2. Potpourri makes terrible chewing tobacco, but at least it keeps your breath smelling nice.
3. Once I found a fly in one of my Chicken McNuggets at McDonalds, so I went to the counter and told them. They told me, "Hey dummy, don’t you know that chickens eat bugs?" I had to admit they were right of course. Boy, I sure felt stupid.
4. The only way that I would ever ever turn myself in would be if the price on my head was bigger than my bail price, so that I could make a profit.
5. I bet that the worst part about being a bat is trying to go to the bathroom while hanging upside down.
6. Hey, if those people are really psychic, then they’ll call me.
7. I’m never donating my organs because everybody hates my guts.
8. If I could be a fly, I would find a cop directing traffic and buzz all around him so that he waves his arms trying to get rid of me, and that would send vehicles crashing everywhere.
9. It’s polite to say "Bless you" when someone sneezes and to not talk when your mouth is full, but what do you do when someone sneezes while you’re eating? I say you should throw mayonnaise at them and pull their hair, but hey, that’s just my opinion.
10. Do you know how to make a woman really mad? Go up to her and say, "Wow, are you pregnant?" When she says "No," say, "Then you must be getting really fat."
11. The blaze orange jumpsuit was on clearance, and I felt like taking a walk out by the ol’ prison. I didn’t think it was any big deal, but they sure did.
12. His name rang a bell, but sort of a muffled bell. It was like a rusty bell that hadn’t been rung in a long time. It bugged me, so I yanked the bell off the wall, shoved it at him and said, "There Mr. Tricky Name man. Ring that for a while and see how you like it."
13. I just know that there’s something special about the class of 1995, because that’s the price of all those nifty products on TV that you "can’t find in stores anywhere."
14. One of these days they’re going to get smart and make golf balls that float.
15. I think that in terms of weapons, "way-cool" should be used to designate something that shoots stuff really far, or that has a lot of spikes on it.
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