And now Deeeeeep Thoughts, Series #1

by Dave Gregory

1. I’m sure thankful that cats eat their own afterbirth, because if they didn’t, then I might have to clean it up.

2. When someone looks at you and yawns, does it mean that you look boring, or that you look so good that they want to sleep with you?

3. Did you ever realize that vultures bite the hand that feeds them?

4. Boy, it’s a good thing that the guy who invented the stapler invented staples too, or else he would’ve been in trouble.

5. Ya know what would be funny? I think it would be funny if I went to a movie studio and sat by the director. Then when he said "Cut," I would take out a knife and cut him. I think that would be funny.

6. If you ever want to start a really good fight, go into a bar. Then look for the biggest most macho looking guy in the place. When you find him, go up to him and ask, "Are you a man or a woman?"

7. I’ve wondered what would happen if I went up to the stomach of a really REALLY fat person and said, "Hey Jonah, are you in there?"

8. Don’t you just hate it when you peel a banana and there’s already a bite taken out of it.

9. Ever wonder what would happen if...hmm. Na, never mind. It was a dumb idea anyway.

10. I just don’t understand why the managers of grocery stores get mad at me when I eat the food before I get to the checkout line even when I tell them I’m going to pay for it.

11. Why are people who have had many wrecks described as wreckless?

12. I’ve got 20 bucks that says that the "Live long and prosper" sign on the Vulcan world means the same thing as "the bird" does on our world.

13. The grass is always greener on the other side--but what about Kentucky where they have blue grass?

14. When you cut the head off of a chicken, the body still runs around. To save time, I cut the body off ‘cause the head can’t run around.

15. When people lose things, they look high and low for them, but why don’t they ever look in the middle?

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