Battle Plan 101
by realstone2003©Dearest Marissa,
I never seem to be able to tell you how much you mean to me when we're face to face and I understand that telling you all of this so soon after Emmett's leaving seems unfeeling on my part, but the possibility of living without you has opened my eyes. Marissa, the feelings I have for you happened so gradually that I didn't realize how much of your life is embedded in mine. How much of myself I will lose if you ever leave. I didn't realize how much I love and need you, until that night.
You won't believe who gave me the idea to write you. Yep, Bernie Hobson, my dad and Don Juan extraordinaire. I didn't intend to talk to him about my feelings for you. I called mom, but she was out and he just wouldn't let go. He even threatened to come to the city, if I didn't tell him why I called. So I told him.
"Gar, Marissa is a good friend to all of us. Make sure this is what you want. She doesn't deserve to be hurt."
"I'm sure."
"Okay, then. Woo her."
"What?"
"Woo her. Send her flowers, letters, give her perfume. Take her to dinner, the movies, skating. Talk to her over candle light dinners. Take her for long walks. Get to know her, let her know you."
"Dad, we've known each other for five years."
"No. Gar, I mean let her know you. Tell her all of the things couples forget to tell each other. How you like your eggs cooked. How you like to roll your socks into a ball for wastebasket basketball. That you like to sleep spoon fashion and that tee shirts and gym shorts are you favorite pieces of clothing. Let her know what you want for her. Gary I have to ask. Are you thinking long term?"
"I don't know."
"Be very careful, Gary. I don't think Marissa would stand for being some substitute until something better comes along."
"I would never."
"Have you told her you think of her in that way...I mean, I've never see you two hold hands, much less. Damn this is hard."
"You got that right. No, I haven't. I just realized...all I can think of is the smell of her skin. How its feels to hold her. What it would be like to wake up next to her. I'm just not sure what I do for her."
Bernie chuckled. " Then tell her know what you feel, what you want."
"We're back to how."
"Call her on the phone, send a singing telegram. Do something."
&
& &I decided to take his advice. I just didn't realize how hard it would be to put my feeling down on a piece of paper. Thursday, when Jason, came to service the Rock Ola, he added several new albums that he said Patrick requested. I made him play every song, just in case. One of the songs was so close to what I'm feeling that it's scary. So let the lyrics of this song (play enclosed CD) help explain what is in my heart.
Say I'm crazy 'cause I have to have you
Say I'm dreaming 'cause I wanna see this through
Say there's no meaning to life if I'm not with you,
My love, my only love
But it's you who will always be my first love,
It's you who first showed me who I really was
In you my soul has found the one I'm searching for
And it's true, I adore you
Our love is like a merry go round
Sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down
Like the sun and the rain, even good love's bound to change
Boy you should know, because the love we have
We shouldn't let go
It's clear to see
Your heart belongs to me
I'll always get by with you in my life
Don't you ever leave.
Marissa, to me you are...lustrous dark eyes...warm dark-mahogany baby-smooth skin...my strength & anchor...my vision of what tomorrow promises
Sometimes I wish you had been my first love. That I had been the first man you loved. It didn't happen that way. Maybe that's okay because knowing the others that have moved in and out of my life has taught me, what I need and want in a life partner. Our friendship has changed. Though you may deny it. For me it has deepened into...become more than just two people whom share interest in a business or the paper.
How do I explain how the sound of your voice entices. How your nearness comforts my mind and yet lately has causes parts of my body to react in ways that leave me with little control. I know you can sense how much I need you.
You have to feel how right we are for each other. How much, how clearly your spirit speaks to mine, in such complete ways.
Right now, you may try to ignore the love that's growing between us. But know this, I will wait for you. You know how stubborn a Hobson can be, once we believe we're right.
It scares me to think how close I was to missing you. When my marriage to Marsha ended, I tried to close off that part of my life. Every woman became a friend. Erica tried to push pass the barriers, but you never needed to push. You've given me the time and space to heal, to grow up. Time to understand what I wanted and more importantly needed. Now I know. It is you.
Yours always, Gary
P.S. by the time you finish reading this I'll be outside your door.
To be continued