Lord Bahamut's Horoscopes

Aries: All Aries are criminals. Your day will end in a hail of bullets.

Taurus: Why do you torture yourself day-in and day-out with that whole breathing thing? Take a break.

Gemini: You will get into a very strong argument with a coworker. But don't worry, everything will work out fine in the end.

Cancer: Don't you hate having a birth sign that shares its name with a horrible disease? Doesn't it remind you of death? Guess what, you don't have to be reminded any more. Expect some bad news.

Leo: Your desire to rule the world will lead to your downfall. But on the way down, you will find the best Thai food restaurant in the city.

Virgo: You wil recieve a box of unknown origins. Burn it immediately, ignoring the muffled meows from within.

Libra: You know when you have that urge to run out into traffic, and then you say to yourself "That's crazy"? You may want to rethink that last part.

Scorpio: Do not, under any circumstances, watch the UPN network today.

Sagittarius: You will finally get to kill that annoying Gemini you work with.

Capricorn: You will be rewarded at work. You will win the lottery. You will finally meet that special someone. Then they'll find the tumor...

Aquarius: As a starchild of peace and harmony, you will finally realize that all your rainbows and unicorns have gotten you nowhere. I wouldn't want to be around you today.

Pisces: Smell your fingers. Do they smell like fish? If they do, you'll be unlucky today. (However, if they don't, you won't have much luck today.)

Courtesy of Toyfare