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Ate My Balls Page

 (And other other Star Wars Humor)
Click here to rent DVD's over the internet!

Destinations on this page:
|| Episode One Ate My Balls || The Pulp Fiction Menace ||
|| Star Wars lines made stoopid-fresh with the word 'pants' ||
|| Letterman's SW Top 10's || Sexually Suggestive SW Lines ||
|| Guestbook/Email ||



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STAR WARS HUMOR
 EPISODE I

THE PHANTOM MENACE TRAILER
ATE MY BALLS



åðß


"I'll not condone a course of action that will lead us to losing our balls."











"This communications disruption can mean only one thing....ball-snatchers."











"At last we will reveal our balls to the Jedi."











"I can only protect your balls, I can't fight a war for them."











"They'll never get my balls aboard one of their dreadful starships."











"Once those droids on the surface take control of your balls, they will take control of you."











"You refer to the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to our balls...you believe it to be this boy?"











"Anakin Ballwasher meet Obiwan Kenobi...the man whose balls you will destroy one day."











Yoda: "Balls...always there are two."











"Yousa thinkin' people gonna eat our balls?"











"You race pods? You must have Jedi balls if you can do that!"











Anakin: "Will I ever see you again?"

Mother: "What do your balls tell you?"











"Weesa no like the Naboo...they thinka their balls so big."











"That is the sound of a thousand terrible balls coming this way."











"Are you sure about this? Trusting our balls to a boy we hardly know?"











Anakin: "Hey Jar-Jar...Don't get your balls caught in the beam...they'll go numb for hours."











"I'm afraid we'll have to accept Federation control of our balls for the time being.
(Aren't I evil?)"











Yoda: "How feel your balls?"

Anakin: "Cold, sir."











"Our balls haven't much time."











Obi-Wan: "Hey, Left Ball!"

Qui-Gon: "Yes, Right Ball?"

Obi-Wan: "I think we've got a dick inbetween us."

Darth Maul: "GRRRRRR!!"











"Wipe their balls out...both of them."











"BALLLLLLSSSSSSSSS!!!!!"















Balance Point (Star Wars: The New Jedi Order)
click here
 cover

Destinations on this page:
|| Episode One Ate My Balls || The Pulp Fiction Menace ||
|| Star Wars lines made stoopid-fresh with the word 'pants' ||
|| Letterman SW Top 10's || Sexually Suggestive SW Lines ||
|| Guestbook/Email ||

******************************



STAR WARS HUMOR
EPISODE II

THE PULP FICTION MENACE


Ever fantasize about Samuel L. Jackson's character from Pulp Fiction reading lines from the original SW trilogy? Me either...but here it is nevertheless.


µðœ



You can stick your well-laid Death Star plans up your well-laid ass.

You must go to Dagobah where you will be taught by Yoda...the sweet, sly motherfucker who taught me this shit.

That's no moon, asshole - that's a fucking space station!

I don't care how good you say they are. I ain't fightin' alongside no fuck-ass teddy bears.

You don't need to see my identification, 'cause these ain't the motherfuckin' droids you're looking for.

Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know, 'cause even if it did I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker.

This is your father's lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every motherfuckin' stormtrooper in the room...accept no substitutes

If Obi-Wan ain't home then I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do. I ain't got no other connections on Tattooine.

Feel the Force, motherfucker.

'What' ain't no planet I've ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on 'What'?

You sendin' the Fett? Shit, Hutt...that's all you had to say!

Yeah Chewie Rocky Horror's got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He's a Wookie.

Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?

Hand me my lightsaber...it's the one that says, 'Bad Mother Fucker.'


Palm IIIxe Handheld only $199!!!
 cover

Destinations on this page:
|| Episode One Ate My Balls || The Pulp Fiction Menace ||
|| Star Wars lines made stoopid-fresh with the word 'pants' ||
|| Letterman SW Top 10's || Sexually Suggestive SW Lines ||
|| Guestbook/Email ||

**********************************************



STAR WARS HUMOR
EPISODE III

 A NEW PAIR OF PANTS

Lines from Star Wars that can be improved with the word 'Pants'

§µæ§





We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

These pants may not look like much, kid...but they've got it where it counts.

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

A Jedi's strength flows through his pants.

These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!

General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault.

I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.

TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?

Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

You are unwise to lower your pants.

These are your father's pants...he wanted you to have them when you were old enough.

She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.

You look strong enough to pull the pants off a Gundark.

Luke. . . Help me remove these pants.

Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.

Yoda: I cannot teach him...the boy has no pants.
Obi-Wan: Was I any different at his age?

That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

I feel a tremor in my pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.

Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.

That tree...strong in the Dark Side...your pants...you will not need them.

Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.

Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.



Star Wars Trilogy-Widescreen Edition
(Includes behind-the-scenes preview of Episode II)
cover






Destinations on this page:
|| Episode One Ate My Balls || The Pulp Fiction Menace ||
|| Star Wars lines made stoopid-fresh with the word 'pants' ||
|| Letterman SW Top 10's || Sexually Suggestive SW Lines ||
|| Guestbook/Email ||

***********************************************



STAR WARS HUMOR

EPISODE IV

 DAVE STRIKES BACK

 Top 10 lists from the Letterman Show
involving Star Wars


LATE SHOW TOP 10 - 2/21/97

Signs you've seen the Star Wars movies
too many times


10. Your poodles are named "C," "3," "P" and "O"

9. You won't sleep with your wife unless she says, "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope"

8. You spent $10,000 trying to Rogaine yourself into Chewbacca

7. You're continually stunned when the President makes major decisions without consulting Mark Hamill

6. Your favorite pickup line: "Would you like to handle my light saber?"

5. You keep referring to your lawn mower as "that crazy droid"

4. You spend most of your days trying to use "the Force" to open a can of pears

3. You once saw an eggplant that looked kind of like Darth Vader and almost had a heart attack

2. Your sex life is strictly "Han Solo," if you know what I mean

1. You like Yoda so much, you voted for Ross Perot


************


LATE SHOW TOP 10- 1/31/97

Surprises in the Special Edition of Star Wars


10. Part of Chewbacca now played by a shirtless Ed Asner

9. Commander of the Death Star: Dr. Kevorkian

8. Land speeders replaced with bitchin' pink Miatas

7. Comic relief provided by Cheech Marin as Luke Skywalker's wacky Mexican caddy

6. Darth Vader's voice goes up three octaves after Dennis Rodman kicks him in the groin

5. Instead of "May the Force be with you," Obi-Wan Kenobi says, "Show me the money!"

4. Cameo appearance by Bob Dole as Yoda's great-great-grandfather

3. Luke and Darth Vader work together to beat the crap out of a bunch of Trekkies

2. New Scene in which Jabba the Hut is hugged by a sobbing Richard Simmons

1. R2D2? Gay


Click here to rent DVD's over the internet!


Destinations on this page:
|| Episode One Ate My Balls || The Pulp Fiction Menace ||
|| Star Wars lines made stoopid-fresh with the word 'pants' ||
|| Letterman SW Top 10's || Sexually Suggestive SW Lines ||
|| Guestbook/Email ||

********************************************



STAR WARS HUMOR
 EPISODE V

RETURN OF THE
SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE LINES
IN THE STAR WARS TRILOGY


Sexually Suggestive Lines From
Star Wars


 Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!

Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?

Put that thing away before you get us all killed.

You've got something jammed in here real good.

Wedge, you can't do any more good back there.

It didn't go in; it just impacted on the surface.

Get ontop of it!

Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

Into the garbage chute, flyboy!

You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.

He's got too much of his father in him.

Sorry about the mess...

This is Red Five...I'm goin' in!

Look at the size of that thing!

Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!

She may not look like much, kid; but she's got it where it counts.

***

Sexually Suggestive Lines From
The Empire Strikes Back


I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.

Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?

There's an awful lot of moisture in here.

But now we must eat.

That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for awhile.

Hurry up, Golden-rod...

I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?

It's possible he came in through the south entrance.

And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

Control, control! You must learn control!


(Wait..they get better!!)

***


Sexually Suggestive Lines From
Return of the Jedi



Hey, point that thing somewhere else.

I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.

I never knew I had it in me.

There is good in him. I have felt it.

Hey Luke, thanks for coming after me...now I owe you one.

Back door, huh? Good idea!

She's gonna blow!

I think you'll fit in nicely...

Rise, my friend.

AND...Drum roll please....


Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping...hold on. Grab it...almost...you almost got it. Gently now...all right...easy, easy...hold me, Chewie.


Destinations on this page:
|| Episode One Ate My Balls || The Pulp Fiction Menace ||
|| Star Wars lines made stoopid-fresh with the word 'pants' ||
|| Letterman SW Top 10's || Sexually Suggestive SW Lines ||
|| Guestbook/Email ||

********************************


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