The history of Yokeltania and the history of my gaming habit remain interlinked to this day. I'm Rp Bowman, the Royal Minister of Stuff* and I hope you look favourably on my hobby -whoever you are.

BOARDOLITHIC PERIOD
Where the rolling hills and sudden drops of Yokeltania's (presumably) scenic landscape stand today, there once roamed two little kids with very big feet. My sister, Cindy, and myself spent many a wintery Colorado afternoon playing boardgames after school - often inventing new ways of playing when we became bored with the old ways of cheating. We'd also pretend to be space travellers in the huge refridgerator box my father brought home for us, or incompetent superheroes, or friendly Hammer Film monsters or talking dinosaur crossbreeds who lived in a treehouse. My sister, who went on to become successful and live in France, was some sort of Tyrannosaur/Raptor hybrid, as I recall. I was a diplodocus/stegosaurus/pterodactyl thingy... called Roderick. If I recall correctly, almost everybody I pretended to be was called Roderick - because it had the same starting letter as my real name.

THE HACK AGES
Eventually, roleplaying evolved in the heart of the Yokeltanian valley. My parents may have seeded the fledgeling subculture in me by presenting me with the Red and Blue boxed sets of D&D (after I showed a great deal of enthusiasm for the Ren Fair.) I suspect they also looked into it because fundamentalist Christian groups opposed it - a move I agree with... although, "Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged" leaps immediately to my mind at this point. One more thing I have to ask forgiveness for... I wish I hadn't lost count. Anyway, back to fond memories:

The Hack Ages were a savage and, overall, petty time, where the whines of an emerging control freak would be diverted or smoothed over by my friends who Went On to Do Something With Their Lives. Among these were the tall, amabiable Jeremy Graham (top honors at the Presidio, Russian Linguist, Beautiful Daughter and Wife), the devout Philippe DeBearnay (accomplished film director, faithful Christian, emerging pillar of the community), the indomitable Cory Cooper (Colorado Ranger, Gulf War Soldier, notorious lover) and quite a few others. I've lost touch with most of them.

During the early Hack Ages, most of my characters were still named Roderick (but they acquired the horrific "Zhrutherphourde" surname. It's pronounced like Rutherford, with a sibyllant syrillic "zh" sound stuck on the beginning. It just sounded "right.")

The most notorious Roderick Zhrutherphourde was a scraggly half-elf bard who got ahold of a flying castle and used it to crush villages which wouldn't acquiese to his "benevolent" rule. There was also a petty space/time traveller named Roderick (whose name got shortened to Mr. R after I became enamored of Dr. Who) and a superhero character - The INCREDIBLE Raccoon - who also got stuck with the name.

Eventually, the Reign of the Rodericks ended, giving way to such enduring nommes de jeux as Aldous W. Pendleton (frantic cthulhu investigator), Noodles McIntosh (00-something or other) and Postux (half-elf, uh, bard.)

During the Marvel Superheroes Period of the Hack Ages, I mostly played supervillains. I began to love GMing at this point.

The pressures of an active imagination and the encroachment of college brought changes to the Yokeltanian political landscape. The dream of being able to play monsters grew greater and greater. For a short time, the little principality revelled in a clunky home-brew percentage system called Better Homes and Dungeons where you could play any species you wanted (including aliens and furniture), everyone was different types of insane (instead of having alignments to choose from) and spells were a shouted mish-mesh of Greek and Latin roots. Out of this chaotic period arose Dendal the Duckmage, Newt, the Flamajama Brothers and the Zoom Shroom. Contributions by other players included Brian Prescott's brilliant homicidal talking sword (whose naked bloodlust could be slaked with a mere pinprick), the lion-chewed Cyclops Elijah Eye (played by Chris Mandile), WatchOutHeezGottaKnife (an alien doctor played by Jeremy Graham) and the pain fairy (played by a cool guy named Josh, whose last name I long ago lost.)

THE GOTHAISSANCE
The thoughtless carnage and petulant bickering of the Hack Ages eventually gave way to a sophisticated but very snotty period known as the Gothaissance.

College, dating regularly and a new game called Vampire: The Masquerade turned me into a primping little wannabe. Some of my behavior during this period of my life was inexcusable... well some of it has been afterward as well, but it's really hard to forgive how badly I acted during this time of my life because I was such a wet little wears-all-black-and-wakes-up-after-noon muffinhead. At least I was thinner then (probably why I could afford the black clothes - who am I kidding, my folks, proud of my grades and college work, bought me lots of presents.) I don't even remember ENJOYING myself during this period, that's what really gets me. It all seems like a muddled struggle for art - but... looking back I see more sniggering and cowardly attacks on other people's lifestyles than art. Today, when I hear "goths" complain about people attacking their own lifestyle, I feel bad... but not too bad.

During this time period, I still managed to meet some interesting people - most of whom ended up throwing me out of a party. How bad had I gotten? Among the people who DIDN'T eject me forcibly (or apologized afterward) were Brian Hughes, Mike Webb and Tom Brown. At the time I didn't think much of Tom, but he's proved himself more of a man than I many times over. Mike Webb always thought of me as kind of a luftsmench, I suspect, and he was right. I think it disgusted him, but it's kind of hard to tell. During that time period, he was very fond of comparing himself to the character Rorshak from Alan Moore's Watchmen comic. He KINDA looked like him, but he looks a lot cooler these days. He was running a Camarilla lodge, last I saw. Brian Hughes went on to do some commercials in Hollywood and form his own production company. There was also a woman who used to paint neat little designs on her face named Stacy Storer who I hung out with, but I have no idea what happened to her. She plays a lot of Vampire, I hear and I'm not sure if she paints designs on her face anymore. Boy, I hate that game.

THE ITH CENTURY
The Gothaissance ended in tragedy when I got too big for my britches and fled with my broken pride to Portland, Oregon (where I didn't do very well At All.) By that time, Stewart Anderson had introduced me to a nifty game by the genius game designers at R. Talsorian. The game, Castle Falkenstein was the most beautifully designed rulebook/sourcebook I'd seen to date and had some innovative (and player-friendly) rules. These included the use of regular old playing card decks to resolve tasks. It was very well done. During the Gothaissance I'd seen cards used in rpgs by the unforgettable - but muddled- TORG and the stylish (and beautifully illustrated) - but overly tactical - Lace & Steel, but Castle Falkenstein was something else.

For one thing Castle Falkenstein wasn't rigid in its approach to Victoriana. It let you pile anything you wanted into it - allowing inexperienced GMs to gloss over their mistakes and let everyone just get on with the game and have fun. It had a certain sympathy with its players that games of the Hack Ages and the Gothaissance simply lacked (in fact, games from those periods did HORRIBLE things to their players - and clearly didn't think much of them for going along with it, either.)

I met Mike Bowman (no relation) through Castle Falkenstein, a librarian at PSU and one of the finest memories I've ever had the pleasure to know. I've lost touch with him, too, of course. During the Ish Century, I met John Williamson and Glen Alen and Guy (whose last name I hate spelling for fear I'll screw it up. I lost his address.) I met some other people, too, but those Other People pretty much hammered the coffin shut on the Ish Century.

Steve Jackson's version of the French game, In Nomine helped there, too. It was, for me, an ill-judged experiment in roleplaying the war between Heaven and Hell. I enjoyed playing an angelic-wannabe Lilim, but things started to fall apart in Portland around that time. I just couldn't hold it together.

Perhaps it was millenial fever, perhaps it was meant to be, perhaps I just screwed up, but I invited some people into our gaming group that I just couldn't handle shortly before I cemented my plans to get married. It all went bad. I left Portland with no job, no friends and few prospects... but at least my wife came with me.

THE SPLIT INTERIM
I picked up a new favorite game, shortly after Portland. Mike Bowman and John Williamson tried hard to introduce me to it, several times. Finally I caught on that it wasn't a dull old wargame. It was Unknown Armies and I loved it... once I gave it a chance.

It's a hard game for the average gamer to give a chance. It's very abstract - you need to air your adult side out to play it (by which I do not mean your dirty side, although your dirty side will like bits of it, too.) It lets players do what they want, but assigns consequences to them anyway - whether they act for good or ill. After all, the game master isn't GOD, all the game master does is try and interpret what would happen if the players acted in a certain way. Sometimes people get away with bad stuff. Sometimes they don't. Artistic game masters can choose to hand out consequences based on story, technical ones of technical detail, etc. That's going to happen anyway, but UA sort of made that okay... and you felt okay playing it.

But, despite that, I've been unable to keep my finances together. My wife (who shall remain secret, by request) and I are temporarily separated while I try and find a new job (one I won't screw up) and a new apartment. I'm in a great deal of debt and things are looking pretty bleak. I pray for guidance and, at the end of it all, deliverance. I'll try to have hope, but that takes subduing my brain. Well, I guess my brain offends, I'll have to cut bits of it off - metaphorically speaking. Boy, I sure hope that long-haired guy was speaking metaphorically.

Horrible Update
Well, I'm still split up with my wife... for financial reasons and health reasons (her mom is real sick.) I have had some time with my better half, but it didn't last real long. I cry frequently, but that's because I'm something of a whimp. When I manage to shake the depression off and I'm not at work, I seek out gaming and I feel better. I will not be separated from my wife for the rest of our lives, but it's a tough transition, especially since I gave up my regular stress-releif program of self abuse for lent. Only gaming can save me now! (While I remain a Christian, I'm not fooling myself, either. There isn't much of a chance, even though I've officially put in the request form, so-to-speak. And there's a pretty straightforward guarantee that life on Earth will Not Be Pleasant. I refuse to walk around saying how wonderful it all is, because I think that sort of willfull blindness leads to the kind of Christianity that breeds slavery and cannibal preists. I prefer the sort of willfull blindness where you get drunk and wait for the End. Boy, I wish I had SOME good personality traits... that didn't hurt to use.)

The Story Games Revolution
I've actually been back together with my wife for some time, now, but I was afraid of witchcraft. Or, possibly, I was just busy. Anyway, I thought I had worked my way out of five years of crushing debt so I went ahead and bought a game I'd been dying to try for ages: Prime Time Adventures. I also got a little giddy and bought Incarnadine Press' With Great Power... and, about six months later, DnD 4e. Modern pundits at first beleived this was the beginning of a new age in Yokeltania, but things started to sour at an alarming rate. The so-called revolution has included some truly awful misfires and some games which are actually worse than older games (although it would be hard to find something I like less than White Wolf... which also calls itself a story game.) While the populace champs at the bit about being fooled, yet again, by the hype of a new gamery style, a few forward glances lead us to wonder... is this really the beginning of something new, or the unravelling of a mighty empire of geekdom? Unfortunately, no one really paid any indication to the level of trade. On the other hand, Yokeltania has the largest board game surplus it's seen in many a year!

THE BIG TOMORROW
They'll be MORE gaming! With $4000 left to go in debts and a new car bill at a reasonable rate, all we need is a more stable job and a little more enthusiasm. A new president would help, too. I'll still design games, because I do that to express myself, to let off steam and to stop myself thinking in circles about my regrets. If you like the stuff I do, you might be lucky enough to see some new games soon (I have some time on my hands in between job searches, and designing helps me work out some frustrations. I also design to have something to show my wife, she acts as an embodiment of my Muse, and I love her.) The game designs will make their way to the Game Mill as they take form. No longer stuck with Trellix on this computer, the Gamery Freeloaders at Yokeltania Proper have downloaded this thing with a picture of a spider on it and it rocks! But I'm still a little slow.

All I want to do now is live with my wife, wedge a new president into office who might help the economy, get out and game a lot more and keep a job - maybe have a little career... something to retire on. I hope I can find the qualities within me to do this.

If I didn't bring you down (I'm not bringing you down at all, am I? Oh God, I'm sooo depressed...) You can still visit Yokeltania Proper or her INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS (my family and friends.) Don't forget ST. MARTIN's FORBIDDEN REFERENCE LIBRARY and the experimental PANELS rpg. For more on my wife, see MY WIFE'S ZINE, or, at least, this link which links to a page which links to her 'zine, Happy Childhood.

*The Royal Minister of Stuff was appointed under questionable circumstances, but all witnesses have mysteriously vanished. These witnesses include Dave Neubaur, Mary Garcia (including her children and her dashing bridegroom, Jose), Mike Frates, Meg Alcock, that Matt guy, Joe and Ashley, Bob Johnston (and brood), John Hostetter and Melinda Scott - of San Luis Obispo, CA. Sorry I had to leave, guys. I'm tired of being so powerless I get flakey - and I'm doing something about it... getting yet another job, etc.