A little Misunderstanding
Written By: Jen w.
Here's my first story all feedback is most welcome.
This was my ever attempt at fanfic, it started off in response to the challenge Nerys posted a while back, unfortunately it didn't follow the challenge, but what the heck it got me writing so thanks Nerys. Also big thanks to Karen for reading it as I went along and encouraging me.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager and all characters etc I'm just borrowing them for a while I promise to put them back later.
Chakotay stormed out of the transporter room, completely unaware of the astonished look on the face of the transporter chief. "How could she?'' he muttered to himself. He was so engrossed that he didn't look where he was going and tripped over young Naomi Wildman who was running along the corridor.
"Naomi! How often have I told you not to run in the corridor?" scolded her mother. " I'm sorry Commander," said Sam Wildman.
"That's ok" he said "I wasn't looking where I was going, Are you alright Naomi?" Yes thank you" said Naomi shyly.
"Where are you going in such a rush anyway?" He asked.
"To the mess hall," replied Sam. Chakotay raised his eyebrows," I've seen people run away from the mess hall but never to it!"
"Uncle Neelix has prepared a special treat for me" said Naomi excitedly.
"Neelix has made her some ice cream from the fruit he picked on Backlania" explained Sam. A scowl crossed Chakotay's face at the mention of the planet they had been orbiting for the past week.
"Commander, why don't you join us?" asked Sam. Chakotay was just about to say no, when he thought, why not it beats sitting in my quarters alone.
To Sam and Naomi he said, "I hope Neelix has got enough of that ice cream"
An hour later after eating several bowls of ice cream, the three of them were still in the mess hall, chatting quite easily. When Chakotay suddenly went quiet. Sam looked at him and noticed a dark look on his face; she was about to ask him what was wrong when she followed the direction of his gaze.
The Captain had entered the mess hall with the Backlanian Ambassador. She looked more vibrant and animated than Sam had seen her in a long time.
They collected a tray of food and walked over in Chakotay's direction.
"Good evening" said Kathryn smiling.
"Good evening Captain" chorused Sam and Naomi together. Chakotay sat there silently.
"May we join you?" asked Kathryn.
Before Sam had chance to reply, Chakotay stood up and said, "I'm sorry Captain, but we were just leaving".
Kathryn's eyes showed a flicker of hurt and Chakotay was about to relent when he looked at the man by her side and stood his ground. "Perhaps we could dine together another time" said the Ambassador.
"Perhaps" replied Chakotay stiffly.
Kathryn nodded at Sam and walked to another table with the Ambassador.
Sam looked at Chakotay curiously, He gave her a wry smile and said " Would you mind if we left now?"
"Not at all" she said.
Kathryn frowned as she watched them leave, what was wrong with Chakotay she thought; it wasn't like him to be so rude to a representative of a Planet they were visiting. She'd have to have a word with him; they couldn't afford to upset the Backlanian's when their supplies were so low. She was so engrossed in thought that it took a moment to realise that the Ambassador was talking to her.
"I'm sorry Ambassador" she apologised,
"Arlac, please" he replied "there's no need to apologise."
"Arlac;" She smiled "what were you saying?"
"I was commenting on the unusual taste of the stew," he replied.
Kathryn laughed; "That'll be the Leola root, Neelix says that the food wouldn't taste right without it, I'm afraid no-one agrees with him."
He smiled back at her; "Did you know your eyes sparkle like Malouvian crystals when you laugh"
"Thank you" she replied unable to control the colour that flushed her cheeks.
On the way to Sam's quarters, Naomi chatted none stop, whilst Chakotay hardly said a word. At the doors to her quarters Sam said, " Would you like to come in for a while?"
" I don't think I'd be very good company,"
"I'm a very good listener!" she said "And you look like you could do with someone to talk to!"
He smiled, "I think you're right"
After Sam had got Naomi settled in bed and Chakotay had read her a story Sam replicated them some coffee. Chakotay sat on the sofa and Sam sat opposite him in one of the chairs.
"I'm sorry about earlier in the mess hall," he said.
"That's all right with me, but I think the Captain was a little upset!" said Sam.
"I know and now that I've calmed down, I feel bad about it"
"Do you want to talk about it? " asked Sam gently.
"I think it was the little green monster getting out of control," he replied feeling a little ashamed.
"You mean the Captain and the Ambassador?" asked Sam surprised, "She has to entertain him, it's Starfleet protocol".
"I don't think she's entertaining him out of a sense of duty!" said Chakotay bitterly.
"I'm sure you've got it wrong,"
"I know what I saw!" he replied.
"I don't know what you mean?" queried Sam.
"I went down to the planet earlier," he said, "I was hoping to ask Kathryn to join me for a walk, that was a big mistake".
"Go on " said Sam gently.
"I was told that she was with the Ambassador in the Town Square, I didn't think anything about it and went to look for them "
"Didn't you find them?" she asked.
"Oh I found them alright "he replied.
Sam noticed the distressed look on his face, and went to sit on the sofa next to him; she put her hand gently on his knee. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she said kindly.
He gave her a half-hearted smile, "No, I'd like to!" he said, she nodded and he continued. "They were sitting outside a small café talking." She looked at him puzzled. "It was the way he was looking at her".
Sam smiled "That's not too surprising, the Captain's very attractive".
"He took a hold of her hand and she certainly didn't seem to object, she was even looking at him in the same way", he snapped.
"What happened next?" she asked gently.
"I don't know, I didn't hang around any longer"
"Chakotay, don't you think you're overreacting a little," she said, "it's probably totally innocent!"
"She brought him back to the ship with her, didn't she?" he retorted.
"She often brings back delegates from the Planets we've visited," Sam said patiently. "Oh, I know, you're probably right," he said, his anger beginning to subside, "It's just that ? " he broke off unwilling to finish the sentence.
"Chakotay, I know how you feel about the Captain" she said.
"Am I that obvious?" he asked.
Sam laughed at the surprised look on his face. "You can see it in your eye's whenever she's around."
"It's a pity she doesn't see it," he said ruefully.
"I'm sure she does," said Sam, "She often looks at you in the same way".
"I never know where I stand with her, just as we seem to be getting close, she suddenly backs off and shuts me out." said Chakotay.
"It must be difficult for her," replied Sam "She probably feels that it could effect the way she commands the ship if she was to let herself get involved with you."
"That's the sort of excuse she normally comes up with," smiled Chakotay in spite of himself, she returned his smile, glad that his spirits seemed to have lifted a little. "Thank you;" he said.
"What for?" she asked.
"For helping me get things into perspective,"
"I'm glad I could be of help," she said.
"Would you like me to show you around the ship now?" asked Kathryn when they had finished eating.
Standing up he held out his hand to her, "I'd like that very much" he replied. She smiled and took his outstretched hand, unable to stop the colour that rose to her cheeks.
They ended the tour on the bridge and Kathryn invited him into her ready room for coffee.
Whilst Kathryn was replicating the coffee's Arlac stood gazing out of the window, "I never tire of looking at the stars" she said, coming up behind him.
"It is a wonderful sight" he agreed, but I would miss seeing the fields and people walking by."
Kathryn sat down sighing deeply. Arlac sat next to her. "You miss that don't you Kathryn?"
"Yes I do," she said, her eyes glistening slightly.
Resting his hand gently on hers he said, "You could stay on Backlania, you would all be welcome here"
"No I couldn't do that," she said shaking her head.
"Why not" he asked.
"Because it's my fault we're stuck in the Delta Quadrant, and it's my responsibility to get everyone home, besides I don't belong out here."
"Do you have someone waiting for you back home?" He queried.
Kathryn shook her head sadly, "No, not anymore"
"I could help you to feel that you belong here," he said tenderly, gently caressing her cheek.
Kathryn sat mesmerised by his eyes as he leant forward to gently kiss her on the mouth, she found herself responding to his kiss, and then she broke away abruptly and stood near the window.
"Kathryn?" said Arlac confused.
"I'm sorry" she said, "I can't"
"Why not?" he asked, "You said there was no-one else."
Continuing to stare out of the viewport, Kathryn whispered, "No, I said there was no else at home anymore. There is someone on Voyager, but he doesn't know."
"Commander Chakotay," said Arlac softly.
She nodded, continuing to look at the stars. He walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, turning her to look at him. "Why haven't you told him?"
"Because I can't let myself get involved with him," she replied regretfully.
"Why not?"
"As Captain of this ship, I have to maintain a certain distance from my crew, especially my first officer," she said defensively.
"Do you doubt your ability to run this ship if you let yourself get involved?" Questioned Arlac.
"Of course not!" she said angrily, shaking her shoulders free of his grip.
"Are you sure?" he tilted her chin so that she had to look at him, "What are you frightened of?"
"I think it would be best if you left now:" She said stubbornly.
"Of course," he dropped his hand and turned to leave, as he reached the door he looked back, "You don't have to tell me me Kathryn, but can you answer that truthfully to yourself?" He gazed at her for a moment then he left.
Kathryn stared at the door, was he right, was that why she wouldn't let Chakotay get close to her? She turned back to the viewport, what was she scared of? She knew deep down how much she cared for Chakotay and that it wouldn't be difficult to allow those feelings to develop into much more. But would she still be able to command the ship in the same way, what if they had a row in their private lives would she be able to keep it separate from when they were on the bridge, and vice versa. Most importantly could she send Chakotay on away missions knowing that she could be sending him into danger?
She didn't know the answers to these questions and this was what frightened her and why she kept backing away. Oh, she knew how he felt about her and that she only needed to say the word, he wouldn't push her but he wasn't always going to wait.
He was a damned attractive man, a grin crossed her face when she thought about that 'smile' and there were plenty of women on this ship that thought so as well. He was only human with needs like anyone else, if she didn't let him into her life soon she may lose him forever.
Suddenly coming to a decision she said, "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."
"Commander Chakotay is in Ensign Wiildman's quarters."
Kathryn frowned, at this time of night! She could always contact him via his comm badge but for some reason she was unwilling to do that.
"Computer, inform me when Commander Chakotay returns to his quarters; She decided to read the days reports whilst she waited.
"Commander Chakotay has returned to his quarters," Kathryn sat up suddenly momentarily confused. She must've fallen asleep she thought, rubbing her shoulder.
"Computer what is the time?"
"04.00
"What time did Commander Chakotay leave Ensign Widman's quarters?" she asked.
"03.50hrs," Kathryn felt sick to her stomach, there could only be one reason why he'd spent such a long time in Sam's quarters, he'd obviously given up waiting for her and found comfort in another woman's arms. She only had herself to blame but it didn't make her feel any better. She put her head in her hands and was unable to stop the silent tears that fell.
"Damn," he cursed as he stumbled whilst trying to put on his boots. He should've got up as soon the computer gave him his wake up call, now he was going to miss breakfast and he really wanted to talk to Kathryn. Perhaps she would have lunch with him. He hadn't intended to spend so long in Sam's quarters but she was so easy to open up to and it was nice to talk to someone about his feelings for Kathryn. He finished dressing and hurriedly made his way to the bridge.
When he arrived on the bridge she was seated in her chair looking at some padds.
"Good morning captain," he said as he took his seat next to her.
She looked up from her padd, "Good morning Commander,"
He couldn't help but notice the dark shadows beneath her eyes. "You look tired today Kathryn;" He said softly so that no one would hear him use her given name.
Despite herself she was unable to control the shiver that ran through her at the way he said her name. "I am," she admitted "I didn't get much sleep last night," A dark look briefly crossed his face, but he didn't say anything.
"I'll be going down to the planet shortly for my meeting with the Council Members," she said returning to her pad.
"Will you be on the Planet long?" He asked, concealing his disappointment.
"Most of the day, Ambassador Arlac has invited me to stay for lunch after the meeting. Is there a problem?"
"No, but would it possible to have a private word with you before you go?
"Is it urgent Commander?" She said impatiently, "I have to see B'Elanna before I go and I don't want to keep the Ambassador waiting."
No I bet you don't he thought to himself, out loud he said "It's not urgent, but it is important. Can we talk later?"
Kathryn looked at him; she wasn't sure whether she wanted to hear what he had to say. "I'll let you know when I return from the Planet," she stood up," But now I must go and see B'Elanna, You have the Bridge Commander." With that she left via the turbo lift.
Chakotay was sitting in his office when Tuvok informed him that Captain had sent word that she would not be returning from the planet until later that evening. He was furious, she knew he wanted to speak to her, the least she could do was have the decency to tell him herself instead of sending a message via Tuvok. He put down the padd he was working on; his shift had officially ended over an hour ago.
" Computer what is the location of Lieutenant Torres,"
"Lieutenant Torres is in the mess hall"
Chakotay made his way to the mess hall, he needed some company and B'Elanna usually made him feel better. When he got there he found that she was with Harry and Joe Carey. He should've known she wouldn't be on her own. He turned to leave when he heard someone call his name. He looked round and saw Sam and Naomi just coming out of the galley.
"Not more ice cream Naomi! You'll end up with a tummy ache." He teased.
"I never get tummy ache:" She boasted.
"She's right," Laughed Sam, "It must be the Katarian in her. Go and sit down Naomi, I'll be along in a minute. How are you today?" she asked Chakotay.
He shrugged his shoulders.
"Did you speak to the Captain?"
" I think she's avoiding me,"
"Surely not:" She said, "Look, why don't you come and sit with us?"
"I think I will," He smiled. "I came along for some company and I did enjoy our chat last night."
"So did I," Said Sam, returning his smile.
Kathryn sat peacefully in the grounds of the Backlanian Embassy, it felt good to breathe fresh air and feel the ground beneath her feet again. She turned at the sound of footsteps to see Arlac approaching, "There you are Kathryn, I wondered where you had disappeared to."
She smiled," I just wanted to be alone for a little while, it's so beautiful out here."
"Would you like me to go?"
She shook her head, "No, Please join me?"
He sat beside her on the bench, "I would like to apologise for last night, I should not have said what I did."
"That's all right," She said turning to look at him," You certainly made me think about why I've kept Chakotay at a distance."
"Are you going to tell him."
"It's too late," She said sadly.
"What do you mean?" He asked puzzled.
"After you left last night, I decided to tell him how I feel." Kathryn's eye's glistened with the tears, which she had been trying to keep at bay all day.
Arlac put his hand on hers to comfort her, "What did he say?"
"I didn't speak to him,"
Arlac looked confused, "I don't understand, then why are you so upset?"
"He spent most of the night with another woman," She whispered, unable to stop the tears spilling over. Arlac pulled her to him and held her until she managed to get her feelings under control.
"I'm sorry about that," She said, as she moved away and self-consciously wiped away the tears.
"Don't worry about it," He said gently, "But are you sure it's too late?"
"I told you he was with another woman"
"Do you love him?"
Did she love him? Oh yes, she loved him that's why it hurt it so much, why she felt as if a part of her and been torn away. She looked at Arlac, "Yes I do:"
"Then you must tell him how you feel, and if necessary be prepared to fight for him,"
She put her hand on his, "Thank you, I think I'll go back to my ship now if you don't mind?"
"Not at all, I hope things work out for you."
Kathryn touched her comm badge, "Janeway to Voyager, one to beam up"
She walked along the corridor quickly, the computer had told her that Chakotay was in the mess hall and she wanted to speak to him before she lost her nerve. She faltered in her steps as she entered the room, he was there but he was sat with Sam and Naomi. She was about to turn and leave when she remembered what Arlac had said about being prepared to fight for him.
So taking a deep breath she walked purposively over to their table "Good evening,"
"Captain, I thought you wasn't due back until later." Said Chakotay, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice.
"The negotiations finished sooner than I expected, and you did say you wanted to speak to me this evening."
"It doesn't matter now." He said.
"But you said it was important, and there's also something I'd like to discuss with you." Added Kathryn
Chakotay looked at her closely, He thought she seemed a little on edge. "Fine, shall I meet you in your ready room in an hour?"
"Damn the man she thought, he wasn't going to make this easy for her. "I'll see you in an hour then," She replied, forcing a smile on her face.
Sam watched her leave, "What was all that about?" She asked him in surprise.
He shook his head "I don't know, I've no idea what she wants to discuss, don't you think she seemed a little distracted?"
"I'm not talking about the captain," Chakotay looked at her curiously, "I mean the way you spoke to her."
"I suppose I was a little abrupt with her," He sighed," But I was still feeling a bit annoyed with her for sending that message through Tuvok."
"You two really need to have a good talk and sort things out," Said Sam.
"You're right," He smiled I just hope she'll give me a chance and listen to what I have to say."
"Then you'll just have to make her listen won't you?" Grinned Sam.
Kathryn was pacing about her ready room trying to decide what she was going to tell Chakotay when the door chime sounded. "Come in," She took a deep breath, but it was Tuvok who walked in. "Commander," She said unable to conceal her disappointment.
Tuvok raised an eyebrow, "I wondered if we could discuss my tactical reports?"
"Now?" Asked Kathryn.
"Unless you're too busy?" Said the Vulcan, looking at the tidy desk with no sign of any Padds in use.
"I'm expecting Commander Chakotay shortly for a meeting," She replied dryly. "Can it wait until the morning."
"If you wish captain."
Kathryn nodded and said "Dismissed."
As Tuvok was walking out of the door Chakotay arrived. "Come in Chakotay" Said Kathryn smiling.
Well that was a good sign thought Chakotay, not only didn't she call him Commander she smiled as well. He wondered if she knew that he would do almost anything for her when she smiled at him like that.
"Coffee?" She asked, breaking him out of his reverie.
"Please,"
He went and sat on the couch beside her. "Thanks," He said taking the cup of coffee from her.
"Kathryn," "Chakotay," They both said together.
"You first," Said Kathryn laughing.
"Were the negotiations successful?"
"Yes, very. The Council have agreed to supply us with all the supplies we need, they weren't too keen at first, but Ambassador Arlac can be very persuasive."
"I'm sure he can," Said Chakotay sarcastically.
"What do you mean?" Asked Kathryn with a puzzled look on her face.
"Forget it, I shouldn't have said that."
"I thought you liked the Ambassador, Chakotay?,"
"Obviously not as much as you do?"
"What are you getting at?"
"Well you do seem to have become very friendly with him." He was finding it very difficult to look at her; the sparkle had gone from her eyes and had been replaced by that steely glint she often had when she was angry.
"No more than you seem to have become with Sam Wildman," She retorted.
That's different, Sam's a member of this crew"
"So, now it's ok to sleep with someone as long as they're from this ship."
"That's not what I meant Kathryn," He went to put his hand on hers but she moved away from him. "Anyway I'm not sleeping with Sam."
"You're telling me that you were just talking in her quarters until 4am!" Damn thought Kathryn I didn't mean to say that.
"How do you know what time I left Sam's quarters?"
Kathryn walked over to her desk, this wasn't going as she had planned. "I asked the computer to let me know when you had returned to your quarters."
"Checking up on me now Captain; am I not allowed any privacy?" Said Chakotay angrily.
"I wanted to talk to you about something last night, and can you please lower your voice they'll hear you on the bridge."
"I don't give a damn whether they hear me on the bridge or not," Replied Chakotay as he stood up. "You really are the limit, you turn me away but don't like the idea of me sleeping with someone else,"
"How dare you," She hissed, "It doesn't matter to me if you're sleeping with Sam Wildman." "You're lying, I can see it in your eyes."
"I think you'd better leave Commander, you're way out of line."
Neither of them noticed that the ready room door had opened until they heard Seven say, "Captain, I need to speak to you now."
"I've told you before not to walk in before I say so." Snapped the Captain.
"Shall I return later," Asked Seven.
"Don't bother I was just leaving," Said Chakotay as he stormed out onto the Bridge, he was aware of Tom Paris looking hastily at his controls. Blast he thought, it wouldn't take long before it was all around the ship. He glared at Tuvok before entering the Turbo lift.
"How long had you been standing there Seven?" Asked Kathryn.
"If you mean how much I heard of your altercation with Commander Chakotay, I heard from the part you denied that you cared he was sleeping with Ensign Wildman."
"I'd appreciate it if you didn't repeat what you heard."
"I do not engage in idle gossip Captain, but I cannot speak for the rest of the bridge crew."
"What was it you wanted Seven."
"I need to discuss some data I have gathered in the astrometrics lab."
"Well I suppose now is as good a time as ever," She sighed.
Chakotay made his way to Sam Wildmans quarters, he had to tell her what had happened before she heard it from anyone else.
"Come in," Said Sam. "What's the matter Chakotay, you look awful."
"Sam, I'm really sorry."
"What for?"
He told her what had happened in the ready room,
"So now the Captain thinks I'm sleeping with you and probably half the ship will know by tomorrow morning." Said Sam.
"I'll make sure everyone knows it's not true."
"I'm not too bothered what the others think, It's more important that you convince the Captain."
"I don't think she's going to be too keen to talk about it at the moment."
"Give her time to calm down, then I'm sure she'll be reasonable about it."
"I guess you're right,"
"Now would you do me a favour?"
"Of course, anything."
"Would you look after Naomi for me, Neelix has asked me to accompany hin down to the planet, I was going to ask Ensign Goldman, but if you wouldn't mind?"
"I'd love to, perhaps I could tell her another of my stories;" He said smiling.
"I'm sure she'd enjoy that. "Thank you Chakotay I won't be too late."
"Don't rush, I'm not doing anything else tonight."
When Kathryn had finished going over the data with Seven she made her way back to her quarters. She hesitated outside Chakotays door, he was right she didn't like the idea of him sleeping with Sam Wildman and perhaps he was telling the truth, she should at least give him the chance to explain if he was willing to talk to her. She rang the bell twice but there was no reply, "Computer what is Commander Chakotay's location?" She knew she shouldn't but she had to know.
"Commander Chakotay is in Ensign Widmans quarters."
Her heart sank, it was her own fault she'd pushed him away once too often. She opened the door to her quarters then stopped, suddenly she felt the need to get off the ship. She made her way to the transporter room, informing Tuvok over her comm badge that she would be down on the planet.
She remembered that Arlac had told her that it was wise not to wander to far away from the Town at night. So she went and sat on a bench in the Town Square, she sat there not aware of her surroundings but totally lost in her thoughts.
"I can't wait to see Naomi's face when she sees the doll I've bought for her," Said Neelix excitedly. Sam didn't reply, she had noticed the Captain sitting alone and came to a decision.
"Neelix, why don't you go back to the ship and show Naomi the doll, and ask Chakotay to come and meet me down here?"
Neelix looked at her surprised. "I think the Captain could do with some company," She said looking over in Kathryn's direction.
"Good idea," He said, "I'll stay with Naomi until you get back."
Sam walked over to Kathryn, "Do you mind if I join you Captain?" She said, sitting down before Kathryn had a chance to reply.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
"Neelix wanted some company,"
"I thought you were with Chakotay?"
"Commander Chakotay kindly said he would look after Naomi for me,"
"But I thought.."
"Captain, permission to speak freely."
Kathryn nodded.
"You've got it all wrong about Chakotay and me."
"Have I?" Asked Kathryn. "Then why was he in your quarters until ten to four this morning."
"We were just talking."
"Oh yes." Said Kathryn cynically, "You expect me to believe that;"
"We were talking about you."
"Me!"
"Yes, you and how much Chakotay is in love with you and how he thought you were having a relationship with Arlac."
"Oh:" Said Kathryn bowing her head. "No, well that's probably my fault, I must admit I was jealous when I thought th
at you and he were sleeping together, I owe you an apology." "That's ok, but can you tell me one thing?"
"What's that?"
"Do you love Chakotay?"
"Yes I do." Said Kathryn. She suddenly became aware that Sam was looking over her shoulder. She turned to see Chakotay standing there.
"I think I'll go back and rescue Neelix," Said Sam laughing. Neither of them noticed her leave. "Did you mean what you just said?" Asked Chakotay huskily.
She nodded. "I'm sorry Chakotay."
"Oh Kathryn," Whispered Chakotay as he wrapped his arms around her.
FINIS