I don't understand why we do this to ourselves. Why we invent things like alarm clocks to get us up from our peaceful slumber to do things that we don't want to do. Why we force ourselves to place such importance on such unimportant things like classes and jobs that we don't like. Why no one sees anything wrong with this and why it's considered a waste if you don't pursue such wastes of time and prefer to do something that actually means something to you. Why money is more important than happiness when your money will not do anything for you once your dead. Why I still buy in to all of this despite my beliefs. Here I am preaching that happiness is truly all that should matter yet I'm stressing because I have this econ midterm on Tuesday. Will my life be any better if I get an A? Will it be any worse if I fail? No. But I buy into the notion that GPA is life or death and thus I have to study 'cause this one midterm will determine my econ grade which factors in to my GPA. And I hate that. I hate the fact that even though I'm having so much more fun this year I'm starting to regret it because I'm not doing as well in my classes. Yet last year I wanted to transfer because I wasn't having any fun. It's two o'clock in the morning and I'm tired and I should go to bed. But no. I'm forcing myself to stay awake because I feel that I haven't accomplished enough. And I know I'll wake up tomorrow morning and berate myself for it. And why?? Why should it matter?? I don't know. I don't know why any of it matters. It matters because we let it matter. SO WHY DO WE LET IT MATTER WHEN WE ARE ALL SO UNHAPPY???
--Megan's rambling 1:56 am Monday November 13, 2000