Title: Getting to Know You
Author: meagan <nutmeg@serv.net>
Summary: Cordelia gets to know Xander a bit better. Sequel to "A Return."
Spoilers: Let's say everything plus _Angel_ and season four rumors.
Disclaimer: Of *course* they belong to someone else. I could never come up with characters like this. Specifically, they belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, WB (even though they really don't deserve it after what they did to us this season), and anyone else I forgot.
Rating: G, I think. Maybe PG, but not by much.
Distribution: Please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please, of course.
Notes: A sequl for JoJo. One of these days, someone is going to have to stop me from writing sequels. I have this nasty habit of deciding, "Oh, I'll just add one more part," and then before you know it, I've got a series on my hands. And we won't go into the hands thing.
*** means letter/journal snippet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She awoke the next morning smiling and not sure why. Alone on an unfamiliar futon in an unfamiliar room, she closed her eyes and tried to remember the previous night. She had some memories -- arriving in Sunnydale after sunset, Willow and Oz having a baby, Xander picking at donuts but not eating them, falling asleep in Xander's arms while two cats fell sleep on her lap and legs. But those were clearly just fragments of a dream. That stuff would never really happen. So what *did* happen last night? Someone must have drugged her and kidnapped her. Again. Yeah, that *must* be it. The dreams were side effects of the drugs. Making her imagine things she wanted but would never have.

The thought of being kidnapped did not instill the fear that it used to. It had happened so many times that it was now simply an annoyance rather than a terrifying ordeal. She just had to figure out who had kidnapped her and why.

A teenaged boy entered the room at that moment. A boy that looked a heck of a lot like Xander. He handed her a coffee mug. "Uncle Xander went to the hospital to check on Oz and Willow. Oh, and the baby. He asked me to give you this." Now he handed her an envelope. "If you need anything, just let me know. I'm just going to be studying. Summer school. Oz promised me a guitar if I get straight A's. He said that he doesn't want me to end up like him and repeat my senior year. I keep telling him that I'm too far from graduation to worry about stuff like that, but he insists." He paused at the doorway as if unsure whether to add anything else. "I don't know what you did to my uncle, and it's really none of my business, but thank you." He grinned, a copy of Xander's lopsided smile. "It's like this place was Sleeping Beauty's castle, and you were the prince that saved the day. It may sound weird, but this house feels different with you in it. Like it's a *home* now. I never knew what that meant until now."

She watched him retreat, head ducked shyly like Xander did when he was embarrassed. Well, okay, so she wasn't drugged and kidnapped. Last night really did happen. Or maybe the drugs were *really* good. She took a tentative sip of the coffee and got two surprises. First, the coffee was good. Quality stuff. Second, it was just the way she liked it. Milk and vanilla. Smiling, she opened the envelope. The smile turned to a confused frown when she removed the sheets of paper and a photograph. The sheets weren't a letter, as she had expected. They were pages from a journal. The first was clearly written months ago.

***

They just got back from the doctor. So it worked. Willow's pregnant. She and Oz are going to be *parents*. I can't help feeling a bit jealous. I'm not sure of whom -- them or the baby. That kid is going to be incredibly spoiled, but those two won't let her or him get away with being hell on wheels. So to speak. And the fact that I had something to do with it blows me away. The fact that *Oz* came up with the idea and asked me means more they will ever know. It's common knowledge that I'll do anything Will asks me to, but that would have been the easy thing for them to do -- to have her ask me. He's turned out to be a friend than I ever hoped for or deserved.

All these years, I've thought that I was the victim of some sort of cosmic prank. Willow and I were supposed to be linked in some way that she couldn't be with Oz. I was right, but I misunderstood that link. I couldn't grasp the concept that there was any other way things could be. But Oz knew. I would say that she's the luckiest person in the world because he's stuck by her for so long and through so much, but that's not true. He loves her, and she loves him. *I* am the lucky one. He has no reason to like me, or talk to me, or trust me, or treat me like a friend. But he does. Back in high school, Willow was the one who held us all together and kept us in line. Well, okay, maybe I was the biggest problem. Anyway, now Oz is the one to do that. He's a great role model. I want to be just like him when I grow up.

I've been thinking about high school a lot lately. Not school exactly. More like how much everything has changed since then. Well, some things. Now I know why Willow always had a crush on me. She wanted someone to take care of. Now she's getting someone that *needs* her to take care of them. I can't wait to see her as a mommy and Oz as a daddy.

***

The next page had obviously been written that morning.

***

Cordelia Chase materialized at the restaurant last night. One minute, I'm offering pleas to whatever gods were watching out for Josh wherever he was, and the next, Cordy's there, looking at me like I'm the biggest loser in the world. And I guess I am. I mean, here I am, still in Sunnydale, still hanging out with my childhood friend and her husband. Cordy got out. But I was glad to see her. She made it out, and she made it back alive. Angel never says a word about her. I know he would say something if anything happened to her, but it was still a relief to actually *see* her. To personally be able to verify that she's okay. I wanted to talk to her. If nothing else, to tell her that she got her wish. The closest thing I have to a social life is delivering food to Oz and Willow. But, of course, we were swamped last night. And then Josh showed up, and then Willow and Oz showed up. And then Willow went into labor, and the three of us left. Not time for anything more than a wistful goodbye to Cordy.

Then she showed up at the hospital. With donuts. And all of a sudden, I remembered when Buffy was in the hospital after Angelus beat her up one time our junior year. Cordy had brought me donuts and coffee. And lectured me about being obsessed with Buffy. And then found the information that saved the day. I missed Cordy. I never told her the things I wanted to say. How strong she was. How proud I was of her for everything she did to help, especially after I blew things between the two of us. How much I missed her, how sorry I was about everything, and how happy I was to see that she was okay, even if she wasn't with me. And there were a few new things I wanted to say. Like how much it meant -- to all of us -- that she was at the hospital, there to witness the baby's arrival. She held my hand the whole time. I'm not sure she realized that. Well, okay, maybe not the *whole* time. There were a few moments when she wrapped her arms around my waist. And whispered in my ear, as if sharing the secret to life, "That does it. I am *never* having kids." And I would smile and hug her back and stroke her hair. And then contemplate a vision of her as a mother. Her kids would have shining brown eyes, silky brown hair, and wide bright smiles, just like her.

After everything was over, she was the one who reminded me to go back to the restaurant. And sitting outside, holding her hand and looking through the window at Josh asleep on the table, I had this weird feeling. Like we were looking at our future, or a vision of what could happen. Or what could have happened. It was scary. Good, but scary. Now that the idea is in my head, that's all I want, but I have no idea how to tell Cordy. Why I *should* tell her. Especially after what she said after we got back to my house. She wants to "get to know" me again. This roughly translates to "I've decided you're not an evil person, but I want to keep you at arm's length for a while until you prove that I can trust you again." I deserve that, so I'm willing to accept it, but I just know I'm going to mess things up and push for something she's not willing to give me because I just don't know when to stop.

Now she's sleeping on the futon, psychotic cats curled up on her stomach like they were always meant to be there. Maybe they were. I know she's going to leave today -- after all, why would she want to stay here any longer than necessary? -- but I'm glad that I got to see her look this peaceful. I should find a camera so she can see how beautiful she looks when she's asleep.

***

The photograph. A Polaroid. Her, stretched out on the couch, in baggy sweatpants and a faded t-shirt. Cats curled on her abdomen and legs. One of her arms was stretched across the cats. Her hair was twisted everywhere. She lifted a hand to work out the tangles. She had forgotten that her hair had been wet when she had fallen asleep, and she hadn't thought to put it in a braid to protect it. Definitely not the picture of beauty, she thought.

Then she noticed the finishing touch on the photo. Xander had found a silver pen and drew a halo over her head.

She turned to the last page. Here was the note she had been expecting. Well, sort of. She had been expecting a note written for her, but not *this* note.

***

Cordy --

You said you wanted to get to know me as I am now. I don't know why you would want to, but this is me: A twenty-eight-year-old guy who lives with his cousin, a non-demon-fighting replica of himself at sixteen. Still working at the same pizza place he did in high school. Okay, so now I own the place, but it's still the same place. No college degree. I tried, but things just kept getting in the way. Mainly the fact that I moved out of my parents' house and had to pay my own way for everything, and you just can't get scholarships with my grades. I haven't talked to my parents in years (what a shock, right? no big loss there). My best friends -- okay, my *only* friends -- have a baby as of last night, so I have no idea who I'm going to talk to about non-baby things now. Too busy wondering what could happen in the future to think about what's happening today, unless I *should* be thinking about the future. In that case, I can't get past today. Just like in high school. Except now I know what I missed out on.

Notice how I haven't mentioned Buffy at all? Wonder why? It's simple: We went out a couple of times after you and Angel left. After two and a half years of wanting her, the reality just couldn't meet the fantasy. And that's not all. Remember how mad you always were that I paid so much attention to her while we were dating? Imagine this: You finally go out with the guy who has been infatuated with you since the day you met and realize he's still in love with his ex-girlfriend, a woman whose heart he shattered -- who almost died -- because he was an idiot. I could try to justify and explain what happened back then, but the reality is simple. I screwed up. I almost killed you. I almost ruined Willow and Oz, but they seem to have forgiven me, although I don't know why. I don't know how to make it up to you. And I don't know why you should let me.

-- Xander

***

~~~~

An hour later, she was dressed and wandering around beautiful downtown Sunnydale. Well, downtown Sunnydale. She found herself in front of the restaurant, looking through the window at Xander. Surrounded by kids. With one small girl in his arms, dancing and singing to her. The girl was laughing in delight. The door had a sign on it: Closed for private party.

Cordelia turned away and entered the laundromat next door. Two women in their late thirties or early forties were sitting together, chatting. "Excuse me?" She was about to see how well her interrogation skills would get her by in Sunnydale. They had always worked nicely in Los Angeles. And everybody knew gossipy people hung out at laundromats.

"Oh, hello. What can we do for you?" The smaller woman.

Good question. "Well, I just got into town, and I noticed all those kids in the pizza place, and a man was singing and dancing with them. Do they rent that place out for birthdays or something?"

"Oh, no, definitely not that." Now they looked at her carefully. "Why do you ask? Single mother looking for a father for your child?"

Their question made her embarrassed for asking. "No, it's just..."

The larger woman cut her off. "We get protective of Mr. Harris." Mr. Harris? "He's wonderful with the kids, and they adore him. We just don't want to see him stop this program. Fridays are field trip days." Cordelia's confusion was clear on her face. The woman continued. "There's a day camp for kids here in town. On Fridays, the groups take turns going to the restaurant for lunch. This week is the four-year-olds' turn. If you're interested, there's a brochure for it on the wall."

"Thank you." Even though she had no interest in day camp for kids, she took a brochure anyway on her way out. "I think this is just what my Joey needs to make friends before school starts up." Yep, those old interrogation muscles were not atrophied yet.

"Hey, Cordelia!" Josh literally bumped into her outside the laundromat. "I thought -- well, okay, I was hoping you'd be here. Want some lunch?" He unlocked the resaurant door and waved her in.

All conversation stopped. She had never, ever heard a group of four-year-olds quiet so quickly and completely. Xander turned around to see what earthly force did that. "Cordelia! Hey!"

The little girl in his arms glared at her for a moment. Cordelia recognized that look. It was the international girl signal for "He's *my* man, and if you think you're going to take him away, you're looking at a chick fight." Then the little girl beamed. "Mr. Harris? Is this your girlfriend?"

He stared at the child. "What?"

"Well, you're extra happy today. She's pretty." Cordelia smiled. "And she smiles good. It goes to her eyes."

"Well. She smiles *well*." If she hadn't been there to hear it up close and in person, Cordelia would not have believed it. Xander Harris correcting grammar.

"Thank you. You're very pretty, too." Cordelia leaned close to the little girl as if telling her a secret. "I wish he was my boyfriend. But he's not."

The little girl frowned. "Oh." That answer was obviously not what she had hoped for. Then she turned back to Xander. "Can we eat yet?"

He smiled. "A woman after my own heart." After carefully setting the girl on the ground, he turned to Cordelia. "Care to help? I can't pay much, but I can toss in an extra breadstick."

She paused as if contemplating her many more exciting offers for the afternoon. "Well, I guess I might as well. Karma points and all, you know." She followed Xander into the kitchen, leaving Josh behind to entertain the kids. And entertain them he did. He was the world's worst magician, but they loved him.

"You know, you lied, Xander."

He sighed. "Would you care to narrow that down? As I recall, that's something I seem to be good at."

"This morning." He stared, confused. She had been asleep when he left. "You said you were a loser."

"Josh gave the envelope to you?" She nodded. "Well, obviously, you read it. So why are you here? Sympathy?"

"Xander, you see yourself as a loser. I told you what I see last night. And you just proved me right out there. Those kids adore you. I was wondering what the deal with the kids was, so I asked a couple of women in the laundromat next door. They seem to think you walk on water, and they would no doubt cheerfully rip me apart in little bitty pieces if they thought I was going to hurt you. I've noticed that finding out how other people feel about someone is a good way to figure out what that person is really like, and according to everyone I've found, you're not who you think you are." She stepped closer to him. "And I have to admit that I lied to you, too. Well, it wasn't a lie at the time, so maybe that doesn't count." She closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against his chest and looking at their feet, afraid to let him look in her eyes but still needing contact with him. "As it turns out, I guess I do want kids after all. But only if you teach them how to dance."

She felt his chest expand with a sharp intake of breath. "Cordy --"

"Kiss him!" They separated and turned to the door. The face of Xander's dance partner peered back at them. "Go on! If I can't have him, I guess you can."

"What are you saying, Mariana? Don't you love me any more?"

The little girl frowned and tilted her head, as if trying to figure out how to break the bad news. "Well, sometimes people grow apart. They change." Now she grinned. "And besides, Josh said that *he* would marry me when I grow up. He's closer to my age, anyway."

Xander nodded wisely. "Ah. Sometimes the age thing is something you just can't get past."

"Uh, hello?" Cordelia poked his arm. "I believe Mariana gave you an order that you have yet to follow. Pucker up, Soldierboy."

He rolled his eyes in mock-frustration. "Are you sure about this, Mariana? You really want to do this to me -- leave me alone with *her*?"

Now the little girl looked confused. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say now. Her coach hadn't covered this with her. So Josh went into stage whisper mode. "Yes, you two are the ones who are meant for each other."

The child repeated, "Yes, you two are the ones who are meant for each other."

Her delivery was so somber and straightforward that Xander and Cordelia couldn't hold back their laughter. Finally, the outburst died. The adults kissed.

And a doorway crowded with small smiling faces cheered.

~~~ the end ~~~