My Poems

Fear < br>Can you hear It? It screams and yells. But It stays hidden behind. In whispered tones It controls me. I the slave, It my master They're looking at you again. It's always there, not one moments peace. Never letting me do anything. Yet, It protects me from myself. They're going to know. They allready know. They'll kill you for it. It never let me look into the future, for there is no future when suicide is near. Now It taunts me, It shows me ahead. A blur becomes real, I am there. Bitter, old and alone. I reach for the pills on my nightstand. What shall it be, a bottle of Vodka, some Brandy tonight, or a big glass filled with some Martini, better make it dry. But It laughs in my face, It stops me again, to prolong the agony that is my life. The vision fades, only to reamerge at a later date. You don't deserve it, So you won't get it. I push it away, no more nasty thoughts. And it's quiet. The silence is bliss. But it won't last, it never does, because...It always returns, the fear inside of me. Jay

Inside Burn All around They surround me It's allways the same, I can feel them on me. It's not a glance. It's not a look. It's a burning stare. Am I the first of my kind they see? Am I really that ugly, they have to stare. Do I freak them out? All these years and the stares will continue. I know It Burns It hurts But I can't stop myself. Jay

Dreaming It's 1:00 am, and I'm stil here, alone, stuck in between, not being able to get out. This prison I've built is strong. I keep myself hidden. They want to come out, the feelings that is. I shove them back, because I know the feelings are just the begining. The memories will follow, to re-live again. and I don't want that. We've keept them back there for a reason. The silene comes.... but with silence comes thaught; I notice my right arm and the reminder left by myself it awekens the fear. A birthmark, a broken hear, most people don't see it, but I do. A heart that can't be mended. Because I will stop myself. It only excists in my dreams. My life is a dream, or maybe it's the other way around. I'm part of someones dreams. Fading when he wakes up, and leaving his memory in seconds. I'm back in my room, the darkness surrounds me, as does the silence. Everyone around me is asleep. Dreaming. Everyone, except for me. Jay

World They all pass-by in their little "cliques", talking their talk, walking their walk. But do they take into consideration, of the people around them. They give me their pitty, but I don't want it. What I want is exceptane. All their lives, they're going to be minions, little runes of society. Never reaching the pinacle of what only a few reach. Open mindedness. But exceptance isn't forthcoming, Is it? Jay

The following poem was done by a very dear friend of mine, thanks Moonshine. :)

I know . Though my head is lowered And my eyes are shut, You still presist foward, You come and put your arms around me; You tell me that you love me. I look up into your beautiful face, And you smile your smile, And I awake to face yet another day. Though my oriental beauty Is only in my dreams, She is mine and only mine. At night she leads me into the land of extacy; All the while preparing me to succed. I know that I am laught at, Ridiculed and misunderstood. I know that we are known as Femi-Nazises, Psycho-Dykes, and Liberal Witches. These stereotypes that society sets Are meaningless to me. I am, who I am, Though nobody has to understand; For I do. I have been told that my way is an evil way For the Bible preaches against it. However, when all human kind Has turned their heads and denied me; I know that our true father,The Almighty Lord, will not. He will embrace me for eternity. Until that time arises, Everynight my oriental beauty Shall embrace me & dedicate her love towards Me. Though only in my dreams She is there; I can still feel her body against me, I know she will be with me Until eternity. Moonshine

This next one is one of my favorites.
It is from one of my favorite singers.
The song is called "Me and a Gun", it is writen, and sang by, Tori Amos.
The song comes from her "Little Earthquakes" CD.
Enjoy.

Me And A Gun 5am friday morning thursday night far from sleep, but I'm still up and driving can't go home obviously So I'll just change directions cause they'll soon know where I live And I wanna live. Got a full tank and some chips. It was me and a gun, and a man on my back And I sang "holy, holy" as he buttoned down his pants. You can laugh Its kind of funny Things you think Times like these Like I haven't seen Barbados, so I must get out of this. Yes I wore a slinky red thing. Does that mean I should spread? For you, your friends, Your father, Mr Ed It was me and a gun and a man on my back But I haven't seen Barbados, so I must get out of this. And I know what this means Me and Jesus a few years back used to hang And he said "it's your choice babe, just remember I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time, so you choose well" Tell me whats right Is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred's Seville. It was me and a gun, and a man on my back. But I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this. And do you know Carolina Where the biscuits are soft and sweet These things go through your head when there's a man on your back. And you're pushed flat on your stomach it's not a classic caddilac. It was me and a gun and a man on my back. But I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this. (The Piano Godess)Tori Amos

This next one, is from Sarah McLauchlin, she is my second fav. singer songwriter.
The song is called, "Angel".
It comes from her latest cd, called "Surfacing".
Enjoy

Angel Spend all your time waiting for that second chance for a break that would make it okay there's always one reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction oh beautiful release memory seeps from my veins let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight In the arms of an angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort there So tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back and the storm keeps on twisting you keep on building the lie that you make up for all that you lack it don't make no difference escaping one last time it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees In the arms of an angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort there you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort here. Sarah McLachlin

B*A*C*K