ONLY A MOVIE?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was dusk when they came out of the movie theater, in the midst of a throng of families. All around them children were practising two-handed lightsaber stances, and making "zzzhhhhh-ing" noises at each other, still high on the excitement of "The Phantom Menace".

Scully quite expected Mulder to join in, especially when a sandy-haired little boy crashed into his knees, snarling á la Darth Maul and looking ready to take on all comers. However, Mulder just steadied the child and pushed him gently back in the direction of his parents. Her partner looked distracted and thoughtful, which was not how Scully had expected him to react to the long-awaited treat of a new Star Wars movie. She hoped he wasn't brooding about some bizarre new phenomenon he wanted to hare off and investigate, or coming down with something. She reached up a practised medic's hand to his brow as they walked back to the car.

"Are you feeling okay, Mulder?"

"What?" He seemed to drag himself back from miles away. "Oh... um... yes, I'm okay. Why?"

"Because you look as if you're still on Naboo and not enjoying it that much. Didn't the movie live up to your expectations, then?"

Again, Mulder looked as if he had to forcibly re-focus his attention to answer her. This was weird.

"No, I mean yes - the movie was great. Really great. It's just... "

"What, Mulder?" A note of exasperation was creeping into her voice.

He looked at her for a moment, deciding whether to elaborate or not. Then he shook his head slightly and smiled.

"Nah, it's nothing. I guess it just made me think about some things... Let's go and eat."

She recognised his decoy technique.

"Oh no, Mulder, you don't get away with that. Think about what things? Whether to get your face tattooed red and black, whether The Force would work on Skinner when you submit your next 302?" She put a light teasing tone in her voice this time, smiling up at her partner, but she noticed the flicker of a wince before he grinned back. Which bit of that joking comment had struck a nerve?

"I think it's more likely the other way round. Can't you just see Skinner as a Jedi Knight?"

"With you as his Padawan? He would despair of you. It's only a movie, Mulder."

"Yeah, only a movie..."

The grin was more spontaneous this time, but he still seemed preoccupied and she resolved to work on him a bit more, get him to tell her what was bothering him tonight.

Surprisingly, it was Mulder himself who broached the subject. Seated in a dim corner of their favourite café, Scully was enjoying her tira misu while Mulder was stirring his zabaglione into a soup, but not eating any of it. Gianni's zabaglione was the reason they came here. It wasn't that local for either of them, but the delicate, foamy dessert was a favourite of Mulder's and he always ate it with real relish, licking his spoon and scraping every last smear out of the bowl. Not tonight, though, which told Scully more clearly than any words, that Mulder was indeed brooding about something.

She didn't expect him to return voluntarily to the subject of his earlier thoughts, so she was surprised when he laid down his dessert spoon and lifted troubled eyes to her.

"Working on the X-Files has cost us a great deal, hasn't it?"

She was taken aback. "Well... " She hardly knew how to answer him. After all that had happened to them, there wasn't much of their lives that hadn't been threatened, stolen or damaged, but she knew how much the work meant to Mulder. She decided on the simple truth. "Yes it has. Not that I regret what we've achieved, only the high price of some of it."

"Oh, I don't regret it either," Mulder stared down into his dish again. "Well I expect you guessed that." He flashed her a self-deprecating glance then dropped his gaze again. "The work is important, but..."

Scully reached across the table, impulsively, and laid her hand over Mulder's restless one.

"But...?" she prompted. His shining eyes met hers, dark and solemn.

"People we... cared for..." He swallowed, hard, "...gone before we could tell them that we loved them... I don't want to lose anyone else, Scully, not before I've owned up to my feelings for them. I haven't said it often enough, but our partnership is something I treasure. I know I'm not exactly low-maintenance, but I'm always the most trouble to those I care most about..." His eyes softened for a moment. "You, Mom, S... " he broke off suddenly, grabbing her hand in both of his, leaning right across the table to gaze intently at her. "It's easy to think we have all the time in the world to make our choices, but we don't. I've made a resolution tonight, to show the people who matter to me that I appreciate them."

Scully extracted her hand and patted the back of his. He looked so earnest and she knew he meant every word. He always did. Every time he promised "not to do it again" or that he'd "take more care next time"... he truly intended to keep his word. She got so mad at him sometimes, but his sincerity was disarming. And those puppy dog eyes... If she didn't know him so well, she'd think he was getting romantic. Lucky she did know him, then. She leaned forward to meet those clear eyes.

"I'll hold you to that, Mulder. And by the way - your tie is in the zabaglione."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next morning:

Unusually, Scully was first into the office, switching on the lights and dumping her armload of files in an inadequate corner of free space on Mulder's desk. The one and only desk. Sighing, she shrugged out of her suit jacket and hung it neatly on the back of her chair. At least she had her own chair. She'd just get some of that vile coffee from the machine then she could get started on the forensics reports for the section heads meeting.

The door swung open and she glanced up to see the bottom two-thirds of Fox Mulder, the rest of him invisible behind an obscenely huge bouquet of flowers. The heady perfume of lilies and roses filled the room and she closed her eyes with pleasure, opening them to find Mulder's sheepish face beaming at her.

"These are for you. The new desk should arrive sometime this morning. I had to promise Campbell in Procurements some prime 'Skins tickets for getting it arranged before next Christmas! Far too little, far too late, I know, but I meant what I said last night. I'm a changed man. Coffee?"

Scully's mouth was gaping like a guppy's. She sank dazedly onto the chair, landing on the heap of files she'd just left there. Mulder thrust the mass of yellow and white flowers at her, plus a paper bag that sent more delicious aromas wafting in her direction.

"I stopped at Caparelli's for Sumatran and pastries. Oh, and I called Mom when I got in last night - we talked. It was... actually it was okay."

He looked amazed and pleased that he and his mother had managed to have a conversation that didn't end in guilt and recriminations. Shaking his head over the miracle, he turned to the door again.

"I may not be back today. I have one more thing to do..." And he was gone, leaving Scully still stunned and speechless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The elevator took him to the fourth floor, he stepped out into a deserted corridor. It was still early and most of the Assistant Directors wouldn't be at their desks for another hour, but he knew one of them who would already be hard at work. Turning the corner he saw that some of the executive assistants were already bustling about with coffee for their bosses or paperwork for the day ahead. Mulder hoped that Kimberly wasn't yet at her desk. This was nerve wracking enough without having to finagle his way past her. He reached the door of Skinner's outer office and peered in, cautiously. No Kim, so far, so good. Her PC was switched on, though, so she couldn't be far away. Seize the moment, he told himself. Before the insanity of this plan makes you lose your nerve. Remember your resolution and why you're doing this. Carpe diem, onward and upward, once more unto the breach... Just do it.

With as much confidence as he could muster, he strode over to the inner door and looked in. Skinner sat at his desk, as expected, studying a bulging case folder. He looked as immaculate as always. Dazzling white shirt, knife-edge crease down the sleeves, big, darkly-tanned hands contrasting with the snowy cuffs, the papers before him reflecting white onto the lenses of his wirerims, the early sun flooding into the elegant office, washing over the curve of Skinner's bent head, over his broad back...

Mulder drank in the sight for a moment, before Skinner lifted his head and noticed him.

"Agent Mulder? Are you all right, you look... feverish."

Mulder pushed the office door closed behind him and leaned against it. His mouth was dry, his throat filled with the thump of his racing heartbeat. Could he really do this?

Skinner was still looking at him, dark eyes seeming to offer more than just a superior's professional concern... God, he hoped... hoped he hadn't misread the man these past months, hadn't let his own thoughts make him imagine... Skinner was clearly worried by Mulder's continued silence, he had his hands on the arms of the big leather chair, ready to lever himself upright. Mulder had to act now, before he lost his nerve. Visions of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon swam before him. May the Force be with you, he murmured to his faltering courage. He'd rehearsed so many poetic, romantic words for this moment, but what came out was:

"I love you, I want you, I... I gotta have you!"

Letting the full force of his feelings loose for the first time, he pushed away from the support of the door and launched himself at the seated man. Knees and feet and long legs tangled as he landed almost in Skinner's lap, the momentum of his flying assault tipping them over. The combined weight of two tall men overbalanced Skinner's chair and it toppled backward.

Even as they fell, Mulder's reckless purpose wrapped his body protectively around Skinner's and his hand lifted to cup the back of Skinner's head as they crashed heavily to the floor.

His knuckles burned against the carpet, where his hand still curved around Skinner's skull. His thighs were jammed astride Skinner's, painfully pressed against the metal arms of the chair. His tie dangled onto Skinner's starched shirtfront as he crouched over his boss. The silence in those seconds after the crash was deafening.

Into that silence came the small squeak of the castors on Skinner's chair still spinning, the white noise of the air-conditioning, the chink of small change spilling out of Skinner's pants pocket. Mulder gazed at the man lying under him. Skinner opened his mouth to speak and although he looked more stunned than anything, Mulder just knew that once he gathered his wits, his boss would end the dream right here. He bent his head and stopped the words with a kiss.

Breathless, frantic, hungry, his lips tasted Skinner - pressing against the other man's firm mouth, grazing the line of his closely-shaven jaw, skimming over the high cheekbones, tracking across the wide brow, flicking at his earlobes, back to that perfect mouth, trying to make every touch unforgettable...

There was a discreet tap at the closed door.

"Sir, is everything all right? I heard a crash... "

Kimberly. Damn.

Mulder gave Skinner no chance to react. He couldn't stop now, and he was terrified that if he did, he'd be tossed across the room by an incensed ex-Marine. Or worse, lifted aside with gentle pity. He renewed his attack with even greater intensity, putting every ounce of long-suppressed passion into his kisses and letting his weight sink more solidly against the powerful body. Skinner moaned. Mulder prayed it was with reciprocated desire and not pain, or outrage. Heavy hands landed on Mulder's back. Holding him there? Or bracing to roll him off in disgust?

The faint rattle of the doorknob froze him in mid-pucker, hovering over Skinner's smooth cheek. He could see panic in the wide brown eyes. How could he have been so stupid? He'd put the man he loved at risk just to "show his appreciation"? What sort of love was that? This office was almost certainly bugged, he knew Skinner was watched, knew "They" were only looking for an excuse to sideline the AD to where his authority would be no help to Mulder... How could he have ever thought this was a good idea? He started to try and disentangle himself from his boss and the fallen chair.

The door opened and Kimberly's concerned voice reached them.

"Are you hurt, sir? Is there anything I can do?"

He held his breath, frozen with one leg angled awkwardly over the chair arm, the other still nestled alongside Skinner's hard thigh. His hands braced on the floor either side of Skinner's head, he could see a vein in Skinner's temple pulsing. They were still shielded from view by the massive cherry-wood desk. Could he manage to roll off under the kneehole of the desk without making a noise? If Kimberly took only a few more steps they would be discovered, and it would look like exactly what it was. Even with his reputation for bizarre behaviour, Mulder doubted he could claim narcotic influence yet again. A castor on Skinner's chair still spun with a tiny sound. His own heartbeat seemed amplified a hundred-fold. Skinner looked up at him and cleared his throat.

"No damage done, Kim. I... um... tipped my chair over, dropped some files... I'm not sure I'm quite awake yet."

"Can I help you get them straight?" Her heels clicked as she stepped closer. Mulder was biting his lip so hard he almost drew blood. He lifted himself a fraction, ready to dive for cover. A steely grasp clamped around his shoulder, halting the movement. Skinner's voice had only the slightest of tremors.

"No! It's okay Kim, I made the mess, I should sort it out. Thanks though."

Another step nearer... Still that iron grip held him in place.

"Actually, there is something... Would you go down to archives and get an old case-file for me? The Francombe kidnapping, 1977. You'll have to hunt around for it, it'll be in the old manual archive, not on-line."

"Of course, sir. If you're sure you're okay here?"

"Absolutely. Thanks Kim."

Click of retreating heels, thunk of door closing. He breathed out at last, a rising giggle making him hiccup. A big hand thumped him on the back, maybe a little harder than necessary.

"That should keep her busy for a while. Now, I think we should get up off this carpet, I'm not as young as I was. I think we need to talk about your impetuous, not to say insubordinate, behaviour, Agent Mulder. I think..."

" 'Feel, don't think. Use your instincts.' " The Jedi's words came into his mind unbidden. Skinner looked nonplussed. Not repulsed, not furious, mystified. And hesitant. As well as the slight frown drawing the dark brows together, there was a twitching muscle at the corner of the expressive mouth that looked as if it wanted to be a smile. Oh you can't fool me, Walter Skinner, thought Mulder. Wild tempestuous happiness filled him, reckless bravado now the danger was averted. Now he knew. He kissed Skinner again.

"Mmmhhfff... What?"

He licked the end of Skinner's nose. "You haven't seen 'The Phantom Menace' then?"

"No. It's not..."

Mulder's long fingers gently lifted Skinner's glasses from his face and traced the line of arching brows. "Scully and I went last night. You'd enjoy it." He kissed Skinner's eyelids, to give himself a moment to find his voice again. "And it celebrates so many of your qualities: courage, dedication, honour, loyalty, trust."

Suddenly he felt tears welling up and dipped his head to nuzzle at Skinner's neck, hiding against the warm skin. He thought of the young Obi-Wan cradling the dying Qui-Gon. That moment was what had really got to him in the dark of the movie theater.

"You told me once to remember who my friends were" he said at last. Skinner lay still under him, his face serious and gentle. "Lately, I've been forgetting."

Skinner closed his eyes and rolled his head away from Mulder's gaze.

"Friends... Is that what this is about?"

"What do you think, Walter? No - what do you feel?" Gently pulling the troubled face back towards him. "Now I've got you where I want you, talk to me. Tell me I'm mad, tell me I'm sacked, but don't tell me you don't feel this too."

He studied every eyelash that fringed the eyes looking searchingly up at him, while Skinner worked his jaw and struggled inwardly with breaking a lifetime habit of reticence. He looked affectionately at the fine lines around those eyes, reached to stroke the soft skin. The seconds ticked by, but Mulder was calm now, sure. He saw.

"Walter?" He prompted, caressing the clenched jaw. Skinner swallowed.

"I feel a lot more than friendship, Mulder. I have done for a long time."

Mulder moved his fingers to Skinner's temples, smoothing over the fine hair. "Show me," he whispered.

Big hands cupped his cheeks and pulled him in. The kiss was all-consuming. Slow and intense and utterly overwhelming. He felt dizzy with sensation. When their mouths eventually pulled softly apart, Mulder slid breathless to lie against Skinner's shoulder.

"Well I guess you showed me... But would you have ever let me know if I hadn't pounced on you?"

"Probably not. You do know that this is complete insanity, don't you? They can use this..."

"They'll always find something to use against us, Walter. I'm not going to let them make my choices for me any longer. I want this. Will you take this risk with me?"

Strong arms folded him close. The pulse at Skinner's throat was against his cheek, the heat of Skinner's body was all around him. This was real.

More real than the shadows he'd given his life to.

"You're a brave man, Mulder, braver than me. I knew I loved you and I thought I could never show you, so I was extra hard on you. At least I could try and keep you safe. You were so single-minded, so focused on your search..."

Mulder knew now the steady flame of the other man's belief in him, burning quietly amidst all the conspiracies and charades. He searched for his own shy words.

"There is more than one 'Truth' out there." I learned that sitting in a movie theater last night." Skinner's intense gaze met his when he lifted his face. "I nearly lost you more than once while I pursued that other 'Truth', while I denied this truth. Don't let's waste any more time." He lowered his head and kissed the broad chest - delicious warmth under the cool cotton.

"Mulder... I understood. You were there for me when I most needed you. I just tried to do the same. I never expected you'd ever feel anything for me, I was glad to think I could help you behind the scenes, ... I can't ask you to..."

Mulder stopped the words with a finger against the parted lips.

"I know you're not asking, Walter, but I'm giving. And it's okay to ask, I want you to ask, I want there to be no doubts. You made a good start with that kiss. Now shut up and show me again..."

THE END