1I can't remember anything else in my life but music. I'm sure there was a time when i wasn't obsessed with music, but I don't really want to think of those times. Music, the sounds of the Gods. A song can pick you up, drag you down. It can make everything allright, or help you escape from your hellish life. I guess the Velvet Underground hit it on the money when they sang "ya' know, rock & roll saved her life," 'cause it's surely saved mine. Through all my hardships, all my tests and trials, I've always had my stereo, and my stacks of Vinyl and Cds alike. And I'm stuck again, with only my record collection to keep my company.

I broke up with her the other night. It was late, she thought it'd be a good time to talk to me about what I want to do with my life. I want to open a record shop. I still do. That's what i told her. She didn't like that apparently, she wants to have a stable husband, one with a 9 to 5 job... I never wanted that. She doesn't understand why I Love music the way I do, which makes me wonder why I even wanted to date her. No, strike that, i know why i wanted to date her, she was beautiful. I guess that's the only reason we even made it this far. We were engaged, ring and all. But the other night, all that was finished. We fought about my music, about how i paid more attention to it than her. I know that's true, but my music has been around much longer than her, it deserves my attention, right? Well, I told her that too, she didn't like that much either, told me if i didn't start paying more attention to her that she'd leave. She's gone, and i don't really regret that much, not at all, but it was nice going to be with someone. It was nice having someone here to talk to.

Right now, I've got some Neil Young on, great album. I feel your blues man... He was a great writer, not the best singer, but how can you judge a man by the voice God gave him, his mind was much more beautiful, in his own right, his voice was as melodic as it needed to be. Yet again, I'm stuck with a Velvet Underground quote... "oh, sweet nothing."

I've got nothing right now. My apartment, my music...that's it, tomorrow, I'll go back to the bank, try to get a loan to start the shop again. I've already got people who want to work for me. Jane, she lives down the hall, pretty cute girl, she must be about 18 or 19, she knows a lot about all this modern punk stuff, i don't like it much myself, so i guess she'd be helpfull. Jack, well, Jack is Jack, I don't ever remember him having a job, or even a girlfriend, somehow he always manages to pay his rent though. I know he plays guitar in some local band, i saw 'em once, they were doing Nirvana covers, i won't condemn them for that, but he's too good a guitarist to be playing that dribble.

2The bank is a very humbing place. All the men in their suits, talking about stocks and bonds and the like. I'm in a suit, I've had it for 'bout 4years but it's still a suit, none the less. I go back into the office, I've been here before, god I hate it. Been turned down in this very place 3 times before. I've brought my business plans, all handwritten, an outline of the shop, sales, target market, all that in my little Manila folder.

The loan manager asks for it all...looks over it..."well, it looks like we might be able to set you up with small business loan...would that suffice?" the man says looking over the folder. Would that suffice!? that's what i cam in for, it's what I've wanted everytime i came in! "Yes sir, that'll be fine." we finish up the paper work, and now..I've got a shop to build.

I walk out, seems a fitting time for a celebration cig. I light 'er up...mmm... Oh god, it's Lisa, walkin' down the street toward me. I turn around, maybe she won't seem me. "Layne! Hey! you never called me!"..."Umm, I lost your number"..."Oh well here.." she takes out a small piece of paper and a pen and writes out the number, she hands it to me "gimme a call sometime, alright"..."sure, thanx, I'll call ya' later"

Lisa, one night fling type thing. She gave me her number, I didn't loose it, i just didn't want to talk to her. I mean, isn't that the point of a fling? you don't have to talk to the person again? Apparently i wasn't just a one-nighter to her. I met her in a bar, this is back when i was engaged to Mary. She and i had a fight one night at her place, i went out to a bar, and ended up coming back to my apartment with Lisa. We talked a bit, then got down to the business. I think the only reason Lisa even liked me was because, as she put it, I have a very interesting, and mysterious way about me, I don't really see that, I'm pretty easy to understand. Anyway, Mary never found out, which is good, I didn't really want her to know about my infidelity, that's the last thing I needed to bother with.

Back in my apartment, I take the paper with her number on it and put it next to the phone. Heh' i might just put it on speed dial. Speed dial, that wonderfull thing, i don't have to remember those numbers, just put them on there, and they're always there. The Pizza Place around the corner, Mary (I should take that one off, she deserves no place on my Speed Dial), My parents, Jane, Jack, that's it, all the people in my life (excluding my parents right about now). It's a sad lot, i know, but hey, they're all I've got, Jane, Jack, and Pizza.

3I called up Jane, we're going to go look at the shop I've got picked out to buy. She arrives, dressed in her punk drab as usual. The normal hello and such, and down to business.

We walk down the street, 2 blocks, 'round the corner, and we're there. "Well? What do you think?" i ask Jane, "It's awesome, I love the front, have you thought of a name yet?" she loves the front, ha, it's got two huge windows in the front, you can see practically through the whole shop, of course, right now, it is empty. "A name? I don't know, haven't really thought about it all that much." and I haven't, I've been too worried about getting the loan to worry about naming the damn store. "It's gotta be something cool, how 'bout 'Music You're Parents Hate." interesting name, but not my taste, "Isn't that a little long Jane? Maybe something simple like 'Desolation Music'" after one of my favorite books, Desolation Angels, by Jack Kerouac. "I Love It! When do we start?" "whenever i can lease the building" "well do it tonight!" she says with such exuberance, she's more excited about the shop than i am. "Well, i think we should go have some drinks to celebrate." One thing about Jane, yeah, she's underage, but boy does she like to drink. "Sure, I'll go pick up a case of beer and meet you back at my place, I'm ganna go get Jack anyway."

"Can I See and ID?" I'm flattered, I'm damn near 30 and this guy, who must not be over 21 is asking for my ID. I show it to 'em, and I'm on my way. I walk down the street and up to Jack's apartment. I knock on the door. "Yeah?!" the voice on the other side of the door screams over the radio. "I got the loan, Jane and I are going to celebrate, you commin' over?" I don't even know if he heard me, "Sure, gimme and hour, I'll be up." That's weird, what could Jack be doing, radio blaring, how could he be busy, he's Jack, he's never busy. I walk up the two flights of stairs to my apartment.

"Hey Jane" she's been up here waiting for me, I know all she wants is my alcohol, but i don't mind, at least she wants me for something. We have a few drinks, an hour passes, Jack shows up, has a few beers.

"Desolation Music?! What kind of fucking name is that?!" Jack begins to yell. "It's after my favorite book, Desolation Angels." I know this won't help my argument, but oh well. "A book!? A fucking book!? Come on man, that's stupid!" "No it's not, i like it, i was thinking, for our logo, it could be like a desert with a cd in the middle or something" Jane's interjections always shut Jack up, I think he's got a crush on her. "Fine, it's an alright name I guess, and I like the logo thing, anyway, I'll have to be going, I was working on a song, g'night guys." Jack finally leaves. "I've gotta go too babe, call me whenever you want my help, tell me when you get the lease." "alright, goodnight." I give her a kiss on the cheek, as I always do, and she's off.

4Well now is as good a time as any. I pick up the phone, and dial Lisa's number. She picks up. "Hey, It's Layne" "Oh wow! Hey! I was sure you'd call." she sounds excited about me calling, that's a first, no one seems to like it when i call, even the pizza guys. "Well, How've you been?" "I've been pretty good, i just got a loan to start a record shop, and I'm going to try to get the lease tomorrow for this shop 'round the corner." "Wow, that's so cool, you've got such an interesting life, I'd love to see the shop, or help you work on it or something." Isn't she jumping into things a bit, I mean, sure I slept with her, but now she wants to jump into my life. "well sure, you can come and help...hey, listen, do you want to go get dinner tomorrow night or something?" "I'd Love To!" and by her voice, i actually think she'd love to get dinner with me, odd. "OK, umm, I don't have a car..." "That's OK, i use taxis to get around." "Oh, alright then, when shall I pick you up?" "'round 8...oh you'll need my address.." she spits out the address as i scramble for a piece of paper. "Got it?" "Yeah i got it, well, I'll see you tomorrow night alright?" "OK, Goodnight Layne" "Night" Click. That wasn't so bad, I've got a date, cool.

The rest of the night is just filled with music and booze. I popped in some Meat Puppets (celebration music to me) and drank, and drank, I must have passed out 'round 1am.

5I hate hangovers, goddamnit...why did I drink so much? I roll off my bed, which is pretty much a mattress, it's on the floor, heh' even my albums have a better resting place than me, they're up there on their custom built shelves, with their coverings on, man, I wish I was in my record collection. I stumble into my kitchen, glass bottles rattle against one another as I kick them about, I put on some coffee, and turn on the radio. Ach, news, I hate the news, I'd much rather be oblivious to the world around me, I think I'd be much happier.

I grab some coffee, down about 2 cups, make myself a 3rd, and run out the door, still in my wrinkled suit from yesterday, but I've got a mission. I find the building, get the number of the owner off a sign in the window, and run, literally RUN, back to my apartment (maybe the caffeine is kicking in). I call..."Hello?" "Hello" "Umm, i was wondering about that vacant building you wanted to lease out." "Right, well, which one?" "The one down on German Street." "oh right, well alright, it's 450 a month, plus electric, plus water, it has a bathroom in the back, and a moderately large storage room as well." "I'll take it" "OK, well I'll meet you down there in an hour with the paper work if you'd like?" "Sure, I'll be there"

And I was there, i was so excited I just upped and left my apartment, I grabbed some coffee first, but i ran back to my beautiful soon-to-be-mine record shop. I checked my watch; 54min...crap, I still have to wait 54min. So, I sit down, drink my coffee, watching the traffic go by...for an hour. Finally, a man in a black suit (like one of those pricks from the bank) showed up.

"Hello" he reaches out to shake my hand, "I don't believe i caught your name over the phone" "Oh, it's Layne" I retorted impatiently. "Right, Layne, What'd you want to do with my building." "I'm turning it into a record shop." "Really? Wow, well i hope you do well with all that." "Me Too." he pulls out some paper work, I sign, he hands me the keys, it's mine.

Walking inside, it feels like a record shop, I can almost hear the tunes playing over the stereo, as customers browse through my hand picked selection of music. It's a wonderful feeling. He said the electric, water, and phone should work, and that he'll transfer them into my name tomorrow. I pick up the phone, A DIAL TONE!, wow, that feels kinda good. I dial, "Jane?" "Yeah?, Layne?" "I got the shop, come down" "AWESOME! I'll be there in a sec"

She walks in, and i can see she's as excited as I am. We got to work right away, cleaning up all the crap on the floors, cleaning out the bathroom, eventually, it's clean. Clean, but still empty. Oh well, tomorrow we go out and look for racks. It's about 8pm now, Jane went home a few hours ago. But as I sit, i have the greatest feeling of Euphoria. I've made it, I've done it. The rest is easy. My dreams, my hopes, all right here, to this very moment, they're complete.

6Holy Shit! I run upstairs as fast as i can, throw a comb through my hair, brush my teeth, put on some clean clothes, grab the address, and run down and hail a taxi. I'm late, goddamnit, my first date for years, and I'm late. We get to her apartment, I tell the cabie to wait. I run up the stairs. Goddamn smoking, when i get to the door I'm panting like a dog in heat, I ring the doorbell. "Wow, am i underdressed?" She's wearing the cutest little red dress I've ever seen, Mary never put on stuff like that, but i guess women stop doing that when you get engaged to them, but wow. "No, you look fine Lane, Where are we going to eat?" "Right, eat, um...Italian?" "Sure" As we walked back to the cab, i couldn't help it, she walked in front of me, and wow, she has the nicest ass. It was hard not to notice it beneath that red fabric. How did I get a girl like this, oh right, 'cause I'm weird, i think she said it in more words, but that's about the gist of it.

I pay off the cab, and we walk inside and sit down. She ordered the spaghetti, as did I. We get down to talking. "So are you seeing anyone?" I ask..."At the moment? All i can see is you." wow, she's flattering me, this is really weird, oh well, am i blushing, damnit! "Oh, well, umm" "Stop being so uncomfortable, so what's happened to you lately?" "Well, i got the lone for my record shop, and today i got the lease to the building" "That's really cool" "Yeah well, ya' know....so what's up with you?" "Not much, work and stuff" "Oh right, what do you do?" "I'm a teacher." "Really?!.." I've always had a fetish with teachers, ever since i had this very cute teacher in the 8th grade..."What do you teach?" "Literature" "Wow, that's cool, I love to read." "I thought you loved music?" she smiles and laughs at me..god she's cute.."Well I love music, and I love books, I like the beat generation the best, Kerouac and Ginsberg..." "Really, that's cool, I really like that one book Kerouac did...umm" she fumbles over the title..."On The Road, The Dharma Bums, Doctor Sax, Desolation Angels?" "Desolation Angels, that's the one" "Cool, that's my favorite book of all time" "Yeah, it's really good." This is odd, i have a fling with a girl whom I'd actually date, i never even gave her a chance, god, i could have been with her instead of Mary for all this time, oh well, no use beating myself up now.

"I'd really like to see the shop." "Well, we can go check it out after we get done here if you want, if you don't have to be home" "I don't have to be back for anything, we should go see it" "Awesome, we'll go then" We finished up eating, I paid, and with that, i realized, I've gotta quit work at UPS, yeah, I'm a UPS man.

We went out and hailed a cab, and to MY shop we went.

7We walked in, i flipped on the lights and threw down my jacket. "This is it" "Cool, what are you going to call it?" "Desolation Music" "Oh really? after the book right?" "Yeah...I thought it would be a pretty cool title" And with that, she kissed me, but not just one of those 'I want you' kisses, it was weird. It felt like, like, that was the only place she wanted to be right then, right there, with me, and that's how i felt. We kissed, and then down to the floor, where my jacket had landed. It was pretty uncomfortable on the floor, but my jacket was pretty comfortable. She liked to be on top, wow, awesome, Mary hated being on top, lazy bitch, oh well. It was great, we were there, in my shop, having sex, on the floor, wow, what a great day. I don't remember when we fell asleep, but we did, and it was some of the best nights sleep I'd had in a long while.

That morning, she woke up, 'round 6, damn i was tired. "Does this phone work?" "Yeah." "Good, i need to call in and tell the school I'll be late" "I thought you said you didn't have to be home..." "I lied" she says while shooting me this sly look, damn, she's hot. She made the call, and said she needed to get home and get changed, but we had time to go out for coffee. So i went to her apartment with her.

She didn't mind that i watched her change, actually, i think she enjoyed it. We went out for coffee, and talked about books, and i talked about my music. She listened, so attentively, she wanted to hear what i had to say, that amazed me, before her, the only people who would listen to my music hog-wash was Jane and Jack, and i think they considered me some kind of musical library, they just wanted to borrow my albums. I don't mind them borrowing them, actually, they always return them just as they left. I told Lisa i had some albums she should borrow, and she said she'd love to hear them. I love giving people music to listen to, It's like, they can go home and listen to what i talk about, what i dream about, and maybe they'll feel the same way i do about it. We finish our coffee. and she hurries of to teach those kids about Byron, and Burns, and Wilde, what a glorious life, to be so in touch with those beautiful pieces of art.

All the while, I'm thinking one thing...She's going to go teach some kids, but what they don't know is, their hot teacher. I just did her, wow, haha, that's great. It's sick, I know, but that's what I've been thinking.

I grab a taxi home, and the whole time, I feel great, well, despite the lack of sleep, and how early it is.

8When i get back to the apartment, I put on some coffee, of course, and I call up Jane and ask her if she wants to go down to the shop and build some shelves for CDs and stuff. "Sure" she screams through the receiver.

After a quick trip to the local hardware store, we're off to work. I've got the dimensions of a CD, Tape, and Album case already memorized, so it was a pretty easy task. We drew a crude layout of the store on a napkin, it seems alright, so we made it happen. Watching those shelves go up, hour after hour, it felt good. After all was said and done, we had room for 240cds, 150tapes, and 150albums, seems like enough. Time for lunch.

Down the street, past the apartment, there is this cool little Chinese place, so I figured I'd be nice and take Jane out to eat. (the least I could do, considering she's been working for me for free these last few days) She got some pork fried rice, i got shrimp, good stuff. "So how was your night last night?" "Pretty good I guess" "What'd you do after I left ya' in the shop?" as nonchalantly as i can, i look up from my plate, "oh, i had a date." "WHAT?! LAYNE! Layne had a date!" my world is crumbling here, so tell me about it" "well, it's a chick i had a fling with when i was with Mary, i met her on the street, and she gave me her number, and we went out, nothing special." "Like hell it's nothing special! what'd you two do?" "went out for Italian..." my sentence trails off, i really don't feel like confessing the rest..."and...." she interjects inquisitively, "and, well..." "Oh come on layne, you got laid didn't you?!" "well yeah..." "awesome!..her place or yours?" "well i guess, technically it was my place" it felt odd referring to that vacant, well, now thoroughly shelved building as 'mine'..."What does that mean, technically." she looks over at me, i know I've got some kind of smug grimace on my face, but i can't help it. "oh no....not the shop layne...god...you're really quick at it aren't you?" "what's that supposed to mean" "well i mean you get a shop one day, and that evening you're fuckin' in it" i didn't really mind what she said, but she said it pretty loud, everyone in the shop turned around, so, i look around and feel ashamed for her. "Well i mean, she wanted to see it, so i showed her" "You showed her alot more than the shop hun'" "Hehe, yeah, i guess so."

We laugh it off, i tell Jane about Lisa's teaching, and how much we have in common. Then...back off to "Desolation Music."

9Getting shipping and stuff was pretty easy. I mean, anyone could start a record shop. Here is the hard part: Selecting which albums to keep in the store...holy shit man, I'm supposed to make a selection that i think the general population will like, this is horrible.