Final Version of "The Ranger"

Parody of "The Gambler," by Kenny Rogers and Don Schlitz

New lyrics by: "Rennod"

Dedicated to Jeff Parkes and the World Association of Montyphiles

 

On a warm summer's eve, on a cheese train bound for nowhere,

I met a Rescue Ranger; We were both too tired to sleep.

So we took turns a-starin', out the window at the darkness.

When hunger overtook him, and he began to speak.

 

He said, "Mate, I've made my travels, around this whole wide world,

Doin' this or that, goin' where'er the wind would blow,

So if you don't mind me sayin', it seems you're quite am-a-teur,

But for a taste of that cheese, there, I'll lend ya some advice."

 

So I handed him my cheddar, and he gulped it down in volume,

Then he bummed a toothpick, and then excused a belch.

Then the night got deathly quiet, his face lost all expression,

Said, "If you're gonna bounce around, lad, well, then you need some mates for life.

 

You gotta know when it's a hold-up, Know when you're rolled-up,

Know when to stalk your prey, and have lots of fun.

You never count on gadgets, or plans and deductions,

There'll be time enough for thinkin', when the action's done.

 

Now ev'ry Ranger knows, the secret to survival,

Is knowin' where your mates are, and knowin' who's asleep.

'Cause every case has winners, and ev'ry case has losers,

And the best you can hope for is your fly and some cheese."

 

And when he'd finished speaking, he turned back towards the window,

Crushed up the toothpick, and faded off to sleep.

And somewhere in the darkness, the Ranger got me believin'

And with his final words I found I mate that I could keep.

 

You got to know when it's a hold-up, Know when you're rolled-up,

Know when to stalk your prey, and have lots of fun.

You never count on gadgets, or plans and deductions,

There'll be time enough for thinkin', when the action's done.

 

 

  -- Rennod

 

 

This page and all works referenced from this page are ©2000, 2001, 2002 to Rennod, unless otherwise noted. I do NOT grant Microsoft, MSN, Yahoo, or GeoCities any rights to do anything with these works except store or retain them in my account and back them up normally as any other account would be handled. The Rescue Rangers and their principal characters are copyright, trademark, and the like to Disney and/or their licensees, and are currently being used without permission, but with respect and without profit of any kind to the author.