She closed her eyes and let his magic fingers work their wonders. She was surprised that her resolve fell so quickly. One minute she was in her quarters with Chakotay, the next she was underwater, clinging to his hands which were her only lifeline.

"No, I didn't have the time." Here comes the lecture.

She snuggled against his chest and her hair got caught in the zipper of his uniform. She let out a yelp that woke him. He saw what the problem was and carefully pulled each strand from the zipper. She produced a brush from somewhere and preceded to brush her hair. He slipped the brush from her fingers and brushed it himself. He brushed far longer than to remove the knots and smooth it out. He just liked running his fingers (and the brush) through its silky length. She didn't mind as long as he was there. Get a grip, Kathryn. (Shouldn't that be Kath?) He held her hair in his hands while she leaned back and made herself comfortable the second time. He then placed her hair over his shoulder, but some of it fell to her own. She closed her eyes and let herself fall back to sleep, not listening to the voice in her head that said this was wrong...

Janeway was jarred awake by the rough hands of the guards. She had barely regained her balance when she was shoved out of the cell. In front of her was a beautiful blue-skinned, orange-haired female with an elf-like appearance. When they started walking, Janeway recognized her as the Servant of the Patron.

Were all the people in burgundy robes as beautiful as her? If so, why did they wear robes? The guards had said the Patron would not recognized the Servant of the Patron without her robe. Janeway had yet to find a way of distinguishing people with their robes. Wouldn’t the Patron recognize his own as a slave?

The Servant of the Patron found herself working next to auburn-haired prisoner. She was glad to know the woman had survived her overthrow. She didn’t look well. The death of the child had taken a large toll on her state of being. Seeing someone die before your eyes, whether you know them or care about them or not, was hard on everyone. She knew that from personal experience.

Janeway watched the Servant of the Patron work. As a guard she was so strong and powerful, as a prisoner she was no better off than the rest of them. Unless one knew her, no one would ever know she was once the second highest ranking official in the compound. She wore the same black jumpsuit as everyone else and had as many bruises and welts as Janeway. The only difference was that most of her were still raw. When the guards overthrew her they made sure she was “put in her place”. They hadn’t taken her to the medical facility before throwing her in the cell across from Janeway. The doctor had come down later and taken her to the medical facility him(her?)self. He even brought her back, completely limp from the goo.

A sharp bite from the whip brought Janeway out of her reverie.

If the prisoners thought life before was bad, after the Servant of the Patron was overthrown the prisoners were worked for longer hours. The rules of sleep still applied, but they were now worked to exhaustion. Instead of the same old carving of rocks, they were doing heavy physical labor.

Janeway was yanked off the floor, as was the Servant of the Patron. They followed their guards to a cavern filled with large white crystal beams. They were told to carry these, along with the other prisoners, to the new tunnels that were being dug.

They picked up a b beam and started walking. Once in the new tunnels they were forced to set the beams in the walls and the ceiling. Before going back for the next one they had to make sure the set of beams just put in place were stable.

She was so tired. Janeway didn’t know how long she’d been carrying these beams and she had no clue how many of those things she’s carried. Her hands were swollen, bruised, and cut from he rough edges, and she knew her right shoulder was now one inch lower than her left. She leaned against the beam. She didn’t know whether she was holding the beam up, or whether it was holding her up.

A rumble went through the ground and choked the air with dust. The Servant of the Patron knew that sound, she had heard it many times before. It was one of the dangers of working underground. She stood and started to usher people out of the tunnel. There were only precious minutes left before the whole thing caved in. A few prisoners were staying behind to try and stop the cave in. One of them was the auburn-haired woman. As the Servant of the Patron looked closer she saw that the woman wasn’t holding the beam up by choice, she was too exhausted to move. She ran back in the tunnel.

She was having trouble breathing, there was too much dust in the air. Janeway coughed, trying to clear her lungs, but it only served to make things worse. She could vaguely hear a rumble and felt the beam behind her shudder. Something heavy and sharp bounced off her arm.

A strong push from behind brought her suddenly to wakefulness. She fought to keep her balance, but ended up on the ground, eating more dust. Brushing her hair out of her face, Janeway turned to see what had pushed her. It was then that she saw the tunnel they were building had collapsed. Out of the rubble she saw a slender blue arm reaching towards her. After a few seconds it went limp.

Chakotay ran through the tunnels looking in every cell. He only had a short period of time to find Janeway and get out. Hopefully Voyager was on her way and they wouldn’t have far to take the shuttle.

As he rounded the corner he stopped short in front of the fifth cell on the right. She was in it alright, lying on a cot. She was wearing what must have been the work uniform of all the prisoners: a black jumpsuit. Hers looked as if it had been worn for a long time. Janeway herself looked as if she had been worn for a long time: she was very pale, her hair was a dull auburn, and he could see dried blood on parts of her body and on her uniform.

He raised his phaser to the same height as the cell lock and blasted through it. It fell apart after two minutes of constant bombardment. The forcefield disappeared and the bars dematerialized. He stepped into the cell and walked over to the cot. He couldn’t tell if she was awake or not. “Kathryn,” he said softly, “it’s Chakotay.”

You’re dreaming again, Kathryn, just ignore it. ARE YOU SURE? MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK, AS YOU HAVE EVERY OTHER TIME. And what if it is a dream, you’ll be disappointed again. IF YOU EXPECT TO BE DISAPPOINTED, THEN YOU WON’T BE WHEN HE’S NOT THERE. i think you’ve been here too long, you’re holding conversations with yourself. At the same time the other two voices said: Shut up!

“Kathryn,” he said again softly. He didn’t want to touch her, not knowing what had happened to her. “Kathryn, we need to get out of here.”

It’s a dream. LOOK, DAMN IT! what do you have to lose? She listened to what she thought was her sensible side, but she wasn’t sure anymore. She rolled over, careful of all the aches and pains the movement caused. If she was wrong, she would end up in the tunnels again. It seemed as if he was there, though the light from the bare bulb behind him gave him the appearance of an angel. That proved she was far gone. She closed her eyes and tried to tell herself that he wasn’t real. “He’s not real. He’s not real. He’s...”

It hurt Chakotay to see her lips silently form those words. But he knew that meant she didn’t have much time left. He hoped touching her wouldn’t have any adverse affects. He took her bruised and swollen hands in his. “Kathryn, I’m real. You have to believe that. And I’m going to get you out of here.”

She looked into his eyes. It really was him. She longed to say something, but she didn’t have the words or the strength.

“We have to get out of here now.” He didn’t bother to ask her if she could walk, he was pretty sure she couldn’t. He gathered her frail and fragile body in his arms, careful not to cause pain, but he could tell he wasn’t successful. He ran out of the cell and down the dimly lit corridors.

Janeway put her head on Chakotay’s shoulder, trying to keep the pain from registering. He was taking her away from all that was hurting her. She knew they weren’t out of the woods yet, but she felt safer than she had in a long time.

When Janeway awoke she found herself lying on the floor of a ship. It took her a few moments to realize where she was. At first she thought it was a dream, but the pain that gripped her when she breathed told her she was awake. Then the rest of her body awakened with its normal aches and pains.

Chakotay thought he heard a noise from Janeway. After one more quick glance at the long-range sensor sensors to make sure no one was following them (they were safe in a cavern inside an asteroid), he left his seat and went back to her. His initial scans with a medical tricorder showed that she had lost a lot of blood, had pulled, sprained, and torn muscles that had to be painful, and some cracked and broken bones, among other wounds and scars. One of the biggest things he found (or, didn’t find) was that her captors had cut and removed her vocal chords. Was it done for punishment or was it done to everyone to prevent communication and escape? He didn’t care. If he had known then what he knew now, he would not have left as many of them standing for what they had done to her.

The way he saw her now scared him. She was a strong, tough person who would never, never back down from a fight. She could not be intimidated. The person lying on the floor before him vaguely resembled his captain physically, but when he looked into her eyes he hadn’t seen her spirit. He saw raw fear and nothing more. Her spirit, which had always been strong and up front, was now in more pieces than a jigsaw puzzle.

Janeway followed him with her eyes as he knelt down beside her and pressed a hypospray to her neck. As soon as the hissing stopped the pain went away and she could breathe again. She hoped he saw the gratefulness in her eyes.

Chakotay walked somewhere and returned with a Starfleet-issue sleeping bag. He unrolled it and placed it on the floor next to Janeway. “This will be more comfortable than lying on just the floor till we get back to Voyager.” He gently picked her up and laid her on the sleeping bag. Or, at least he tried to. Once he picked her up she refused to let go. He didn’t know what they had done to her and with her. From some of the wounds he’d found he knew it must have been pretty horrible. He sat down with her in is his arms and leaned against the wall, making soft, comforting noises. She cried soundlessly, giving him a feeling of uneasiness.

Janeway clung to Chakotay, not wanting to be alone. The only communication she had was physical. She buried her face in his shoulder, crying uncontrollably. After all that had been done to her, here was the one person in the universe she could turn to to help her regain her life. Once again, her life had fallen into his hands. She knew he would return it once again.

Once they had returned to Voyager, Chakotay had them both beamed straight to sickbay. Janeway had spent the entire trip back to the ship in his arms, in and out of sleep, crying and not crying. He had done nothing more than hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. But he wasn’t sure who he was trying to comfort, her or himself. He gently laid her on a biobed. As the Doctor walked in, Chakotay filled him in on the injuries he had discovered in the shuttle.

“Thank you, Commander, for your medical expertise,” said the Doctor. “I will thank you to leave the diagnosing to someone with more than just a medical tricorder. I hope you didn’t give her anything to make her condition worse.”

Chakotay knew when he wasn’t wanted. As he turned to leave, Janeway grabbed his hand. He looked at her and smiled. Don’t worry, it will be alright. She smiled back weakly. He gave her hand a squeeze and then left sickbay.

He went back to his quarters and took a shower. Or, at least he thought he did. The only thing he could remember was Janeway. He couldn’t get the picture of her lying on that cot out of his mind.

“Tuvok to Commander Chakotay. Please meet me in the captain’s Ready Room.”

“On my way. Chakotay out.” Uh-oh. He knew this was going to happen. Couldn’t Tuvok wait for at least thirty minutes before voicing his objections. The risk was worth his life. Was he dreading having to listen to Tuvok’s objections? Not really. He was dreading the conversation he had to have later with Kathryn.

Chakotay entered at Tuvok’s word. “You wanted to see me?”

Tuvok decided to cut right to the chase. “I would once again like to voice my objection to your chosen course of action. You put yourself in unnecessary danger where a starship would have been a more logical choice, had we enough evidence. However, it seems that your intuition was right, Captain Janeway was in danger and you safely brought her back.”

Chakotay smiled at Tuvok’s speech. “You sound as though you were worried about us.”

“I was...” he paused, looking for a neutral word, “concerned for your safety.”

Sure you were.

Chakotay ended his shift knowing what he had to do. He hoped he could say what needed to be said. If he didn’t talk to her soon... he just knew they had to talk about it.

Janeway sat in her quarters reading over everything that had happened while she was away. The Doctor had used the genetic replicator to make her a new set of vocal chords and had installed them. (His terminology made her feel like some type of computer.) Her throat still hurt. The Doctor had told her to massage it when it hurt, which she had been doing a lot lately. Other than that, there were no physical scars left from her ordeal. The memories were still fresh in her mind, of those things that she could remember. Sometimes her room would crowd in around her and she would again find herself in the tunnels or in her cell. Other times there would be brief flashes of things she couldn’t quite remember. The images would be there, but would disappear before she could identify them. She hadn’t spoken to anyone since her return, mostly on the Doctor’s orders to let her throat heal. It had become infected, her captors hadn’t done a great job removing her original vocal chords. She wouldn’t be declared fit for duty till her throat healed, which left Chakotay in command of the ship.

Chakotay...

He put himself in danger to save her. He shouldn’t have left the ship alone. Not that Tuvok was a bad commander. But they were in dangerous territory, that was the whole reason she went on that ill-fated mission. The good of the ship is worth more than her life.

The door chimed.

Janeway pushed a button on her PADD that opened the door. Chakotay walked in.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” he said as he stood in front of her. She shook her head. “I see you haven’t tried to speak yet.” Another shake. “When are you going to try?”

I guess now is as good a time as any. BESIDES, YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM, REMEMBER? She was hesitant at first, but her voice grew stronger as she became familiar with the somewhat different vibrations in her throat. “Any..anytime after three days, which ended yesterday.” She gestured for him to sit down. “I have read Tuvok’s objection to your coming to find me. He said it was based on feelings. You should’ve had hard evidence to go on. It’s a wonder that you did find me at all. You put yourself in unnecessary danger. It was illogical an foolish.”

Chakotay just stared at her. Where was this anger coming from?

“You are dismissed.” She spat out the words.

He had not come for a lecture and then to be dismissed. Who was this lecturing him? It wasn’t his captain and it wasn’t the almost-dead woman he had found lying on a cot.

Why wasn’t he leaving? She had ordered him out. She wanted to be alone. (But the silence was more than she could stand.)

“I don’t know who you are,” he said softly. “You’re not the Kathryn Janeway I know.”

“Of course not! Look what I’ve been through!” she practically yelled.

Chakotay’s voice was still soft and calm. “But you’re not that Kathryn Janeway, either. You’re what happens when she tries to hide from what happened. When she tries to say it was nothing.”

YEAH. YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM US. WE’RE NOT NOTHING. we’re a part of you. No! Go away! NOPE. YOU HAVE TO FACE US, KATHRYN. what we stand for. The voices mocked her. But they weren’t there, they were gone, locked away. DO I SEEM GONE TO YOU? and i’m not locked away. They started to taunt her. KATHRYN... kathryn... KATHRYN... kathryn... Kathryn... “Just leave me alone!” she said harshly to Chakotay and the voices in her head. She just wanted everything to go away.

Chakotay eyed her doubtfully. After all that had happened she shouldn’t be left alone too long. But something told him to let her be. He left.

Janeway watched the doors close behind him. She leaned over and sobbed into her hands. She cried for herself more than anything else.

Why had she thrown him out? YEAH, KATHRYN, WHY? YOU OWE SO MUCH TO HIM. and you’ll never get rid of us until you face everything that happened. you have to work through all the emotions. AND YOU CANNOT DO IT ALONE.

Chakotay walked back to his quarters, mad at himself for leaving her. She looked so lost, so frightened, so alone.

You did the right thing, Chakotay, the voice of the gray wolf whispered in his ear as he took a shower. Be patient, she will come when she is ready.

He climbed into bed exhausted, but sleep would not come. He knew that not less than a foot away, on the other side of the wall, was Kathryn Janeway, a woman who was trying to deny things that would affect her outlook for the rest of her life. Over time she would relive them. All but one. The tricorder had shown him many scars and injuries, but only one had appalled him more than her lack of vocal chords. Someone (and he wish he’d known who) had the audacity to abuse... to violate... to... to rape her. She didn’t know, he was sure of that. He was surprised the Doctor hadn’t told her, but he was grateful.

She stood in the corridor outside his quarters. why are you debating, kathryn? She keyed in her security code and the doors swished open. She took a deep breath before entering.

His quarters were laid out the exact opposite of hers. But that was where the similarities ended. The room was decorated with his souvenirs of their journey - he had many more than she - and things that reminded him of home - something else she hadn’t done. But Janeway took no notice of any of this as she went to his bedroom.

He knew when she entered the bedroom, he could see her silhouette against the far wall. As she came closer he could tell she was crying. But she was eerily silent.

She stood silently at the side of his bed, not wanting to wake him. Dreaming about past times they’d shared together had helped her hold on to a piece of her sanity. Why was she mad at him for going to find her? Did she wish for it? She wasn’t sure. And if he hadn’t, who knows where she would be right now.

He couldn’t just let her stand there, she had to know someone cared for her. He opened his arms and she fell into them, sobbing against his chest. He held her tightly to him, gently stroking her hair and whispering comforting words. “It’s okay, Kathryn, let it out. I’m here, nothing will harm you.” She was crying so hard she was having trouble breathing; her breath came in spasmodic gasps. “I love you, my Kathryn, always know that. There’s nothing to fear, you are not alone.”

Slowly, ever so slowly, her sobs diminished and she lay quietly against his chest. He thought she might be asleep. He touched her cheek, tracing her soft lips gently with his thumb. She was beautiful, this woman lying in his arms. She was so different from the captain he served with on the bridge. He could openly love this woman. His lips gently brushed her forehead.

With her eyes closed, she leaned into his hand. It felt so good when he touched her. His hands were warm and soft. Within minutes of calming down she was asleep, the emotional overload exhausting her. For the first time since she left the ship she didn’t dream of Chakotay. She didn’t need to, he was right with her.

Chakotay slid the covers gently over her and settled himself in. He could sleep easily for the first night in a long time knowing that she was beside him. The little bit he had seen tonight was just a scratch on the surface of the effects of her ordeal. They would talk about it, and over time she would deal with it, accept it, and adjust her life. And he would do the same. “Good-night, my Kathryn, I love you.” The last thing he saw before he fell asleep was the soft smile on her lips.

Well, that's it, my JetC fanfic. What do you think? Let me know.

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