longer able to taste the smell that had brought them there, the slowly flowing waters having washed away the Serpentium.
Eventually Elaine was free of snakes. The sun was just setting, and no-one seemed to be around. She pulled her coat around her, and dragged herself upright. Her bad leg protested at the movements, but she ignored it, and slowly limped towards her home.
When she got in, she looked at her watch. It was Sunday evening, so she had been lying in the water for almost forty hours. She took a shower, and after eating all the instantly available food, and taking a huge drink, she fell asleep.
The alarm woke her the following morning, and she hobbled to work not long after, wondering whether any of the others had noticed she was missing. When she got in, Joe greeted her.
"Wow, you must have been really hung over! Been in bed with aspirin all weekend?"
"Something like that," she replied. "And you were right, I should have let you walk me back. You'll never guess what happened."
"Tell me", Joe said.
Elaine took off her shoe and held up her swollen ankle to show him. "I tripped on the way back, and twisted it. That kinda put me out of action all weekend, so I did spend most of it just lying down."
"Do you want to try out the Serpentium this week?" he asked.
"I think I lost it in town. It probably didn't work anyway. Best not to waste money on that sort of rubbish."
By Konstricta