One evening, nearly a year ago I was starting to feel
kind of sick, like I had a flu coming on. So being the rational person that
I am, I put on my warmest pajamas, drank some orange juice and went to bed
with a few extra blankets. I had actually been feeling flushed all day,
and figured that I should be staying warm so as to sweat out whatever fever
I had coming on. It was still rather early in the evening, so I wasn't particularly
tired. However, even though I had trouble falling asleep, I figured that
the best thing for me was to remain in bed, seeing as I had to work the next
day, and couldn't afford to come down with something nasty.
So I lay there, letting my mind wander. As the twilight
progressed, the last rays of light that filtered through my blinds dimmed,
and the house around me slowly grew silent as my family, one person at a
time, decided to get ready for bed and go to sleep. Beneath the covers I
was uncomfortably warm, and my head had begun to ache as though being crushed.
Despite the perspiration I felt seeping out, I dared not remove myself from
the sheets and allow cold to settle in. When at last all was completely dark
and silent, I felt the wheels in my mind slow down, and I was thankful that
sleep approached.
Although I was now genuinely tired and realized a slipping
of cognizance that foreshadows slumber, my eyes would not remain shut. Within
the remaining pool of my nearly evaporated consciousness, I suddenly felt
the need to be well rise in urgency. What had merely begun as precautionary
measures took on overtones of violent competition, a burning conflict inside
of me, producing my fever. What was I fighting? What was the nature of my
hostile aggressor? What possible force would oppose my well being with such
ferocious malevolence? I was thinking so slowly, these questions were nearly
too sticky and viscous to formulate. Whatever was attacking my body was
also attacking my brain. This could not be truly random. My enemy was not
only evil, but also sentient. I realized that what I fought within myself
was literally a demon, straight from hell.
"No. Leave me be."
With this new understanding came more specific information
on my internal guest. He was very small, the size of a virus, and needed
a host to survive. However he could only feed if his host was an innocent
girl or woman. What this demon fed on was fear and paranoia. If he inhabited
the body of an innocent, she would undergo a transformation at night after
she fell asleep. Her teeth and nails grew long and sharp, and her eyes glowed
red with an ability to see were there was no light. Her cognitive abilities
would be reduced to that of an animal, only instincts remaining. She would
leave her home, searching for small animals, birds, rats, even small dogs
and cats, and consume them violently, never eating more than half of the
body. Once full, she would take the gruesome remaining entrails home with
her, lay them at the foot of her bed and return to sleep. The next morning
she would remember nothing and find her hands and face covered with blood
and several small mangled corpses where she slept. The fear and uncertainty
produced this way was what the demon thrived on. His favorite targets were
the female priests of the catholic church, which was why he was called a
Shadow Nun.
"I shall suppress you. You will never harm another woman again."
A shadow nun could lay dormant within a man, but it was
only temporary, until he could find a female host. If this new host was
not pure, though, she would die once the demon attempted the transformation,
and once again he would lay dormant and wait. There were two women in my
house. My mother, who although is a very good woman, was by definition not
innocent for having given birth. The other was my sister, and although I
love her very much, she was too rough around the edges to be called innocent.
If I allowed this demon within me to find either of them, they would die.
I knew that I had to defeat it.
"You will not win."
I knew that this was real; I did not even question the
truth of the situation because I was so certain of what was transpiring.
I would not allow myself to sleep, even though my eyes were finally able
to remain heavily closed, even though I was exhausted and could barely think.
I had to conquer this evil within me, and directed all of my will to destroying
it. The focus of my concentration was sharp, and I clutched to it to remain
awake. My languid brain gave me mantras to groggily mumble to keep my attention
where it belonged. "You cannot not win. You shall be annihilated. I will
force you down, back into hell. You cannot win..."
For hours I lay still, willing down my foe, until slowly
I felt the turmoil within me ease, and I allowed myself to sleep. At 5:00
am my alarm went off, and I rose in my bed. My head throbbed, my throat
was raw, and my stomach felt entirely unstable, sending waves of nausea
through my body. The fever, however had passed. I got dressed and went to
work, doing my job as best I could for two hours, until someone showed up
to replace me. I went home, to sleep peacefully and dreamlessly.
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