KING HUMPHREY: Greetings, friends and lovers of fantasy --- and welcome to the Land of Berenicia, where almost anything can happen .... and almost everything does! Permit me to introduce myself. I am Humphrey Daniel Jacob III of the House of Willym --- but everyone just calls me King Humphrey. Many years have I ruled this Kingdom, and in that time, I've always believed that we'd never be discovered ---
(Bellbottom, the King's court fool, enters.)
BELLBOTTOM: Well, that situation certainly changed in a big hurry, Your Majesty. Why don't you tell them why? (Giggles.)
KH: Bellbottom, please! I'm trying to introduce our website.
B: Well, don't say I didn't make the suggestion! (Giggles again.)
KH: (mutters aside to Bellbottom) Oh, all right. I'll tell them. (aloud) That was Bellbottom, my Court Jester. Oh, he does mean well, but sometimes I have to do quite a lot just to keep him well-behaved, if you see what I mean. Anyway, what he wanted me to explain to you was that we, the inhabitants of the Land of Berenicia, are numbered among the merry residents of Richard Washington's Blackbeard's Castle, presented by Yahoo!/GeoCities. Now what that means is that an entire Kingdom dwells here on the World Wide Web! And what, you may be asking yourselves with a slight degree of impatience, is that supposed to mean to me? Well, what we hope to have it mean to you is something that was very special to most of you when you were children. What am I talking about, Court Jester?
B:(sitting at the foot of His Majesty's royal throne) Fairy tales, Your Majesty!
KH: Quite right, Bellbottom! But what kind of fairy tales?
B:(sighs belatedly, as if to suggest that he's been through all this before) I know, I know..... Fairy tales with attitude.
KH: That's right! As your hosts for Tales from Berenicia, Bellbottom and I will bring you some of your favorite fairy tales --- and yes, that does include the ones you don't like! --- as presented in a most unusual, and, dare I say it, radical manner. So radical, in fact, that I can hardly find the proper words to describe it!
B: Oh, come on, Your Majesty! All we're trying to say is that these are fairy tales told with a few unexpected twists and turns --- but, of course, in accordance with the old traditions, there'll always be a happy ending! (Chuckles.)
KH: Well, my faithful Jester, I think they do get the point --- and I have to admit that you made that point a bit more succinctly than I could have hoped to do.
B: Succinctly?
KH: It means 'exactly.'
B: Oh.
KH:(strokes his beard for a moment) Now, let's see..... There were two others in our Realm that I'd wanted to introduce to our friends. Now where in the world could they possibly be? (Barking noises; then the two Royal Dogs enter the Throne Room, and join Bellbottom at the foot of the throne. Both Fluffies are wearing their royal leashes.) Ah, here they are! My two favorite pooches! Fluffy, le Pere --- that means, he's the Father; and Fluffy, le Fils --- the Son. They'll join us here in the Throne Room from time to time whenever I'm in the mood to dispense a little Royal Wisdom; or sometimes, if I so wish, I'll have Bellbottom team up with them to demonstrate the true meaning of Laughter!
B: And let's not forget about music, Your Majesty. I'm no slouch when it comes to playing the lute, y'know!
KH: No, you're certainly no slouch at lute-playing, Bellbottom, old boy! (Chuckles.) Well, now that you out there have met the four of us, we hope that you'll pay us a visit often. As a matter of fact, we would also like to invite you to tell us your favorite stories. Whether it's fairy tales, poetry, songs, sketches, silly moments from the unchanging tapestry of life --- we will happily welcome your favorites! So, if you're 'twixt the ages of 10 and 16, and would like to share your stories, e-mail us! Our addresses are the usual ones you see when you visit Blackbeard's Castle: blackbeardian@yahoo.com, and electric_pirates@hotmail.com.
B: And for those of you who aren't near a computer at the moment, you can write us a letter if you like, at our land address: TALES FROM BERENICIA, c/o EPE Holdings, Inc., 15948 Harlem River Drive, New York, NY 10039. Just make sure you have your name and address handy --- because if we use your story, we'll send you a portrait of King Humphrey here, the Two Fluffies --- and me! Right, Your Majesty?
KH: Indeed, Bellbottom! And I think this is a perfectly good time for a Royal Proclamation, because, as we are but a humble Royal Homepage, there may be those who might not know the way to our humble Realm. Now, therefore, be it resolved, that the word should be issued throughout our Sovereign Kingdom that any and all visitors to our Land of Berenicia may seek passage hither by entering the designation, or Uniform'd Resource Locator, of http://geocities.datacellar.net/blackbeardian/KingHumphrey/tfberemain.html!
B:(applauding) Splendid proclamation, Your Majesty!
KH: Thank you, Bellbottom. There shall be a new story or royal image posted hither every so often, so do forgive us if the journey is somewhat slowed. Building a website --- especially a Royal one --- is not easy, you know. It requires much work and much patience.
B: Not to mention, teamwork! And you know what I think? I think that, with the help of our new friends, we'll have probably the best bloomin' Royal Website for Fairy Tales with Attitude that anyone could ever hope to imagine! Right, Fluffies? (Tail-wagging and tongue-related noises from the two Dogs.) Yeah, that's right, ha-ha!
KH: And links, too! You folks might wish to bookmark our page, as we now feature links to several of our favorite fairy tale-related websites. I trust that you, too, will want to visit them as well.
B: And what are the other pages of Blackbeard's Castle --- chopped liver?
KH: Bellbottom, you silly boy! Haven't you heard of the phrase, 'been there, done that'? In any case, you're right: our friends may also have a look, if they so wish, at our sitemates: Blackwolf the Dragonmaster's Dark Chambers; Uncle Fergus' Bagpipers' Paradise; The Quartet of the Longbeards; Old Man Fiddler; La Movida; Superman: The Movie --- The Richard Washington Site; and Edward VII: The Homepage! And on that note, Bellbottom, I think we've just about covered everything, haven't we?
B: I should think so, Your Majesty.
KH: Right! Pray, let us welcome our new friends, then, to a place where happily ever after is not always necessarily presented in black and white. Nor in living color, for that matter! (Heh-heh!) Welcome, everyone, to Tales from Berenicia! And.... oh yes, one more thing: do make sure that you've checked your expectations at the Main Gate, won't you?
Return to Blackbeard's Castle!