Disclaimer: Paramount owns the franchise, the characters, and all of my spare time.
Author's Note: This story didn't realy lend itself to a beginning, just a summary of the beginning. If you really want to read the beginning, I'll write it if I get enough requests.
Historian's Note: This takes place after the events in Mosaic.
The story so far: Janeway is late for duty one morning after have a dream about being on the ancient ship, Titanic, however she has no recollection of the dream. As the nights pass the dream is continued and she plays of the part of Lady Kathryn, a wealthy single woman on her way to New York from London, England. On the ship she is intrigued by a man named Chakotay. On the Voyager, Captain Janeway is sleeping longer and is more tired than normal. Chakotay and Janeway both think something is wrong, but the Doctor is unable to find anything. A few days later, Janeway doesn’t respond to anyone’s hails. On the Titanic it is April 14, 1912. And the story continues...
A great shuddering ran through the ship. Chakotay’s eyes shot open. He looked to see if she was still sleeping peacefully in his arms. She was. Maybe he was just dreaming. Someone probably dropped something large and heavy somewhere.
He closed his eyes and pressed his chest closer to Lady Kathryn’s back, sliding his hands over her chest, lowering one to her abdomen. She shifted against him.
“Chakotay,” she said softly. His teasing fingers were causing her to have trouble thinking. “What was that shudder? Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know.” He kissed her hair and her neck. “Go back to sleep, we can check on it in the morning.” He lowered his other hand to her hip and ran his fingers along it.
“How am I supposed to sleep with your busy hands?” She turned her head to face him.
He kissed her nose lightly. “You really should get some sleep, we’ll be in New York soon.”
“Don’t say that,” she mumbled dreamily, turning her entire body to face his. He slid his mouth over hers, tracing her lips with tongue. He danced his fingers along her sides, ever so slowly working his way downward.
Lady Kathryn’s eyes shot open. The ship was dead silent, the engines had stopped. She sat bolt upright, sitting on his hand. “The engines have stopped. Something’s wrong.” She scrambled out of bed and started to throw on the clothes she’d been wearing the night before.
“Lady Kathryn, come back to bed. If there’s a problem the stewards will notify us.” He got out of bed and walked up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. He gently ran them down her arms, sliding off her clothes. He ran his lips from the top of her spine to the tip of her tailbone.
She was having trouble standing. By the time his lips reached what she thought was the end of their journey, she didn’t think her knees would support her.
Chakotay’s lips started to retrace their steps, but only reached the small of her back before Lady Kathryn collapsed and he caught her in his arms. He carried her over to the bed, slid her under the covers, and pulled them over her chest.
“Chakotay...”
“Shh.” He placed a finger on her lips. “I’ll be right back.”
When he returned she was fast asleep. She was lying on her back with her hair fanned out around her. The sheet just barely covered her breasts and her arms were stretched across the bed. She looked so peaceful he didn’t want to disturb her. He loved her more this way than he could ever show. It saddened him that they would part in New York: he to New Mexico Territory and Lady Kathryn to... to where ever she was headed. But he was ready to give up everything for her.
“She appears to be asleep,” said the Doctor.
“Can you wake her?” asked Chakotay.
“I would prefer not to. She is in a deep state of REM sleep and to bring her directly out of it would jeopardize her health. I’ve tried to slowly bring her up through the different levels of sleep, but she refuses to leave REM.”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
The Doctor thought the answer was obvious. “Let her sleep. There is nothing pressing at the moment that you can’t handle, Commander, and she never gets enough sleep as it is.”
Chakotay sighed and gave up. The Doctor had a point, but he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong. He should probably get some sleep as well. He and Janeway had spent many sleepless nights together - sometimes in her room, sometimes in his - talking. About everything. About nothing. And sometimes they just enjoyed each other’s company.
He turned around and realized the Doctor had left. He looked at Janeway’s sleeping form. She was lying on her back with her hair pulled back and out of they way. The sheet just barely covered her chest and her arms were lying at her sides. She had a peaceful smile on her face. The only indication that all was not well was the blinking lights of the monitor on her forehead. If anything happened to her... He would not let anything happen to her. He’d sworen to himself he would stay by her side doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. Her needs would come first.
There was a banging on the cabin door. Chakotay put a robe on and went to open it. The steward on the other side was highly agitated.
“Ex-excuse me for waking you, sir. It would be best if you and the Lady dressed and put on your lifebelts and went up to the boat deck.” He hurried to the next cabin before Chakotay could respond.
He closed to the door and went back to the bedroom. She was still asleep. He hated to wake her, but since there was a problem he needed to make sure she was safe. He leaned over and kissed her tenderly. “Lady Kathryn, wake up.”
Suddenly there was a loud groaning of metal and the ship shifted a little.
Lady Kathryn screamed and scrambled out of bed. She threw on the first clothes she could find (which were not what she’d worn the night before) and ran around the room looking for the lifebelts.
Chakotay finished dressing after Lady Kathryn. The lifebelts were sitting on a chair in the outer room, so she would never find them in here. He walked up behind her, sliding his arms around her to keep her still. Her eyes were wild with terror and hot tears burned her cheeks. He whispered soft crooning noises in her ear and she calmed down, but her chest still heaved against his arms.
It was happening again. She could see their little rowboat splintered on the rocky coastline. It had been a beautiful day until a sudden storm turned the calm see into a demon. It had tossed their boat around like a toy ball, then hurtled it full-force at the shoreline. She should have been dead with her father and Justin, but she had been unmercifully spared. This was it again: the ship’s hull straining under the pressure, the waves rocking it back and forth.
Chakotay led her to the outer room and put on both of their lifebelts. She was like a zombie, moving only when he moved her. He led her out of the room and up to the Grand Staircase which was surprisingly empty of people. But that was because everyone was crowded together on the boat deck.
Once on the boat deck, Lady Kathryn understood the entire scope of the situation: the ship was sinking. The great ship, the unsinkable, the Titanic, was going to Davy Jones’ locker.
Chakotay felt her break out of his grip and saw her dart off through the crowd. Without a glance at the lifeboat loading in front of him he dashed off after her.
Chakotay had gone back to his quarters to sleep, but it would not come. He finally decided he needed to talk to someone. “Akoochimoiya, I am far from the sacred places of my grandfathers. I am far from the bones of my people. I come here seeking guidance.”
You are troubled, Chakotay, said the wolf as she settled herself in the sand on the edge of the beach.
Chakotay paced back and forth and the wolf followed him with her eyes. Finally he sat down on a piece of driftwood. She’s been asleep for too long. I know the Doctor is fighting dehydration and other possible medical problems, but... He looked out over the ocean, its waves softly lapping the shore. The sky was the same color as the water and it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. The soft fine sand was the color of animal bones left for years in the hot sun. A warm breeze was blowing, but not enough to stir the sand. I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. He tried hard to remember something. I...I vaguely remember a very old children’s story about a little girl who was living the life of one of her ancestors in her dreams. The ancestor died in a raid and when the girl reached that point she died...in her dream and in real life. He stood and started pacing again.
The wolf spoke. If you are that worried about her, why do you not go and see for yourself?
He sighed. The Doctor says nothing is wrong and he wouldn’t let me go in without a very good reason.
The sky and water grew darker. The waves gained force and the surface grew choppy...
Lady Kathryn could really move. He found her ten minutes later against the back wall at the bottom of the Grand Staircase. She was crouched on the floor with her arms wrapped around her knees. She sobbed hard and her face was ghostly white except for the red streaks on her cheeks.
“Lady Kathryn?” She looked up at him. “We need to go, there’s not much time left.” He could hear the rushing water in the decks below.
She refused to get up. The rushing water was coming closer and she was going to force it to take her this time. There was nothing-
A sharp sting brought her back to reality and she saw Chakotay standing in front of her.
“I’m sorry, Lady Kathryn, but we have to get up to the boat deck.” He took her hand and helped her up. Then they made a mad dash for the stairs.
The ship was listing so hard to port that they couldn’t walk without pulling themselves along the rail.
“Where are the lifeboats?” Chakotay shouted to a steward.
“They’re all gone,” was the reply. “And so are the collaspables!”
There was a loud creaking of metal as the stern of the ship rose into the air. Chakotay and Lady Kathryn hung onto the railing for dear life while unanchored objects and people slid past them as the great ship split and the stern crashed back down to the cold water.
“Lady Kathryn, climb!” They climbed the railing to the very back of the ship.
Lady Kathryn was almost frozen with fear. The only things keeping her going was Chakotay’s voice. Suddenly she didn’t want the sea to take her. She wanted to be anywhere but here, even back in England. “Chakotay! We have to jump! We’ll never make it through the suction!”
He took a quick estimation of how long they had left and knew she was right.
They jumped.
The air during freefall was cold, but it was nothing like the water. It surprised Chakotay and he did his best to keep consciousness till his body either froze or got used to it. However, it’s affect on Lady Kathryn was quite different. The cold shock brought back the terror of that fateful afternoon when she lost her father and Justin. Then everything went as black as the water.
When Chakotay was sure he was conscious he went looking for Lady Kathryn. He found her bobbing in the water...unconscious or dead. She was still breathing, so she was just unconscious. He took a hold of her lifebelt and pulled her away from the ship.
It didn’t take long for him to grow tired and he was thankful when he found a large floating object that he hoped would hold them both. With a little bit of effort and slipping and sliding, it did.
“Come on, Lady Kathryn, please! Wake up!” He shook her as best he could with his numb fingers and trying to keep their balance.
She stirred and tried to sit up. The floating object rocked and she quickly ceased her movement. “Where are we? It’s so cold. Why is it so cold?” Her mind was foggy and somewhat numb. The last thing she remembered was being on the boat deck.
He carefully laid down next to her - trying not to rock the raft - and wrapped himself around her to help keep them both warm. “We’re away from the boat. We’ll be okay until the lifeboats come back to get us.” I hope. He kissed her freezing hair with his frozen lips.
“Chakotay, I’m so tired. Wake me when the lifeboats get here.”
He didn’t want her to sleep, he was afraid he might lose her. But he was too numb to do anything to keep her awake. He did his best to keep her talking, but that only worked for so long.
The sky and water were black as night and the surface was as still as glass. The air temperature was freezing, but Chakotay could not feel the difference. Neither he, nor the wolf had spoken for some time, just watched the ocean. Chakotay thought he could see something like fireworks, but figured it was just his imagination.
The gray wolf was resting with her head on Chakotay’s knees. She wondered at the change in their surroundings, but she didn’t say anything. They reflected Chakotay’s thoughts and moods, but something told her he wasn’t controlling this vision.
Suddenly the green salamander appeared on the beach next to Chakotay. The wolf knew he was Kathryn’s spirit guide and if he was here while Chakotay was still here then her life must be in danger.
The salamander nodded with respect to the wolf - and the wolf returned it - and spoke to Chakotay. “You need to leave this place and go back to sickbay, Kathryn’s life is in danger. Explain to the Doctor why you’re there and have him set you up to join her dream. Once there you will need to find her. Neither of us will be able to join you, so it is up to you. You don’t have much time or that children’s story will happen again. Remember, as long as you know it’s a dream nothing can hurt you. You won’t be able to control it, but it won’t be able to control you. Hurry...’ The salamander faded before Chakotay could say anything.
He quickly left the vision and hurried to sickbay.
Lady Kathryn looked at the face of the man who’s arms she was lying in. He looked so peaceful, sleeping in this cold, watery wasteland. She owed him so much for saving her life, so much that she could never repay him.
A shiver ran through her body, causing pain in all the frozen areas. Her yelp alerted Chakotay and he woke in an instant.
“Are you okay?”
“It’s just.. I’m so cold.”
As cold as he was, he had to do what he could to keep her warm. After a tender warm kiss he rubbed his frozen hands vigorously along her body, trying to ignite a spark of warmth.
Chakotay wasn’t the only one who heard Lady Kathryn’s yelp. Richard Otter was bobbing not far from their floating object. He swam in the direction of her cry. When he saw the board they were floating on he swam faster.
Suddenly their floating object was upset and Lady Kathryn rolled off. Chakotay managed to grab a hold of the side nearest him and hold on. When the board splashed back down, Chakotay saw another survivor fighting with Lady Kathryn for her place on the board. She was losing. And he was unable to help her.
As Chakotay was trying to explain the situation to the Doctor for the third time, a whole bunch of Janeway’s monitor went off. Both the Doctor and Chakotay raced over to her. Her lifesigns were fading fast and the Doctor had no idea why. He looked at Chakotay and back to the captain. It was worth a shot.
“Okay, Commander, lay down on this biobed. I will monitor you very carefully, but I won’t be able to bring you out. As long as you remember it’s a dream, nothing will harm you.”
Chakotay knew all that. The salamander said there wasn’t much time left, and the Doctor was now eating into that precious time. He had to find her in time.
Chakotay heard the soft hiss of the hypospray and felt his eyelids get heavy. His view of Sickbay and the Doctor faded to black...
The sea was calm as glass and as dark as the night. Once one’s eyes adjusted to the starless night, faint objects could be seen bobbing for miles in the water that once held the greatest ship ever built. Everything was silent as if in mourning for those who had been lost.
Chakotay arrived in this scene knowing exactly what he needed to do. There was none of the usual ‘Where am?’ that accompanied dreams.
“Kathryn!”
One hundred yards in front of him he saw a large floating wooden platform with a single body floating on it. He prayed it was her.
“Kathryn?” he asked. The person before him sobbed and shook his head sadly.
Chakotay looked at the man kneeling next to him on the board, wherever he had come from. It was true, Lady Kathryn was gone. She’d been struggling with that man for a place on the board. During the struggle the man had ripped off her lifebelt (as well as his own). They drifted from the board and when both grew too tired to support themselves, they drowned. Chakotay tried as hard as he could, but there was no way he could help her. All he was waiting for now was Posiden to claim him as well.
Chakotay grabbed the man by his frozen shoulders and forced him to look at him. “Where is her body?”
Chakotay pointed to the exact spot where they went down only minutes before, it would be forever etched in his mind. He could not forget the image of the water closing over Lady Kathryn’s long auburn hair. He’d wanted so much to swim out and help her, or at least throw her his lifebelt to stay afloat. He’d fumbled with the closures on his lifebelts, but had been unable to undo them.
Chakotay dropped the man and dove into the water. He held his breath for a few seconds before he realized he could breathe. He had no idea how he’d find her in the black water with no light source, but his vision was remarkably clear.
There, fifty yards below him, was a sinking body. He swam as fast as he could.
It was a man. Where was she?
There, ten yards lower.
Swim, Chakotay, swim!!
He grabbed her arm and made a beeline for the surface. The trip up was much longer than the trip down. He feared time would run out before he reached the surface. Hang on, Kathryn, please hang on!!
They surfaced not far from the floating platform. He swan to it, needing a flat surface to get the water out of her lungs.
It was empty when he reached it. He got them both on it and began doing CPR.
“Cone on, breathe!” She had to regain consciousness before he could wake her. Her lips were so cold and blue, her skin was so clammy, and her body was so frozen he wondered that there could be life in it at all.
Lady Kathryn coughed hard and opened her eyes. Leaning over her was a man who looked like Chakotay, but he had a design over his left eye, he was wearing different clothes, and he was dry. The last thing she remembered was struggling with a man for a place on the floating board. Now she was back on the board and she was so cold.
Praise the spirits, she was conscious. But her time left was ticking away by the second. “Kathryn, do you recognize me?”
“You...you look like...Chakotay...”
Close enough. “Do you remember the ship?”
The...what? “The Titanic. She...she’s sunk...”
That explained where they were. “No, the Voyager, a Federation starship lost in the Delta Quadrant.”
“Wh...ere?”
“The Delta Quadrant. In the future, the twenty-fourth century. Kathryn, you have to remember. This is a dream. If you don't wake up you'll die! Here and there!”
She looked at the fading landscape around her and felt a sudden warmth well up in her body. “Life is a dream...” Her eyes closed and her head rolled to the side.
“NOOOO!” He leaned over and sobbed. “Kathryn, no, not after all we’ve been through!” He tried to brush his frozen hair out of his face, but it wouldn’t move. “Lady Kathryn, you can’t leave me here!” He looked up, his tears already frozen on his cheeks, and saw...the moon in the once solid onyx sky.
“I...” Suddenly he was dry and knew what he was doing in the middle of the... He looked around. This was supposed to be the North Atlantic, but it was only a black void. He was still kneeling on the floating board (which wasn’t floating anymore) and Kathryn’s body was still...
Chakotay’s eyes shot open and he was in sickbay once more. He sat up. “Where’s-”
“Good morning, Commander,” said the Doctor as he walked over and pressed some buttons on the monitor on the biobed. “I hope you had a nice nap, you certainly slept long enough.”
“Where”s the captain? I...I couldn’t save her. Is she...?”
“She’s resting in her quarters. She’s not to go back to duty for a week. You, Commander, are free to go, but you are restricted from duty for two days.” Not that either of them would follow his orders.
When Chakotay left he went back to his quarters. He wanted to see how Kathryn was doing, but he felt funny about visiting, because he didn’t know how much she remembered. Maybe she didn’t remember any of it. He pulled the warm cloth over his face and stared in the mirror. Whether she remembered or not, what he’d seen would torment him for lightyears to come.
He was washing out the bowl of the sink when the door chimed. He left the washcloth lying in it and went to answer it. “Yes?”
Janeway was standing there wearing her Starfleet uniform, including her boots and turtleneck. She fumbled for words before she spoke. “I just...I just came to see if you were awake and had been released.”
“Please, come in.” In the light of quarters he could see that her skin was pale and her lips were slightly purple. He walked over to the couch and she followed him. They sat in silence for a time before Chakotay finally asked, “How much do you remember?”
She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the couch. “Everything.” And she did. She remembered every moment, even the things she couldn’t remember while she was there. Because many of the things about Lady Kathryn were the same as Kathryn Janeway, she did a long search to see if there really was a Lady Kathryn on the Titanic that matched her description. There wasn’t. She also checked to see if she had any relatives aboard. She didn’t. So where did all that come from? And why did she never realize it was a dream until the moment of Lady Kathryn’s death? Even when she was confronted with the real Chakotay she didn’t know. And Lady Kathryn had wanted so much to die, just as Kathryn had after the shuttle accident. Kathryn thought she’d finally gotten over that. Lady Kathryn had brought up many issues that obviously weren’t resolved. Like the romantic encounter between her and Chakotay. As much as Lady Kathryn had enjoyed it, did Kathryn? Was it something she really wished for, but never had the courage to pursue?
“Kathryn?” Chakotay asked softly. She hadn’t moved or said anything since that one word and he thought she might be asleep. He doubted it, after all the sleep she’d had recently, but one can never be too sure. He wondered about everything that had happened to her before he got there. When had he journey on the Titanic begun? Southampton? Cherboug? Queenstown? What had she done while on board? Lady Kathryn had said he looked like Chakotay. So in her dream she’d created a counterpart for him. Chakotay wondered what they’d done. The thoughts made him smile.
When Kathryn opened her eyes they had the haunted look of someone who had seen too much. Without thinking he reached out and took her in his arms. He could feel her cold skin beneath her uniform. When she placed her head on his shoulder, her cold bare skin on his neck gave him a little shock.
“I’m so cold, Chakotay,” she mumbled. “Why am I so cold?”
He got up off the couch and left her alone for the few moments it took to go into his bedroom and get the indian blanket off his bed. Back on the couch he wrapped it around her and a little around himself to add his body heat to help warm her. She replaced her head on his shoulder.
Kathryn was cold with fear. And the blanket would never warm her until she acknowledged the cause of it. Fear is a powerful thing and right now its main victim was Kathryn Janeway, and she was fighting a losing battle.
She was shaking. Not from cold, but from fear, and Chakotay knew it. She was cold with fear and even the most scalding water wouldn’t warm her. He kissed her cheek softly, his lips burning her skin.
“Chakotay...?” The fear was hard to admit. Fear was not something Kathryn Janeway had in her repitior. “I’m...I’m afraid to sleep.” There, she said it.
He had known all along. He lay them both down on the couch, his back to the back of it, making sure the blanket was still wrapped around them. His arms still around her, he pulled her tightly against him. She buried her head in his chest and sobbed. He ran his fingers through her hair and made soft crooning noises in her ear.
As Kathryn Janeway fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep, she heard the ancient melody of a Native American lullaby being sung softly to her. The warmth of Chakotay’s chest pressed against hers was more comforting than she could ever imagine. The fear of losing herself again in her dreams was still there, but she knew the man lying next to her would keep her safe.
From their place in the realm of vision quests the gray wolf and the salamander smiled at each other. It had begun.
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