These are a collection of my thoughts and feelings over a span of about 4 years, some are sweet and some are dark. Please bear with me for alot of this may unintentionally drudge up old pains that have been long forgotten, I know it has with me. My apologies if anyone who reads this is saddened by these words.

When a heart is clear, the truth be told
Beyond a mask the blood runs cold.

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One Autumn's eve I dreamt a dream,
With darkness and with pain
My eyes did see the blood that shed
All love had been in vain
This humble soul hath done me wrong
And no one sees my fears
While time's now gone and sun's now set
The blackness hides my tears
Though I'm here all life has stopped
And never will you know
I am the rain of tortured souls
And winds of death that flow.

Obituary
This life I've lived has taken toll
And now all fades away
Through broken hearts & broken bones
I've paid my own dismay
I know not how this life did end
And never will I know
The touch of love, your hand to mine
The blood from me doth flow
Forgive me now or never try
To leave this tattered past
And take this knife, what blade hath cut
And ripped my heart at last.

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Touch my hand and kiss these lips
As we sit beneath the rain
Your loving eyes and soothing words
Have helped to numb the pain
You are my life and everything
I've ever longed to hold
I'll hold you till the end of time
And keep you from the cold
I say these words and still I swear
By them my heart is true
As I say these words that truly care
Three simple words "I love you".

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When I was young I never thought
That someone such as I
Could be the one, and have someone
As sweet as you with I
To keep me on from dusk till dawn
To live without the fear
Of losing you to someone else
Despite we don't live near
I wish that you could see the way
You make me feel inside
So you could feel the way I do
In you I will confide
I feel to you like no one else
This is not a phase
That I am here and so I'll stay
Forever and always.

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Forgive the past but don't forget
The moments that we've shared
By candlelight and pale moonlight
We showed each that we cared
You are my heart and all I've loved
Since love has called me home
And always will until I'm gone
Forever I may roam
My eyes are shut and all I see
Is torture without you
But loving eyes and warming touch
Will help to get me through.

Numbing Pain
My cold eyes shut the light grows black
The life all fades away
I cut myself, but no blood's shed
Upon this bed I lay
The roses thorn doth prick and bleed
My soul is drained of all
The strength I have is leastly known
Beyond the shadows call
Upon the floor the darkness falls
Upon this holy ground
The black I feel is now time's toll
Quite quickly to be found.

Envisioned Shadows
When last these words have least been said
And someone's life doth now seem dead
The shadow's cold feast now hath fed
Upon the soul and clouded head
The thoughts break loose and swallow whole
The silent pain which took control
The peace of mind that once took toll
Of life and all that now hath stole
The conciousness which seem to break
The eyes that saw that all was fake
And time stood still but seemed to take
Forever and a day to make
But all's now said and all is done
They take these bullets from this gun
Scattered out beneath this sun
To melt and burn, nowhere to run.

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These melloncollie lives we lead
Doth guide the finger, prick and bleed
To show at last, quite least we need
The pain and hunger, lest we feed
Upon this ground, that seems not quite
To share the strength through day and night
To lead the way, if wrong or right
Ourselves in turn we tend to fight
We close our eyes and yet we see
The black fights light to set us free
From death to life and still we plea
That with our bloodshed still we be
Too weak and fall upon our knees
To feel upon our face a breeze
That burns the heart, and sets at ease
The cooling feel from seven seas.

Shattered Thoughts
Through your eyes I've seen my pain
And yet you look away
My heart I gave to you in love
Now in this grave I lay
The loving words, you once did say
Were merely painted lies
I sit and write these shattered thoughts
For one I do despise
Your tortured soul shall soon scream out
Your death shall not be swift
Quite slow with pain, will be but yours
With that I share this gift
Within your dreams a shadow's call
Shall show you it is time
Your heart will slow and then shall stop
The death's bell then shall chime
You then shall lay beneath the dust
And maggots then will feast
I then shall smile upon your grave
For now I care the least
And with these words I now depart
Your loss is now my gain
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
From whence we came
You shall remain.

Forget Me Not
Now I lay in eternal rest
I pray thy soul to leave thy crest
If I shall perish before I'm whole
I pray anyone to tak my soul
If thou doth awake to an aching heart
You'll know where I was before my depart
Life is too precious to waste on despair
With your love and your hope
Did my heart you repair
Never again shall I see the darkness of pain
Using hate as excuses we have nothing to gain

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I have risen up from hell
I cry in pain for help
I die to live a life lost
My blood stops flowing
My limbs grow cold and numb
I hear nothing because everything's gone
Loneliness is my only companion
My only link to the living world
You tear out my eyes
Yet now I see more
Love is in flames and melts into nothing
Voices from the darkness pierce my ears
I scream in pain, yet do I feel pain?
Now I am one with the darkness
I feed on fear, and speak of horror
The shadows move without me
Taunting and begging me to join them
Lay your head upon my blood soaked chest
Though I am still right here
My heart stops beating
My carcaus rots into a mound of burning flesh
I shall now remain in eternal rest.

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From stars above, an angel's born
Whose eyes so shining bright
Did catch my eye, and warmed this soul
Which lost a dying fight
And from that smile comes happiness
Which I hide so very well
I only wish that you could see
And pull me from this hell
You know not who or why I speak
But all will come in time
For who I am needs not be known
Until the hour's prime.

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Never in this lifetime
have I seen such eyes as yours
Which melt my heart and warm my soul
which lost all dying wars
Never have my lips so longed
to kiss so soft and sweet
Those lips which thou doth now possess
that sweep me from my feet
You are an angel from above
to brighten everyday
You are a candle in the dark
to light my darkened way
You are a rose so delicate
and yet so fragrant sweet
You weaken my knees and strengthen my heart
which in turn then skips a beat
To hold your hand is to hold eternity
within my grasping palm
And a smile from you is a gift from above
to keep this lion's heart calm.

Apocalypse
Darkened skies which now spill sunlight
The clearest waters now pour blood
Our world is burning
And freezes our limbs
Our blood stops flowing
And darkness gauges out our eyes
Our hearts have shattered
And begin to sizzle upon this wretched earth
We scream in silence
Yet the solitary confinement Compells others from our mutters
The trees now exhale a poisonous gas
We begin to rot from the inside out
Our cries are caught up in oblivion
And we are lost forever.

Chaos
With the blackness of the coal burnt skies
Many young today do die
Through insanity and a careless way
A crucial role in life we play
In day and night no tear be she
Unlike loved ones you now are dead
I've seen the horror, the shaded light
We kill ourselves and then make flight
We don't face fears or face the fact
We turn and run, yet fearless we act
With Broken wings we all shall fall
Into the emptiness the voices call
Were nothing's in it's rightful place
We wrecked this world, I rest my case.

Hate
Hate is such a cursed word
Why doth thou show me hate
Our love hath been destroyed
And we now are left for fate
We kill our young we kill our old
Yet death do we not see
For killing's just a game
Played from you to me
If you believe you hate me so
Then tell me so my friend
And if you are mistaken
I shall be here till the end.

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From the darkness comes a voice
And fills his head with overjoys
While he lay upon the bed
He shall not know that he is dead
With a scream of horror
And a faint white light
The forces of life and death do fight
With an upward thrust
His soul is gone
Never to know the damage done
With these words I present my pleads
He now lay lifeless as he bleeds
Now he lay beneath the earth
Until his soul's brought back by birth
And after the journey in afterlife's den
The life process starts over again.

Tragedy
When thou doth love, thou dost commit
If thou doth break thy commitment
Thou must never commit thyself again
Or thou wilt be sentenced death
Thy love thou showed was lack'd in truth
Hence that word be burned upon thy tongue
My heart be like shattered glass
Upon which thy own feet walk
Take mine life, mine reason for being
Was it enough to bring thou back
With eyes not shut
And heart not closed, I search for thou
But thou art gone
Lone am I in my own darkness
I weep, yet not a tear be shed
Thy presence fills the air
I turn to speak out, no being be there
Thy voice fills mine head
Though sight none have I
Thou now art dead.

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What love does thou have
That stings my heart so
My love that I do praise
Is nothing less than true
For you my heart doth bleed it's love
And like a fountain it doth flow
The night is young, and so are we
Together we'll grow, and together we'll be
With this love I do proclaim
A single thorn doth prick and bleed
But for you my dear, I'll numb the pain
And fulfill your loving need.

Found
The words in this no longer apply
I'm worried that something I said was so wrong
I turned to speak out and found you were gone
Many sleepless nights among the bright stars
My heart heart is now laced with emotional scars
My first and my only true love of my life
Your love stabs my heart like a half sharpened knife
Loving you my sweet angel's a dangerous game
My scars do remind me of the tortureous pain
He attacks with a blade, I defend with my mind
His love towards you, pales much more to mine
I don't know how you feel about knowing my love
I'll support thy true feelings, like the wind and a dove
I've made it this far on this long lonely road
And took a detour with the love that you showed
From dawn until dusk the skies shall remain
As blue as my heart, whose color was slain
What comes from my heart comes much from abuse
You're too hard to find and too precious to lose.

Fear
Blood red teardrops of sorrow
and diminished love of tomorrow
Death has come for me
And I am denied life
I think of my marriage
And fear of my death
I shall torture myself eternally
For letting her down
I long for her love
Yet all I can do is hope
Her vail of white
Becomes black with pain
She drops to her knees and sobs
I stand above her in agony
As she whispers my name
I respond to her call
Yet silence is my only response
She now cradles her weakend stomach
And I fall upon my knees
No! I scream, anything but that
The she whispers to herself
As if another were present
To the Tiny unborn child
Whose father now lay dead.

Images
This monster waits in the shadows
Like a predator watching it's pray
Watching my movements
Feeding on my fear
Pacing in the darkness
To him I am blind and weak
He clenches his razor sharp teeth
And stares me down with an unblinking eye
Blood drips from his panting mouth
As he creeps from the dark
The sweat on my brow
Plummets to the concrete
And a tear trickles down my face
I fight to push him back
From whence he came
But my soul is swallowed whole
I stare aimlessly in the mirror
And there before me stands a distorted image
of my soul brought forth.

Grasp
Grasping your hand I won't let you go
Colder than death, did the cold wind blow
Since that day, it was never the same
And now my heart stops when he whispers your name
Hoping and praying that you will arrive
And mend this old heart and my life to revive
As the tears trickled down, my long lonely face
I lower my head to hide the disgrace
Never again shall I love anyone such as you
My heartache got stronger as my love for you grew
And I feel my grip loosens with each tiny breath
As my hand leaves your hand I shall fall to my death.

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The candle is out
And all fades to black
I've been hurt so before
I shall never look back
I am what I am
and that's still not enough
Being caring and kind
Never has been this tough
I cry on the inside
Yet no one can see
The hurting inside
That soon will destroy me.

Mirrors
Shattered glass and torn up photos
Scattered ashes and blood stained caskets
Melted candles and broken hearts
Silent screams of terror
Lovers crying and lovers dying
Murder is only a mirrored picture
Doves fall dead upon the ground
Darkness pierces the eyesight
Leaving you behind in total oblivion
With a stuttered breath that stabs your lungs
The sun turns black and bleed no rain
Stealing the life and soul
Outstretched hands grow old and wither
So only no they can say
Evil robs the innocence and not the cradle.

Above It All
Blue skies hail high over me
As she flies with the birds on wings of silk
And surrounds my head with angelic music
As she kisses my forehead
That heals all wounds
My broken heart now mended with her love
She makes a promise
Shall she never leave my side
Why she had left before
I know not why
Now hand in hand we rise above our broken ruins
And soar higher than the clouds
Knowing how much I love her
Now gives us much pleasure
Above and beyond all.

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Black skies bleed black rain
Our happiness turns to sorrow
Love today and hate tomorrow
Devils of mishief roam our streets
We are afraid, but what we fear is fear
Right becomes wrong
The bomb breaks
The world shakes
Romance is banished
From our eyes, ears, touch and heart
You kill a man to keep you sanity
The truth is told
The world is corrupted
Loving is nothing more than a crime
We ask why?
Only to get no response
Life has no meaning
You love her, she knows
Yet you shall die
Should you dare open your heart
The weather is constantly cold
So is everyone's heart, mind and spirit
You weep, she bleeds
Now you are dead
You can't live without her
She is a part of you
And yet still no one cares.

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The firey desire in my heart
Burns eternatlly for your love
I am attracted to you
As is a moth to a flame
My love for you flows deeply
Through my veins
Your eyes shine like candles
And your smile pierces the darkness
Your soft, sweet voice
Awakens me from my slumber
And your face is the last treasure
Upon which I gaze at night
Your touch makes me melt
Like an ice cube on a hot element
I bite my lips to hold back the tears
As your nails dig deep into my naked back
You whisper I love you
As I caress your neck
Holding you as if you were my life
My tongue explores your body
And in the darkness of the hour
Our bodies press against each other
Making the heat next to unbearable
And now in the hour's twilight
You must leave and I must let you
Until tomorrow shall we share our dreams
And leave our fantasies to be discovered.

Forgotten Skies
Slowly the sun sinks and the moon rises
Clouds float over on a cold North Wind
Stars shine like candles melting raindrops of wax
Upon the soft sponge like-like earth beneath us
Forgotten songs and remembered pain
Float through the mmist of the crying rain
The rose's petal wilts and dies
And blackness above's blood fills the skies
A baby cries a mother weeps
One to die, and one to sleep
A persuasive heart, that he doth own
A queen she is to take her throne
Forever shall they share their love
Sharing each other on the clouds above
And for what they two do surely share
Sometimes she forgets he really cares.

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Same old song, sorrow inclined
Days pass to fast, rain falls too slow
I fear too much, to live too long
The blade falls upon my wrist, and spills my blood
No need for this heart, all it brings is pain
Darkness covers my eyes and I feel death
My life flashes and stops
Confusion fills my head
I know not what to do
Leave it all behind
Leave her before she gets hurt
If you really love someone
Sometimes you have to let them go
Don't drag her down, she doesn't need the worry
I don't want her to go
Yet I don't want her to suffer with me
God gave me this life to take, so shall it be done
Dying slowly each day every minute, one less
My family needs me not, nor do I them
I have no family, the sky is my mother
The stars are my brothers and the moon my sister
Demons creep out from within the shadows
And shred my inner dignity and esteem
Death I fear no longer, for fear is death
Yet I fear life more than anything.

Friends
Together they become a force
Without each other
I forsake the remorse
Good friends are a collection
Of good times great stories
Bad friends are just a mixed up collection
Of bad memories
A friend is truly not a friend
When in the end
They hurt a friend
If one is hurt
They both must mend
If one is poor
They too still spend
The greatest treasure on earth
Is love and friendship
Expressing to you I leave this tip
Take it now and be my friend
And we shant part until the end.

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Every time I pick up this pencil
My life and experiences bleed upon the page
All the hurt and the anger
Come together in perfect harmony
To fill your minds with confusion
My thoughts are disruptive yet soothing
Sometimes you smile
And sometimes you sit wondering
What does it all mean?
Does he mean what he says
Or is he just hiding himself
With flowing words and a calming sound
Everyone knows me
And yet they fear what they know
Though my head thinks mysterious thoughts
I am as gentle as a lamb for one I love
For whom I love I would sacrifice
My mind, heart, and body
To feel her love return.

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Last night my mind had dreamt a dream
I rose from death, by force unseen
My face was pale, hair black as night
My decision was final whether wrong or right
To stay in your arms never slip away
My love is true brought forth by fate
My pain is strong and yet this feels
That for our love a lone kiss seals
I felt boxed in then I felt your touch
I cried for days, I've felt too much
I'm losing my mind, my sights grow dim
I fear that I'm losing you
And I fear that it's him
I close my eyes and my dreams pass me by
I lay on my bed as my heart starts to die
Before I take my last living breath
I whisper your name, as I slip away into death.

Painted Red
As the snow falls upon the frozen ground
I hear the tortureous screams
As the sun begins to fade
The sparrow that once sang an enchanting song
Now cries in agony and pain
The flowers begin to wilt and wither
And the warm wind becomes cold as ice
All life has been extruded from our worthless bodies
And all blood flow has stopped internally
So that only those incisions self-made
Shall flow like living fountains
From which the buzzards drink
And the maggots feast
Now the only light is the darkness
And the world is painted red
The hunters now become hunted
Until everything ends up dead.

On This Day
Like the rose with the sunlight
Our love grows with each gentle kiss
Your stunning brown eyes
Stand out like two lost souls
In a snow storm of white beauty
Your face is gentle and soft
Your lips so smooth and soothing
Without you by my side I would surely die
You are my better half
You helped me when I needed you
And now my debt to you is forever
On this day of romance and love
I feel I could fly on wings of gold
Crossroads seem to go on forever
Yet we always shall meet in the middle
Together with a single heartbeat
We become a single soul
Take a minute of your precious time
And you will find
That I've been right here behind.

The Darkside Of Life

Life is death prolonged
With pain and tears and happiness
Sorrow and careless ways
Where the sun shines bright at night time
Where heaven is the hell
We are the one's who pay for this
Life's not a grateful thing
We've been cursed with it
We shall suffer eternally
And in the end...
We will have our souls yanked from our worthless hosts
Then to be scattered like ashes
On darkened rivers which now blood flows
When light becomes dark
All will fall.

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Dust filled skies
My eyes see none
I awaken in my grave
To fight off maggots
As worms make home in me
The stench of my rotting carcaus
fills this box of eternal misery
My bones show of white
My face bleeds tears
My fate has been sealed
Life to none have I
As death has life it's own
Shall I suffer many a time
Until the time is come
To hear, to see, to say again
My soul now lays within.

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Dedicated to Shane
He shuts out the world
And keeps in the hurt
His life takes no meaning
And yet I stand by his side praying
His thoughts are drowned by black
He struggles to smile though he knows he can't
My brother is dying on the inside
My stomach grows weak
And tears gather in my eyes
I never thought he would get this bad
I fear I'm losing my own sanity
And his is already lost
His friendship means more to me
Than life itself
With him lost, I lose orientation
He sits in his room
I must be there for him
For he and I have a bond
The only thing as powerful as the love for a girl
I fear only the worst
And yet he fears the best
Confusion has swallowed him whole
And the voices in his head are screaming
His heart and his mind have shattered
And we all know he will never be the same.

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With a single look
You could melt the highest glacier of ice
Your touch is like velvet
Your face so smooth and radiant
With one word
Spoken from those precious lips
I am warmed from the coldest of air
Your voice reaches for me
And I accept, now hand in hand
We might for a minute share our dreams as one
I have, but rot away my previous days in hell
Then as if you were an angel
You swept me from my feet to carry me to heaven
Never have I seen such beauty
Such an undying passion for life
If you but a rose
I would be your leaf
And together we would grow as one
If you were to reject me
I would be but slain by darkness of loneliness forever.

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Lifted from the burning depths of hell
My soul has travelled through the dark
Until you became a part of me
The part that gave me strength
You've push me to keep living on
Your love has kept me breathing
Yet longing for your kiss
It's hard to tell you exactly how I feel
With all the hurt inside
The feelings I feel for you
Could never be compared
My life is filled with darkness
Yet your presence light the corner
My eyes are burned of black
And my ears are bleeding
Take this dagger out of my heart
So I can love once again
I miss your beauty, your compassion
And all I feel is pain.

Forever Dead
As the blood trickles down my cheek
And the tears flow from my open wrists
I cry out in pain
Only to be silenced by the darkness of my coffin
I lay in solitare, as my nails dig in the wooden lid
No one can hear my screams of pain and horror
Everything that was, is killing me slowly
Every tear drop drowns me
Until I choke on my own fear
In this box of eternal hell, I rest
I've past the point of no return
My heart turns cold and black
My hands shall forever be ice
I hide this monster behind an empty face
And my eyes lose their color and turn grey
I smile and laugh as I am empty inside
And nothing else matters.