This story was inspired by a Boyzone CD I was listening to whilst sunning myself on a beach in France this summer.
Usual disclaimer all characters belong to TPTB words of the song ‘You needed Me’ recorded by Boyzone and ‘When you say nothing at all’ by Ronan Keeting from the film Notting Hill You Needed Me
“Captain, course co-ordinates plotted.”
“Thank you Mr Tuvok.” Kathryn walked down to the helm and placed a hand on Tom’s shoulder, “Mr Paris warp 4”
“Aye Captain,” He replied with that boyish grin on his face that she just couldn’t resist replying with a smile.
“Commander you have the bridge, I’ll be in my ready room.”
“Aye Captain.”
Kathryn walked into her ready room and walked over to the window, she stood staring at the stars, she could still hardly believe that in about 2 hours they would be home. Was it really only 3 days since they had encountered that strange displacement wave that they had been unable to avoid? She’d picked herself up from the floor and whilst Tuvok had been giving her a status report Harry Kim had said in barely a whisper that they were back in the Alpha Quadrant. She’d ordered a message to be sent to Starfleet and they had soon received a reply telling them to report to DS9.
Due to the damage sustained from the displacement wave it had taken them 3 days. Starfleet had offered to send a ship out to collect her crew but she had refused she wanted to finish the journey under her own steam and she didn’t want her crew split up before she had the chance to ensure that the marquis members would be treated fairly. Now all that was left for her to do was record one last message, which after all this time she still couldn’t say in person.
She walked over to her desk and activated the visual recorder. It’s now been 5yrs, 4mths and 6 days sine I first saw you on the viewscreen. At the onset I believed I was alone due to there being no other Starfleet vessel in the Delta quadrant but now I know that from the moment you said to B’Elanna on the bridge” She’s the Captain” that you have always been there for me.
Kathryn paused the recording, “Computer play Janeway personal music selection no 33” The sound of an old Terrain song began playing in the background. She hadn’t wanted her usual classical selection, she’d come across this recording from one of the data banks that Tom had loaned her and she had always thought the words were very appropriate. She resumed her recording.
I CRIED A TEAR YOU WIPED IT DRY
Do you remember when we lost Kes? I felt as if I had lost a daughter. You helped me see that I had to let her go and that it was part of the normal process in a mother/daughter relationship. Then there was the day we received the letters from earth and I told you what was in Mark’s letter, you told me then that there was plenty of time for another relationship but I was too afraid to take that final step. I felt that I wouldn’t be able to command properly if we were involved. Fortunately you understood although there were times I tested your patience to the limit.
I SOLD MY SOLE YOU BOUGHT IT BACK FOR ME
Right from the onset you were against my agreement with the Borg and this was one occasion when you actually stood up to me. What you said made sense but as usual I was too stubborn to realise that a decision made on little sleep and to few meals perhaps wasn’t the best choice. I should’ve known the Borg wouldn’t keep their side of the bargain, if the Dr hadn’t put me in a state of sleep I probably wouldn’t have turned the ship around. She smiled, That doesn’t mean I agree with the way you made your decision but I have to admit that it probably was the best choice at the time. I’m so glad that we managed to work together to escape from fluidic space.
For many months afterwards our relationship was strained and there was a distance that had never been there before, I often thought about the time we were forced to stay on the planet we called New Earth.
YOU HELD MY HAND WHEN IT WAS COLD
WHEN I WAS LOST YOU TOOK ME HOME
Kathryn paused remembering the night of the ion storm in which she lost all her equipment. She had gone into the woods to check on the traps when the storm had come on suddenly. She had blindly tried to make her way back to the shelter but she kept losing her footing. She was laid on the ground when she heard Chakotay calling her name, then she felt his arms lift her up and helped her back to the shelter He kept his arms arm around her whilst they sheltered under the table and comforted her when all the equipment broke.
Kathryn continued talking ‘The following day was the point I accepted that we might end up spending the rest of our lives on the planet and I tried hard to make the most of it. I knew our relationship was beginning to follow a different course and the night you massaged my shoulders I backed off because I was afraid.
YOU PUT ME HIGH UPOM A PEDESTAL
SO HIGH THAT I COULD SEE ETERNITY
YOU NEEDED ME – YOU NEEDED ME
I insisted that we define parameters and you quoted your angry warrior legend, that was your way of letting me know that you needed me. I just couldn’t tell you how much I needed you.
Over the past 15 months our relationship has developed into a deep friendship. I used to sense that all I needed to do was say the word and you would be willing to let it progress into much more, but lately that seems to be missing.
Kathryn stood up and walked nervously over to the window “Have I left it too late Chakotay” She laughed, “I’ve faced many battles and enemies but none of them has made me as nervous as I am now”
She sat back down in front of the vid screen. “Since we discovered we were back in the Alpha Quadrant I’ve tried to imagine a life without you around and that thought has filled me with dread. You’ve become such a part of my life now and I want you to become much more” She hesitated,”
I love you Chakotay”
Kathryn stopped the recording. “Computer inform Commander Chakotay via his consol there is a message that needs to be taken in his office.” The minutes passed and after a ½ hour had elapsed Kathryn could take it no longer and walked onto the bridge.
“Captain we will be docking at DS9 in 20 minutes.”
“Thank you Mr Tuvok” She looked around but Chakotay was not on the bridge. “Where is Commander Chakotay?”
“He is in his office captain”
She could feel Tom Paris watching her and it took all her self-control to nod and take her seat. She opened the consol at the side of the chair and noticed there was a message waiting for her. With shaking hands she pressed the accept button. A smile crossed her face as she started reading. Tom had obviously lent the same data banks to Chakotay. He had replied to her letter with the words of a song from the same era.
IT’S AMAZING HOW YOU CAN SPEAK RIGHT TO MY HEART
WITHOUT SAYING A WORD YOU LIGHT UP THE DARK
TRY AS I MAY I CAN NEVER EXPLAIN
WHAT I HEAR WHEN YOU DON’T SAY A THING
ALL DAY LONG I CAN HEAR PEOPLE TALKING OUT LOUD
BUT WHEN YOU ARE NEAR YOU DROWN OUT THE CROWD
TRY AS THEY MAY THEY CAN NEVER DEFINE
WHATS BEEN SAID BETWEEN YOUR HEART AND MINE
THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE LETS ME KNOW THAT YOU NEED ME
THERE’S A TRUTH IN YOUR EYES SAYING YOU’LL NEVER LEAVE ME
THE TOUCH OF YOUR HAND
SAYS YOU’LL CATCH ME WHENEVER I FALL
YOU SAY IT BEST WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL
As she finished reading Kathryn became aware that Chakotay was sitting down next to her.
“I might be busy for the next few weeks” She said quietly.
He smiled. “That’s fine I’ve waited this long, a few more weeks won't matter.”
FINIS
