"Return from whence you came - Baaaaaaaaaaaah"
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Finally completed 19/10/04
The World of Darkness, eh? Well, don't you hate it? I do. Sort of. The World of Darkness is made by my cat, working from a shed in Idaho. Have you ever noticed something about it? No? Look closer...
Here are some of its titles:
Notice a pattern? Good. Now, heres a step-by-step guide of how to create a World of Darkness game using the Storyteller system (and not this new-fangled Storytelling system that deletes the "The").
A World of Darkness game needs a title, preferably in the set "Mythic creature / character archetype": The "random vaguely appropriate word".
Example: We are going to create a WoD game to take the piss out of it. So, we choose "Hydra: The Pisstake".
This should be obvious - they're all the same in every game no matter what!
Only they're not skills. White Wolf likes to use its Thesaurus, splitting skills into 3 categories and calling them Abilities. The categories are Talents, Skills and Knowledges. However, in every game, White Wolf usually uses a similar subset, but changes one or two to some completely obscure skill with almost no purpose, except as a space-filler. E.g Primal Urge.
Example: We use the standard skill subset, but replace 'Firearms' with 'Breathe', 'Alertness' with 'Canfrack' and 'Politics' with 'Explode'.
Breathe is a skill that allows the use of the Hydra's lungs, just like Hydra's are famed to use.
o - You can just about live
o o - You can walk and talk at the same time
o o o - You can walk and chew bubblegum at the same time
o o o o - You could breathe for your country
o o o o o - You could breathe in space
Possessed by: Creatures that are alive.
NOTE: Use of this skill also allows the use of the Hydra's principal attack, his breath weapon.
Canfrack is the lost art of lobotomising badgers with the aid of only a toothpick and a hedge trimmer.
o - Say Goodbye Mr Badger
o o - Brains, lovely squidgy brains
o o o - Fresh lobotomised badger, Sir?
o o o o - You don't even need the toothpick.
o o o o o - You can lobotmise badgers blindfolded.
Possessed by: Creatures who like lobotomising badgers
NOTE: Use of this skill is the only method by which a Hydra may lose SHITE points. EVER.
Explode is the little used skill of spontaneous combustion.
o - Explode? I've seen bubble wrap more dangerous!
o o - You might be able to get your tail to explode.
o o o - You don't need grenades - once.
o o o o - Natural suicide bomber.
o o o o o -Walking Time Bomb.
Possessed by: Creatures who can explode.
NOTE: Use of this skill causes 1000 points of aggravated damage per success rolled. To everything. Including the character.
All WoD games also feature a powerful and dangerous enemy that the players can never EVER defeat EVER EVER.
Example: Hydra: The Pisstake is no exception. The mortal enemy of the Hydra is the rare and dangerous Badger King and his minions, the Badgers. Badgers can smell Hydra's on sight using their powerful and dangerous nose, and will cause them 2 Aggravated damage by simply looking at them funny.
WoD games like to have twelve million factions per game to confuse everything further AND have the excuse to bring out a special book for each to make more money. Then revise them and do it again. And again.
Example: There are three factions of Hydra's. The first is the Green Hydra, which can breathe acid. The second is the Red Hydra, that can breathe fire. The third is the Purple Hydra, who can breathe.
There will also typically be two other groups. One group will be dead, and have existed before but now simply not, casing players to go "oooh". The other will be evil and act in a contrary manner to the others.
Example: The dead faction of Hydra's is known as the Transparent Hydra, who simply vanished one day. The evil faction are the Black Hydra's, who like to drink tea and not lobotomise badgers.
There are several other traits WoD games like to have. One is the Ban, where everything cannot do something lest they all die, explode or whatever.
Example: In Hydra, Hydra's must do something every day. They must shit. However, they can only excrete in a special way, and that is down the neck of a lobotomised badger. If they fail to do this, they gain a SHITE point. If a Hydra reaches 10 SHITE points they explode.
All WoD games are set in a world which is very similar to our own, yet not quite. There is just enough difference so history can be rewritten AGAIN and you get confused and have to learn the backstory AGAIN.
Example: In Hydra: The Pisstake, the world is exactly the same as today, only Hydra's exist and can walk about happily. Yet no-one seems to notice.
Additionally, the "party" may never be called the party in a WoD game. Noooo.... thats far too obvious.
Example: Multiples of Hydra's are called "Gaggles".
So concludes our foray into why White Wolf games are crap. And yet, they are still popular and entertaining if ran correctly. So therefore this argument is somewhat invalid.
HOWEVER, the worrying thing is that another site managed to write an article in very much the same fashion, which scares me somewhat. Here it is.
Oh, and the system itself uses strange "negative-accented" rules that favour failure over success. No, YOU try and figure it out. Bye then!
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This is an official site endorsed by White Wolf themselves and my cat. That's why you don't see any banners, logo's, or even links to their homepage. Yes. Honestly... just to clarify, I'm taking the piss.
THE WORLD OF DARKNESS (PLUS THEIR ASSOCIATES)© ARE REGISTERED TRADEMARKS OF WHITE WOLF© AND NOT ME. I AM NOT RIPPING THEM OFF AND I'M NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OFF THIS. IT'S JUST FUNNY. SUPPOSEDLY.