2. How can there be 4 corners of the earth when the world is round?
3. You can do it to a popsicle, your thumb, or even a paperclip, but you just can’t suck all the flavor out of a carrot.
4. If you hiccuped and burped at the same time, then you actually wouldn’t be doing anything at all because they would cancel each other out.
5. I once beat a guy in a race, and he asked me how I got so fast. I said it was in my jeans. I think he thought I said genes, but I meant jeans, because that’s where my legs were.
6. It’s funny to see the reaction of a color blind person when you tell them that they can see just fine and silly colors like "red" are just things that we made up.
7. It’s strange that people make a toast with drinks. Why don’t they do it with toast?
8. If I ever see a guy on a plane named Jack, I’m gonna stand up and yell, "HI JACK!"
9. If you ever have gas, try to keep it in until someone hugs you. When they do, let it out and tell them it was their fault because they squeezed you too hard.
10. If I ever get arrested and have my mug shot taken, unlike most bitter, coldhearted criminals, I’m going to smile when my picture’s taken.
11. It would be terrible to be scalped by Indians--unless you had a really bad problem with head lice.
12. I used to wonder if horses could get flat hooves like cars get flat tires, but then I realized that they couldn’t because their hooves are already flat.
13. If I were a TV anchorman, I would go to work without wearing any pants, because I would only be seen from the waist up anyway.
14. Some people think it’s funny to turn on the hot water when someone’s taking a shower, so they’ll get a burst of cold water, but I think it’s funnier to turn on the cold water so that they get a burst of scalding hot water that burns them.
15. Grandeur mountain scenes and amber waves of grain are both breathtaking, but asthma is REALLY breathtaking.
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