Note: OK, I can't remember where I downloaded this file. I know I should keep better track of my files and bookmarks, but I'm a messy person. If you know (or are) the author of this list contact me and you'll be given credit.

You eat cornflakes and onions with cold curry sauce for breakfast.

You go to record stores and ask the clerk for a copy of "Om" by Smeg and the Heads.

You own a collection of what you sincerely believe are singing potatoes.

Everything looks the same to you: blue, green, and planetoidy.

You hold up imaginary black or white cards in order to control conversations.

You beat the crap out of innocent toasters before they can ask you if you'd like any toast.

You constantly argue with your biology professor about the existence of Felis Sapiens, with your astronomy professor about the existence of swirly things, with your music professor about the existence of the notes H and J, and with your genetics professor about the existence of GELFs.

Penguin puppets just don't look innocent to you anymore.

You strain your ears in hotel lobbies for sounds of "Tongue Tied".

You name your first child Jim, after Jim Bexley Speed. You name your second child Bexley, after Jim Bexley Speed.

You greet people with a full-Rimmer salute.

You go to a patent office hoping to make millions off the idea of a Tension Sheet.

You look for beer milkshakes in the dairy section of the grocery store.

Your wardrobe crosses an international time zone.

While playing pool, you hit planets into other people's pints of beer.

Your typical response to any heartwarming moment is, "Don't give me this Star Trek crap, it's too early in the morning".

You find yourself eating exotic-sounding foods, like Vindaloos...Gazpacho Soup... Poppadoms...Toast....

You look through encyclopedias and books on astronomy to find out what the red spectrum tells us about quasars.

You bring a canister of Lithium Carbonate along when you go to see the squid exhibit at the aquarium--just in case.

Feeling that saying it the other way sounds silly and devoid of meaning , you instead tell your beloved, "I E5A9O8B7 you."

You demand a full refund from the computer store because, for some odd reason, your model did not come complete with an interactive, satient head.

.esnes ekam ot snigeb hceeps sdrawkcaB

Life for you is tickety-boo.

You measure distances in Gigooks and Clicks.

You arrange your schedule around the television line-up so you won't miss what will happen now that Kelly has told Brook that Brook Jr. isn't his android.

Wednesday night is and will always be Amateur Hammond Organ recital night.

You haunt computer/video game stores trying to find a copy of "Better Than Life."

You have a tendancy to wave bananas in people's faces and call them female aardvarks.

You set out to get a hair-cut that's made for action, only you end up looking like Helen Shapiro

You failed biology because your sheeps and cows continually failed to produce horses. However, your leaping mutton won first prize at the carnival.

You're inspired to make a triple fried egg chili chutney sandwich, and you actually EAT it.

You religiously use the word "smeg" at LEAST once every half-hour.

You feel a Jackson Pollock coming on, and those cockroaches are shuffling too loudly.

You wake up in a McDonalds on Mimas with Emily Berkenstein's ID and the last thing you remember is a Monopoly board pub crawl on earth.

If you suffer from any of these symptoms, don't, I repeat, DON'T call the doctor. You'll save some money. Instead, take comfort in knowing that you are not alone, then celebrate with lager and a nice vindaloo. You deserve it :-)