All characters property of Marvel Comics. This is a work of fanfiction, no profit was made from it.

Keri Wilson

Ripples in the Rockpool

Rogue skipped another rock lightly across the water. She sighed,confronting herself was no fun. Confronting what she had done and what she really wanted. Bet Remy had plenty of time to think about the same thing in Antarctica , she berated herself. Remy had forgiven her, but she didn't think she could forgive herself.

Even though the truth was it had been Remy's pysche overcoming hers. His psyche was so stong it overwhelmed her. Sometimes in dreams she thought the residual of that copy of him came to her... She blushed bright red recalling what their psyches had done. She still had not experienced these things physically but it felt almost if she had.

Sometimes her guilt would overwhelm her in those dreams and Remy's dream psyche and hers mixed, and things turned dark. Not much anymore since he came back and told her that he forgave her. But before when her guilt rode her like a 100 ton collar...every night. Either she let him have his revenge on her- satiating his every desire, then abandoning her, or she'd lash out and fight him and force him to leave her and the X-men forever. Those were dreams she wished she could forget. She had told Remy about the later of the dark dreams, but out fear hadn't told him the former. She was too afraid his anger at her would make him feel that it was a good plan. And to her shame that she'd be willing to let him. She knew that was what sparked the other dark dreams about beating him up. Thankfully the darker dreams had become less dark. In fact, she hadn't had one about beating him up or even physically fighting him since he had forgiven her and shown that he still loved her as much as she loved him. But she did still have the other one... she still felt guilty.

If only ah'd been stronger. Ah wouldn't have let his momentary sucidial emotions overwhelm me. Ah would have at least carried him to a decent place if he didn't want tah come back with the X-men.

Ah wonder what the others felt. And ah guess ah feel a bit angry at them too. Ah did go back, kept goin' back tryin' tah find him. But Storm, and Hank and all the others did nothin' They just let their feelings of betrayal 'bout the Morlock Massacre decide them that what happened was justified. Storm was his best friend here. Remy is still kind of angry at her too. She knew what had happened, then as Remy said to me about it, had the gall tah ask him why he hadn't written when they met in Korea. She just assumed he'd make it out of Antartica, didn't he always make his way out of things, and rejoin the X-men! How could she think that? Ah kept goin' back and not findin' him. Ah was so afraid he'd died. And at best ah hoped he'd made it away somehow. Ah desperately hoped he'd write and tell me he was okay even if he hated me. Ah had no hopes he'd come back, surely he must hate us all. Ah did a horrible thing, then they compounded it. No one but me made any effort at findin' him. Logan was the only who even noticed and said anything.

When Remy did come back ah was so surprised. But he didn't say anything much, and nothin' tah me. He just moved down tah the boathouse. Ah was so relieved that he was not only alive but had exceeded mah wildest hopes and shown up here. Ah felt so angry though when he turned away from me without saying nothin'. About the only person he talked friendly with was Kitty. She had nothing involved in the trial and what happened after. Peter was a jerk to Remy. Kurt tried to be friendly and Remy was polite but not friendly back.

Ah stayed away from Remy like everyone else for several days. But then mah anger overcame my guilt and ah wanted tah get this resolved anyways so ah went down tah the boathouse. We had a date of sorts, inbetween fightin' a crazy girl with powers. Ah found out he forgave me and still had some feelings for me. Ah told him ah loved him so much and could never forgive myself. He couldn't quite say he loved me again yet. But that was because of that smoke chick- Mary, inside of him. She's dead now, but ah feel a bit guilty about that, and Remy really does. She was killin' him being inside of him, but tah save Remy she had tah die. Ah know Remy loves me again, but he's still hurt and ah'm still ashamed.

And now the Professor has gone crazy again, he fired us all. And was makin' us do crazy stuff before that. Trainin' in the Danger Room until we dropped from exhaustion or made serious mistakes because we were so tired. We've all split up. Remy left first, goin' who knows where. But Remy was kind of actin' funny, too angry for himself, like it was an act. Ah may have been the only one that noticed that. Ah didn't say anythin' to him, even though ah wanted to. Ah think he's planning somethin', ah just hope he knows what he's doin'.

Rogue skipped another rock across the pond in Central Park, watching as it sunk how the ripples flowed outward. That's us now, flowin' out in all directions, not sure of our destination.

"Hey Rogue! Kurt said we finally got that table we've been waiting an hour for." Kitty yelled from the top of the hillock that gently rolled down to the pond near the restuarant.

  Rogue sighed, then put on a smile. She'd try to forget all her troubles for a night, she promised Kitty she'd do that. And it might just do her a world of good to forget for a bit.