DREAMS & DESIRES

By Keri Wilson

CHAPTER 4a: LOVE IS DANGEROUS

4 months later...

Remy thought, it's now or never. Either I kiss Rogue now an' find out if we can, or I won't ever... He walked up behind her. Her rich chestnut brown hair, with a streak of white down the center flowed in waves down her back all the way to her rounded bottom and flared hips. Her ankle length green velvet skirt was then visible. It matched the jacket she wore tonight, with a white satin blouse. The moonlight caught on the white and made it seem to glow.

Rogue stood with her back to him, with her arms tightly crossed over each other. They had just returned from another date. They had gone to a private restaurant/club that Warren owned. It was the type of place where you dressed in formal clothes, and danced to ballroom music. Remy had looked so handsome in an old fashioned tuxedo with long tails, white shirt, and a fushia cummerbund, His usually wild, long, dark chestnut hair was neatly combed, and he was clean-shaven. His clothes also complimented his unusual eyes, that glowed red on a matte black.

Remy had acted the complete gentleman tonight, without so much as a double entendre. He had only touched her gloved hands, and danced with her, his arm around her waist, not once letting his hands "slip", or pulling her too close. She longed for him to touch her, to pull her into his arms and just start kissing her before she could think to be afraid of absorbing his psyche and powers at more than the slightest touch. She could feel him in her mind pull her tight and kiss her passionately, but those were imaginings based on Belle's memories that Rogue used to have, not something really hers. She ached for them to be hers with all her soul. She couldn't stand not being touched skin to skin anymore; then she realized with a shade of a new fear that she wanted to give herself to him, she wanted him to make love to her. She wanted him to be first and only man she ever gave herself to. She had never felt such an overwhelming emotion for any other man she had been attracted to. Not Magnus; after he had saved her life she had felt a sort of affectionate love for him, a feeling that she still had until he struck Remy. Not Longshot when they were in Australia, that had only been desire, or more crudely, lust.

None of the other times had felt like this. She wanted to cry like a child, like she had that time with Remy, when he took her for that carriage ride in Central Park. Cry for what had happened,cry for what she was sure she'd never have.

Remy put his arm around her shoulder, and drew her against him. She looked up at him, tears brimming in her emerald green eyes. He said,"Ah cherie, no tears now, y' know I love you, hey. No matter what happens."

"Yah mean that Remy,even if we can't..."

Pulling her around to face him, with his hands on her waist, he said firmly, "Yes petite, I meant what I said, completely." Then he leaned his head towards hers, she tilted her head up and closed her eyes. He could feel her trembling and knew that there was nothing he could do for her fear, he was afraid too. He felt her lips touch his, at first they trembled too, but then relaxed, then her whole body, and she leaned against him. He began to kiss her with a passion, as his hands pulled her tight to his body. As he kissed her, he knew he loved her more than he had loved Belle.

The dreams he had of settling down and raising a family with Belle, now manifested themselves stronger than ever with Rogue. He knew he had to ask her again. Remy stopped the kiss and stepped back from Rogue. She looked at him with confusion, "What is it Remy, what's wrong?"

"Nothin' chere, jus' wanna ask you somet'ing."He said in a calmly, but he smiled at her reassuringly all the same. Come on Remy, don' be scared, he told himself, just ask."I want t' know, for real now, will you marry me?"

Rogue felt a jumble of happy thoughts race through her mind, she felt overwhelmed by her emotions. She flung herself into his arms, so hard he staggered. Then she kissed him with great enthusiasm, and excitedly told him "Yes!" She wondered, If we hadn't been able to touch, would ah have said yes? Ah don't think ah could have, because ah couldn't have deprived Remy of the physical-sexual part of a marriage. We're both so strongly attracted to each other that way too, that not being able to touch would have driven us both crazy, ah know it. Ah could have worn a neutralizing collar, but that's only effective when ah wear it, an' they're incredibly uncomfortable. It'd be no real solution. Ah'm so glad we can touch, that's why ah kept tellin' him no before, when he "jokingly" proposed to me those other times in the past few months. Ah know now he was only pretending to be jokin' around when he proposed those other times, really he meant it. Ah couldn't say yes though, because ah didn't know, and ah was too afraid to see...

Then another possible obstacle to their marriage occurs to her. She looked at Remy with a serious expression, "But what `bout your being married tah Belladonna? Yah can't legally be married tah both of us at once."

"M'marriage t' Belle wasn't legal, we didn't get a marriage licence. It was only t'rough the guild, chere. You don' remember that t'rough her memories dat you have, petite?"

"Had, Remy, don't have anymore. Remy, when yah forgave me for what happened `tween me and Belle ah was so happy, ah was determined tah do right by both o' you. You can thank Magnus for getting her memories and psyche out o' mah head too, the Professor wasn't able tah do anything either time."

"So dat's where you run off to, you didn't tell anyone where you went, when you come back you didn't either, I was worried about you,`specially when you come back so subdued. What else he do to you, chere, how he make you pay for dis gift?" Remy asked with mixed concern and jealousy.

"He just told me he wished that ah loved him as much as ah love you, Remy. He looked at me so sad, and told me if ah had any children that he hoped he would be allowed tah see them. Oh, Remy it's so sad, ah think he's in love with me, an' ah don't feel anything but a slight affection for him. All his life he's lost in some way or another when it's come tah love."

Rogue couldn't tell him yet, but there had been a little more to it, nothing serious, but Magnus had grabbed her and gave her a hard kiss on the lips. Then he had said, "Remember we can touch, marry me and you'll have everything you desire." Rogue had broken away from him then and told him she didn't love him, she loved Remy.

She had thought though, more like everything he desires! Nothing like falling in love for real with a man who loves you with every breath in his body, to show you the failings of the other men you had feelings for. She felt sorry for Magnus but she didn't love him. He is too self-delusional for anyone. He really believes what he wants is what everyone else wants. There's no room to breathe around him.

Rogue didn't feel she could tell Remy about the details of this encounter yet, and even when she did she might not mention the kiss, it didn't mean anything to her, and it would just cause Remy unnecessary pain.

"So you feel sorry for him, chere?" Remy says neutrally, trying to keep the jealous feelings in check.

"Yes, but ah love you Remy. When ah came back and heard that Candra had captured you, while ah was at Magnus' place, and the other X-men went and rescued you...Ah wasn't there...Ah should have been...Ah feel horrible about it still...Ah coulda rescued you from her, straight away. Ah woulda known where tah look. It took them two days tah find yah, then rescue yah, do you remember what she did?"

"I don' remember nothin' chere, from the time she knock me out till de others rescue me." He continues, "bout de marriage, I can get an annulment, I jus' have t'ask my father t'do it, I'm sure he will. He'll be relieved t'not have me tied t' Belladonna's family no more. Maybe then Belle can find someone who'll stay in New Orleans wit' her." Remy felt some sadness at making this final break with his past, and his first love. But it had to be done, to make the closure.

Rogue said softly, "Ah understand Remy, yah still love her, wanna protect her and all, ah'm just happy that yah asked me, ah'll always love yah,with all o'mah heart."

"I still wanna marry you chere, more than anyt'ing else. I wan' you t' be my wife, an' have chil'ren wit' you..."

Ah'd love tah have children with yah, Remy." Rogue said her eyes brimming with tears.

"Well, if we're goin' t' marry, I be needin' to know one t'ing."

"What's that?"

"Your real name."

Rogue looked frightened and pulled away, "Ah'd forgotten about that. Remy, yah might not wanna marry me if yah know who ah am..."

She felt devastated by her fear. Now who ah am will keep me from what could be mah greatest joy, ah have tah tell him, but how can ah...

"Cherie, your name isn't gonna change how I feel about you, it doesn't say who you are as a person. I love the person, the name isn't important. We just need a name for the marriage licence,and de weddin' itself."

"Ah guess it's time ah told. Ah'm just afraid how y'all will react." She took a deep breath and let it out, then slowly said, "It's Tara, Rebecca..."

She paused a long time, until Remy said "It's o.k. petite, I promise I won' change how I feel about you because o'your last name."

So softly Remy barely heard it, she said, "Kelly."

"Tara Rebecca Kelly, huh, which you wan' me t'call you, Tara or Rebecca, chere?" He said nonchalantly.

"Remy, don't yah understand? Ah'm the daughter of Senator Kelly, the congressman who created most of the anti-mutant legislation, includin' the Mutant Registration Act!"

"Why hasn't he come `round the X-Men demandin' his daughter back, chere?"

"He doesn't know ah'm his daughter."

"How's dat, chere?"

"Ah'm illegitimate. Mah mother was a maid in one o'the Kelly mansions. They've got lots of mansions all over the U.S. They're old money. He left before ah was born, for one o' his political offices, they kept me a secret. He knew he had a kid, but he never saw me, unless he saw a photograph o' me. Somethin' happened when ah was six and mom left the Kelly's employ. She returned with me tah her hometown in Caldicott county, Mississippi.

She didn't really love me much, just tried tah turn me into ah `proper young lady', didn't have much luck there." Rogue laughs. "When mah mutant power showed itself for the first time with Cody, she let me back into the house tah get the clothes and stuff ah wanted. Then she handed me a shotgun tah protect mah self,then told me tah leave. Ah lived in the woods for a short time, till Mystique found me. Yah pretty much know the rest..."

Remy put his arms around her,"I still want t'marry you chere."

She closed her eyes, leaning against him for several minutes. "Ah guess it's tahm tah tell everyone our news."

"Don' be scared, petite, I'll be there wit' you the whole time, I'm sure it'll be fine. An' no matter what chere, I'll be beside you, who your daddy is don' mean nothin' to me, doesn't change how I feel `bout you, an' anybody it does, isn't worthy of bein' your friend.

Tara and Remy walked into the living room where everyone was relaxing. Tara said, "We have two things tah tell you." She smiled broadly. "The first thing is Remy and ah are gettin' married!"

Everyone said, "Congratulations!" Some more enthusiastically than others. Then they asked how. Tara and Remy told them what happened.

Then Tara took a deep breath and Remy put his arm around her. She took out a piece of paper and handed to Remy and asked him to tell the others to look at it and pass it around. On the paper were three names, the names Anabel Arcy Tralee and Robert Jefferson Kelly were connected by a dotted line, below that a third name was written, Tara Rebecca Kelly, below that a key was written, the dotted line was to show that the child was illegitimate. Then she said, "Well, that's mah origin genetically,on paper. Now ah'll tell y'all `the rest of the story', as Paul Harvey says."

"This is your real name?" Ororo asks.

"Yeah. Mah biological mother was a maid in one of the Kelly family's mansions in the deep south. The Kelly family had lots of other homes throughout the south, because they were `old money'.

Robert Kelly was their only son, and he was just beginnin' his political career. He was runnin' for his first state office. He saw mah mother and they started havin' a fling. She was a pretty strict Catholic, so she wasn't goin' tah have an abortion. He never saw me, unless he saw a photo of me. Anyways ah lived in the mansion until ah was six. Mah mother didn't care what happened tah me, she didn't do much tah take care of me, and ah could tell she didn't love me. When ah was six something happened tah my mother and we had tah leave. She returned tah her hometown in Caldicott county, Mississippi. The Kelly family made sure mah origins were secret from everyone, ah even was registered at school as Tara Rebecca Tralee. The Kelly family put some sorta pressure on mah mother not tah tell anyone who mah father was, but ah remembered. Years later somethin' inside me told me not tah tell mah foster mother Mystique, or even y'all who ah was."

"I understand why you didn't tell Mystique yaehr real name, but I don't understand why yeh didn't tell us befeh." Jean said.

This brought up some defensive feelings and Tara said "No matter how bad she was, she did really love me, in her way, and she did take care of me. When ah first started livin' with her and Irene, ah didn't really know what they were doin' with their friends. All ah knew that Mystique didn't have a very high opinion of her male colleagues, she was always complainin' about their incompetence tah Destiny. Y'all know that Destiny's real name was Irene. Irene loved me too, an' tried tah take care of both Mystique an' me. Even early on ah could see some difference between Irene's and Mystique's political views. Mystique was a complete anarchist, Irene less so. Both of them felt pretty strongly that humans were worthless, mutants were superior in every way. Even aftah ah found out what mah foster mother was doing, and she included me on her missions, ah didn't know what she was doing was bad, but in fact until about a year after that event ah'll regret the rest of mah life, mah fight with Carol Danvers, the things ah did would not be called 'good deeds'. Ah was pretty much a crook until ah started goin' crazy an' ah knew the only place ah might get some help was from the man mah foster mother called her worst enemy. The leader of the X-Men, Professor Xavier. Ah think it was one of the best decisions ah made in mah life. Y'all know the rest. Mah father knows nothing.

Ironic ain't it though- the creator of the most paranoid anti-mutant law, the Mutant Registration Act, is the unknowing father of a mutant.

Ah'm still a little afraid of what the Kelly family might do if they found out, since ah'm a mutant. Ah'm a pretty 'bad' thing in their family secrets, as it is. Just imagine if the press found out, it'd be on all the front pages: `Senator Kelly has a illegitimate mutant daughter, a member of the outlaw mutant group, the X-Men! Scandal shakes Congress!" There were several nervous laughs at this all too likely headline. Tara continued, "We'd really be endangered then, this is one of the reasons ah didn't want tah tell you until now, ah didn't want tah risk even the slightest chance of one of our enemies finding out, and using it against us. Ah realized though, y'all wouldn't let that happen."

"The other reason was ah was afraid y'all would react real negatively..."

The one reason she didn't say why, she didn't tell them was, somewhere in the back of her mind, there was a tiny amount of distrust of Professor Xavier, he had used her before. She worried now a little that somewhere along the line the Professor might push her into doing something about her biological connection to the Senator. She decided hope for the best, and not think about that possibility.

"Tol' you chere, it be o.k. Nobody got mad at you. The only thing anybody said was to ask you why you hadn't tol'them before." Remy said as they walked upstairs, after the meeting in the living room.

"Ah was so afraid, Remy; afraid they'd not trust me again, it'd be like when ah first came here." She said looking at him directly in the eyes, "How could yah take it Remy, yah kept all o' your secrets so long? Yah made us wonder if we could trust yah, even me."

"I wasn't sure how you'd feel if you knew all dat I did. I t'ought it was better to have a little distrust, dan to risk somethin' worse, havin' you hate me. I was afraid you would."

"Ah couldn't stand it when ah knew they didn't trust me. Ah kept about gettin' mahself killed tryin' tah prove ah was worthy o' their trust. Logan was the first tah fully trust me; ah almost got mahself killed right off, savin' him an' Lady Mariko. Then he saved mah life an' never doubted me in the slightest ever again.

That made Kurt trust me." Then Rogue smiled at a memory. "Kurt was the first one tah flirt with me; ah just got angry at him, an' dropped him into the lake, an' more than anythin' he hates gettin' wet!"

"So how long it take for him t' forgive you for dat, chere?" Remy asked and grinned.

She laughed, and said "Next time we see him, yah can ask."

Then Remy looked at her and asked "Cherie, do you really t'ink you're ready t' do dis tonight? I'll un'erstand if you aren't ready yet,`specially after all dat happened today."

"Remy ah want tah, it's what ah've dreamed of being able tah do with you, ah want tah do it tonight. Ah want tah wake up in your arms. Ah don't want tah spend another night alone, ever! Ah want tah spend them with yah."

They stepped onto the second floor. He looked towards his room and then back at her. "Ok. chere, you get your t'ings you need for tonight and come back t' my room. I get de bed ready." Then with a sudden surge of desire he quickly hugged her tight, and said, "Don' make me wait long, cherie!" Then he grinned and let her go, and walked with a quick, long stride to his room.

She stood there a few seconds smiling, admiring Remy's, oh so masculine stride, not to mention his sexy body! Then she went towards her room, contemplating what nightgown and robe to wear. Then thinking with a naughty grin, won't be wearing it long! Still ginning she said to herself jokingly, shame on you, girl, thinkin' like that! Then she giggled as she opened the door to her room.

She opened her nightgown drawer and looked for the one she had decided to wear. She lifted it out. It was translucent, not transparent or sheer, but she could tell when she first got it, that in a good light you would definitely be able to see her body shape through the short nightgown. It was light green. Remy had given it to her for her first birthday after they had met. She smiled and remembered how angry she was when she saw it was translucent when she held it up, she had only met Remy about a week before. She hadn't even thanked him for it! It had been stuffed for a long time at the back corner of the drawer. After the carriage ride in Central Park, though, she had taken it out, cleaned it, and put it back in the drawer, separate from her other gowns. She had seen it every time she had opened the drawer, but somehow couldn't get up the courage to wear it. When they were on the outs for a while, she had put a few gowns on top of it. By the time had reconciled she had forgotten about it, until a few minutes ago.

After her reaction to the nightgown he had given her innocuous gifts like gloves. Oh how she hated getting them, but inevitably, it was what almost everyone gave her, every time they gave her a gift. It was a constant reminder of her power not allowing her to safely touch others.

Remy seemed to pick up on this pretty quick because he only gave her gloves twice. Then he gave her scarves and headbands a couple of times. Then to her surprise he went for nightclothes again. It was Christmas and when she opened his gift to her it was a emerald green velvet and fleece lined robe. She had loved it! Remy said he got it because it was the same color as her eyes. She had given him a quick hug. Remy teased her and told her, "Now I know what gifts to give you, chere!" She had worn the robe a few times, and luckily right now it was clean. She put the gown on, it felt a lot like satin, and only came to her mid thighs. Then she put the robe on; the combination felt pretty good, and the robe kept her warm.

She walked to Remy's door and knocked and told him,"It's me."

"Come on in, cherie." He said.