Let’s see, I guess this is where I shall make my comments on what the movie was about. Alrighty then. The movie begins with a narrator discussing how there have been a string of ghastly grave robbings throughout southern Texas. Five teenagers are heading down to a out of the way cemetery to check up on one of the teen’s grandfather’s grave. After they discover that everything is fine, they head out to teenager Frankie’s (Wheelchair guy) old house. Along the way to the house, the teens pick up a hitchhiker (of course) who turns out to be a lunatic (of course). After the hitchhiker slashes up poor Frankie’s arm, the group tosses the psycho of the van. Two minutes later they pull up at a gas station that doesn’t sell gas. They get directions and head out to Frankie’s old home.
Now, why does this sound like every other psycho slasher movie? Hm, maybe because this movie spawned all those other movies you’ve seen! Five stupid teenagers running around in an abandoned house while their curiosity comes forth getting them killed.
Oh wait, I’m sorry, I got side tracked. Anyways, so these five idiots…uh…I mean intelligent teenagers find the old house. While the two couples have fun, poor ol’ Frankie (he’s the only one whose name I can remember. Well, there is Kert but he’s an ass so we won’t go there) out to fend for himself. After a three to five minute scene of Frankie blowing raspberries as nothing in particular, one of the couples decide to hunt down the watering hole.
Sounding familiar yet? Two horny teenagers looking for a lake to swim in…oh sorry…side tracked again.
Yeah, well, they find the watering hole but it’s all dried out. Then the guy hears a loud rumbling. Like the smart guy he is, he follows the sound until he comes across a large house in the middle of no where. Of course he thinks that the locals may have gasoline (they did have a generator – the source of the rumbling – so it makes sense). Like every other teenager in the world, when nobody answers the door, he decides to mosey on in himself leaving his girlfriend outside.
Who wants to bet that he gets killed?
You are right. Not five minutes into the house and this fat man in a plastic slaughter house apron shows up smashing him on top of the head twice with a nice sized hammer.
1 down.
Okay, what’s next. Oh yeah, girl goes in and sees tons of ghastly decorations made from human body parts. Ol’ Leatherface finds her and…
2 down.
Beautiful! I love it! Finally, another member of the group goes to look for them.
3 down.
I am serious! Three characters dead and gone in less than fifteen minutes. LOVING IT!
Well needless to say, lotsa butchering goes on (its rated R and there is almost no blood or scenes of dismemberment. Just lots of screaming….) until there is one left and that person escapes to tell the tale, blah blah.
SLASHER KING! This movie is so oldschool that only an idiot wouldn’t love it. The bad special affects, the mindless, pointless scenes, the great chase scene where a fat guy runs through the woods waving a chainsaw…you gotta love it!
Texas Chainsaw gets a 5/5 rating. Go see it! You’ll die……laughing!