Vanessa Feltz :-

 I have discovered that Vanessa Feltz has castors. Not ordinary castors like wardrobes and chests of drawers, special ones. She has a team of slaves that push or pull her around her studio during the show. Theses are blotted out using simple ediditng technologies during the show that is aired.

When she is at home she likes to whip them into a frenzy and they pull her round even faster. Often her slaves die off, due to the immense strains they have to excert on themselves.

Occasionally small earthquages and other tremors have been felt in the UK. These have been detected by special 'Earthquake detectors' that look suspiciously like metal detectors, but they're not! The mysterious eathquake strangley occur whenever Ms Feltz sits down.

Vanessa Feltz, as you can see from the picture is a money grabbing swine and never pays the slaves the rigt amount. It is because of Vanessa Feltz that the 'Slave Trade' is still alive today. Not only does she have people press ganged from all over the world to appear on her show (the threat of having to share her bed after her eating cake tends to keep them in order) All the poor people that attend the show, are not allowed out afterwards and are thrown into huge slave pits under her London abode, where she sells them to various world leaders and other naughty people.

Although many have tried to escape, only one has ever made it out unfortunatley his name is confidential. He is still in intensive care at the Great Ormond Street Hospital, Ward 10, third private room on the left. His personal nurse is called Nancy, and she's really nice. All he managed to say as he crawled out, battered and brused was "the cake mines, the cake mines" after that he lapsed into unconciousness.

I sent in some people in t oher show to relay information back. They were the best of the best and should have been easily able to escape with all their training. Regretably I have yet to hear from them. It has been 2 weeks since they were last seen, and that was on the public showing of the show.

It is my belef that Vanessa Feltz is running a huge underground cake empire. Now I like cake, but this is taking it too far. From what I have managed to glean from The escapee, I have learnt that there are vast cavern's hollowed out under London, all the cake that they shifted goes upstairs. Thats the last that is seen of it. Constant monitoring of the cake-markets and even the London abode itself reveal that nobody ever comes in and nobody ever goes out, except for Vanessa Feltz herself, and ofcourse the slaves that transport her huge bulk around. As pointed out earlier, they are rarely seen.